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~~~L~~~
All of his windows were open in a futile attempt to get some air into his room. The steady repetitive thunk, thunk, thunk of the little squishy ball hitting his roof was the only noise in the room. He could hear his sister’s voices and laughter in the yard below his window. Louis was bored. So, so, so bored. Had been all summer really. There were only so many hours for Louis at his job when every other high school student was wanting increased hours over summer break. The rest of his time was spent looking after his sisters, skating in the park with Zayn and staring at his roof, the same off white roof he had been staring at for the last three hours. It wasn’t like there was no one who wanted to hang out with him, mind. His phone had at least six messages from Stan, Zayn, Oli and others about this party, or that bonfire, but something stopped him going. Usually he was the life of the party, always keen for the next conversation or the next song, while at the same time keeping an eye on Harry.
…Harry.
Louis hadn’t seen Harry all summer. This year Anne and Harry’s step father, Robin, had decided that now Gemma was heading to university this was the last summer that they could have a family vacation. So, for the last three months Harry has been spending quality time with his family. It isn’t something that Louis can begrudge them for doing. The whole Styles-Twist family are wonderful people. It wasn’t until Louis had to find something to do without him that he truly realised how dependent they were on each other. They were in constant contact or seeing each other in class or in the halls at school, kicking a ball round on the field even though Harry was rubbish at football. Even just sitting in one of their rooms doing homework. There was always just a constant stream of Harry Harry Harry.
Maybe this summer break had also let Louis think too much. Maybe it had let him think about how soft Harry’s hair was, and how he would always lean into the contact when Louis ran his fingers through the silky stands when bored, which happened frequently. It let him think about how pink and perfect his best friend’s lips were, how perfect white teeth would come out and bite them red and raw when the owner was nervous or anxious. It let him think about long slender fingers pulling and tugging at clothing, lips and hair, those same fingers dwarfing Louis’ wrist when Harry was excited or anxious or just wanted the other boy’s attention. It let him think about all the times he had gotten distracted by expressive green eyes looking at him, how they could go from bright and mischievous with held back laughter, to a deep forest green with rare anger and frustration to wide and shiny with tears, hurt and desperation shining through. Louis had seen those eyes express almost every emotion you could name. Every time he was entranced by them.
Summer break had let louis think about what it felt like having the soft body of his best friend pressed up against him when they woke up cuddling on the couch having fallen asleep watching a movie, or what it felt like to have the boy he had grown so fond of curl up under his arm when he needed comfort.
Maybe this summer break had let Louis realise that maybe, just maybe he didn’t just see Harry as his best friend, maybe he felt more than just friendship for the boy. Maybe he was half in love with the best person he had ever met.
~~
Louis was brought out of his self induced Harry trance by his sisters shrieks. Panicked he sat bolt upright and was off the bed in the next second. Dashing over to the window his suck head out to assess whatever damage had been done, “Girls! What’s wor-“
What the fuck!?
His words died in his throat when he saw his sisters all tangled on the ground giggling and talking over each other, a very familiar tangle of brown curly hair sticking out from the pile of Tomlinson girls. None of them had even heard him. Smirking he quickly made his way through the house and out to the yard.
Raising his voice he called “Well well well, look who finally came home.” Five heads turned as one toward him, all trying to smile innocently, some were more successful than others. Daisy and Fiz were tucked up on one side, Phoebe and Lottie on the other, the twins heads on Harry’s shoulders. Harry was looking up at him with a grin wide enough that both dimples were like craters in each cheek, his eyes bright with joy.
“Hey Lou, come on over there’s plenty of room” Louis raised his eyebrow and made his way over, “Well if you insist. INCOMING!” with that he dropped himself on top of the younger boy, careful not to hit his sisters. The action elicited squeals from the girls and a oof from Harry as his breath was suddenly knocked out of him. Louis could tell that he had grown over the summer, their feet were even but Louis head was able to tuck neatly under Harry’s chin. Turning his head and digging his chin into Harry’s sternum Louis smiled innocently up at the other boy. “Hi” “Hi yourself” the response was breathless, “Was that landing necessary?” In response Louis smiled showing his canines and dug his chin in further, “Yup” they continued to just look at the other, Louis shifting so his arms were crossed on Harry’s chest and his chin resting on them. Eventually the girls got bored and moved away. Almost instantly they both shifted, Louis burying his face in the join of Harry’s shoulder and neck, Harry’s arms winding around Louis’ back and his face in Louis’ shoulder. Both breathing out a content sigh at the same time. Louis felt settled for the first time since Harry had left for the summer. “Missed you Haz” he spoke it so softly that he didn’t think it would be heard.
“Missed you too Lou.” Spoken just as softly accompanied by the tightening of arms. Louis lay there content in Harry’s arms cataloguing all the differences he could feel just from this contact. The already long limbs were longer but leaner, there was also now a height to match them, Louis was now the smaller of the two. Gone was the baby fat from around his hips, there was still a softness there but even just from this position Louis could feel that it was beginning to become muscle. The warmth was the same as always. The uniquely Harry smell was still just as comforting and calming to Louis as it had always been. Turning his head toward Harry’s throat he asked “So did you enjoy the break H?” Louis felt the vibration of Harry’s chuckle as it rumbled through them both. “Yeah it was alright. Went to these cute little markets with mum every weekend which was fun. Other than that Gems and I spent most of our time on the beach. Went for lots of runs.”
“You also apparently had a growth spurt or two while you were gone.”
Louis could hear the smirk in his voice when Harry replied, “I did, I’m now taller than you I see.”
“Shut it, beanstalk. I am still older and stronger”
“If you say so mighty mouse”
Squawking at the name Louis dug his elbows into Harry’s side, causing him to squirm around laughing.
“Excuse you! Don’t you make me bring out my secret weapons, I know you Harry Styles just remember that.” He attempted to sound serious and threatening and Harry continued to squirm but knew he probably just sounded fond. “Alright! Alright! I give!”
“As you should”
“What are you two losers doing?”
“Gemma! Be nice to the old married couple, they missed each other” Anne sounded so fond and endeared. Gemma burst out laughing, a delighted expression on her face, while Harry exclaimed “Mum!” Louis lifted his head and smiled at Gemma and Anne.
“Hello ladies, lovely to see you both, enjoy the break?” Louis chatted with the women while Harry huffed under him then went quiet and still. Eventually they excused themselves to unpack, or in Gemma’s case finish packing for University. Louis turned back to Harry and caught him staring at him with something soft and unnameable in his gaze, a small smile on his lips. Before Louis was able to question it Harry proclaims “I’m hungry.” It is so sudden and random that Louis can’t help the small laugh that is pushed out of him. “Well, we can’t have that, can we? Let’s go feed you then.” Louis watches as a small smile forms on those lips that he as spent far too much time thinking about recently. A child-like “Yay” on an exhale the only response.
~~~H~~~
The break had been good. It had given Harry a chance to actually think about all the things that he had purposefully been shoving to the back of his mind and telling himself that he wasn’t allowed to think about. It had given him the chance to talk about them with someone. Given him a chance to think about if he wanted to risk so much just to get this weight off his chest. Gemma laughed at him for about ten minutes before wiping her eyes and giving him a hard look. A look that he struggled not to fidget under. She had let him talk at his own pace, for once not telling him to hurry up and get to the point. He had told her about how he’d known for a while that he wasn’t straight, that he fancied this guy, who he had known for a really long time and who meant a lot to him. But that this guy didn’t know and didn’t feel the same way. He told her about how he could never get this guy off his mind and that he maybe wanted to tell him how he felt but was afraid he would lose the friendship the two of them had. It was at this then that Gemma had started laughing.
“H, you are an absolute idiot. For one you and Louis are like the most co-dependent people I know,” at the panic stricken look on his face she had taken his hand and squeezed, “like I said the two of you are entirely co-dependent, there is no way you telling him that you fancy him is going to ruin anything. He is an idiot and he might act weird, well weirder, for a few days but he will come back. And beside that, I doubt that you telling him will even get that reaction, cause everyone within a sixty mile radius can see that that boy is arse over tits for you. The number of fond looks that each of you give when the other isn’t looking is frankly ridiculous.” Once again she squeezed his hand. “H, you and he have been attached at the hip since you were about six. There is nothing that could come between you and him. You know him better than anyone, maybe better Jay knows him, just like he knows you better than anyone.” Harry had felt his face flush “He was the one you went to when things with Mum and Dad got too much, he was the one who always protected you from the assholes at school who decided to pick on you. You always tell him about your achievements first. He is the first one that you want to share anything and everything with. The two of you sleep in the same bed whenever you get the chance and are all over each other whatever the situation. The two of you even have your own language for talking about things. You know how he thinks, H, do you honestly think that this news could break your friendship?”
She had given him a hug and walked off to explore. It had certainly given him something to think about for the next while. It had been a much similar conversation with his mum. She had smiled fondly and made him tea while offering her voice to the situation,
“Love, that boy would never be able to walk away and you know it.”
She hadn’t even blinked at the whole thing. Now he was back home and just realising how right they both were. They had spent the whole afternoon talking and goofing off, eventually Harry had realised he still needed to unpack so they were now up in his room, Harry moving around putting things away and rearranging his desk for the upcoming term, Louis being unhelpful and just sitting watching.
Harry noticed that for once he was doing most of the talking and Louis was being unusually quiet. “And that was when-“ turning around Harry saw Louis curled up on his side facing Harry. A barely there smile quirking his lips at the edges, eyes closed and fluttering. Harry could see his chest rising and falling in smooth, deep, even movements. He was asleep. He pulled out his phone and snapped a picture, cooing as he watched Louis nuzzle his face into the pillow, knees pulling tighter to his chest. Harry couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Like this everything was smoothed out, the sometimes harsh lines of his face were replaced with a softness. The loud, bright, somewhat obnoxious Louis was replaced with someone who looked almost child-like. Like this Harry could see the dark circles under Louis’ eyes.
“Jay said that he hasn’t been sleeping well the last few months,”
Startled, he looked to his doorway where his mum was leaning. She continued in the same soft tone, “She said that Lou seems to be up before everyone most mornings. He’s usually there when she comes to the kitchen each day. Says that he has been a bit listless, has been spending more and more time in his room that out of it.” Harry could hear the slight worry in his mum’s voice. “Jay said she was a bit worried to begin with but then figured out that he was missing you that night he fell asleep when the two of you were on Skype.”
Harry smiled fondly at the memory, he had found it funny and unbearably sweet all at once. He wasn’t going to admit to his mother however, that he had spent over an hour just listening to Louis’ breathing over the internet before disconnecting the call. Louis hadn’t been the only one who missed the other.
“I missed him too.”
“I know baby, this is why I don’t think you have anything to worry about. This boy here already loves you so much that he has had problems sleeping without you around. I have never understood how the two of you have worked. I have never questioned when I would come in to wake you for school and you wouldn’t be here because you would be a few houses down or more often than that, he would be in here too.” Harry looked at his mum again, he could feel his breathing picking up, “Baby just talk with him, tell him how you feel, I think you might be surprised.”
“Hazza, wha’s wrong?” both Harry and Anne turned to the bed, where a very sleepy looking Louis was attempting to sit up, a worried crease between his brows, hair sticking up in every direction, eyes bleary, but completely focused on Harry. “Nothing Lou, go back to sleep” it was rough and obviously not very believable, the crease between Louis’ eyes deepening.
“Haz?”
“I’ll leave you boys to it, both of you get some rest.” Harry was only distantly aware of his mum leaving the room. Harry hadn’t been able to look away from Louis since he first said his name.
“Hazza come on,” Harry fought the urge to just break into tears at the soft tone and the open arms. He didn’t understand why he was so emotional all of a sudden. He couldn’t understand why, confronted with the idea of talking to Louis and telling him how he felt, he was so anxious. With measured steps he made his way over to the bed, resting his head next to Louis’. They just stared at each other for a few minutes, Louis slowly caring his fingers through Harry’s hair, just like hundreds of times before.
“Hey Lou?”
“Hey Beanstalk?”
“I-I want to-I need to talk to you about something.” It instantly made Louis alert.
“What is it Hazza?” He drew back slightly to peer down at him while still running his fingers through Harry’s hair. Harry was sure that the fear he could feel shooting like ice through his blood could be read clear as anything across his face, Louis had always been the best at reading his body language. Louis must be able to see it because he pulls pack slightly to peer at his face. His fear felt like ice but his embarrassment was heating his face like fire. He screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to protect himself. But whatever Louis had been able to see was enough, Harry was sure of it. But there was a slightly cold hand against his cheek, slightly calloused thumb resting against his cheekbone. Contact that Harry couldn’t help but lean into.
“Whatever it is H, you know you never have to be afraid to tell me, there isn’t anything to be afraid of with me.” Was he really afraid? He was anxious, yes, but was he afraid? He knew he needed to tell him, his mum and Gemma were right, he had to do this. But all of a sudden everything began catching up with him, his breath hitched and he could feel the tingling in his nose and behind his eyes of needing to cry. He shook his head frantically, Louis’ hand staying firmly in place.
“Would it help if I told you something first? Something that I am a bit afraid to say?”
Harry couldn’t reply, he couldn’t even persuade himself to open his eyes. “Can you open your eyes for me, Pup?” now that got Harry to open his eyes. That particular name hadn’t been used for a long time, “There you are” A small tender smile was being aimed at him, “You are so beautiful Haz, I missed you so much these past few months and I hadn’t realised how much of my everyday life has to do with you. While you were away there were times I would turn to you to tell you something or ask you something or just to see what your reaction was and you wouldn’t be there,” Harry could see Louis’ chest rising and falling faster than usual, he couldn’t help but be comforted in knowing that this, whatever it this is was just as hard for him “and i know it was only for like two and a half months, and i know we had texts and Skype but it wasn’t the same. As much as people say that Z is my partner in crime, you are my partner in everything else. I realised while you were away that I don’t want to just be friends anymore.”
Harry felt his breath leave him. Louis didn’t want to be just friends with him, Harry didn’t want to get his hopes up but there wasn’t much else that sentence could mean.
“H, I think I am falling for you. You aren’t just a friend, you are so much more than that to me. Like I said there is just so much of my day that involves you. To begin with I just thought that is was some crazy co-dependency that we had developed, but then I realised that you are always the first person I want to talk to when things start going wrong, or when they go right. I always want to protect you from being hurt. When your mum and dad were having problems I wanted to be able to protect you so badly from all of it. I wanted to, but I knew that there wasn’t anything that I could do. And it broke my heart every single time you would climb through my window with tears in your eyes, or when you would turn up to school with bags under your eyes from not sleeping, or when those idiots at school pick on you, I just wanted to hug you and let you sleep. But I felt like I couldn’t. I felt like that would be something that a boyfriend would do and that was something that I thought I couldn’t be for you.”
Harry could see that Louis was getting himself worked up over all of it, that as much as he tried to act like a tough guy, as much as he was trying to act like every word he spoke was easy, Harry could see that it wasn’t. Louis was just as scared of spilling his guts as Harry was. “Every time I look at you I see someone so incredibly good and kind. It kinda blows me away honestly.” The whole time Louis never once looked away from his face. Harry felt so exposed but also safe and loved.
“You’re-You’re falling for me?” Harry felt his eyes widen, he could hear the hitch in his breathing, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about it. Harry watched as a sweet and fond smile worked its way onto Louis’ face.
“Yeah, Pup, I am.”
“Me too.” Now that he knew his feelings were reciprocated it was suddenly easy to say how he felt, “I think that you are beautiful, I love seeing the crinkles by your eyes when you smile so big that your eyes scrunch. I love when you act all soft around your sisters. I love that you are always trying to protect them. And I guess me too. I love when you get cuddly. I think you are someone that I can sit and just admire what you’re like.”
By now they were both just staring at each other. Harry wouldn’t be able to tell you who moved first, but one moment they were staring at each other, both their eyes dropping to the other’s lips and then darting back to their eyes. Then the next there was a pair of lips against Harry’s.
Saying there were sparks and fireworks behind his eyes when their lips met was far too cliched even for Harry, but it was like nothing else he had ever experienced. It was like a fire rushing through his veins but at the same time it was like jumping into a lake in the middle of winter. Harry had imagined what it would be like to kiss Louis many times. He had imagined them going to a party and getting drunk and snogging in a bathroom. He had imagined them having a romcom moment with one of them grabbing the other and kissing them before leaving for university. But this was a million times better. Louis’ lips were so soft and the pressure was perfect It felt as though they had been doing it for years. It felt comfortable. When they pulled apart Harry could feel the giant smile on his face, one that was mirrored on Louis’ face.
“Hi.”
“Hi, so I guess we are making a go of this?” There was a trace of hesitance in Louis’ eyes.
“If you want to, I’m in.”
“I’m in.” This time Harry couldn’t see any hesitance at all.
“Well that’s good.” Harry reached out and pulled Louis back in to kiss him again. “Didn’t think my day would go quite like this.” It was spoken against the other boy’s lips, it elicited a soft laugh from the other. Harry couldn’t help but let at a somewhat hysterical giggle when he thought about his day. “Who knew that a day that started out with being tackled to the ground by your sisters would end with confessions of mutual falling.” Louis shifted around on the bed, curling up resting his head on Harry’s chest. It was something that they had done a million times over the years, but somehow it felt a little different, there was something that felt like a trace of intimacy in the action. The familiarity and comfort was still there but there was now something else there.
“You should know by now that there is never a dull day with us, Beanstalk.”
“Very true, you’re right Mighty Mouse.”
“I’m always right.” The edges of his words were blurred with exhaustion, the reduced sleep catching up with the both of them. Harry drew the arms he had around the other tighter as Louis attempted to burrow his head further into Harry’s chest, his breaths even a deep. Placing a light kiss to the top of Louis’ head he mumbled to himself
“Never a dull day.”