Chapter Text
Mark has a problem.
Not a ship-destroying, multiverse-ending, leaves-a-permanent-mental-impact sort of problem, no. A problem that is, in the grand scheme of things, quite small. And yet this is possibly the most scared he’s ever been of something.
Because at some point while traversing an untold number of universes with them, Mark kind-of-sort-of-maybe developed feelings for the Captain.
He had a crush on them for a while, going back when they first met, but this is different. This is more real than just being starry-eyed over someone who’s gorgeous and a total badass. These are the kind of feelings you get when you’ve seen someone at their best and their worst, when you’ve seen the lengths they’ll go to to protect those around them, when you’ve seen them break and cry from the weight of the universe on their shoulders and yet they’re still the most gentle and understanding person in the room. This is genuine, and he isn’t sure what to do.
Mark likes the Captain and he doesn’t know how to tell them, or if he even should.
"Do I look ok?" Mark asks nervously, fiddling with the pins on his jumpsuit.
"You look great," the Captain reassures, "Here, let me just-"
They reach out to adjust Mark’s orange beret, brushing a stray lock of hair from his forehead as they do. The Captain steps back and flashes Mark a smile that sets his heart racing.
"Perfect," they declare.
"Thanks Captain," Mark desperately hopes that the blush he feels creeping up his neck isn't visible on his face.
The colonists are officially disembarking the Invincible and setting foot on their new home planet today. Standard protocol dictates that the Captain and the Head Engineer say a few words to welcome them.
Which means that Mark has to address a hundred thousand people.
Mark, who is so terrified of public speaking that he could barely get up in front of the class to give a presentation in grade school.
So yeah, no pressure.
The Captain must notice his nerves, because they take his hand and give it a squeeze.
"It'll be fine," they say gently, "I'll do most of the talking, you barely even have to say anything. You'll do great, I promise."
"Right," Mark nods. "Right, just follow your lead."
The Captain smiles and squeezes his hand once more before releasing it. For a moment Mark almost contemplates grabbing their hand again and interlacing their fingers with his. "That’s the spirit. Now, let’s get this thing started, shall we?"
He thinks it went well.
Mark can’t really remember how his speech went as he lays in bed staring at the ceiling that night. His brain tends to block out everything from the moment gets up in front of people, but he didn't pass out so he assumes everything went well.
He does remember the Captain hugging him afterwards, though.
It was nothing special, just a quick embrace and a whispered word of reassurance that he did a great job. They've always been affectionate towards him like that.
So why is he thinking about it so much?
Mark sighs and drags his hands down his face. He knows why, but he doesn't want to think about that. I mean, feelings? For the Captain? His best friend?
The person he hurt most?
It's stupid, is what it is. It's not like his feelings are reciprocated, the Captain has never given any indication that they see him as anything more than a friend and a colleague.
But the way they held his hand and smiled at him…
No, no, he's reading too much into it. They noticed he was nervous and wanted to offer reassurance. Nothing else.
They could never feel the same after what he did to them in the warp core.
Mark shoves that thought down.
God, he's gotten himself into a mess.