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Certain members of the Port Mafia have really been struggling recently.
As usual, their hardships had nothing to do with the nature of their jobs. They've been used to being mafiosos for ages anyway. In fact, carrying out missions and taking down enemy organizations was so much easier than wasting their braincells over whatever the fuck was going on with one of their superiors right now.
Over the last few weeks, the Black Lizard duo along with Higuchi, who might as well be an honorary member of their team, have been noticing a sudden new change in their executive's daily outfits. It started precisely twenty two days ago, when Chuuya-san showed up to his office.
His clothing was the same as usual, and perhaps none of them would even have noticed the minute change if Gin hadn't pointed it out implicitly. Tachihara had just noticed his partner staring intensely at their executive's hat. Naturally, he had to follow suit and do some staring as well.
That was when he noticed.
A little pin was pinned onto the gravity manipulator's hat. And it wasn't any regular pin, like a bobby pin or a simple hairclip to hold his hat in place. No, it was very obviously a decorative pin. And that too in the shape of a... Crab?
Tachihara didn't even know they made hat pins, much less those in the shapes of sea creatures. And why a crab of all things? A dolphin was much cuter, as best said by Higuchi. But other than that, it was Gin who took it upon herself to aggressively stare her message into her partner's soul. They absolutely made pins in all shapes and sizes, the point being.
Right then. Tachihara got the point. Hat pins came in all shapes. Perfectly understandable. And now it appeared that Chuuya-san was fond of such cute accessories? It was surprising, but it did make him a little more approachable. Especially to the newer recruits. But nobody dared to bring up the hat pins in front of the executive just yet.
At first, the mafiosos probably thought that the hat pin was just a one-time thing. But as it turned out, that wasn't the case at all. Two days after the crab pin, Chuuya-san showed up to work with a dolphin clipped onto his hat.
Wasn't that crazy?!
It was as if he'd read their mind, and decided to swap out his crab pin for a much cuter sea creature. That being dolphins. The first time Higuchi spotted the blue dolphin on her superior's hat, she paused in her step for a whole minute, trying to process this new development. But then said superior walked over to her and handed her a file of paperwork before thanking her and walking away. Clearly, she had to get back to work.
It was at least a little bit funny, because Chuuya-san also ended up doing his missions like that, with cute animals stuck to his hat. At a joint mission with him, his subordinates couldn't help but notice that their enemies were focused on his hatpin while he was kicking their ass all the way to Saturn. Even when they were defeated and dusted, their eyes focused on the gravity manipulator's retreating figure. His dolphin-shaped pin, rather specifically.
The hatpin fiesta didn't stop there, and not anytime soon at that.
The next time, Chuuya-san's hatpin was in the shape of a swallow, and the time after that, it was a little wine bottle, which was honestly just so true to his character. After that, he moved on from animal-shaped pins for a while. Suddenly, his hatpins were in the shape of hearts, or bandages, or even a little violin.
Then on some days, his pins looked like emoticons. Like the ones which were used on LINE. This one time, his pin was shaped like the sobbing emoji, which everyone seemed to be using for laughing these days. It was funnier because he had a mission later that day, which he aced as usual. The look of sheer horror on their enemies' faces was well complimented by the crying emoji on the gravity manipulator's infamous hat.
It was safe to say that his subordinates had gotten used to his varying hatpins by now. In fact, after the first ten days of new daily pins, the small group of mafiosos made it a game to guess the shape of the hatpin their superior would wear the following day. It was a fun way to pass the time between missions and during paperwork breaks.
Yet, that topic was still left to be brought up in front of the infamous gravity manipulator himself. The Black Lizard trio talked about it amongst themselves quite a lot, and it appeared that so did the newer recruits, and the older members. Actually, it was rather funny how groups with different working experience in the mafia reacted to the executive's hatpins.
The older ones regarded the situation with suspicious, knowing eyes. As if they were aware of something more, some deeper meaning to this whole situation that the younger members didn't know about. Especially, Hirotsu. The Black Lizard members got to see his expressions and reactions rather often.
And Hirotsu looked absolutely exasperated any time either of them brought up Chuuya-san's hatpins. He'd just sigh in frustration, as if he knew exactly who was to blame for this sudden change, and as if he knew exactly where all these hairpins were coming from. But even if Gin tried to interrogate him on this matter, he refused to give any answers. Now, wasn't that just suspicious?
As for the newer recruits, they seemed to think that Chuuya-san was suddenly much cuter and more approachable. He's always seemed to be stand-offish and always minding his own business with utmost seriousness, but he didn't seem all that scary now. Moreover, some rather stupid new female mafiosos seemed to be even considering trying their shot at the executive.
Fools.
As if anyone could dare to ask out Chuuya-san. Didn't he absolutely give off the impression that he wanted nothing to do with romance, or anything of that sort? Plus, the veterans of the mafia seemed to know something more; as if there was someone specific who was meant for Nakahara Chuuya in every way possible.
The Black Lizard trio decided they wouldn't think all that much about it. On their way to Chuuya's office to get him to look over some paperwork, the topic was brought up in idle conversation.
It was Higuchi, who wondered it aloud, "Say, should we ask Chuuya-san about the hatpins?"
Naturally, Tachihara stared at her, "Are you trying to get yourself and us in trouble?
Higuchi declared mournfully, "I just want to know where he's getting such cute pins. My sister would adore some of those."
Next to them, Gin whispered, "I don't think that's too bad of a question to ask."
At this point, they were almost at the doorstep to Chuuya's office. Knocking on the door twice, Higuchi exclaimed, "Exactly!"
Before any of them could figure out what was happening, or what to say, the door swung open. But instead of who they were expecting, it was one of the Mafia's former executives. Clad in his new detective outfit, Dazai Osamu stood there in his demon-ish glory, grinning at his former subordinates.
He raised his hand to wave, "Hi~ Exactly what, Higuchi-kun?"
Higuchi blinked once, twice before automatically answering him, "Eh? Oh, that it's okay to ask such a question to Chuuya-san. But wait! What are you doing here, Dazai-san?"
Behind the detective, his mafioso rival hissed at him, "Shitty Dazai! Get them inside and close the fucking door, will you?"
Having heard him, the Black Lizard trio stepped into the office, while Dazai closed the door behind them before walking back over to Chuuya's couch and getting comfortable there, "Yes, yes."
Turning to Higuchi, he spoke lazily, "Oh as for your question, I just dropped by to say to my old partner. Surely, there's no harm in that?"
From his desk, Chuuya rolled his eyes, "What 'old' partner. And you broke into my office, damn it! Don't just casually call it dropping by!"
Dazai just waved his hand, brushing off his rival's concern, "Ehh, it's the same thing. Chuuya worries too much."
The executive just glared at him for a good few seconds before turning back to his subordinates, "Anyway, let's ignore that bastard, shall we? What did you guys need?"
Tachihara carefully deposited the file in his hands on the desk, before speaking up, "We needed to get all this paperwork verified by you."
Chuuya skimmed through the file quickly, "Hm, I see. I'll get to it. Was there anything else?"
For a few seconds, the three mafiosos exchanged nervous, questioning glances before Gin decided to take one for the team and bring the topic to attention. She tapped her head, beckoning to the executive's hat, as she spoke, "Chuuya-san, your hatpins are quite cute."
Higuchi took the cue immediately, and joined in, "Yes, I was wondering where you've been buying them!"
Tachihara added feebly, "Her sister would love pins like that, she said."
There was two whole seconds of utter silence, and Chuuya prioritized glaring daggers at his rivals before answering any questions. Then, an annoyed sigh, "Oh. That. They aren't hatpins, actually."
Higuchi blinked at him, "Oh? They aren't?"
Chuuya glared some more at his former partner before answering, "Nope, they're just regular old hairpins."
Clearly, the others had picked up on the intense glaring going on by now. Tachihara mustered up all his courage to ask the lingering question, "So, are they yours, Chuuya-san? All your pins?"
As expected, Chuuya had once again decided that glaring at Dazai was the necessary course of action here. So, it was Dazai to decided to try his hand at answering all these questions.
He yawned lazily, before responding, "Well technically, Tachihara-kun. Those pins would be mine. But considering Chuuya bought some of them too, I guess you could say they are his as well?"
He turned to Chuuya before beaming at him happily, "Mutual custody."
By now, Chuuya had got up from his seat at his desk, and had walked over to couch, which was currently occupied by a certain bastard detective. Nevertheless, Chuuya chose to take a seat on the same couch as well.
He pinched his partner in the sides before he rolled his eyes, "Shut up. So disgusting. But yeah, the pins are this bastard's. They were never supposed to be on my hat in the first place!"
Higuchi blinked some more, "Eh, but then...?"
Chuuya huffed, "This shitty guy keeps putting them on my hat when I'm not looking! Isn't that just so ridiculous? Right, Gin-chan?"
Gin tilted her head, clearly confused, "Uh. Sure?"
Tachihara cleared his throat, "I think the question is, why is Dazai-san doing this?"
Dazai looked up from his phone, "Oh that? It's because Chuuya looks so much cuter with cute little pins, right? Doesn't he seem much more approachable this way?"
Tachihara shrugged, "Hm. Maybe. I did hear some of the new recruits say that they think Chuuya-san suddenly seems much gentler now."
Gin snorted next to him, "Oh, you mean those girls? Didn't they say they would like to ask Chuuya-san out?"
At that, Dazai jerked upright, almost throwing Chuuya off the couch in the process. Sitting up now, he gasped dramatically, "What?! There are people here who have such bad tastes in men?! You must have imagined it, guys! Nobody could possibly like Chuuya, after all. He's just a chibi, slimy slug with the tackiest hats and-"
Chuuya burst out laughing at that. Wrapping an arm around his partner's waist, he shook his head fondly, "Shut up, shitty Dazai. Calm your jealous ass down."
Dazai huffed and pouted some more, "But isn't it just so unbelievable and unfair? How could anybody like a slug like Chuuya!"
The executive narrowed his eyes, "Let's get back to that later."
Turning to his blonde subordinate, he continued in a much cheerful voice, "Oh, right! You were wondering where we got the pins, Higuchi-kun?"
The mafioso nodded immediately, "Um, yes! If it's not too much of a both, then-"
Chuuya cut her off easily, "No, it's fine, really. Well, let's see. A lot of these hairpins are from kids' stores. This shitty Dazai just drags me to any and every kids' accessories store he sees, and I have to get every type of pin being sold there."
Dazai piped in at this point, "Ah, Higuchi-kun, have you heard of this popular store named Claire's? They have loads of cute things like this. I have a Claire's membership under Chuuya's name, you see?"
Chuuya whipped around to glare at him, "Teme-!! How about you stop using my card all the time, oI!"
Dazai shushed him immediately, "Don't bark so much, Chuuya. You'll never grow this way, you know? Ne, ne, tell Higuchi-kun about all the other hair pins. Like the Petrus bottle one."
The executive stared at his rival before turning around and sighing loudly, "Right. That one is from Paris actually. Any time I go abroad for missions, I end up bringing loads of different, location-themed hairpins for this guy."
Dazai turned his head a little to the side, "Like this Greece one I'm wearing right now, see? This is a mini Athena Parthenos! Isn't it just the cutest?"
Gin raised her eyebrows, "Uh, sure. I guess."
Meanwhile, Tachihara asked the important questions, "But do you also have an Eiffel Tower hairpin?"
Dazai beamed at once, "Of course! I wore that just yesterday!"
On the other hand, Higuchi decided that she had to be the one who asked the questions that actually made sense, "Right, I'll take note of that. Claire's, you said? I'll remember it. But rather, is nobody going to question why Chuuya-san keeps buying hairpins for Dazai-san?!"
Her superior just tilted his head, as if he couldn't comprehend such a question, "Hm? It's because this guy likes them, what else."
Dazai grinned, "Chuuya has been buying me pins for years. He won't admit it, but he likes them too."
Chuuya glared at him some more, "I like them on you. I do not appreciate showing up to work with fucking birds and crabs on my hat, shitty Dazai!"
Dazai frowned dramatically, "Ehh, but you look so cute with pins on your hat!"
Naturally, the mafioso grabbed the other's arm, hissing, "Listen here, you little-"
Fortunately, he was interrupted by Higuchi, "That's not what I meant! More like, aren't you guys rivals and former partners? Should you really be buying things for him, Chuuya-san?"
Tachihara spoke up as well, "By that logic, shouldn't we also question exactly why Dazai-san is so comfortably hanging out in Chuuya-san's office?"
Gin finished it off with, "And also exactly why do they both seem so comfortable around each other, despite being rivals? It appears that you're also very close in your personal lives."
Dazai just laughed at all these accusations being thrown his way, "Of course, we're close, GIn-chan! We're the bestest of besties. Ne, Chuuya?"
A frustrated groan, "Listen here, you. I'm not your bestie, damn it!"
"But don't you love me so much!"
"Yes, but that's because you're Dazai, and I'm married to you and all that. Still not besties with you! Bastard."
"Aww, did Chuuya just say he couldn't possibly love anybody else but me?"
"Doesn't that just go without saying! You're the one who exaggerates everything for no reason!"
Dazai turned to their watching audience, "And there you have it. That should answer your questions, no? Chuuya is just being a good husband and getting me souvenirs from his lonely trips all over the world."
Chuuya just grumbled some more, "What lonely trips. It's very relaxing to be away from your suffocating presence."
"Ehh, don't lie so much, Chuuya! It's rude, it's mean! This is no way to treat your beloved husband!"
The executive scowled, "How about you just shut the fuck up, actually. And don't just casually go telling my co-workers that we're married, oi!"
Before such a ridiculous argument could escalate any further, Tachihara interrupted them, "Wait, wait. What I'm hearing is, you two are married to each other?"
When the infamous duo just nodded in simultaneity, Gin spoke up, "Huh. Somehow, that makes perfect sense."
Higuchi nodded too, "And it explains everything, doesn't it? But still! To think you were married to all this time? We thought you hated each other!"
Yokohama's Deadliest Duo chose to speak at the exact same time, "We do hate each other!"
Chuuya elaborated on his stance first, "Absolutely. This shitty bastard is just a constant pain, and just, a living menace to society in general! And he's so annoying and demanding and just, bastardly in general. Geh. I could never like him at all."
Dazai turned his nose up as well, "And Chuuya is a slimy slug with the tackiest taste in everything except men. Like all his awful hats and shoes? Plus, he likes wine! Clearly, whiskey is so much better. And of course, Chuuya is just too short for anyone to see him properly. Which I guess works out for me, but still."
The Black Lizard trio took a few seconds to process this, before Tachihara declared, "You know what. You guys clearly need to work some things out so you can achieve the concept of being a normal, regular couple."
Higuchi nodded sagely, "We'll leave you to it then."
Gin added in a murmur, "And we'll before we lose any more of our sanity."
Naturally, her two friends shushed her before forcing their way out of the office, closing the door behind them in a rush. Double Black, meanwhile, were left behind alone, seated close together on Chuuya's office couch.
Chuuya stared at the closed door for a few seconds before turning to his partner, "You're such a jealous bastard."
Dazai just huffed, "Did you not hear what they said? There are mafiosos here who are planning to ask Chuuya out!"
Laughing fondly, the executive leaned over to kiss his beloved rival, "I'm sure they won't. I am a scary mafia executive, okay?! Besides, I'd say no anyway. That much is obvious."
Resting his head against the other's shoulder, Dazai hummed, "Chuuya is a cute petit mafia. Nothing scary."
A fond snort, "You're the only one who thinks that."
"That's a good thing!"
"Yes, yes."
Silence enveloped the room for the next few seconds, before;
Chuuya walked back to his desk, trying to concentrate on his pending paperwork, "Right then, let's do this. Oh and? I love you."
Smiling to himself rather sappily, Dazai turned back to his phone, very comfortable on his partner's couch, "Hm. I love Chuuya too."