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Never once in her life has it been the case where her phone going off at 3am precipitates good news. This was true when her roommate drunk-dialed her in college and it remains true after being "Iron Man's assistant" for almost a year.
Although, these days, it usually means that Tony's managed to crash his suit somewhere inconvenient, and needs her to winch his ass out of whatever crater he's managed to make. There are exceptions - and wow, are those unpleasant and worrying in the worst of ways - but that's the general rule. So, when her emergency emergency line goes off at 3:14am, she gives herself a few seconds to groan before snatching it off her nightstand.
"What?"
"Um."
It's not Tony, and Pepper is instantly completely and utterly awake. Her feet are already in the flip-flops she keeps at the end of the bed before she even registers that it's Rhodey's voice at the end of the line.
Recognition doesn't help matters.
"What's wrong?" She hates that her voice is all high-pitched and squeaky. She blames sleep and the fact that the last time Rhodey called her at anything approaching this hour resulted in three months of limbo and a massive can of worms with which she was still dealing. "James Rhodes, what is wrong?"
"Er. Well, there's a problem at the house."
Pepper lets this process. Tony isn't at the house. He's in Berlin for a conference on clean energy. She'd packed his bags and nagged him about etiquette, and made him swear on his hot rod that he would go to at least two lectures besides his own, and that he wouldn't be smashed during that one. They'd compromised on being drunk during other's speeches, but it had been more for form's sake. She'd hoped.
Point was, Tony wasn't AT the house. Unless...
"What's wrong? Dammit, James, what is going on?"
Thirty miles away, Rhodey sounds sheepish. Suspiciously so. "Well, you know how I was supposed to let Rocky out tonight?"
She blinks. "Yes. Because I had that doctor's appointment in Glendale. And you were going to stay and keep an eye on those things that you and Tony don't want me to actually know about due to plausible deniability."
As if she could miss the silver armor that was suspiciously broader than her boss's. If it weren't for that damn plausible deniability, she'd be having a serious talk with both of them about how dumb they actually were on a regular basis.
"Um, well. There was a thing and... I just got back."
All of the terror of the last few minutes turned on a dime and aimed itself straight at (retired) Colonel James Rhodes' head. When she was able to speak without screaming - it took nearly fifteen seconds - her tone was frozen. "Did you call me at three in the morning on the emergency emergency line to come clean up dog crap? Because if you did-"
"No, no!" Rhodey's voice was placating and, strangely, freaked out. "No, I'd never do that, Pepper. Ever. No, it's just that. Well."
"James."
His sigh is deep and tired and if she weren't ready to charge over there and beat him with something heavy, she'd have been swayed. As it stood, it was three in the morning and she had a conference call at 7am sharp. Damn timezones.
"Well, I got back and stowed the.. uh. Stuff. Anyway, I got everything put away and I was going to go upstairs to crash out. And, well. Um. Rocky won't let me."
Pepper actually pulled the phone away from her face and blinked at it. This could not be real. She slapped the phone back against her ear. "Explain."
"I went to the doors out of the garage. Rocky heard me from upstairs, and I, apparently, haven't been visiting enough. Or he remembers the jalepeño roll Tony made me give him last time."
Pepper closed her eyes and ran a fist over her eyebrow. In her minds eye, a very specific and hysterical mental image was flourishing. "You opened the doors to the shop before he came charging downstairs, didn't you?"
"Um."
"Where are you?" She's trying not to laugh at this point. Really. She is.
Rhodey's voice is resigned. "On the Land Rover."
She can't help the snigger. "For real?"
"Can you please just come get him to back off?" There is a note of sincere pleading in Rhodey's voice and it pokes a hole in the ballooning laughter locked in her chest. The poor man really does sound desperate.
"I'm assuming you tried waiting until he fell asleep first, didn't you?" She asks this kindly.
"He knew! The minute I put my foot on the hood to climb down, he was up and baying! Honest to god baying. And really, what are you two feeding this dog? He's the size of a freaking lion!"
She's already pulled on a zippy hoodie and grabbed her keys and purse from the front hall table and walking out the door. "Mastiffs were originally bred to hunt lions, James."
"Oh, great, make me feel better."
She laughs but keeps it quiet, mindful of her neighbors and the late hour. "He's probably just keeping a grudge from that jalepeño roll."
"That was Tony's fault."
Pepper just sighs. "Most things usually are. I'll be there in half an hour."
-
Rhodey is, in fact, on the roof of the Land Rover that Tony bought specifically for Pepper to take Rocky to the vet. This was never explicitly stated, but after Rocky hit the 100lb mark and chewed his way through the seats in the retrieval van, the Land Rover turned up with the back seats removed and the open interior covered in non-shed blankets. Pepper got the idea.
Rocky, bless his adorable face, jumped up and ran to greet her with a joyful bark and a quick waist-nuzzle.
"Hi, baby," she cooed, all the while giving him an ear scratch. "Were you protecting J.A.R.V.I.S. from the big, mean Colonel?"
"He was doing so admirably, Miss Potts," the AI's voice sounded richly in the vast room. It had been to everyone's great surprise how well J.A.R.V.I.S. and Rocky got along. Well, if 'getting along' involved J.A.R.V.I.S. egging on Rocky waking Tony up by baying along to John Denver albums.
God her life was strange.
"Ha, ha." James was sitting cross-legged on the roof and Pepper made a slight wincing face at they way it had bowed under his weight. Yeah, that was going to spend a few hours getting hammered out when Tony got back. "Can I get down, now? Please? I haven't slept in nearly thirty hours and have been stuck on the top of this thing for the last two."
Pepper snorted and put a hand on the base of Rocky's skull. "Down boy. You know James. No barking."
The look Rocky gave her was entirely pitiful, but acquiescent.
"You can come down now, James."
He grunted and vaulted off the roof, landing with a solid thud on the garage floor. He straightened up slowly, wincing as his spine corrected itself. "Thank you."
"All part of the service. Although, next time?" Pepper raised an eyebrow and pinned Rhodey with a steely look. It was funny how often Tony – a billionaire and super hero – and Rhodey – an ex-Air Force Colonel – quailed under her glare. Rhodey did so now.
"Yes?"
"Try and be back at a reasonable time?"
He nodded and skidded by her to head upstairs and towards one of the guestrooms.
Pepper and Rocky watched him practically run up the stairs. When he was completely out of sight, Pepper stared down at Rocky and frowned. "Next time, let him come down after half an hour. You know how much I hate waking up in the middle of the night."
Rocky's gaze was mournful, but he gave an acknowledging thump with his tail.
"Right," Pepper sighed. "I'm not going back home. C'mon. We're going to go crash out in the living room."
If Rocky's ears and tail perked up, Pepper didn't mention it.
-fin-