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When Shadow has spare time, he likes to revisit the ARK. G.U.N. still has it closed down to the general public, and has made a few claims about finally destroying it, when it was nearly used as a comet to launch the planet into a world wide extinction event. G.U.N. hasn’t actually made any moves to destroy it, however, and Shadow often wonders what they actually plan on doing with it.
Are they going to revitalize it? Turn the station into the colony it once was? Further explorations into space that halted after G.U.N. shut the place down? After countless alien invasions, Shadow figured they would be interested in at least some form of space exploration again.
Or perhaps, do they want to keep the ARK now that they know it doubles as a weapon? They’ve always known about the Eclipse Cannon, and now that the ARK itself can also cause an extinction level event, perhaps they think the station has too many interesting parts to completely deconstruct. Biding their time, until the use of such force is “warranted” in their eyes.
Shadow does not know. Shadow only hopes he will not have to watch his home be turned into a weapon once more, and thus visits it on occasion, both to contemplate over his past, and to ensure no idle hands have been tampering with the more maliciously inclined components of the once peaceful space colony.
So far, Shadow hasn’t found any signs of tampering. So Shadow strolls through the hallways of this abandoned ghost town, dragging his fingers through a few layers of dust. It wasn’t completely abandoned when the raid occurred… it took roughly a year before it was completely shut down, from what Shadow had gathered. Plenty of time for human and Mobian skin cells to drift and layer the station in a fine dusting, until it was abandoned altogether.
For the most part, the station remained undisturbed by time. G.U.N. really did abandon it after the raid and after all the civilians were moved from the colony. They simply seemed unsure of what to do with it, considering how it’s legacy was supposedly tainted by Gerald Robotnik’s experiments, and how the general population seemed weary of the colony, both because of the cover story G.U.N. used for the raid (a gas leak, they claimed) and because some of Gerald’s experiments escaped the confines of top security (civilians did live amongst his creations, of course, and after the Biolizard incident, awareness over what was happening around them began to arise).
Even though Eggman and Sonic and a few of their associates found their way aboard the ARK, much of it remained untainted by time. Sonic, Eggman, and the others only had roughly three days to explore the entire station, and even a whole week wouldn’t be enough to find every nook and cranny in this planet-sized space station. The only areas of interest were the core, really, and thus those were the only areas disturbed.
Sometimes, though, Shadow finds footprints in other areas. He found them in an abandoned cafeteria on the south side, rather small, perhaps from a Mobian. He found a few more near the west wing, right by the observatory. Often, they were simply flecks of mud, but he’s found other things, like sand and clay and even a few pieces of foliage. But things aren’t really tampered with… the Eclipse Cannon remains completely unbothered since the last instance of its use, and none of the weapons systems have been logged on to. Someone other than Shadow comes to wander these halls, seemingly without malicious intention.
Shadow hasn’t found them yet- the space station is as large as a planet, after all- and Shadow isn’t sure he wants to. Who would ever want to come back to this desolate ghost town, other than a ghost like him? Displaced through space and time, this is the only remnant of Shadow’s past, and Shadow can’t for the life of him figure out who would want to be a part of that mess.
Shadow wanders, keeping an eye out for any misplaced footsteps, but lets his thoughts wander just as far. He comes back, not to drown himself in the past, but to simply reflect on it. He likes to think he’s let go, that it won’t hold him back, that he’s made peace with everything he’s seen and done, and for the most part, it is true.
But there’s parts of his history that make Shadow… curious, to say the least. He isn’t obsessed, per se, not like he was when he woke up in Eggman’s base, but there’s a few moving parts to the story that Shadow can’t quite piece together. He was given a puzzle to solve, and Shadow thinks he got the big picture, managed to assemble all the pieces he was given, but finds the smaller details to be missing. Other pieces got shuffled into the mix, and no matter how Shadow rotates them or outright jams them into place, it becomes clear that they don’t match. There’s two different pictures here, and Shadow can’t find out which one is his, and what happened to the other pieces.
Shadow walks aboard the ARK, fingers tracing along the walls. The texture is familiar, in a sense, though Shadow doesn’t quite know if that familiarity it born from his time here, fifty years ago, or from wandering these walls long enough after waking up the second time. And that’s one of the blank spots in his puzzle that itches the back of his brain…
He doesn’t seem to remember much of the ARK.
Shadow thought he was done being amnesiac. By the end of the Black Arms invasion, Shadow had begun to pick up the pieces others left behind, and managed to piece who he was together. Who he is, however, was a completely different process, born from time wandering across the planet in search of truly figuring out what he wanted to be. But who he was, in the context of Gerald, in the context of his original purpose… he thought he had solved that puzzle.
And pieces of his memories came back to him, during his travels, until he decided he was completely cured of his amnesia. Shadow remembers things, now- remembers a few conversations with Maria, over what they would do on earth, over her illness- remembers her dying, watching the shot ring out, watching her lean over the lever to release his escape pod, remembers Maria’s final wish.
He remembers the big parts of his story, remembers the little details across them, the way Maria’s eyes were a particular shade of blue, remembers the way Gerald’s eyes shimmered every time he looked at Maria, but… he finds, he doesn’t have very many memories beyond those.
The big picture, he has in his sights. The memories that made him into who he was, and arguably, who he still is, remain within his grasp. But beyond those memories, beyond his creation and Gerald’s intention and Maria’s wishes… Shadow finds there’s a large gap in his memories.
Who was he, beyond Gerald’s intentions, beyond Maria’s tragedy, beyond these fleeting memories? Shadow knows Maria’s favorite flower, her favorite color, her favorite food, but Shadow can not remember anything he liked, back on the ARK. What was his favorite flower? Food? Colour? Song? Who was he, on the ARK, as the person Maria cherished, as a lab experiment turned grandson? Who was he?
When first asked about those sorts of things, right after his bout of amnesia, Shadow claimed to like nothing. The simple truth was that he did not have a proper answer. But now, he knows.
He knows who he is now. His favorite color is blue, he likes lavenders, and he enjoys insanely sweet delights. He likes walks on the beach, he likes fast food, he likes racing, he likes good books, he likes classic rock music; he knows who he is now.
But Shadow, fifty years ago, what was he like? Did he like classic rock music? Did he like the desserts on the ARK?
The grand story, the big picture, Shadow has it memorized. But in the little moments that didn’t matter, who was Shadow?
It’s like he remembers just enough. Just enough to be a person, just enough to know his purpose and intention, just enough to acknowledge the past, just enough to be what Gerald and Maria and the scientists needed him to be. But beyond that little bubble, beyond his purpose, beyond the instructions Gerald gave him, to destroy the world, to save the world, Shadow does not know. He doesn’t know the little in-between moments that would have made him into a whole person.
And it shouldn’t matter. Who Shadow was doesn’t matter, the intentions behind his creation don’t matter, none of it matters. Because Shadow has reached out and grabbed the present by the horns and is becoming his own person. The past doesn’t matter, Shadow has let it go, and he finally likes who he’s become.
Shadow stops, standing before Maria’s bedroom. It was strange, to stumble upon this room the first time he went wandering through the halls, after the Black Arms were defeated, after he still felt so empty despite having gained an understanding he never had before.
They never bothered to clean out Maria or Gerald’s quarters. All of the scientists who died aboard the ARK during the raid still had their housing quarters full of stuff. Shadows explored every chamber at least once, finding photos of loved ones likely long dead by now, finding dresses never worn, jewelry haphazardly spread across a room, a painting project never finished. Countless little items that said people once lived here, and that they had been abruptly taken before they could finish living.
G.U.N. was careful. They selected people for this project who had no familiar ties left. Shadow’s scoured across the list of dead, to find that they were only children with parents long dead, to find that their children were too young to know them, to find that their parents died perhaps a year after them. Attachments were few and far between, and those that existed were cut like the strings of fate, snipped not long after their own string.
Gerald was an exception, of sorts, though his attachments didn’t live long after him, either. And admittedly, it has made Shadow wonder a bit over Eggman, over his history, over living in the shadow of his grandfather. How did Gerald’s actions impact him? How far did this tragedy branch?
Shadow never asks, and Eggman never tells, and Shadow finds himself relatively content over that aspect. He doesn’t enjoy pitying the doctor, though he does quietly recognise the fact that they had been both screwed over in Gerald’s quest for vengeance. Eggman wasn’t very old when Maria died, but Gerald chose to doom the world, even though his own grandson was still living on it.
Eggman did become a vile man, but was that through nature or nurture? At some point, it became Eggman’s fault, a reluctance to change, a refusal to admit he’s wrong, but where did it go wrong?
Shadow doesn’t know, and decides it doesn’t quite matter, now. Eggman’s chosen this life, and has had long enough to understand it was the wrong path. Still, he can’t help but wonder, on occasion.
Shadow carefully enters Maria’s room. The lights are off, and it otherwise remains the same way it was fifty years ago. She has a picture of her parents on her nightstand, littered with little trinkets Gerald had made her over the years. A few books were spread on the ground, Maria having been interested in researching biology at the time, infatuated with butterflies. She once aspired to be an entomologist.
A few dirty clothes remain rumpled in a pile in the corner. The room was messy, once lived in, a dress she wanted to wear when Shadow and her were going to enact a play for the scientists remains stretched across her unmade bed. Pencils and paint covered the floor.
Shadow doesn't have very many memories of this room. Once or twice, he remembers talking to Maria about her dreams of exploring the world below them, of Shadow fulfilling his purpose and the two of them going on a road trip. They’re phantom memories, faint and sparse, and Shadow steps ever more into the room. It’s not the first time he’s gone inside, and it won’t be the last.
He finds the mirror on the other side, a jacket draped over it. He was still small enough that his entire body fit into the reflection, however, and Shadow reached out, a hand quietly laid upon the glassy surface.
He remembers little things, about Maria, about her wishes, her desires, but Shadow can’t help but wonder what he wanted. Did Shadow want to go on a road trip? Was he excited about being in a car? Did he like cars? Did he like bugs? What did he want?
Shadow doesn’t remember having opinions, and that’s the strangest part to all of his memories. He was simply present, talked more often at than with, and Shadow can’t stop the itch in the back of his head over that.
Who was he, aboard the ARK?
He turns away from the reflection, hand dragging across the surface like he was trying to wipe it away. He carefully made his way out of Maria’s room, and carefully avoided the hallway that led into Gerald’s room. That was filled with a lot of painful emotions Shadow didn’t think he had the emotional capacity to unleash during this visit.
He wanders, hoping to reach the observatory, when he finds the strange footsteps from previous visits. Black mud littered the floor, and Shadow decided to shove his wallowing aside to follow them. Who else could possibly want to be aboard this graveyard?
The steps are headed in the direction Shadow wanted to go. He follows them for a while, eyes glued to the ground, until he feels a warmth flood the area, until he feels electricity cause his quills to stand a bit sharper. His eyes move from the ground to the figure in front of him, and he can’t help the way his mouth opens ever so slightly when he recognises him.
Sonic stands before him, leaning against the window, eyes wandering across the galaxies and stars. His quills were tinted slightly gold, likely having just powered down from a super form, but the emeralds were obviously still present, static electricity cracking every so often, energy wafting from him like a wave from a hurricane.
“What are you doing here?” Shadow asks, astounded at the sight of his rival, his image reflected in the glass window overlooking a planet as blue as him.
Sonic turns from the observatory, appearing surprised at the sight of Shadow. He tilts his head, before giving a cheerful smile, putting a hand on his hip, the other offering a small wave. “Hey, Shadow! I didn’t expect you here.”
“I think I have the right to be far more surprised than you. So what are you doing here?”
“Stargazing.”
He says it like it’s the most obvious answer. He turns his head back to look out the window, gaze remaining light but curious. Shadow approaches, cautiously, situating himself by Sonic’s side, feeling the power of the emeralds now tenfold as the distance decreases. Sonic’s eyes flicker towards the earth, and he lets out a quiet laugh.
“I like to come here sometimes, whenever I have an adventure in space.” Sonic looks back at Shadow, eyes tinted slightly red, and sometimes, when Sonic’s in his super form, when his quills are sharp and his eyes are blood red and there’s a thick determination across his features, Shadow really does feel like he’s staring into a mirror. “You know, it’s kind of silly, but I get the weirdest sense of deja vu when I come up here, and it’s not just from that first time you woke up and the ARK nearly crashed into the earth.”
Sonic looks away, back at the planet one of them calls home. “Silly, isn’t it? I didn’t even know this place existed before I met you! The mind loves to play weird tricks, doesn’t it?”
Shadow stares at Sonic as he gazes at the earth. His mind races with this revelation, that Sonic’s the mysterious stranger who occasionally visits the ARK, that it’s his footsteps he’s been following this entire time, that Sonic visits the ARK because of a feeling of deja vu.
And isn’t that strange… that Shadow’s never felt a sense of deja vu, boarding the ARK, wandering the halls? Sometimes, when he wanders the ARK, it feels more alien than the planet he lives on, more alien than himself. Sometimes, Shadow feels like he’s never actually been here before, trying to remember where Gerald and Maria’s rooms were, trying to remember where the cafeteria and the theater were. All the little details of the ARK, the nooks and crannies he knows he should know, having lived aboard it, having spent hours playing with Maria… and he can’t remember any of it.
Not a single sense of deja vu has ever washed over him. Not a single sense of familiarity, strangely enough.
Shadow grips the ledge of the observatory tightly, knuckles aching. Sonic doesn’t spare him a glance, and Shadow finally looks away from the most mysterious part of his history and back towards the planet below.
“I do too,” he lies.
“Must be strange, walking through these halls.” Sonic hums. “I wonder what G.U.N. wants to do with this place. Seems like no one’s really touched it in fifty years.”
“No one except us.”
“Lots of strange things here. Did you know there’s a closet next to the theater filled with candy? It’s all like, way past expired. I found it by accident. I dunno. Sometimes I just follow my instincts when I wander and it took me there.”
Shadow did not know that. He closes his eyes, trying to keep himself steady. “Yeah, Maria and I used to steal candy from the kitchen and hide in there.”
It’s the most obvious answer. Shadow doesn’t actually remember doing that, but it’s all he can think of to say. He’s not supposed to be amnesiac anymore, and if he claimed he didn’t remember, it would bring up far too many questions.
“Was it Maria or you that liked dark chocolate? I found a whole bucket of it while I was mucking around. That and like, a lifetime supply of caramel.” Sonic ponders for a moment. “Maria always struck me as a sweet toothed kinda gal. But you don’t like dark chocolate, right? I think I remember Rouge telling me that.”
He’s right. Shadow remembers Maria’s favorite candy was anything that had caramel in it. They couldn’t get super processed candies aboard the ARK, because it made her terribly sick, but Maria always favored the sweetest candies she could get her hands on.
And Sonic’s also right- Shadow doesn't like dark chocolate. It’s boring and gross. Shadow found out he had a pretty bad sweet tooth after a day of hanging around Amy and Vanilla, who both loved to bake. Rouge gave him dark chocolate once and he spat it right out.
“I used to like it,” he lies, because he wants it to be true. That maybe this little detail is exactly what he’s been looking for- a segway into understanding who Shadow was before everything went to shit, who Shadow was aboard the ARK.
“Huh! I love it myself, I don’t really like super sweet things, not like Tails, haha!” Sonic hums. “I hope you get your taste buds back so you can really appreciate dark chocolate again.”
“Anything else of interest you found aboard here?”
“Eh, nothing you probably haven’t found.” Sonic shrugs absently. “I found a little costuming room above the theater, too. It’s got a bunch of cute little dresses. It kinda looks like some of the costumes Maria tried to make, especially the smaller ones I think you used to dress up in. Did you really used to dress up as a pirate?”
Shadow doesn’t remember that. Shadow doesn’t remember Maria sewing. But Shadow doesn’t remember a lot of his time aboard the ARK. “I guess so.”
“I always thought pirates were the coolest thing as a kid. I kinda wanted to be one. Always hated the water though, so I’d make a pretty lousy one. I’ve fought them a surprising amount over the years, however.” Sonic taps a finger to his chin. “Hm, did you know there’s a hallway that links the kitchen to what I think was the Commander’s old room? It doesn’t look like anybody used it except for you guys, haha. There was a whole bunch of expired food stored away down there, too. And there were a bunch of murals there! Maria signed most of them, so I assume she’s the one who painted them. Is your favorite color still green? All the drawings signed by you were always painted in green, haha.”
And suddenly, Shadow can’t quite bring himself to listen to this anymore. There’s so many details he’s missed, wandering the ARK, amongst his memories, and it feels like a punch in the gut to hear how much he really doesn’t know.
“Yeah,” he mutters, quietly. “I still like green.”
“That’s my favorite colour, too!” Sonic winks. “Everyone thinks it’s blue, and they’re not far off! But I’ve always loved green. I guess it’s why I like nature so much, ha!”
“I think we should leave,” Shadow finally says, because he can’t stand to hear anymore of this. Because why is the him of the past so different to this version he’s crafted now? Why is he so different from this ghost?
“Huh? Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Sonic’s eyes linger towards the sun. “Looks like it’s night time in Station Square. I was hoping to visit Tails’s workshop.”
Shadow frowns, peering at the place Sonic was looking at. And it’s strange, to realize Shadow wouldn't have known that. He doesn’t quite know how to guess what time it is, based on the sun’s rotation around the earth. He couldn’t even find Station Square on the earth, either.
“How do you know that?”
Sonic tilts his head, surprised by the question. “Huh, I dunno. Just made sense, I guess.”
A pit forms in Shadow's stomach. He looks away from Sonic and takes the lead, walking off towards the spaceship he had docked. He could Chaos control here, but that requires an emerald, since it’s so far away, and it seems Sonic has all seven currently.
Sonic trails after, and Shadow thinks he realizes he must have somehow hit a sore spot. He doesn't seem to know what he did wrong, staying quiet as he lingers behind Shadow. And Shadow can’t even bring himself to pick a fight with him, because even Shadow doesn’t entirely know what Sonic did wrong.
“Are you, uh, mad that I’m up here?” Sonic finally asks, when they make their way towards the docking station. Shadow tries to conjure up memories of this place of maybe him and Maria eagerly awaiting a movie or a few sweet treats from the surface, but nothing comes to mind.
“No.” Because Shadow really isn’t. He just can’t quite explain what he’s feeling.
“Oh, alright.” Shadow opens the door of the shuttle he had taken, and Sonic seems to hesitate before climbing inside, with him. The Chaos energy he’s radiating leaves a sour taste in Shadow’s mouth, but he just remains silent, flicking the controls on, preparing for take off.
“Sonic,” Shadow finally manages to say, “What was Gerald’s favorite color?”
“Oh, he likes red.”
Both of them pause. Shadow, because he didn’t know that fact, and Sonic, because he probably isn’t sure why he knows that fact.
Sonic shifts in the seat next to Shadow, appearing uncertain, before adding, “Uh, I peeked into his room once. Didn’t know it was his until I saw a family portrait and stuff. He had a lot of red clothing, it’s just a guess, really.”
Shadow tightens his hands on the wheel. “No, you’re right.”
Was it red, because that was his wife’s hair colour? Was it red, so he could hide blood stains easier?
Shadow unfurls his fingers from the wheel, and tries to steady himself. “What do you think should be done to the ARK?”
“Hm? I don’t know. I don’t really think that should be my choice.”
“But if you had a choice, what would you do?”
Sonic remains quiet for a few moments. “Well, the honest answer is to probably have it destroyed. I think the whole extinction level event it nearly caused might tempt a few people to try again. And the whole Eclipse laser thing is pretty bad, too. But… I don’t know, if we get rid of those aspects, it might be nice to get people living here again. Maybe restore it back into what it was before all the tragedy and stuff. Just seems like a waste to get rid of it completely, you know what I mean? It was made to further science-y stuff. And while I’m not a fan of Eggman’s industrialization in the pursuit of science, I don’t think it should be abandoned altogether.”
Shadow remains quiet, contemplating the answer. “You’re right. It seems like a waste to get rid of something that was once crafted with good intentions.”
Sonic grins at him, and Shadow looks away.
The rest of the ride back to earth is in companionable silence. When Shadow gets back home, after a race Sonic had goaded him into, he decides to send in a request that the ARK should go back online.