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When I was younger
Steve Harrington remembers the early years of his life in a haze most of the time. The dramatic and frankly insane shit that had happened in the last few years overshadowing most of the shit he'd gone through previously. But he remembers being thirteen and packing up everything he owned at his old house, in a different state, and moving to a small town in the middle of nowhere.
My daddy told me I would never
He remembers harsh words from his father and absent stares from his mother as they made the nearly 500-mile drive from Pennsylvania to Indiana. He remembers the yelling his father did the weeks leading up to the move, and he remembers his mother picking up more bottles than books than she used to.
Never amount to nothing special
He remembers being told to get his act together. He knows why they moved. Too much had gone down, and his father was afraid that the bad press would hurt his business.
He'd come at me from every angle
That he was a Harrington and he better damn well act like it. That he was their only child, and therefore needed to be better. Do better. Be exactly what they he wanted.
He'd say, "You're the last thing I wanted, the last thing I need-
He tries not to think about the lectures once they did move. Every time Daniel Harrington graced the house that was never going to be a home, a new lecture. A new lesson. A new threat. Graduating from groundings, to beatings, to being sent away. And then, eventually, sadistic grins coupled with news bulletins about a disease running rampant.
How am I gonna answer when my friends tell me
Steve thinks about his childhood friend Dillon. The son of the local pastor. His best friend. His first love.
My son was kissing boys in the street"
He knows he was pushed into sports in an attempt to cover up any rumors that may have started. Swim team, and basketball, and for a few seasons early on track. It was a way to make sure he was always presenting himself in the best light for his father. His mother made an effort to come to his games when she was home. Cheering him on silently from the sidelines.
He tried to change me
Then they stopped coming home as often. Business trips taking them further and away for longer. Parties thrown in their absence had his father clapping him on the shoulder when rumors went around that he was a womanizer. His mother frowning to herself sadly.
Said I'm embarrassing my country
It didn't change the way his gaze lingered on the boys in his class. But it did change the way those looks were perceived. He was a threat. A King among Peasants.
How could I do this to my family
Rare parties with close friends turned into ragers. Turned into being drunk most of the time. Turned into numbing every pain with alcohol. He knew he was lonely before, but now that he watches his empire around him, he realizes he is alone on a throne of lies.
Do I wanna grow up being lonely
When they would come home after these ragers, his mother always seemed more distant. His father more sadistic. And he fell into a spiral.
He'd say, "We have worked for our money, we put you in school
More threats. That he wouldn't make it through school at this rate. That they raised him better. Even though the thought that they raised him at all is almost laughable.
Is this how you repay us
But he keeps spiraling. Manages to pull himself out just enough to find a nice girl to date. The kisses they share just remind him that he is looking for a place to belong in houses that could never be homes.
Do you think this is cool
The spiral continues until he is well and truly yanked out of it. A monster unfamiliar, but somehow less frightening than the figure of his father, pushing him to stop himself in his tracks. He is needed now.
My son, stop kissing boys in the street
Somehow it feels unlike a win when his dreams are plagued with more nightmares and the idea of touching alcohol to help him relax makes him physically ill. The thought of being impaired and incapable of protecting, making him a ball of anxiety and fear.
My son, stop kissing boys in the street"
And then he meets Robin. She teases him in ways no one else ever had, and he finds that it almost feels warm. The way he's heard a home described as.
Now that I'm older
His parents stop coming home. The phone calls are easier to deal with, if only because he has faced scarier now than Daniel Harrington. He has faced demons from other dimensions and Russians that wanted him dead more than his father ever could.
My daddy's heart's a little warmer
And there aren't apologies from his mother as he grows into this new version of himself. But there is that knowing silence whenever she comes home for a few days at a time. A silence that they can both sit in, not quite comfortably, but no longer feeling as though the windows may shatter if a pin drops.
But he still won't hug me like my brother
And when his mother leaves again, she kisses his temple and tells him to be good. Tells him that she knows that he will. That she left money on the counter, and to take care of those kids, they seem nice. She only leaves after telling him to take care of himself.
And he still won't kiss me like my mother
And when he is forcibly taken to the hospital after everything is well and truly over, his wounds reopening after saving a boy he barely knows. His parents are called. His father brushes it off, tells the hospital staff that his line is only for emergencies, and hangs up. But his mother answers their questions and tells them that she will be home as soon as she can.
He'd say, "You're a part of this family, I made you myself
And when she gets home two days later, and sees the way that he is hurt. Sees the children surrounding him that are obviously shaken up but not nearly as injured, she knows that her son took care of them. And that it is now his turn to rest. His turn to take care of himself. Or rather, her turn to take care of him.
But the way that you act isn't good for your health
She takes him home, but not before she makes sure that all the kids know that they are always welcome. She extends that offer again to Hopper and Joyce Byers and their flock, including that strange boy from California, until they find a place with enough room for all of them. And as they are leaving the hospital she extends it once more to Wayne Munson and his nephew who she learns is named Eddie.
My son, stop kissing boys in the street
By the next week, there are papers that come through the mail, signifying a divorce, years in the making, has been awarded. A house paid in full and in her son's name. Stephanie Harrington was a strong woman before she met Daniel Harrington. She will only be stronger once she is rid of him entirely.
My son, stop kissing boys in the street"
It is not until months after that she tells Steve that the house is in his name, and that his father cannot hurt him anymore. It is not until she hears him speaking with Eddie, the young exciteable boy that brightens this home more than it has ever been, worriedly whispering about a future he fears.
My daddy's dying
Steve takes the news well enough. Considering all he has been through, this is perhaps the most surprising outcome. So when he asks her why, he is surprised when she answers truthfully. When she tells him that she should have left sooner and kept him safe. That she saw him keeping his family safe, and knew that it was her turn to finally try to keep him safe.
And he's finally realized I'm not lying
And it isn't an apology. Neither of them could handle that, not yet. But it is an olive branch. And he accepts. They both change their names to her maiden name. Stephanie and Stephen Peters are not new to Hawkins. But they are new to each other.
We sit in silence but we're smiling
His father calls every so often, typically it is to complain to his mother about how her divorce affected his business. But sometimes it is to try to remind Steve that he should be holding the Harrington name in strong regards. Steve finds great pleasure in telling him that a Stephen Harrington no longer lives there. But a Stephen Peters does, and would appreciate no more calls coming through. Lest he needs to get a restraining order.
Because for once we are not fighting
When the holidays roll around, everyone meets up in Hawkins at the Peters large home. All of them piling in and making food and singing songs and swapping gifts. A tradition dating nearly thirty years at this point. And when the phone rings, Steve answers it. Smiling to himself as he looks over his family.
He says, "There was no way of knowing 'cause all I was taught
He doesn't recognize the voice on the other line and asks who it is, and they apologize and tell him that they work in a hospital in Boston. That they are calling for the family of one Daniel Harrington. He confirms who he is, and she tells him that things aren't looking great, that they are going to move him to hospice. But that he wanted to call his son and speak to him before they did. Steve watches a head of long curly hair move towards him, from the looks of it leading his mother over toward him, and he agrees quietly into the phone.
Is men only love women, but now I'm not sure
He leans back into the weight of the man that makes his way behind him and whispers in his ear, asking what's going on. He covers the phone and whispers to both of them that it's Daniel. Things aren't looking good. He apparently wants to talk.
My son, keep kissing boys in the street
His mother frowns but stands strong beside him with a nod. When he hears the man's voice, the tension in his body releases. This is not the strength of a man that used to haunt his nightmares. And so he listens as his father pleads and begs. For money or forgiveness, he isn't sure. But he listens, allowing the man this small mercy, even while he hears him cursing his name and calling him slurs. When he is finished, Steve holds the phone up to his ear with a steady hand.
My son, keep kissing boys in the street
It took years to truly forgive his mother. To learn to love and trust her. And his father had the same years. So it is with a strength in his voice he hasn't had to command in twenty years that he apologizes for the time wasted, but that he has a party and a husband to get back to. Throwing in a last reminder to stop calling this number unless he would like a restraining order. And without hearing the other mans reply, he hangs up.
When I'm gone, keep kissing boys in the street."
His mother smiles up at him, looks at both of the men in front of her and tells them both that she is proud of them both before kissing Steve's cheek and making her way back to the kitchen. Steve feels Eddie behind him, an arm wrapped around his waist. He turns to smiles back at him and nods toward the Party.
Steve Harrington may have been lonely when he was a child and not had a place to call his own. But Steve Peters is an adult with more family than he can count. And he knows that none of them will know houses that aren't homes, and lectures for being themselves, and threats to conform.
And so he grabs Eddie's hand, their rings shining slightly as they share a moment to themselves before joining back into the celebration.