Chapter Text
Tonight, the rain was falling harder than on any other night.
The clouds were piled up in the sky all over Mondstadt, not allowing a single ray of light to hit the ground. The storm was raging, the wind roaring so loudly that citizens had to hide in their homes and close their shops, choosing to stay in the comfort of their living rooms with their families until the rain ceased and the sun returned.
While people were keeping warm in their homes and the favonius knights were doing their usual work in the comfort of the headquarters, Kaeya found himself running in the freezing rain being severely injured.
His uniform was stained with blood and torn in several places due to the earlier confrontation. His breathing was ragged, oxygen was barely making it to his lungs and every time it did his chest burned with pain. As he limped slightly from the burn on his leg, one hand was stuck to his right eye, where his usual eye patch had disappeared. His opponent's sword had come to dig into the skin near the eye, leaving him in excruciating pain. Blood from that area began to fall from his cheek like a tear, staining his hand in the process.
His whole body was full of cuts and burns, every step he took was a stabbing pain that ran down his spine giving him chills. Every time his feet touched the wet earth, little groans of pain escaped his mouth involuntarily, the clothes rubbing against the wounds with every movement made him writhe in pain.
But despite all the pain his body was feeling, the fear seeping into his mind was even more.
He was running away, his legs were begging for a rest but he didn't listen, he just kept running as far as his injured body would allow.
Kaeya was running away from Diluc, his brother.
He feared that Diluc would come running back with his sword in his hands ready to finish the job, taking advantage of the moment that Kaeya was weak and without the strength to defend himself.
He did not know at what moment his tears began to fall from his healthy eye, the incessant rain mixed with the dirt on his clothes and the blood running down his body, he could barely feel his heart pounding in his chest even though he deeply wished it to stop.
It all happened so fast. He went to the mansion determined to tell his brother the truth, but as the words came out of his mouth the other's expression changed to one of horror. At some point he interrupted him, drawing his great sword and glaring at him in fury as his vision flared with rage.
Their fight was directed into the open air, their swords clashed but Kaeya's grip indicated an absence of desire to properly defend himself. Diluc drew closer to him as the fire of his sword heated his skin with each approach increasing the fear of the blue-haired.
"Come on! Defend yourself dammit!" Diluc shouted as his sword swung at Kaeya, he didn't know how much longer he could stand to look at the traitor in front of his eyes.
"Diluc, let me explain!-" Kaeya replied, weakly responding to Diluc's attack with his light sword.
"Shut up! I don't want to listen to you!" His sword came up sharply, and Kaeya was too slow to avoid it.
A pained scream escaped Kaeya's throat as the blade's edge tore the skin over his eye in one swift motion. His body fell sharply to the earth, and his hand instinctively rose to cover the fresh wound as his brother approached slowly, still holding the sword in his hands.
Diluc raised the sword with both hands above his head, his face mixed with various emotions but conveying pure pain at being betrayed by the person he trusted the most. Kaeya opened his other eye, seeing his brother preparing to kill him, he loosened his grip on his sword and ducked his head, fully accepting his fate.
But, the attack never came.
A few seconds of silence later, Kaeya knew something was wrong. He looked up, and was surprised when he noticed an ice shield surrounding him and a cryo vision appeared in his free hand.
From there, everything fell apart for Kaeya when he understood that the death he was looking for was not going to be possible. At least not for now.
Diluc abandoned his attack position and his sword relaxed at his knuckles, but his gaze was still just as displeased as he reflected Kaeya's body in his burning eyes.
"Get out of here, and never show yourself in Mondstadt again, traitor." He uttered, his voice full of venom and disgust as his eyes narrowed in an intimidating manner. "If you ever decide to come back, I will finish what I started."
Kaeya watched as Diluc walked away from the battlefield heading for the mansion again. He found it hard to breathe, his mind was made scrambled with dark thoughts but strangely, his chest was empty, as if he couldn't feel anything besides his cuts on his body.
His eye wandered to the vision that had just arrived, he looked at it just as Diluc had just looked at him. With disgust, unwanted. He considered throwing it and hiding it in the dirt with his trembling hands, but the idea was instantly dismissed, and eventually he forced his body to rise from the ground and run to save himself from his brother's flaming sword.
His legs ached, his entire body was covered in cuts and burns that made every movement he made another thought of death. If Kaeya died tonight, covered in blood and his body lying in the wet earth from the raging storm, would anyone notice he was gone? Would anyone care enough to go to the trouble of arranging a funeral? He has lost everything, he lost the most important people in his life. His adoptive father died in the arms of Diluc who now doubts that he still considers him part of his family after his betrayal.
Everything Kaeya has done is unforgivable. From the day he was born to this day, he continues to disappoint those still living, even those who are dead.
Then, Kaeya pauses to think about Diluc's words. His legs slowed down as he realized he had nowhere to go. Was he really welcome in Mondstadt? He still had time to run anywhere else before Diluc returned and told everyone his secret. If he tried twice as hard maybe his legs would allow him to reach Dragonspine and if he felt lucky his destination could be Liyue, and even if the archons took pity on a sinner like him, he could receive the arms of death peacefully and painlessly.
Anyway he has no one waiting for him in Mondstadt, if he simply disappeared without leaving any note or without saying goodbye the city will not lose much, in fact, they will gain the loss of a sinful and useless knight like Kaeya. This time, his footsteps slowed down completely, standing in the rain and staring blankly at the entrance to the city.
The incessant drops falling from the clouds began to feel absent in his body. His mind was distracting him, the scenarios of the fight he had with Diluc a few minutes ago were hiding in the back of his head as if he was trying to deny what had just happened. The open wounds that burned with deep pain stopped burning, and the cryo vision that his hand clenched so tightly was forgotten.
He didn't know if the screams his ears barely managed to filter out were the same screams he heard as a child in his home nation when the archons destroyed everything or if it was really someone trying to get his attention.
A few footsteps were heard heading towards him as the screams continued, but he was frozen, still with a distant look on his face and his breath hitching. Suddenly, hands landed on his slumped shoulders as someone continued to speak to him, but he still didn't understand a single word coming from their mouths.
"-aeya! Can you... hear me?-"
He managed to hear, his eye drifted to the person in front of him slowly, but even though he was looking directly at them he couldn't identify who it was. When the other person seemed to notice that Kaeya was not present, they raised a hand to his cheek praying that that small but warm touch would manage to retrieve the frightened knight.
"Kaeya, it 's okay. You need to breathe..." Slowly, Kaeya understood their words, and as he began to take deep breaths he realized he was hyperventilating.
Although his breaths came out shaky and pathetic, the other person complimented him on the effort. "Very good, you're doing excellent, keep it up."
And that's when he could identify the woman, his childhood friend.
How selfish of him, to forget about Jean, the person he trusted and loved the most aside from the family he had just lost.
"J-jean?" At this, the woman brightened and nodded in response.
"Yes, it's me! Can you hear me now?"
"What... what are you doing here?"
"I was looking for you." She said it in a worried tone, looking at him as if he were the one who had just lost a parent. He didn't deserve this concern, Diluc did. He was the true son of Crepus. "I heard what happened. I’m sorry."
Kaeya was thankful that the rain was present at this moment even if it brings him even more pain, for his tears went unnoticed and mingled with the drops in the sky.
When Kaeya said nothing, Jean spoke again. "We'd better go, we have to heal your wounds and dry your clothes. You'll catch a cold in this state."
“...why?" He asked, faintly. His lips tremble.
"Because you're hurt." She replied looking even more worried than before, Kaeya felt a stabbing pain in his chest but remained quiet as he let Jean lead him into the depths of Mondstadt.
The whole way, Kaeya felt nothing besides the hand holding him protectively. He let his thoughts fly inside his head until Jean stopped in front of a house.
She pulled some keys out of her pockets and unlocked the door, motioning Kaeya to enter first. The blue-haired man didn't dare to look at her, his gaze remained transfixed on the floor, terrified that when Jean looked him in the eye she would notice something different and decide to throw him out of her house with a sword at his neck.
He barely heard the door close behind him and the woman's boots walking through the house. He stood there in the doorway without moving a muscle or saying anything, afraid that if the words escape him some tears will accompany him, or that his tongue will touch the bitterness of the dark secret he has hidden for years until today. He can't risk losing someone else, not now.
"Let's go to the couch so I can heal you." Kaeya flinched as he felt an arm wrap around his back to guide him to some seating. They made their way to the couch Jean mentioned, she gently pushed the blue-haired man so he could sit down and she could check his wounds properly.
Kaeya didn't feel when his vest was removed, nor did he feel when his upper body was bare. When the healing tools made contact with his skin his mind was lost again, disconnected from the reality he was in. He doesn't know how much time passed, how many seconds flew by or how many minutes were lost, but when Jean spoke again, a clean shirt a little smaller than his usual size was already wrapping around his body.
"What happened?" She asked gently, hoping not to receive some half-hearted or overly concerned answer. Kaeya felt his head heavy, he was tired, and his eye showed it. Jean noticed the anguish growing inside his chest.
Tears formed at the corner of his bluish eye, normally full of life. His lips trembled again, his brow arched and when he opened his mouth to respond, nothing came out. His gaze was on his trembling hands full of cuts, avoiding the worried face of Jean who was beginning to bring her hands to him in consolation.
When Jean's hands touched his cheeks, tears inevitably began to flow from his eye. Kaeya struggled to smile, he really did. He tried to stop the tears from coming down but it was futile, and with his closest friend standing beside him caressing him sadly, that's when reality hit him hard.
"Father is gone, Jean, my father is dead."
That was enough for Jean to hug Kaeya tightly, who hid in her friend's chest as if that would ease his worries and bring back his words he said to Diluc.
-
The next day, Kaeya woke up confused in an undecorated and rather empty room. The sun's rays after a storm like yesterday's came directly to his face.
His hands were raised to block the light from his eyes, but when his fingers brushed a medicine patch over his right eye, yesterday's events began to come like bullets in his head. He remembered that he had stayed at Jean's house after what seemed like hours of healing his fire-induced wounds, Jean directed him to the guest room and forced him to lie down on the comfortable bed he was now in.
The intense pain he suffered yesterday in his eye had subsided thanks to Jean's healing skills, but even with all the medicine and care the woman bestowed upon him his body still hurt like hell.
But the physical pain he felt was nothing more than a distraction from the storm brewing inside his head.
He was left staring at the ceiling for a disturbing amount, wondering if it was worth moving. If he got out of bed, where would he go? He knew he was falling into a deep void of questions spiraling around in his mind, where it would probably be impossible for him to escape without help.
Kaeya was just waking from a rather long sleep, and he still felt tired. He abandoned the idea of getting up instantly, thinking how much better off everyone would be if Diluc's sword had taken his life. But when the silence was interrupted by a door gently opening, he knew that his plans for self-destruction were not going to be very possible.
"Ah, you're awake." Jean said with a smile that Kaeya didn't turn to look at. "How are your injuries?"
"Quite a bit better, thank you." He replied in a worn voice without taking his eyes off the ceiling, even as Jean came over and sat on the bed still looking at him.
The woman held out a glass of water silently, for the first time that day Kaeya made the effort to direct his eye to her as he accepted the drink. Jean helped him up on the bed, leaving him in a half sitting position so he could drink from the liquid without spilling.
Kaeya's hands trembled in his grip on the glass, but he refused to let Jean give him the drink like a four year old. It took him only a few seconds to empty the glass, relieved to feel his throat clear a little, abandoning the little ache he had.
Jean took the empty glass and set it down on the small nightstand beside the bed. "Would you like something to eat?"
The thought of a meal filling his stomach made him squirm, he shook his head weakly looking exhausted. Jean couldn't believe how tired her friend looked, completely dull and lifeless like the Kaeya she knew. This was not how a teenager of only seventeen should look, Jean felt bad knowing what Kaeya had gone through the night before, though she still didn't understand the cause of his injuries.
On any other occasion, Jean would have scolded him for being so careless. She would force him to eat something nutritious and get some needed rest. But she knows that this was not like any other occasion, she was aware of Master Crepus' death and that is why she was out in the rain looking for her friend so she could help him and bring him some comfort. Finding Kaeya covered in blood and mud with something shiny like a newly obtained vision in his hand and with a lost expression full of fear, worried Jean the second she looked at him.
She knows he should eat something but instead of reprimanding him, Jean just nodded her head looking at him sadly. "It's okay, you don't have to eat now, do you want anything else?"
And all she got from Kaeya was another slight silent denial.