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Izuku is a telepath. It’s decently useful for hero work, he can talk to people directly in their mind and they can respond. He can’t read minds per say, but people without much experience speaking telepathically tend to transfer everything they think, so he ends up hearing a lot anyway.
Anyway, all this aside, Izuku has a quirk. So, when Bakugo got kidnapped from camp, the first thing he tried was to contact him with his quirk. Bakugo did not respond.
This meant Izuku would try out his second method: talking with Shigaraki.
“Hello!” Izuku mentally called out.
“WHAT THE FUCK” Shigaraki (mentally) yelled.
“Uh hello, this is Midoriya? The hero student from U.A, green hair? I’d like to ask for Bakugo back please? You know, blonde, angry, recently kidnapped.”
“GET OUT OF MY HEAD WHAT THE FUCK”
“Yeah um no can do sorry, I’m staying until you give Bakugo back.”
“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT” There was a pause in the constant dialogue of ‘get out’, and then, “WHITE WHITE WHITE THINK ABOUT NOTHING”
“You know, that’s not going to work? It’s a quirk I’d be a pretty rubbish telepath if people could kick me out.”
“Then how the hell do I get you to leave?”
“Ah finally. As I said, just give us Bakugo back.”
“No way hero. We need him, he’s better off with us anyway.”
Izuku mentally conveyed his unconvinced nature. “Right forgive me if I don’t believe you. Well, if you’re not giving him back guess we’re just going to be talking for a while.” Izuku smiled, “Hope you don’t think anything compromising!”
“Compromising? Location. Ka- FUCK NO GET OUT NO NO NO NO NO” As you can imagine the ‘no’s went on for a while. Izuku just listened patiently until eventually: “I will pay you if you leave now.”
“Sorry I’m not interested in bribes unless you have limited edition All Might figures, and considering how much you hate the guy, I doubt it.”
“Why aren’t you doing anything? We have your little friend all tied up and-”
“No, I know.” Izuku cut in.
“I- what? You know?”
“Yeah when you think about him I kind of get the images vaguely, you should invest in better lighting by the way it’s all dingy and dark in there.”
“Why the fuck are you giving me lighting advice!? Shouldn’t you be trying to interrogate me or some shit? I probably should make Kurogiri get new lights though… AH I didn’t mean to think that!”
Izuku snorted, looks like his advice would be followed. “I mean I can interrogate you if you want, here I’ll play the All Might jingle on repeat.” Izuku then started playing the incredibly catchy and annoying All Might jingle on repeat in Shigaraki’s brain.
“Oh god this is hell. STOP IT I WILL KILL YOU. All Might, All Might he’s the best he’s the- NO! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU LALALALALALA. This is torture, surely as a hero you’re not allowed to torture people. Please, make it stop.” This went on for a while until Shigaraki devolved into mental sobs.
Izuku cut the music. “Going to tell me where Bakugo is?”
“No. I’m going to find you, disintegrate your eyeballs from within your head, then lock you in a box and force you to listen to that god damned jingle for the rest of your miserable pathetic life.”
“See this is why I don’t bother interrogating people, just makes them mad at you.”
“THAT WASN’T INTERROGATION! INTERROGATION IS JUST ASKING QUESTIONS YOU GOD DAMN PSYCHOPATH”
“Oh.” Said Izuku, “My bad.”
“YOUR BAD?!?!?”
“Yeah, so questions huh? We can play twenty questions if you want?”
“I’m a villain not your fucking middle school crush.” Shigaraki half sobbed. “What the fuck is wrong with this kid?”
“Well, now that was just uncalled for. First question, why are your lips like that? I mean, have you never heard of Chapstick?”
“I hate you. I actually hate you? What the fuck is this? Leave me alone PLEASE. And of course I’ve heard of Chapstick haven’t YOU heard of quirk side effects?!”
“Oh my bad, didn’t mean to be mean about a quirk side effect, they can suck. I mean just look at the bones in my arm, or what’s left of them.” Izuku laughed and got the distinct mental impression that Shigaraki was appalled. “Your turn!”
“Where do you live.”
“Yeah um. Not answering that.”
“Oh come on you didn’t even accidentally think of it? Or any images of it? What the fuck!?”
Izuku laughed, “Oh that’s what you were hoping for! I’m used to communicating like this so I have good control over what’s sent, you however, do not. So if I said, I don’t know… think about your most embarrassing memory…”
“Oh no NO Nope not doing it. I’m not falling for that.”
Izuku though was already laughing at the memory of Shigaraki tripping down two stairs into a mop bucket which he then disintegrated and flooded the room with dirty water. “Oh but you did fall down those stairs.”
“HOW. HOW?!??? I hate you.”
“It’s my turn again though, if you adopted an angry Pomeranian where exactly would you keep it?”
“Pomeranian… ARE YOU REFERRING TO YOUR FRIEND AS A FUCKING DOG?!!???”
“Well, you have to admit the resemblance.”
“Eh he’s not wrong. BUT WHAT THE FUCK!? Also, I’m not telling you where he is fuck off.”
“Booo. But at least you agreed with me I suppose. Look at this one time he got so pissed off his yelling started to sound like yapping and barking lol.” Izuku sent the described memory.
“Pffft how could anyone understand that? He is like an angry dog. Do you just hate this guy? Is that why you’re not trying to get him back? Also, why are you a hero and not a villain, can you imagine the power? You could be great.”
“Well, that was a lot of questions, so I’ll just answer the last: if you say you don’t hate me, I’ll join you?”
“Really?”
“Do you hate me?”
“………………YES. I can’t do it- you’re the worst. I’m still planning on killing you.”
“Yeah well, I wouldn’t have joined you any way, I just wanted to see what you'd say. But that was pretty rude, should I play the All Might jingle again as punishment?”
“NO. I WILL FIND YOU AND CAUSE YOU MORE PAIN THAN YOU IMAGINE TO BE POSSIBLE”
“Wow. That’d be impressive considering the extent of injury I’ve already experienced.”
“What is actually wrong with you?” Unlike other times with sarcasm this time Shigaraki just seemed honestly perplexed, Izuku did not answer him anyway.
Instead, he said, “You know I don’t think twenty questions is going well. You got some other way you want to spend time? You know, since you’re refusing to give Bakugo back and have instead locked yourself in a tiny room and left your subordinates to deal with everything?”
“How do you know- ugh. Never mind. And my room is not tiny!”
Izuku snorted, “Alright don’t get your panties in a twist.”
“Die.”
“Wow great Bakugo impression! But if God wants me dead, he’s going to have to do it himself (:”
“How did you mentally convey (:”
“Exactly how you just did. Telepathy is cool like that. So, ways to pass time? OH! We should play poker!”
“You can literally read my every thought that is beyond stupid.”
“Actually, I think that might put us on an even playing field. I do not have a good track history with poker.” Izuku then conveyed a quick montage of his past poker games, it included: fire, screaming, a swimming pool, and the police. Not in that order.
“…. Wow… That’s… Destructive. You really aren’t good at poker.”
“Right?! So let’s play!”
A little whining and convincing later they were playing poker (somehow with only two people who are in different places. Don’t question it.) The game went pretty well by Izuku’s standards, which is to say there was no fire involved. He did however, lose.
“HOW DID YOU LOSE?!??? YOU CAN READ MY THOUGHTS!”
“I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLUFFING!”
“IN MY MIND???!?!?!”
“I DON’T KNOW? YES!?”
“You should never play poker again. Just give it up. Please.”
“I…. okay,” Izuku said sadly, perhaps it just wasn’t meant to be. Then he perked up, “I’ll quit poker and you quit villainy!”
“No? Why would I do that?”
“I mean for one, your boss sucks. He doesn’t even pay you smh.”
“Did you just say smh? Think? Whatever. I’m the boss I work for myself thank you.”
Izuku snorted, “We both know that’s not true. You work for Mr Potato head, evil edition.”
“DID HE JUST CALL ALL FOR ONE MR POTATO HEAD!???!?!???!”
“HA! You knew who I meant from that description! But yeah, all for bitch. You should stop working for him he sucks.”
“Do you have any criticism for him other than ‘he sucks’?”
“He doesn’t pay you still. And you know, the unforgivable war crimes and shit. Also, human experimentation is just a bit ick you know?”
“…………… You’re insane. Something is wrong with you.”
“Oh yeah totally. I’d call it the traumatic effects of hearing way too much you didn’t want to as a child who couldn’t control their quirk effect. People think some really inappropriate stuff like, all the time.”
“You know what. That kind of makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is how you know what sensei looks like. Have you met?”
“Nope! But I saw him in your mind earlier when you were freaking out about being in trouble for, and I quote, having a freaky mind kid in your head.”
“Fuck. And you are a freaky mind kid by the way.”
“Fair but rude.”
“What the fuck is going on outside? God I have to do everything myself.”
“Oh? What’s up?”
“SHIT! Ugh. I forgot you were there. Dabi, what are you being so loud for? Pizza? Who the fuck would order pizza? I’m eating it fuck them.”
“Ohoho yeah, you enjoy that pizza.”
“…What does that mean? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??!?!? NO DON’T OPEN- SHIT.”
“Yeah. Idiot. Do you think I didn’t see where you were way back when I first asked you? I told the heroes exactly where you were ^^ enjoy! Though for all it’s worth I did enjoy talking to you.”
“I’M GOING TO KILL YOU. AAAAAAAA FUCK ALL MIGHT. DABI GET THE- AGH” Izuku started to tune Shigaraki out as he panicked and fought, the thoughts weren’t really that coherent after that anyway.
Once they had got Bakugo out and the operation was finished, Izuku dropped the connection. He had quite an enjoyable time relating to Aizawa and the other heroes everything he had learnt from Shigaraki. Even if they didn’t seem impressed by his suggestion to play the All Might jingle more as psychological warfare. And really, that was that, the event was over.
For a while, anyway. Until Izuku got bored. “Sup looser. I’m bored, want to play poker again?”
“NO NO NO NO GET THE FUCK OUT! I don’t have your friend. Leave me alone, please.”
Ah, reducing a feared villain to begging. Izuku would be proud of himself if he wasn’t disappointed, he didn’t have anyone to play poker with.