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This family makes me want to kill

Summary:

being 22 was suppose to be fun but when you have two fucked up siblings a talking dog a sinister baby and a idiot father and a mother who married an idot oh and howa about falling for death himself its no wonder she joins in on her baby brothers scheme

Notes:

All warnings that apply to the show family guy

Work Text:

in the griffin house, the family were sat on their sofa watching The Brady Bunch  on their small tv

''Mom, Dad, I found cigarettes in Greg's jacket.'' Jan on the screen told her parents as  Natasha who was sat on the floor next to Brian with her legs crossed scoffed filing her nails down sharp enough so she could cut someone ''boring'' she sighed yet was ignored

'Greg, were you smoking cigarettes?'' mike questioned his son on-screen ''no, Dad.'' Greg obviously lied to his dad who turned to his wife ''Well, he's lying. There's no doubt about that. (back to Greg) Greg, I'm afraid your punishment will be 4 hours in the snake pit. (pushes a button which opens the pit) Maybe that'll give you some time to think about what you've done. '' and Gregs jumps into the pit

'' That'll teach him.'' the sister boasted ''And Jan, I'm afraid you've earned a day in the chamber of fire for tattling on your brother.'' the father pushes a button beside a door and the door opens to reveal fire)

(Cut back to the Griffins)

'' Ah, smoking! How does a boy like that go so wrong?'' Loius scoffed turning to her family holding her son Stewie ''maybe being in a family like this one'' Natasha insulted under her breath painting her nails '' Well, they live in a crummy neighbourhood.'' peter claimed as Natasha rolled her eyes at his stupidity how she came from his sperm she'll ever wonder well actually she won't cause that's gross....maybes shes adopted yeah that must be it

''The Brady's?''  brian questioned his tail thumping across the carpet as nat used her sharp nails to scratch behind his ears ''oh yeah that's the stop,yeah yeah yeah don't stop'' he groaned eyes closed from the pleasurable scratches oh if this was heaven he'd never sin again

''Oh, hell, yeah. They got robbers, thugs, drug dealers. You name it. '' peter listed off just as a woman popped outside the window holding a plate of pancakes ''You folks want some pancakes?'' she questions the family ''No, thank you.'' peter turned her offer down which was surprising cause usually surgery treats are never turned down he turns to his family ''See, that's the worst we got is Jemima's Witnesses.'' he points out as nat opens the window to take a pancake

(Cut to Theme Song.)

in the kitchen Chris is was sat writing in his notebook as across the table sat Meg reading a magazine and next to Stewie who was fixing his mind-control device sat Natasha who was blindly handing Stewie his tools as her attention was focused on a magazine of her own only this one was about knives and all types of weapons while behind them was Lois is pouring salt on a ham ''Mom, my lips are too thin. Can I please get collagen injections?'' meg complained as her sister rolled her eyes

''news flash big lips will change nothing'' Criticized nat as her sister frowned pouting as she turns to her mom ''nat stop being mean to your sister even if it is the truth and Meg, you don't need to change the way you look. You know, most of the world's problems stem from poor self-image.''lois Reprimanded the two girls holding the ham in a tray

Cuts to a cutaway taking place at the Das Gym. A guy appearing to be Adolf Hitler is seen lifting two weights. Two women are seen laughing and touching a Jewish guy with big muscles. Adolf Hitler growls in disappointment.

(Cuts back to the Griffins)

'' Excellent! The mind-control device is nearing completion!'' Stewie cheered holding the space-looking gun as his older sister was now painting her toenails just as Lois spotted Stewie with his gun ''Stewie, I said no toys at the table. '' she scolded the baby taking his mind-control device ''Damn you, vile woman! You've impeded my work since the day I escaped from your wretched womb.'' Stewie Raged against his birth giver

''you, relevant one, stop this woman at once '' he demanded to his favourite sister who smirked ''aww mom look Stewie's pouting'' she taunted the baby who glared to the young woman who put on a pretend face of innocent ''Aw, don't pout, honey.''Lois fell for it hands on her knees to talk to the baby in the high chair

''You know when you were born, the doctor said you were the happiest-looking baby he'd ever seen.'' she lied to the baby as nat scoffed knowing the lie the idiot doctor thought the child was football cross with satans child he didn't know whether to get a priest or Tom Brady'' But of course. '' Stewie agreed with a sinister tone

''That was my victory day. The fruition of my deeply-laid plans to escape from that cursed ovarian Bastille! Return the device, woman!'' he pointed the screwdriver to the red-haired woman who ignored him ''No toys, Stewie'' she told him putting his mind-control device in the cabinet

''Very well, then! Mark my words: when you at least expect it, your uppance will come. '' he glared to lois yet was ignored ''god, what did you do swallow a dictionary, just say you wanna kill her and get it over with'' nat scoffed at the baby whose head turned to her now sending her a glare '' the American school teachings may have let you down but it is yet to rot away my intelligence be warned your unhelpful nature shall be the reasoning of your ending as such your death shall be my happiness'' he insulted the unlistening sister who was to busy rolling up megs magazine as the brunette had stood up

''Mom, can I turn the heat up?'' she asks her mom whose quick to turn around wow she wasn't even that fast to respond to nat falling down the stairs thanks to the little demon spawn currently trying to stab her with a screwdriver

''Oh, don't touch the thermostat, Meg, your father gets upset.''lois warns the girl basting the ham ''Come on. This thing goes up to 90.'' the girl whined irritation nat who smirked ''do it'' she egged her on wanting to upset the fat bastard doing as her older sister said Meg adjusted the heat and suddenly

Peter swings the door open appearing quickly '' Whotouchedthethermostat?'' he questions so fast it was almost unintelligible which wasn't a huge problem cause most of what he said was words of an uneducated idiot ''God, how does he always know?'' meg Complained as peter smirked tapping the side of his head

''Brain implant, Meg. Every father's got one. Tells you when the children are messing with the dial.'' he seemed to tell the truth as a seemingly another father opened the back door ''Hey, Peter, my thing went off, your thermostat okay?'' he questions peter worried while nat wanted to slam the door in his face '' Yeah, it's alright.'' peter reassured him as another father appeared '

'Hey, is my kid over here?'' he questions but father one is the one to speak up ''Forget it. False alarm'' he tells him just as another man appears from afar  ''at least we know if you ever go for milk how to get you back...not that we ever would'' she mumbled the last bit sneering at her suppose to be father as brian walked in

cutting around Peter's behind which was in the way '' Whoa, ass ahoy. Hey, uh, Peter, it's seven o'clock and you still got your pants on. What's the occasion?'' the dog questioned the man as his tail started wagging at the scent of metallic Lavender, vanilla, and Bergamot mix belonging to PJ clad red-haired who sent him a half-smile

before anyone could say anything a dart was shot just missing peter who turned a second out the way ''where did that come from'' a shocked Lois nearly dropped the ham there was a second of silence before the family turned to nat whose rolled-up magazine was just on her lips which she quickly moved it away ''what?'' she faked her innocence ''I saw a fly'' she Montone excused slamming the magazine down

''what is this? it seems you and i sister are on the same page, we both wish for the un-aliveing of the ones who birthed us '' Stewie was happy with this new development the two glaring at one another which fell into a look of sinister respect the two sending each other matching smirk coming to an unsaid agreement

''anyway..He's going to a stag party.'' lois Groused with her arms crossed obviously unhappy ''Now, Lois, I work hard all week to provide for this family. I am the man of the house. And as the man, I order you to give me permission to go to this party.'' he weakly demanded much to his daughter disgust

''This is why no one respects you'' nat told him before turning to her mother actually feeling a slimmer of pity for the woman who birthed her   ''seriously this is what you chose to marry it's not too late to run'' she advised her mother who tutted at her daughter's rudeness ''i also demand you too respect me nat'' he pointed to the glaring nat ''spell respect'' she spat back as retaliation and peter tried to even use his fingers earning an eye roll

''Look, at least promise me you won't drink. Alcohol always leads to trouble.'' lois asked and they all knew the bastard was gonna drink its basically his bloodline ''Come on, you're worried about nothing.'' he gas lit her placing a hand on her shoulder Lois didn't fall for it though ''Oh? Remember when you got drunk off the communion wine at church?'' she reminded him

(The cutaway gag reveals a priest giving a sermon at the church)

''And so, the Lord God smote poor Job with festering boils all over his body...'' the priest was telling the people as

God sitting in one of the pews facepalmed ''Aw, man, I hate it when he tells this story.'' he complained '' Yet, miraculously, Job was still able to maintain his dignity.'' the priest droned on while kneeling Peter was taking a drink of wine and coughed from the strong taste, not expecting the wine

''Whoa, is that really the blood of Christ?'' he dumbly questioned as the priest confirmed it ''Man, that guy must've been wasted 24 hours a day, eh?'' peter joked as at the entrance nat was testing her arm putting it in the church only for it to boil and blister ''huh,'' she smiled ''i know what i want to be for Halloween'' she grinned as thunderstruck

''And then there was that time at the ice cream store.'' Lois gave another example as nat was looking at her skin with a grimace remembering the cream she had to lather on her body after Halloween but it was definitely worth the heart attacks she gave the old peoples homes

(The cutaway gag reveals the Griffin's at the ice cream store)

''Aw, butter rum's my favourite.'' peter said before taking a lick of the ice cream only to immediately passes out on the table, splitting it in half as  a guy was bothering nat who turned sticking her ice cream on his forehead '' now your as mythical as the chances you believed you had with any woman'' she insulted him stealing another ice cream

(End of cutaway gag)

'' And remember you had an Irish coffee the day we went to see Philadelphia?'' brian this time piped up sitting next to nat who scratched behind his collar

( cutaway gag

the family was at the movie theatre sat next to one another all crying like the rest of the people even nat was crying except for  Peter he was staring at the movie screen blankly, then claps his hands earning a glare form everyone ''I got it. That's the guy from Big.'' he pointed out

''Tom Hanks'' nat groaned out wishing she'd never been born from his sperm as brian tried to snuggle up to her   '' That's it,'' peter pointed at her ''aw, funny guy. Tom Hanks! Everything he says is a stitch.'' peter claimed just as on-screen tom hanks announced  he had aids causing Peter to laughs very loudly pissing off the whole theatre

(End of cutaway gag)

''Promise me, Peter.'' lois demanded with narrowed eyes '' Lois, honey, I promise. Not a drop of alcohol is gonna touch these lips tonight.'' he lied which wasn't surprising ''and I'm gonna go find a suger daddy so i don't have to live here'' nat said leaving the room with a cup and as morning came just like everyone expected peter was hung overlaid on the table with plates of food on him,

apart from nat who refused to eat the food off of a man unless she was getting paid and it wasn't her father ''Meg, finish your pancakes. Chris, elbows off your father.''an annoyed Lois tells her children ''and for heaven, sakes stop stabbing him with a fork, nat'' Lois snatched the fork from her daughter as Chris lifts his elbows off of peter '' Thanks, son.'' peter thanked his son ''  37 beers. Well, you're setting a great example for the kids, Peter.'' Lois berated her lying husband who didn't seem to care well he didn't so...'' Yeah. A new family record. Way to raise the bar, Dad!'' Chris joined in

''Chris, you're 13, don't talk like that.'' lois scolded her son ''yeah you sound like a woman edging 40 who married a drunken idiot and is stuck with him because of the kids'' nat Smirked mocking their mother to the boy whose face was pulled in frightened shock ''mom! mom! Natasha is speaking to me and it wasn't an insult what do i do'' he loudly freaked out  as nat pulled a face of exasperated shock at her younger brother which looked more like a sneer

''nat, stop scaring your brother'' her nasal voice scolded her daughter who threw up her hands before narrowing her eyes into a glare ''oh you bitch'' she cursed just under her breath before turning to her baby brother

''we're getting you the gun back'' she swore ''yes, vengeance shall be mine'' he cheered ''i'll make sure your death is quick and painless as one's death can be at my uprising'' Stewie promised his sister who wasn't listening anymore ''Now, kids, Daddy only drank so the Statue of Liberty would take her clothes off.'' peter excused his actions with a worse truth disgusting his eldest daughter

''Peter, what did you promise me last night?'' lois questioned her idiotic husband ''I wouldn't drink at the stag party.'' he answered '' And what did you do?'' lois questioned again ''Drink at the stag pa... oh, ho, ho, ho, I almost walked right into that one. (puts his hands on his head) Oh, God! It feels like there are accountants cranking adding machines in my head.'' he cursed in pain

(The scene zooms inside Peter's head to show two accountants sitting in their desks)

''Dick, you ever wonder what's outside those walls?''paul questioned the person in front him also behind a desk typing away ''Say now, that's dangerous thinking, Paul. You best stick to your work.'' dick warned paul who didn't question it ''Okay.'' he agreed

(The scene zooms out of Peter's head)

'' You see, Peter? A hangover is nature's way of telling you I was right. I mean- '' Lois started to berate him again only to shout in surprise as she falls off the chair ''Mom, are you alright?'' meg was the only one worried enough to ask as nat let a short laugh ''ha,ha'' she went back to looking down at her phone shopping on a website called weapons of America as her mom stood back up holding a broken chair leg ''My goodness, this chair leg was loose. Isn't that silly? I could've broken my neck.'' lois pointed out despite the leg having saw marks

Stewie bitterly exclaimed '' Damn!''  which nat smirked at ''Look, honey, I took a cab home, I slept on the table so I wouldn't wake you up and nothing bad happened.'' peter tried to excuse the breaking of his promise ''Well, I guess you're right.'' Lois let up not surprising the family ''this family is a representation of what happens when pro-lifers convince you to keep the child '' nat insulted yet ignored

''Apology accepted. Alright, I'm going to work. Somebody's gotta put food on this table. '' the idiot passed out after his claims rolling off the table with the rest of the family's breakfast just missing a knife that stabbed into the wood of the table where peter had just been lying ''damn!'' nat bitterly spat crossing her arms before deciding to go get ready for the day

when night came to Griffin's house the family was sat at the dining room table listening to peter explain how he lost his job ''Oh my God! You got fired?!'' meg exclaimed in shocked horror ''Way to go, Dad! Fight the machine!'' Chris cheered not really understanding ''How do you know about the machine?'' Stewie suspiciously questioned his brother

''Now, don't worry, kids, your father's still gonna put food on this table, just... not as much, so it might get a little competitive.'' peter tried to make it better but meg wasn't having it getting up from her chair she loudly complains ''Who cares about food? Now we'll never be able to afford my lip injections!'' she sat back down putting her hands on her face wondering why life was so unfair

''Hey, uh, Peter? Can we put her out in the yard for a while?'' brian questions peter while noticing nats empty seat ''Look, I, I don't want your mom to worry, alright? When she worries, she says things like "I told you so" and "Stop doing that, I'm asleep," so I'm just gonna tell a little lie, okay? Now, not a word to your mom about me getting canned.oh and uh...no one tell nat'' peter requests just as said red-haired entered the room still in pjs not that brian minded staring at her legs and chest

''did you seriously stay in your PJs for the whole day'' meg questioned with a hint of disgust as the mom came in carrying dinner '' awe'' nat pouted her eyebrows furrowed into a fake look of pity as she put her phone away ''did you seriously not get those lip injections'' she questions smirking as she went back on her phone as meg covered her face in despair

as Lois starts putting food on everyone's plates nat greeted her favourite dog who shivered in the delight of the scratches behind the ear she knew his best spots ''What's that, Peter?'' Lois questioned only hearing the end of what he said ''Uh, uh, nothing! Uh, ooh, the lost-my-job smells great!'' peter nervously claimed with shifty eyes as nat watched him for a full second of confusion until it fell into realization

'' What?'' lois again questioned confused by what he said unsure to take it as a compliment '' Uh, nat, honey, can you pass the fired-my-ass-for-negligence?'' peter even more nervous, asks nat who smirked at him holding the salt ''sure would you like any oh-im-so-telling-her-that your-ass-got-fired'' nat questioned innocently which faded into sinister amusement as peter started sweating even more

''Peter, are you feeling okay?'' lois had ignored what her older daughter had said much to peters fortune but as he let out a nervously chuckle he watched nat stand up '' Heh-heh, I feel great! I haven't got a job in the world.'' he slipped as Lois took her seat ''Alright, then, let's eat. Now, I know you all hate eggplant, but-'' lois was cut off a laser beam shoots by her face leaving a scorch mark beside her ''What on Earth was that?'' she questions

Everyone stares at Stewie apart from nat ''What the deuce are you staring at? It's tuna fish and nothing else.'' he excused pushing a button, causing the firearm barrel sticking out of his sandwich to retreat.

in the back yard, next afternoon nat in a bikini top bent down to plant  poison berries being watched by drooling brian who spots peter the reason for the redhead planting such dangerous plants ''Hey, how's your job search going?'' he questioned him  ''Aw,'' peter looked downcast kicking a pebble away depressed by his lack of options '' it sucks, Brian. I've already been through two jobs this week. I got fired off of that commercial.'' peter complained but brian was barely listening watching nat pull her hair down from behind tied up

(The cutaway gag reveals Peter auditioning to be Sonny, the Cocoa Puffs mascot)

'' Try it again.'' the director off-screen demanded to peter dressed as sonny '' I'm caca for Cuckoo Puffs.'' peter incorrectly confidently said the lines further frustrating the director ''No, damn it! Take 26!'' the director shouted aggravated with how many times he got it wrong,

suddenly a stage light fell ''that could have killed me'' peter gasped looking at the shattered light meanwhile above kola-ring on the stage light pole was nat dressed in all black her hair pulled into a beanie with a black stripe across her check and screwdriver in her mouth ''damn it!'' she hissed

(End of cutaway gag)

''And then I had that job as a sneeze guard for that salad bar at that restaurant.'' peter told a still distracted brian ''uh uhu'' the dog pretended he was listening but was really just watching as nat was setting up traps smiling when the went how she wanted them to

(The cutaway gag shows a restaurant

in front of the salad bar an older woman was about to sneeze only to be forced to a stop once peter pulls out a gun and points it directly at her face ''Take it outside, lady.'' he tells her as a red spot appeared on his chest

''ooh a beer'' he got distracted moving to grab the already open can of beer the shot meant for him but just outside the building was a squirrel  crying ready to jump in front of a car ''that bitch Karen..she took everything from me.....'' he closed his eyes ready to fall only he stopped himself taking a shaky breath ''what am i doing i can't do this I have kids'' he changed his mind only to be shot

(End of cutaway gag)

'' Yeah, then I thought I could win some money in that talent show.'' peter droned on as brian now sat next to nat talking but she wasn't listening as she had earphones in ''so while I'm saying zoo's are a scheme done by the wealthy to pretend there, good people i just don't trust meerkats..its not..its nothing..you know..racist its just....'' his voice was drowned out by the words coming from nats earphones as she wore a blissful smile ''you are a strong woman you don't need a man, you can open that pickle jar all on your own and remember eve wasn't at fault and neither are you'' the sudden serenity voice changed to a normal woman's voice

''..i mean why is it called an Adam's apple we all know he took it and probably blamed eve like come on,..'' the woman's voice was cut off ''jan what are you doing'' a man asked through the earphones ''what Jered ?! what!?'' the female voice snapped at him ''did you give my uncle a reach around at my grandmothers funeral'' the man accused the female voice there was silence ''oh my god'' the male voice yelled in disgusted meanwhile...

(The cutaway gag is shown at the talent show where an announcer is seen giving out the results)

''And the grand prize goes to the Von Trapp Family singers!'' the announcer announced as peter holding a tuba complained ''Oh, that is bull-'' he was  interrupted by the audience applauding throwing down his tuba as a rattlesnake emerged not that peter knew, the snake slithering to nat who glared at the creature '' really!'' she scolded it and it bowed it head its tail shaking

(End of cutaway gag)

''huh uh oh...yeah Peter, I, I know it's a dangerous precedent, but you might want to just tell Lois the truth.'' brain quickly pretend that he had been listening ''oh please the day he tells mom the truth is the day, white people realize cornrows are not for them'' nat scoffed knowing that the idiotic man definitely wasn't gonna tell her the truth ''how come you haven't told your mother yet?'' brian questioned her knowing that any chance to put peter in the bad light shes there

''im hoping the longer he leaves it the madder she gets and finally kicks his ass to the curb so she can marry a rich stepdad so i can guilt-trip him into buying me stuff '' nat eyes sparked with her plan imagining all the shiny knives she could get ''ok-ay is anyone normal in this family'' brian questioned wearily yet his tail still wagged liking how her eyes had sparkled ''says the talking dog'' she sneered back crossing her arms pushing her chest up more '' and say What, that I can't provide for my family? That she's always right? That I didn't really stand up to that tank in Tiananmen Square?'' peter questioned back letting them know that wasn't an option

(The cutaway gag is shown at the Tiananmen Square)

as the government tanks are rolling down the street and Peter is seen standing next to a lone Chinese man pushing his hand forward in a signal to stop the tanks'' Aw, screw this! I just came over to buy some fireworks! '' peter panicked running off

(End of cutaway gag)

''please you can barely stand up to me never mind a tank'' nat scoffed as they all knew he had lied about the story of the tank'' Peter, you can't keep lying to her about losing your job. Sooner or later, she's gonna find out where you're really going every day'' brian made a good point as  Peter came to the realization ''Oh, yeah.'' he agreed

(The cutaway gag)

Peter was hiding near the door with a lamp on his head while Lois is was sitting on the couch, watching TV just as nat was crouched next to a light switch messing with it and with a flick peter was electrocuted

(End of cutaway gag)

nat smirked remembering the smell of cooking pig sometimes she has so much fun '' Yeah, you're right. Okay, I'll tell her tonight.'' peter let up turning only to trip laid on the ground looking dead a snake emerging from his pants leg looking proud ''it took you two weeks don't be proud of that,i feel bad for your wife'' nat put the snake down as it bowed its head slithering away only to catch what must of be its wife cuddled up to a different snake there tails shaking together entwined

(it was now midnight and in the Griffen household all the lights were out but then a door opened with a light showing  Stewie with a flashlight, he jumps forward and pulls out a grappling hook as he aims it at the ceiling, as he is pulled up, he spots his mind control device in the cabinet and grabs it he triumphantly cheers

'' Victory is mine! '' alerting the redheads but it was nat who found him first ''oh my god your an idiot'' she insulted him with an amused smile that grew as Stewie suddenly fell to the floor as the rope on the grappling hook snaped  ''blast it'' he fished his hand  punching the floor beside him

''hey mom.....hey reason I'm not a pro-lifer'' nat greeted her mom and peter who had walked into the kitchen '' hey honey, Peter, I'll need the chequebook in the morning. I'm going to Stop 'N Shop for some sweet corn.'' Lois greeted her daughter not even questioning why she was up so late instead turning her attention back to her husband

''Wha, you're spending money on food again? Geez, Lois, we just had dinner.'' peter complained trying to get her to spend less which nat smiled at knowing it was getting closer and closer to him accidentally or actually coming out with the truth she couldn't wait for her mom's reaction

''Well, you know, I enjoyed it so much, I thought we'd eat again tomorrow. '' lois sarcastically answered him before getting suspicious  ''Since when are you so concerned about our food budget?'' she questioned him ''yeah peter why'' nat piped up crossing her arms in a fauz confused look the shifted into a smirk watching how peter stuttered and stumbled looking everywhere but them in the eyes

'' Well, I just, uh... Lois, this is really hard for me to say, but..'' he eyes stoped on nat for a few seconds ''nats pregnant and its the dogs'' he lied as nats jaw dropped before slamming closed as she grits her teeth at him ''what?!'' lois turned to her daughter if though believing her husband's ridiculous lie

''wha..ma, no I hate kids there like drunk white woman'' nat spat disgustedly ''apart from me '' Stewie piped up holding his arm up in view ''apart from Stewie..well...unless its a Friday '' she agreed with a half shrug

(The cutaway gag)

''here we go Stephine'' jake walked into the bedroom holding an intoxicated woman being held like a baby sucking on a wine bottle ''no, enough drinking'' jake took the bottle from her only for her to pout and then start crying loudly ''oh not this again'' jake rolled his eyes ''here look keys'' he rattled the keys in front of her ''i want chicken nuggets'' Stephine whined before throwing up and weeing on the floor just as another woman walked in gasping ''jake! what is this'' she questioned jake who jumped through the window ''your problem now'' he ran away laughing

(end of gag)

''the truth peter'' lois turned to her husband knowing her daughter was telling the truth '' I, uh, you're getting kind of fat.'' peter lied in defeat as nat let an ohhh sound holding back laughter knowing he didn't just say that '' What?'' Lois questioned him giving him a chance to change what he said or say nothing at all but peter the idiot decided he needed a shovel to dig himself a bigger hole '' I-It's just, it's not healthy. '' he laughs nervously

''peter, I do my Jane Fonda workout tape three times a week. When was the last time you saw your toes? ''louis snapped nat snorting into her cup amused with the shirty drama going down ''Gee, man, I thought you people were supposed to be jolly.'' peter muttered as Lois grew concerned '' Peter, what the hell is the matter with you? Honey, you know, if there's something wrong you can tell me.'' she reassures him just as Peter's Angel appears ''Hey, uh, sorry, man. Am I late? What did I miss?'' he asks peter

'' Ah, thank God you're here. What do I do?'' peter ignored his angel's questions asking one of his own relieved to have some help but then a devil appears on peters angel's right shoulder '' Tell him to keep quiet! He's in too deep!'' the devil told peters angel who struggled with coming to a decision

''Oh, I don't know. '' he looks at his left shoulder noticing the lack of an angel  'Hey, where's the other guy?'' but he was shot by a dart which missed peter who had moved ''damn it'' nat cursed throwing down the bamboo shoot storming out already knowing the idiotic man was gonna lie

next day peter had told the children he had a surprise so here they were stood outside the front of the house watching as their father raced up to them nat grimacing at the sight '' Guys, our money problems are over! We're officially on welfare. Come on, kids, help me scatter car parts on the front lawn.'' he excitably claimed ''just when i think you could get even dumber you go and prove me and scientists everywhere wrong with every shitty decision'' nat groans tiredly of the idiotic bastard she had to call father

'' Uh, how much are we getting?'' brain asks him the family to use to nats insults, peter took a closer look at the check-in his hands '' Uh, let's see. $150 a week.'' he says but nat didn't believe him knowing what a dumbass he was so she snatched it out of his hands only to roll her eyes passing the piece of paper to meg while nat crossed her arms ''the biggest mystery in the world isn't space  its how you were ever allowed to reproduce'' her insult made sense when meg shows the check '' that's a comma, not a decimal.'' she explains verbally as if they didn't have eyes and seen it