Chapter Text
" I would like to reinstate i still think this is a terrible idea" windu glared at the camera that set on him "doesn't matter your option does,fun this will be" yoda spoke wearing a Hawaiian shirt lowered sunglasses and holding a coconut in one had the other steering the child's toy car he was in leaving skid marks "rethink this through master yoda..." windu chased after the laughing creature as the camera crew decided interview may be more suited hunting down the negotiator
"Well, I'm obi wan Kenobi a jedi master and past master to..." obi-wan was cut off by a shirtless Anakin walking out from the back holding his shirt that had a huge spill on "obi,yoda spilt his special coconut juice on my..oh" he spotted the camera that zoomed in on his Abs "hi" he greeted the cameras unshamed in his half-naked body "Anakin! please! Put some clothes on" Kenobi scolded his once padawan the camera Continuing to zoom in on the younger man
"So I just introduce my self to this?" Anakin questioned now being interviewed "yeah" a voice behind the camera told him "well I'm anakin skywalker the chosen one I guess...uhh oh I also am master to this sassy little...well her names ashoka I call her snipes she can be a real pain in the ass but shes a really good padwan...don't tell her I said that" he warned them pointing a finger at them
"Ha,he said that what a wuss" ashoka laughed "but yeah I'm pretty cool " she smugly and confidently puffed her chest out "also if anyone mentions that fire in the west wing just know that it was fives definitely fives" she suspiciously looked to the left then right
The camera zoomed on a rubbish bin on fire being ignored and rex even throw the cup away in it a tea towel catching its flames the fire getting higher and higher "holy.." fives stopped gasping at the sight "smores" he squealed rushing off leaving the fire to get bigger and bigger
"Whats that?" Cal the padawan to malice questioned Ashoka "sky guys arm, he never told me he had a robot hand" she shook the arm around with a beaming smile
"i wanted to see what it looks like up close so I borrowed it" she said cal deadpanning "what do you mean borrowed?" He questioned just as Anakin's voice could be heard shouting Ashoka sneaking off meanwhile a stressed-out Anakin was trashing his room
"Anakin how do you lose an arm" a frustrated obi wan helped Anakin look for his missing arm checking a box moving the spare head of 3po out the way "I don't know" shouted Anakin hand and stub on head
"Hey Kenny,is this yours I found it outside" malice a Mandalorian/jedi popped in holding his hand sending him a hybrid of smirk and smile "yeah..yes..yep" Anakin stumbled trying to get to his feet quickly only to trip falling into the couch then on the table but he was quick to stand on his feet brushing off any dirt pretending it didn't happen
"yep that's..that's my arm.." he waved his sleeve at her cursing himself for being so embarrassing but she just giggled "here ya go" she passed him the arm turning to walk out "she touched my arm" Anakin sighed blissful to be close to his crush obi wan deadpan into the camera as Anakin gushed over his arm
"How's the most beautiful person in the world doing? " anakin flirted to malice trying to lean against the door only for it to open "im doing wonderful thank you for asking" obi wan answered stepping over his body to walk to yoda as malice helped the chosen one up laughing as she did finding it cute as the camera was quick to follow obi wan
"master yoda why does it say here you brought one thousand file holders?" Obi wan questioned the creature who was blissfully floating in the air sat in a blow up doughnut and a blue flowered Hawaiian shirt with cargo shorts "file my blackmail i do Herh herh herh " he answered with a giggle the area going silent turning to the green master " black mail?" Obi wan questioned Yoda just making a noise to confirm with a cheeky smile and glint in his eye " well i don't know how thin these guys files will be but I've got nothing to hide im an open book" Anakin boasted arms open inviting yet yoda stared him down malice looking to the camera with worry knowing her master
Interview
"I lied" a panicked anakin cracked hair sticking up "I ran over a turtle once.it looked like a rock okay?! Its just..it didn't sound like one" he rushed out looking out the window catching yodas eyes yet he played pretend at being confident only to shut the blinds turning back to panic " oh force,snips loves turtles if she finds out she'll nickname me turtle killer i don't want that to be my nickname" he cried " I want a cool nickname like blade or malice's future husband not turtle killer" he stressed
"Did you hear yodas collecting blackmail on everyone said hes keeping it for a special occasion" a clone gossiped being overheard by fives who froze dropping the marshmallows "oh no" he whispered rushing off while boil simply just stood up grabbing the computer screen and calmly...smashing it on the ground taking back his seat and just using the mouse

a little under half an hour Walking past the window master Plo Koon stopped at the window watching fives burn a bunch of stuff in a bin "so it begins" he whispers nodding to himself taking a few steps calmly before running away throwing Pong Krell out of the way

Meanwhile in the main temple Chaos ensued everyone rushing around to make sure Yoda wouldn't find blackmail on them

while the said creature of chaos relaxed in floaty pool malice sat on the edge letting her feet dip in sighing both relaxed
"what the..." windu looked around at the mess "master Saesee Tiin i demand to know what you are doing" the said master was using his light sader to shed papers only to freeze and turn to windu "you see im.." he jumped out the window

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Yoda slid up to anakin "secrets you have not hmmm?" The creature questioned anakin smirked down at him hands behind his head and legs crossed on the table "sorry master yoda like I said you might as well call me the dictionary cause im open to everyone" he proudly claimed "then checked you should be" yoda chuckled hobbled off to get another coconut as anakin realised he made it sound like he was a whore "wait no come back so I can say it properly" he demanded chasing after the creature who just laughed
"Okay men look im gonna be Frank" rex tried to calm his men down after stopping them from trying to destroy all their belongings "cool can I still be jesse?" Jesse asked hand raised rex facepalming looking to the camera tired already wondering how the others were handling this
"Wow they're really loosing it huh?" wolffe stated with crossed arms watching through the window in the higher tower
only looking to his side when no reply came yet no one was there "Sinker?" He called out A noise made he turn around looking sinker in the eyes as the said man Froze the case in his hand held up in the air ready to be thrown "really? You too" wolffe shook his head as Sinker looked down
it was all to much someone had to do something "Master yoda i plead with you to stop this so far 20 clones are missing and the rest are striping their bunkers, the computers have been destroyed and master Saesee Tiin threw himself out a window,master windu had been injured by fruit some jedi knight paid the younglings to throw at him as a distraction and im pretty sure anakin's going to have a heart attack" kenobi listened off the main concerns as anakin gasped for air hands on his knees
"im a..im...open book" he gasped falling down "oh here i go" and down he went

yoda taking a slup of his staw in coconut smiling writing something down using the force instead of his hand ''what are you writing'' obi wan started to get paranoid by the constant way yoda look at him hmm in thought write it down then look at him again ''are you...are you writing down stuff to blackmail me with?'' obi questioned coiling back losing his composure the camera picking up what Yoda had been writing which was just 'beard' ''paranoid you are, rest you shall hmm '' yoda assured him poorly
malice opened her dorm door only to see five being revealed ''shall I compare thee to a summers day'' he complimented seeming to flirt with her holding a rose out for her to take ''no'' she bite the rose spitting it out to turn on her foot but was greeted by rex and the rest of legion ''you want help to find the blackmail files that master yoda has stored away'' she drawled getting it right as they nodded pleading her with puppy dog eyes ''fine'' she relented and they cheered ''yes'' so did the ceiling it sounded like ''Anakin are you in the vents?'' she questioned looking up at the ceiling that was silent for a few seconds ''no'' anakin replied, shaking her head the group left as they did the ceiling collapsed anakins falling boby hitting the floor face first
''so what is the plan'' obi wan questioned as the group stood crowed around malice whose lap laid the body of anakin his head wrapped in a graze ''pretty fairy '' he drunken slurred of amazement was ignored ''well master yoda has a weakness which should be fairly obvious'' she started ''oh oh i know...marbles '' fives raised his hand before showing off the marbles with childlike content while everyone stared deadpan to the man rex face palming cody shaking his head ''look fives keys'' captain fordo,malice's captain threw the keys away fives excitably chasing after them
''Okay so as you know Yoda is obsessed with coconuts says they give him visions well what you don't know is that he turned one of the meditation rooms into a coconut farm and under the grounds of it lays the files you want but like i said yoda is obsessed with these coconuts so there extremely well guard...'' malice was cut off by fives coming over the comms ''hey guys i just found a bunch of coconuts master Yoda would love it here ohh a hatch..'' there was a silence as everyone took in fives words
''what are we waiting for'' kenobi stressed everyone ran off including malice anakins head bouncing off the floor 'owww'' he moaned ''oh force,sorry kinny''' malice rushed back ''pretty fairy let me be your flower...marry me''' he drooled passing out on her chest the camera picking up her flustered cheeks and shocked expression that melted into a soft smile
everything was calm suspiciously calm windu noted with squinted eyes watching as everyone seemed to be acting like they didn't nearly destroy the building to hide any black mail ''to coconuts'' rex and cody cheered with their crew kenobi shaking his head with an amused smile watching his once padawan and jedi knight try to fight his reflection for looking at malice who stood beside Yoda who sat in a hot pink inflated chair with matching Hawaiian shirt
''the files they found hmm?'' yoda stated nodding as he took a spring roll from an unknowing clone ''real are they?'' he questioned his once padawan ''oh force no i just gave them the fakes do you know how hard it was to collect all that black mail'' she scoffed shaking her head with crossed arms neither taking notice of the camera hidden behind a plant listening in ''favourite you are'' the two fist bumped