Chapter Text
"Frye! Put on your fucking shoes!" Shiver yelled, tossing the shoes across the bathroom to her. There wasn't a large distance between the two of them, so the shoes ended up hitting Frye directly in the stomach.
"You can’t make me!" She responded by kicking them away.
"Come on! Even Big Man is wearing shoes!"
"Ay! (But they're really hard to put on!)"
"He isn’t even wearing a shirt!"
Shiver groaned and rolled her eyes, but turned back towards the mirror. She picked up an eyeliner pencil and leaned over the bathroom counter to apply it.
All of them sat in the small bathroom in the Anarchy Residence. Shiver was standing in front of the mirror, working on her makeup, while Frye sat on the floor, against the door, adjusting her sari. Big Man was sitting in the bathtub, trying to put dress shoes on his pelvic fins.
"Why does boss even want us to be so fancy? Ugh, it’s cramping our style." Frye said as she adjusted the fabric of her sari so it fit across her shoulder. "I mean, it's nice to finally wear this. But also, why so fancy?"
"I think it has something to do with the new music collab." Shiver brushed off their kimono, adjusting the obi so it was comfortable.
"Ay? (You were listening to Marie?)
"No." Big Man sighed at Shiver’s response. "All I remember is that she wants us to be fancy. Or ‘look presentable’ as she put it."
"How are we not presentable normally?" Frye asked.
"Well, some of us don't wear shoes."
"Ay! (I DON'T EVEN HAVE FEET!)"
"Ugh! I wasn't talking about you, Big Man."
"Listen. If I started wearing shoes, you'd start complaining about how tall I am. Again."
"Shut up."
Frye merely raised her arms in defeat.
Standing up, she made one final adjustment to the shawl of her sari, then made her way out of the bathroom. She grabbed her clutch from the coffee table, and began sorting through everything she intended to bring. It was slightly heavier than expected, but she just shrugged it off.
Shiver was next out of the bathroom, going to gather her things and carefully sorting them into the pockets made by the folds of her kimono.
"You got everything?" Frye asked. Shiver nodded, giving the whole thing one final adjustment to make sure it looked right. Her kimono’s base was a brilliant blue, with the bottom section flowing out into an ocean scene, complete with sharks poking out of the waves.
She'd also changed the faded red on her fingertips to a much brighter shade, as if they'd been dipped in blood.
It contrasted nicely with the outfit Frye had chosen.
The bodice of her sari was a bright yellow, and her shawl was a sheer orange that glittered under the light. Her shawl was draped over one of her shoulders, fell across her body, and came down to about the length of her skirt.
Frye wore the skirt at her lower waist, baring her midriff. The trim of her skirt was a bright gold, with indigo patterns lining it. Altogether, it created a simple but elegant outfit for the event.
Her clutch matched, being a pale yellow with jewels encrusting nearly every inch of it.
"You look nice, Stir-Frye," Shiver said.
"You’re not too bad yourself," Frye replied.
A quiet, distant thump cut them off.
"Ay? (Why isn’t this working?)" Big Man muttered from the bathroom. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears.
Shiver and Frye quickly dropped what they were doing and whipped back around, racing back to the bathroom. Frye didn't even bother with the door knob, kicking the door open instead.
Inside, Big Man was trembling in the bathtub, his gaze locked on his fins. In one hand, he held a knotted tie, and he desperately attempted to undo it with the other.
His sniffles and quiet whines echoed off the ceramic edges of the bathtub, filling the silence of the bathroom.
"Ay… (Stupid fins…)" He threw the balled up tie out of the bathtub and completely covered his face with his fins. "A-ay… (I-I’ll never get this right…)
"HEY!" Shiver and Frye both yelled. In an instant, they tumbled over each other, rushing to Big Man's side.
Frye picked up his discarded tie and launched herself into the bathtub, landing across from Big Man. Shiver slid to the side and reached over the bathtub to envelop Big Man in a strangling hug.
"Don’t talk about yourself like that!" Shiver practically yelled. Frye worked furiously on untangling the tie while Shiver squeezed him tightly. When she had finished untangling the tie, Frye began to tie it around Big Man’s "neck" for him.
"Yeah! Your fins aren’t stupid! They’re fresh as fuck!" Frye said. She finished tying the tie with a little flourish. "And don't you forget it!"
"Ay? (Really?)" He asked, his words distorted by his sniffles.
"Absolutely." Shiver responded, releasing Big Man from their nigh-death-grip hug. Big Man wiped a tear away with his fin and nodded.
"Ay... (Thank you both…)"
"Anytime, Big Man," Frye responded, hopping out of the bathtub.
She held out her hand to help Big Man out as well. He gladly placed his fin in her hand and pushed himself up off the side of the tub, letting Frye stabilize him on his way out.
When he finally got out, he took the chance to look at himself in the mirror, with Shiver and Frye beside him.
"Are we all ready?" Frye asked.
"Shell yeah!"
"AY! (Let’s GO!)"
All three of them struck their signature poses in the mirror, seeing how they looked in their formal clothes.
They didn’t know what it did for them. Maybe it was seeing all of them in formal clothing for the first time since high school or the fact that all Big Man was wearing was his headpiece, a tie, and dress shoes that were clearly too big for him. Perhaps the argument about Frye’s shoes earlier.
It started as a small chuckle bubbling out of Frye but quickly passed along to the others. Before long, all three of them were filling the room with laughter. Big Man nearly flopped over, only being stopped by the door frame behind him. This only served to make Shiver and Frye laugh harder, with Frye leaning against the bathroom counter for support and Shiver leaning against the wall.
Moments passed before any of them could stand up straight. Usually, as soon as they looked at Big Man’s entire outfit, they’d all crack up again.
Eventually, all of them finally settled down, giving everything one final check. Big Man grabbed the car keys, and all of them headed out the door and to the car.
Shiver and Frye climbed into the back seats, while Big Man took up the entire front part of the car.
"Ay! (Buckle up!)"
All of them latched their seatbelts, then Big Man pulled the car out of the Anarchy Residence and headed onto the road.
The familiar landscape of Splatsville slowly faded out of view as they started driving. Sometimes they’d fill the silence with conversations, dumb debates, and new ideas. Other times, Big Man would just put on a playlist, and all of them would sing along.
It wasn’t often that the car was completely silent, but throughout the car ride, they found themselves in that position, watching the sun dip below the horizon as they crossed Hammerhead Bridge.
"You'd think they'd invite us to a place that's a little closer," Shiver idly remarked. Then the silence returned as they drove off the bridge.
Several more pings from the GPS later, and they had arrived at the outskirts of Inkopolis.
There were a lot more screens in the new city than there were in Splatsville, advertising all kinds of products. Food, shoes, TV shows—pretty much anything you could think of and some things that you couldn't.
Even on the outskirts of the city, advertisements lined practically everything.
It was so different. You could look around and see the same store twice, maybe even three times. That would never happen in Splatsville.
And the people here all seemed so busy, milling about as if the world depended on it. Not a person in sight was sitting down. In fact, there seemed to be nowhere to sit down, with much of the concrete littered with metal spikes.
The picture it illustrated was uncomfortable overall. All of the screens drowned out most of the natural lighting from the sunset, making its brilliant colors seem drab and dull.
And the art! There wasn’t nearly enough art in the city. Splatsville was covered left to right in graffiti, and no one cared. Here it was all freshly painted gray, only leaving remnants of spray paint behind.
By the time they even neared the venue, the sky was completely dark, with the only lights coming from the city itself. Big Man drove through the city streets easily, searching for the building where the event was being held.
Warm lighting spilled out of a large building, much taller and brighter than many others. The front wall was nearly entirely windows, where they could see some of the extravagant interior.
"Ay! (I think we're here!)" Big Man drove up and down the street, seemingly looking for something. The street only went straight, and nothing interesting or notable really showed up. "Ay? (Where are all the parking spaces?)
"Maybe we should go and ask?" Shiver replied. "Surely the people at the party know."
"Ay! (And risk the car being stolen?)"
"You can stay in the car then. Frye and I will go ask." Big Man shrugged, unlocking their doors. Both of them gathered up their things and headed out of the car and towards the building.
The closer they got, the more lavish it seemed to become. They could see crystal chandeliers and silk curtains. People milled around inside, filling the building with chatter.
Outside, though, it was surrounded by high security. Several guards stood in front of the front doors, checking every person who came in and out of the party. All of them were dressed in suits, sunglasses, and similar grimaces across their faces.
Shiver and Frye slowly approached them, invitations in hand. The security guards stared at them as they approached, unmoving. Just standing with their arms crossed. They only tilted their heads when Shiver and Frye were within range.
They quickly handed over their invitations. The guards took the envelopes, carefully opening them to inspect the contents. It was hard to read their expressions, as they were almost completely backlit by the party lights.
"ID?" a tall pufferfish guard asked.
"I’m sorry?" Shiver responded.
"I need your identification, so I can verify your names on the ticket."
Frye felt like her incoming question was stupid, so she tried her best to make it sound proper.
"What exactly constitutes an ID?"
The security guard let out a heavy sigh but continued nonetheless.
"Anything issued by the state. Passports or any license, for example." Shiver, in turn, took a breath of her own.
"What if, per se, we happened to be from an anarchist territory?" The guard rubbed their temple with their hand.
"Then," they said, sighing heavily. "I’d tell you to hop over to the embassy of your choosing and get them to find your file. Until then, no entry."
"Is there a Splatlandian embassy?" Frye whispered to Shiver. "Is that, like, a thing?"
"If there is, it certainly isn't state-sanctioned." Shiver cleared her throat, and looked back at the security guard. "Listen. We just want to know where to park."
"I can't show you where our guests park. That is a direct breach of security policy."
Shiver threw up her arms and turned back, not quite accepting defeat but moving to the side so others could get through. Frye followed suit, standing by their side, arms crossed.
"You wouldn't have happened to have any form of ID on you, would you?" Shiver whispered to Frye. With a shrug, Frye pulled out her clutch and shuffled around the countless random things inside before her fingers landed on a smooth piece of plastic.
Triumphant, she pulled it out and examined the plastic card. Shiver peeked over her shoulder to look over it as well.
"Who the shell is Moira Eel? And why do you have her ID?" Shiver asked. Frye flipped the card over, looking over the different bits of text beside a faded photo.
"Oh, this is my fake ID from ninth grade."
Shiver furrowed her brow.
"Why did you need a fake ID in ninth grade?"
"So remember that time I, kind of, tagged the entire school?" She held up the fake ID between her fingers. "Needed this to buy the spray paint."
"Oh shit, that was you?"
"The one and only!" She winked and then tossed the ID back in her bag. "Well, sadly, Moira Eel isn't gonna cut it. Especially when our names are on the invite."
Frye leaned her head into the palm of her hand, frowning as she thought of a new solution.
"Aha!" She snapped her fingers. "Big Man has his driver's license! He should be able to get in and vouch for us!"
"And what if they let him in but not us?"
"I don't know. Arson?" Shiver just breathed in heavily, pressing her folded-up fan against her forehead.
"I don’t think that’s a good idea." Shiver snapped her fan out and turned her head around, looking out towards the people surrounding them. Then, she quietly leaned over, closing the gap between her and Frye. She spoke in a hushed whisper. "But don't take it off the table quite yet."
As they whispered, another security guard came from inside, much shorter than their pufferfish counterpart. They went up to them and started talking. Their voices were hushed, barely understandable from where Shiver and Frye were standing.
The guard that came from inside was more recognizable, to say the least. Their head was turned away, so they could only see the back of their tentacles. But the way they carried themself seemed almost familiar. Along with that, they were wearing a small backpack.
What caught them off guard, however, was that the backpack moved. Writhing around as if something inside it was living.
"The Squid Sisters are vouching for them?" The pufferfish guard pointed directly at Shiver and Frye. "The ones who don't even have IDs."
The guard wearing the backpack only shrugged, remaining silent for the rest of the time as the pufferfish groaned.
Meanwhile, the guard’s backpack had momentarily stopped squirming, only for the top to pop off, revealing a small salmonid inside.
It was Agent 3 who was vouching for them.
Turning from the other guard, Agent 3 winked at them, then quickly turned back and continued talking to the guard. The other guard grumbled, but eventually called them back up. They spoke with a tired sigh.
"The other guard here informed me that you two were in fact requested by name by the Squid Sisters. And they also informed me of the current state, or lack thereof, of the Splatlandian government. Please accept our humble apology."
"Ah, no skin off my fin." Frye said to the guard. "Now we just need to see if Big Man found a parking space yet."
"Oh, you won't find any around here. The city is far too crowded. We offer valet parking for all invited guests." The guard said.
Frye furrowed her brow while Shiver scratched the side of her head.
"Valet?" Shiver asked.
"We’ll take the keys to your car and park it for you."
Frye narrowed her eyes at the guard and placed her hands on her hips. "Now, I'm not an expert here, officer, but that kind of sounds like stealing."
Shiver unfolded her fan, holding it up by her face again.
"Are you trying to steal our car?" Shiver said, mocking shock.
"What? No, I’m not trying to steal your guys’ car. That's a crime."
"That sounds like an excuse, young man!" Frye retorted. The guard groaned again, while Agent 3 attempted to talk them through it.
"Listen, it's like when a—"
"Ay? (Are you guys okay in there?)" Big Man called. Frye and Shiver promptly raced down to the curb, where Big Man pulled up the car. "Ay? (Do we know where to park yet?)"
"No, because someone—" Frye glanced back to Agent 3. "—is trying to steal our car."
"Ay? (Steal it?)"
Agent 3 rushed towards them. The top of the backpack popped open, and Little Buddy began running alongside them.
"No, no, no! We're offering to park your car for you. You just need to give us your keys."
"Ay… (That does sound like you're going to steal my car…)"
"That’s what I said!" Shiver and Frye said in unison. Big Man tightened his grip on the wheel, staring down Agent 3.
"Ay! (No one is going to steal my car from me!)" Agent 3 pressed their hands together in a prayer. Little Buddy began garbling alongside them, hopping from side to side.
"Please, just give me the keys to your car."
"Why? That'd be like, consensual stealing!"
"I don't think that's how it works, Frye." Shiver responded.
"It isn't!" Agent 3 yelled out
"Well, no one is stealing my car without my consent!" Frye bit back.
Agent 3 started lightly hitting their head against the side of the car. Little Buddy contributed by climbing up their shoulders, bobbing up and down.
"I just want to park your car." It was hard to hear them over the rhythmic thumping of their head against metal.
Big Man scratched his chin with his fin, looking out into the nighttime distance.
"Ay! (I have a solution!)" He waved out his fins, and everyone went silent. Reaching all the way out the window, he tapped Agent 3 on their shoulder. "Ay! Ay! (Park my car with me in it!)"
Agent 3 stopped hitting their head against the car, instead turning to face out. Frye couldn't tell whether their expression was disappointed, confused, or just exhausted.
"That—that just defeats the point of valet parking."
"Ay! (Park my car with me, Three!)"
They started rubbing their temples, but finally threw up their hands in defeat.
"Y’know what? Fine! Big Man, get in the back seat! Let's go park your car."
Big Man happily unbuckled his seatbelt and tossed his keys to Agent 3 through the window. He shuffled into the backseat, lightly clapping his fins, while Agent 3 climbed into the driver's seat. Little Buddy gladly hopped beside him, landing in the passenger seat.
"Ay! (Girl's night!)" Agent 3 sighed as they started the car and drove around the building and out of sight. Shiver and Frye shrugged and headed back to the pufferfish guard, who begrudgingly verified their tickets and let them inside.