Archive of Our Own ^beta

Trauma had a funny way of clinging to you, plaguing every little thing you did no matter how much you think you’ve ‘healed’ from the experience.

No matter how tough you may be or how brave you pretend you are, no one is ever truly free from the claws that a traumatic experience sunk into your back when your guard was down. For Atsushi Nakajima, this comes as no surprise.

His entire life from the very first thing he can ever remember until current times, he had been fighting an ongoing battle. Against both himself and everything that’s happened to him, really. He had struggled and fought for survival every waking moment inside the orphanage and it was only until he got out that the real trauma had hit. 

Whether it was something simple, like a raised voice freezing him in place or a sudden jarring move from one of his colleagues, the fears of his past would still run rampant.

While it wasn’t necessarily a secret, Atsushi had absolutely no desire to let any of them know the full truth of what had gone on in the orphanage. The men and women of the armed detective agency were smart and even without Atsushi’s obvious tells, and the few times he had spilled vague truths, he knew they were aware of how he had been treated as a general thing. That much could never be hidden from the piercing eyes of a detective. 

Especially Ranpo. That man knew everything, sometimes even before you did. 

But what they would never know, and Atsushi hoped to keep it that way, was the exact details.  

They would never know how the sight of a hammer sent phantom shocks of pain through his hands and feet. How the smallest glimpse of said tool in Yosano’s office set his heart pounding in anticipation for the day it was used on him. That a mistake on a case, no matter how big or how small, made him withdraw while he awaited punishment, only to later leave the office feeling numb when nothing happened to him. They wouldn't know how even something as silly as a pair of scissors made him tear up, years of being held down by the other kids so they could chop his hair making him fear the small office supply.

It also meant they couldn't possibly know the reaction he would hold this afternoon, when a simple act of kindness would send him spiraling into a bout of panic he had never felt before. 

Just the same as any other day, Atsushi had gotten up at his usual Five a.m., a habit he had picked up from the orphanage schedules, and went about getting ready for the day. He slipped out of the closet with practiced ease, skirting around a still sleeping Kyouka as quietly as he could. Went through the motions of getting dressed, eating the breakfast he had made the night before and cleaning up behind him as he went. He made sure to leave a portion of breakfast and a note to Kyouka wishing her a good morning, despite them working in the same office. Now that the girl had officially gained her freedom, she opted to sleep in more often than not, meaning they left at different times. Atsushi was the opposite. From his own years of routine where he was forced awake at 5 to start chores, the need to follow it had stuck with him. He was unable to shake the need to get up and get to work that was ingrained so deeply in his head. 

From then on, it was just a quiet walk through the city down to the Agency, a rare moment of peace in his otherwise hectic day. He savored the short journey, breathing in the cool morning air just before the sun rose and heated up the streets. It was serene in a way. Comforting. A small reminder that he was out . Atsushi could go anywhere and do anything he wanted to. 

Stepping into the agency and calling out a greeting may have been silly, considering just how empty it was, but Atsushi paid it no mind. Some days Atsushi would step inside and Kunikida would already be working away at his desk. He planned his days out to the very last second, rarely if ever breaking away. When he had stepped into the office one morning, only a week and a half after Atsushi officially started, he had startled rather violently at seeing the teen already there. It was one of the few moments Kunikida had ever praised him, going on a small tangent about how terrible the other members’ and their work ethic was. How more of them should be like Atsushi, who started early and took his job seriously. 

Atsushi had to bite his tongue from speaking the truth. That in all honesty, he was just too afraid of losing his place in the agency should his performance dip. Why would they want to keep him around if he had no use, right? He’d be sure to get fired. Then he wouldn't have a place to sleep, clothes on his back or any income for food. His entire life was riding on his place in the agency. 

So just the same as any day, Atsushi was one of the first to arrive at the office. He went through the motions of the day, opening up his laptop to idly fill out case reports and check to see if anything new had cropped up since the day before. Just over an hour passed with him doing mundane work, but when the clock neared seven thirty, Atsushi wandered over toward their small kitchen area and started a small pot of coffee. Kunikida should be at work within the next few minutes and Atsushi knew he’d need his energy to deal with Dazai. Mercilessly, the ex-mafia agent had been off the day before. It had made for a quiet and productive time in the office. Now that it had passed, there were sure to be arguments left and right. Kunikida always got more snappy when Dazai finally returned from his odd breaks or days off. 

With the coffee on, Atsushi returned back to his desk and continued combing through the news. He didn't have access to direct requests to the agency, as it was Naomi’s job, but he could at the very least check up through public outlets. 

Today, much the same as his walk that morning, was set out to be quiet. 

On schedule as always, Kunikida sauntered in at seven thirty on the dot with a quiet greeting to Atsushi. He set about his day, the two of them more than happy to remain in silence until Fukuzawa wandered in at eight. 

After that, things continued to follow routine. By ten o’clock, the office was brimming with activity. Everyone was in for the evening even with no big case coming up. These days were always the longest. Atsushi almost always tried to preoccupy himself with the others and their wants or needs. Whether it was simple snack runs for Ranpo or floundering to think of an excuse when Dazai inevitably tries to get him to do his work for him. Today was one of the few days where even that wasn’t enough to pass the time.

So when Naomi stepped out of the hallway that led toward the president's office, everyone was giving her their full attention immediately. They’d do anything for a distraction on such an unusually boring day. 

Unluckily for them, Fukuzawa had requested Tanizaki and Atsushi to go out on this specific job. 

It had seemed pretty cut and dry, all things considered. An emergency situation down at one of the local Grocery stores. A man with a gun was holding up the place, making every unfortunate person inside a hostage. He, of course, had obviously wild requests and demands to be met. A large sum of money, a getaway car and a free pass out. It was so cliche it was almost laughable.

This was the type of situation, a store or group being held at gunpoint, that there was one very obvious fix. Tanizaki uses his ability to cover Atsushi’s entrance so the Weretiger could sneak in and boom, he takes the gunman out with a single hit before anyone can get hurt. From there they’d hand the offender over to the police and make their way back to the agency to file a report. It was undoubtedly gonna be easy

Atsushi and Tanizaki arrived on scene within five minutes of having gotten the case. The job was only a few blocks away from the agency and well within walking distance. The two stopped across the road, heads put together so they could run through their strategy again. As if it was actually needed. This whole thing was fool proof. An easy in and out hostage situation, as generic as they come.

The two teens had done this kind of thing before, probably way too many times for comfort. There was a reason they had been specifically picked for this job. They had a system. 

Tanizaki concealed the door as planned, making it look unopened so Atsushi could slip in undetected. From his position outside, Tanizaki was able to mask Atsushi’s movements much the same. Anyone looking in from outside the building, thus being outside his ability, would be able to see what was truly going on. Could watch the way Atsushi scanned the room and all it’s people to make sure they were unharmed before his gaze was shifting up toward the gunman. With a bright flash of blue Atsushi’s right arm was that of a tiger's, claws poised in preparation to strike. A crowd had started to form outside, the police officers on stand by watching in fascination as Atsushi quietly picked his way through the throngs of terrified civilians and up toward the terrified gunman without being spotted. To them, despite how well known the detective agency was, this was a once in lifetime event to see. A case in action. Tanizaki was just glad he had half a mind to conceal the movement outside the store too, so the gunman couldn't see Tanizaki and the now ridiculously large group of onlookers.

That's where things started to go wrong. The crowd of moving bodies was distracting, people pushing each other out of the way so they could get a better look. People were nosy, that was a given. Tanizaki had sort of been prepared for this and it was almost too easy to keep his focus. The people themselves were not the problem. 

It was the cover that their shifting bodies gave that became the issue. With so many of them crowded around him, he was unable to notice the man that eased up behind with a switchblade in hand. It wasn’t until a sharp pain dug into his side that Tanizaki became acutely aware of the danger. 

The teen cried out at the sudden piercing feeling of a blade sinking into his flesh, his knees going weak and his gaze swinging away from his coworker. It was a rookie mistake, to get so distracted. Especially considering that whoever it was that attacked had already slipped away through the crowd. Tanizaki’s hand dropped to his side, clamping over the new injury with a grimace. Why go through all that just to stab him once and leave? What had actually been the point?

Bang, Bang, Bang!

Three ear-piercing shots rang out from the store, screams erupting from the building and effectively scattering the gathering crowd of onlookers on the outside. Tanizaki’s blood ran cold and he spun around, peering into the store to assess the situation. In his distracted state, he had completely forgotten to keep a firm grasp on his ability. Meaning Atsushi’s cover was blown. 

People were pushing and shoving their way out the door. They scrambled to get away, some of them beelining for the police and others taking off down the streets with cries of fear and panic. Tanizaki paid them no mind, running forward so he could elbow his way into the store. Atsushi was still in there and he’d be damned if he left the man behind.

Through the rapidly shifting crowd as he forced his way against them, Tanizaki was able to make out red streaks of blood across the white tiles. The harsh lights above made it stand out stark and brought attention to the fact that there was way too much blood for comfort. 

Tanizaki’s heart pounded rapidly away in his chest as he elbowed his way through. He came to a stumbling halt, side pulsing with pain as his new found injury was jostled. “Atsushi!”

The store was a mess, scattered carts and spilled goods all over the floor, left in people’s panic. There were stragglers that wrestled to get past one another, pushing and shoving even though the panic of the hostage situation was over. But Tanizaki was way too focused on the situation at hand to pay any of them too much attention. They would get out just fine. His gaze tracked the initial splattering of blood, following the trail it left across the room to where-

Atsushi stood, wavering only slightly above the fallen gunman at his feet. His shirt was torn and tattered, more red than white. There was a clear shot to his right shoulder, and one lower down on his abdomen. Tanizaki assumed that was it until, with a squint, he realized the third shot had hit Atsushi’s thigh. 

For what it was worth, the Weretiger hardly even seemed phased. He grinned at Tanizaki with only a slight grimacing twisting his features. “Everyone got out okay, right?”

_________________________________________________________

“Really Atsushi, you ought to be more careful next time.” Dazai teased. The pair had come stumbling into the detective agency, Atsushi doing his best to support Tanizaki into the office. Thanks to the Tiger’s healing, his own injuries had hardly left too much of a mark other than the quickly drying blood and the holes in his clothes. Tanizaki didn’t have the same blessing, his side sluggishly bleeding the entire way back. They were clearly both exhausted from blood loss. 

Yosano had taken one look at the both of them and ushered them toward her office, for once honoring Tanizaki’s wishes for her to not use her ability. For something as small as one stab wound? He’d take the stitches. Atsushi was just getting a routine check in, as was required of him. He hardly ever needed medical attention unless the Tiger was unable to fully heal his wounds. But both Fukuzawa and Yosano had argued that he at the very least needed to be looked over before they let him go. Just to make sure everything was healing right. 

And of course, the rest of the Agency had to cram themselves into the room to watch over their recovery as well as to grill them on answers. 

Kunikida stepped in front of Atsushi, elbowing Dazai out of his way with a heavy glare. “What exactly went wrong? This job was as routine as they come. Even Ranpo confirmed that before you left!”

Atsushi flinched, curling downward at the reprimand. The older man wasn’t quite yelling yet, but it wouldn't take much more to get him there. And truthfully? Atsushi had no idea what happened. He had almost made it safely across the store before the gunman was suddenly looking right at him instead of through him. He'd taken the three shots with only a hiss of pain, darting the last few feet to knock the man out before he could swing his gun around and start shooting civilians.

“That would be my fault.” Tanizaki called with a grimace. He had since been stitched up, laid back in the free hospital bed beside Atsushi’s. Naomi was at his side, rambling on and on about how worried she was. To his credit, Tanizaki did his best to ignore her talking over him. “There was a second guy outside the building.”

“Collateral.” Ranpo called from where he was leaning back against the far wall, a sucker in his mouth and looking more than a little bored. “Usually they’re all talk when they say they have a contingency plan for when things go wrong. I told you to watch your back”

“So he saw us then.”Atsushi frowned down at his blood stained hands. Ranpo had actually warned them. Something about this case 'feeling different, so watch your backs carefully'. His eyes had even lingered on Tanizaki when he said it. How the man knew something so specific even though he only had vague case details to work with was something Atsushu would never figure out. “I guess that makes sense. I'm just glad no one else got hurt.” He looked up from his stained fingers with a relieved smile. 

To be met with an intense glare just barely hidden behind the shine of a pair of glasses. “Both you and Tanizaki came back injured.” Kunikida seethed quietly, fists shaking by his side. Oh yeah, he was pissed. “You honestly think you did a good job on this?”

Atsushi hesitated, glancing over at Dazai for reassurance but his mentor merely shrugged, looking way too amused for a man that was usually on the other end of his partner’s glare. The teens attention flitted back to Kunikida “Uh, yes? I mean, the hostages all got out safely and we caught the gunman right? I just feel bad we left a mess behind.” 

“You were shot, Honey.” Yosano called from behind him, her heels clicking across the tiles as she approached. She had wandered off to the otherside of the infirmary a few minutes prior to clean her tools after Tanizaki’s stitches. Now, it seemed, it was Atsushi’s turn for a check up.“Three times.” 

“Ah, yeah I guess.”

“You guess?!” Kunikida finally snapped, his tone rising with his anger. Atsushi opened his mouth to defend himself but it was far too late. Kunikida had already fallen easily into a lecture. Atsushi could only sit back and watch bewildered as the man ranted. It was ridiculous! I mean seriously, why were they acting like this had never happened before? Atsushi almost always got hurt on any mission they went on. It was more normal than him coming back to the office unscathed. Was it because Tanizaki had been hurt too? Maybe that was putting everyone else on edge.

Unfortunately before he could even begin to think of anything to say, one of his worst nightmares came to life. It was almost like an out of body experience. Like he was no longer in the room, watching instead from the doorway as Yosano finally rounded the end of the bed he sat on.

His gaze barely even hit her face before it dropped immediately to the basin of water clenched tightly in her gloved hands. A cold wave of fear washed over him immediately, but he was powerless to do anything but freeze as she set the bowl on the medical tray beside the bed. Between one blink and the next, he was all of a sudden sitting in front of the Orphanage President. He was eight years old, instead of eighteen. In both the past and the present, he was being punished. 

Why now?

Had they finally reached their limit with him? Is that why they were all so adamant in their anger, refusing to listen to him? He had done that bad, they were prepared to punish him for it. He had finally pushed one too many times on the freedom that he was lucky they gave him in the first place. 

Instinctively, his eyes rose to the president who had been leaning against the wall by Ranpo’s side. They made eye contact for one brief moment before Fukuzawa was pushing up to his full height, approaching with calculated steps. Atsushi’s heart slammed away in his chest with every step, his lungs heaving for air as panic overtook. Why, why, why? How had they known about what the president used to do!? When had they figured it out? There shouldn't be proof anywhere!

“Atsushi?” Dazai called, his voice just barely audible over the rush of blood in his ears. The older man noticed his panic before anyone else, leaning closer to frown down at Atsushi. Everyone in the room, Fukuzawa included, froze as all attention swung between them. 

“Please no.” He pleaded even as his throat restricted. It was way too hard to draw in air but his focus was still stuck halfway in the past. Pleading with his eyes, Atsushi hoped Dazai would have mercy. That the man who had saved him all those months ago would put a stop to this. Despite how hard he tried to keep it in, Atsushi was powerless to stop his tears. Children like him didn't deserve to cry, but how was he supposed to stop? “I'm sorry for failing, but please don't do this.” his eyes flickered back down to the bowl of water briefly. He was waiting tensely in anticipation for one of them to make a move. 

Dazai followed his gaze, eyebrows pinched for a moment as he visibly worked to piece it all together. Just over his shoulder, Ranpo straightened to his full height as understanding set in. Of course he would be the first to know, even now. After probably one of the longest moments of Atsushi’s life, Dazai sucked in a breath as the realization finally hit him too. His face fell unnaturally blank as he turned and muttered something quietly to Kunikida. The blonde slowly nodded his head in understanding even though his face was screwed up in confusion. 

Kunikida held up his hands as if calming a wild animal, his steps slow but sure as he walked right up to the side table. Contrary to his previous anger, the blonde man’s face had softened to something almost comforting. On any other day, in any other situation, it might have been enough. If Atsushi wasn’t so tense, waiting with bated breath for the man to snap and shove his face into the water till he choked, he may have actually relaxed. 

But the moment Kunikida laid his hands on the rim of the bowl, fear spiked to an overwhelming level. Atsushi was too close for comfort to both the man and the choice of punishment. Atsushi's natural instinct to escape the supposed danger hit like a freight train. Running only ever made things worse, but how was he supposed to just sit still? He thought he was safe here. He thought they were different! 

In his rising panic, Atsushi overestimated how much space he had on the bed as he shoved himself backward and before anyone could say or do anything to stop him, the panicked teen tipped himself right off the other side. He slammed back first onto the ground, all the air escaping his lungs in a big whoosh. Seemingly unphased despite the shouts of his name and the way he struggled to breath, Atsushi still scrambled to push himself across the floor until he had successfully wedged himself back into the corner, curled down over his knees. His hands laced over the back of his head, face tucked downward to make himself as small as possible. A steady stream of ‘i'm sorry. Please don't do this, I'm sorry.’ tumbled free from his lips. 

He was foolish. Atsushi had thought he had done a good job at hiding it all. That there was no way the agency had been able to figure out what happened to him when he was still under the orphanage's ‘care’. None of the workers left a paper trail. There were no cameras and Atsushi knew for a fact that no one on staff there ever had a problem with the treatment he had received, meaning they'd never say anything. So how did they know?

Were Ranpo and Dazai just that good, or was it too obvious that something else was wrong with him? Maybe they were guessing and Atsushi had given himself away to them. Maybe his distress and reaction was the confirmation they needed.

At the same time, his mind screamed that something wasn’t right. That the agency would never do something like that. With all the time he had spent by their sides since Dazai rescued him, none of them had laid a hand on him in a negative way. Unless Dazai snapping him out of the whole Q situation counted, which he hardly thought it did. That was helpful…So why? Why would they be punishing him now of all times? It wasn’t like the people he had grown to know. He thought he had gotten away from all of that. 

Unless…maybe he had never gotten out in the first place. Atsushi had fooled himself into thinking he was free, but it was all a stupid dream. It wouldn't be the first time he had imagined himself escaping from that wretched prison.

Something primal rose to power in his chest, coiling under his skin dangerously. It was the tiger, fighting to be unleashed. To snap and defend him as the idea of still being back there took hold. The tiger had received just as bad of a treatment as the body it was housed in had. It was a thing Atsushi wasn’t really aware of until the knowledge that he was the tiger came to being. Until that one fateful night in a dark warehouse, he hadn't a clue what lurked within the shadows of his mind. But almost every night since then brought memories that were hardly his own. Of the nights the tiger would experience back in the orphanage. How the President would reach sharp pokers through the bars of the cage to ‘punish the beast’. How he was trying to make it docile by chaining it down and putting it through hell. And the Tiger, which seemingly had a mind of its own as it had saved him from these memories, would lay back and take it. Didn't take its sharp claws and pointy teeth to the President’s face as it so desperately wanted to. 

And now, the very thought of being back in that place sent them both on edge. Made the beast rear its head, unable to fight through the panic in Atsushi’s mind. The need to get out was overwhelming. The fear of maybe never escaping again making him sob louder, his every breath catching in his throat.

Through the haze of panic taking over in his mind, the soft touch of a hand curled softly around his right wrist and successfully broke him from the spiral of bad thoughts. Contrary to the usual burn and ache of a squeezing tight grip, this was almost gentle with the way it touched him. A featherlight tap as opposed to a bruising hold. 

“Atsushi, you need to breathe.” Dazai’s voice cut in through his panic and Atsushi didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Had the older man really been trying to help him earlier? Was he actually real? “Look at me.” Dazai continued quietly. Although his words were demanding, his voice was soft and calming. Giving Atsushi a command but putting no force behind it. Like he had a choice or something.

Cautiously, Atsushi did as he was told. 

Dazai was indeed the first thing he saw, the man crouched a mere few feet away with an unreadable look on his face. He was close enough to keep his hold on Atsushi’s arm but not enough to completely box him into the corner. Already, it was easier to breathe. The fact the man was still there, very much real, had a bit of clarity returning to his mind.

Atsushi’s gaze flicked past Dazai’s shoulder just in case, but the room beyond was empty. All other ADA members had seemingly left. Even Tanizaki, who had been laid up in bed after his stitches, was gone. The lights had been dimmed to a manageable level. Not blindingly bright but not dark enough that he couldn't see clearly. The basin of water was nowhere in sight. His racing heart began to slow, nerves leveling back out to a reasonable amount of fear. No longer was he blind with panic, although not all weariness was gone. 

Dazai noticed the change in his mental state and gave a tentative smile. He shifted just slightly on his feet to regain the teens full attention. His hand slid free from Atsushi’s wrist, pulling back to slide into his pocket. The older detective even went so far as to slide back a few more feet, leaning against the wall to Atsushi’s left just out of reach. 

Atsushi felt more at ease, leaning back into the corner with a sigh. Along with his clear mind came the embarrassment. Had he really freaked out that badly in front of everyone? His face heated up at how violently he had reacted. 

Why would they go so far as to show him something like that just to turn around and calm him? Was it intimidation or just a threat?

Had he misread the whole thing to begin with?

“You don't have to explain if you don't want to.” Dazai murmured, his gaze trained solely on Atsushi. There was nothing but truth in his eyes. “But everyone’s worried for you. They’re waiting in the main room if you want to talk. If not, we don't have to bring this up ever again. Only Ranpo has as vague of an idea about the situation as I do.”

“Wait.” Atsushi shifted forward, unable to fight back the well of tears of relief that stung his eyes. “You didn't do it on purpose?”

Dazai’s face twisted for just a moment, an indiscernible look on his face. It leveled out before Atsushi could even begin to decipher it. “Nope!” The older man fake cheered, a grin on his face. It didn't quite hide the shadows in his eyes. “We aren’t really sure what set you off other than the water, although that itself is vague. Could be a number of things.” Dazai shrugged. “Yosano didn't mean any harm. She was bringing you water to help you clean up” the man nodded pointedly down at Atsushi’s hands. When he brought them up out of his lap, they were still crusted over with dried blood, the smell of it reaching his nose like a punch to the face. It made his lips curl in disgust. He had forgotten all about that in his panic.“ She's afraid she really upset you.”

Worry sent a spike of pain through his chest and Atsushi surged up to his feet, stumbling to get across the room. His earlier fears of messing up to an irredeemable level sent him into a frenzy. Dazai scrambled to stand up as well. “I gotta go-”

“Atsushi wait!” 

The teen froze, whirling back around to his face his mentor at the obvious command. With all the past events getting drug to the surface of his mind, the need to follow orders without question returned. But Dazai simply reached out to set a hand on his shoulder, his actions slower than normal so as to not startle the teen. “Like I said, you don’t have to tell them. Just let them know you’re okay.”

“I…” Did he want to do that? Was it worth it, to tell them the sins of his past? I mean they already had a vague implication of it all. They knew his life back then had been less than stellar and most of the other Agency members, barring a few, had pasts just like his! Filled with the same anguish and lasting trauma. They knew what it was like, even if they had a better grasp on covering it. They all had their own tells. “I think I want to… need to. Get it out and all that. It might…it might help.”

The smile Dazai gave him was enough to unwind the last knot of unease in his chest. “If that’s what's best for you, Atsushi.”

____________________________

Dazai had gone out first to reassure the other’s that everything was fine, letting Atsushi linger behind in the infirmary to let him clean up on his own. He had spent longer than necessary at the sink, scrubbing under his nails and cleaning as much old blood off as he could with the chilled water and cheap soap the agency was stocked with. Not all of it would come out, but he did what he could. 

Next came new clothes, of which he was really thankful they kept spares put away in the infirmary. Odds were if they needed a change of clothes, it was due to injury or something of the like. Which meant a fresh white shirt and neatly pressed pants were waiting for him in the drawer Yosano had scrawled his name on. 

It felt good to get clean again. 

The happy feeling was gone all too soon as he stood by the door, hands wrapped tightly around the doorknob to stop them from shaking. He had rehearsed what he was going to say front and back. Ran it over and over until he had it memorized as the fear of failing forced him to, lest he risk messing something else up. 

Atsushi took a deep steadying breath to shake off the last of his nerves, nodded to himself and threw open the door. 

Only to immediately drop into a low bow, his whole speech disappearing the moment he laid eyes on his co-workers. “I'm really sorry!” He basically shouted, eyes squeezed shut. “I really overreacted back there and I didn’t mean to-”

“Atsushi, Honey. It’s okay.” Yosano’s heels clicked slowly across the floor from directly in front of him. She came to a stop a few feet away. “And, I'm sorry.” Surprise sent him reeling back upright, looking at her with uncertainty. Why would she feel the need to apologize?

There was a gentle smile pulling across her face, although her eyes swam with regret and concern. Contrary to Dazai, who had kept his emotions locked away tight when talking with Atsushi, it was almost too easy to see that Yosano blamed herself.

“Ah, wait.” He raised his hands, waving her off. “You didn’t know I…” Atsushi glanced around the room at everyone warily. From Kyouka, Ranpo and Kenji on one side of the room, the Tanizaki siblings beside the President near the door to his office and conference room to Dazai and Kunikida over at their assigned desks. Not a single one of them had an ounce of judgment in their eyes. Not a single one of them looked angry, just concerned or vaguely indifferent. Some wore carefully concealed expressions, as usual for the odd group of ability users when high emotions were likely to happen. Talking about feelings was no one's forte.

Atsushi’s racing heart calmed at the lack of malice and he returned his attention back to Yosano. “It feels wrong to not tell you the truth and…. I trust you, so here goes nothing." Even as he forced the fake bravado, it fell short when his throat restricted and made it nearly impossible to speak. Every breath lodged in his throat until he was forced to swallow heavily just to keep going. "When I turned eleven back in the Orphanage, the President used to…He would use a bowl of water to punish me. Would push my head under until I couldn’t breathe.” He shrugged, even as his voice trembled and tears stung at his eyes. “My fingers would bleed from how hard I fought back. I know you’d never hurt me like that, but I saw the bowl in your hands and Kunikida was yelling… I guess I freaked out.” 

His eyes flickered over her shoulder, taking note of how Kunikida flinched. Off to the other side, the president shifted uneasily. Atsushi winced. He knew what they were coming to realize. How he had assumed they’d do the same to him. How he had instinctively looked toward the authority figure in the room and had begged for mercy. 

“Atsushi…” Yosano started quietly, her tone oddly reserved. “May I hug you?”

The teen hardly hesitated before nodding, opening his arms for the doctor. She wrapped around him easily, speaking quietly into his ear. “I know it won't help, not for a while at least, but no one in this agency will ever lay a hand on you if you don't like it."

“I-I know."

"I'm proud of you for telling us, Atsushi." 

“To add on.” Fukuzawa cut in suddenly as he shifted away from his position by the door, shoes clacking louder the farther he moved across the room. Atsushi knew he usually walked in silence and that the sound was purely for his sake. His heart warmed at the subtle notion. Atsushi glanced back at him in time to watch the president reach out and put a hand on his shoulder. “You tell me immediately if anything like that ever happens. They will be dealt with.”

“Yes sir.” Atsushi smiled, his relief evident in the way his shoulders slumped. He stepped back out of Yosano’s hold, looking out at everyone else.

Not a single one of them seemed to disagree with the president's declaration. All around the room, there were small smiles and looks of encouragement. It was more than enough comfort to bring a confident smile to his face.

To add to the warm feeling budding up in his chest, the moment Atsushi had detached himself from Yosano's tight grip he had an armful of both Kenji and Kyouka. The youngest two agency members were more than happy to share their support and affections. Even the Tanizaki siblings gave him comfort, a pat on the back from Junichiro and a quick hug from Naomi. 

The other three members of the Agency showed their support in other ways, after the day was over and more away from prying eyes. Ranpo had slapped a paper on his desk the moment the work hours had ended, an address written in neat handwriting written at the top followed by a time and room number. He had demanded Atsushi escort him to the shopping centers as his case for the next day, the teen easily accepting one's he got the nod of approval from Fukuzawa.

Kunikida had, oddly enough, stayed reserved for the rest of the evening. It seems Atsushi’s admittance and Kunikida’s accidental involvement left the poor detective rattled. By the time Atsushi had worked up the nerve to apologize, the blonde was snapping right to his feet and had launched almost smoothly into a rant about…grocery shopping? Which is exactly why the teen found himself carrying a basket in his arms, walking down the aisles of a store, different from the one in the case that morning. Kunikida helped him pick out just the right ingredients for a set few meals, making sure to stay well within Atsushi’s budget.

Their walk back to the dorms had been quiet and they parted ways in the hall, Atsushi feeling lighter than ever. Imagine his surprise when he opened the door and not only was Kyouka inside, but Dazai as well. His mentor had apparently invited himself over for dinner that night. 

After it was all said and done, Atsushi lay down to rest in his closet with a full stomach and a warm feeling in his chest. No matter what scars his past may have left, the Armed Detective Agency would not judge. They understood probably better than anyone else ever could.

Maybe he doesn't have enough experience with this kind of thing to say it in full confidence, but if anyone asked he wouldn't hesitate to say that the other members of the Agency were family.

And he couldn't ask for anyone better.