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your nail is broken and it irks you beyond levels you thought your anger could take you. the perfection of your manicured nails is tainted by the slight crack that belongs to your ring finger nail. you do whatever you can to fix it, applying another coat of nail polish and adding liters of nail oil.
it’s enough for now. you can be satisfied with it for now, you’re happy with its state and that’s all that truly matters.
you and him are fighting again, just last night you were cuddled into his arms, the warmth enveloping both of you. you wish that you could be happy for a little longer, you wish that his cold tone wouldn’t hit your heart like a truck. he yells at you for as long as his throat can handle, and then he leaves. you don’t know where he goes, you just know you want him back home, where he can hold you into his arms and whisper false fantasies that you both know will never become reality. you both hold onto your delusions for the sake of your relationship.
your nail is starting to crack again.
soon enough he comes back home, happier. it makes you happy too, you’ve always been like that, mirroring the emotions of others. it’s either that or his smile is too contagious. he helps you with dinner, his hands wrap around your waist like they were built for the sole purpose and you melt into the touch. this is where you two were meant to be, no matter how unhappy you both were at the starting line, the journey is worth it when the victory is with him at your side.
you cling to his touch like he’s a dream just so out of your reach. you grip and hold and tug, just as long as he can be in your arms you can be okay, you know you will be okay. in your king-sized bed you too are holding each other, your bodies fit like puzzle pieces. perfectly placed in a manner where you can hear as well feel his heartbeat. you laugh into his chest as you feel at home, with him you truly feel happiness bubble up in you, and that’s how you know he’s the one. you can never let him go, it’s just not an option when you feel this sort of connection between him. he loves you and you love him, and you can’t help but smile as you both drift off to sleep, dozing off with date plans in mind. something about an amusement park and him winning you stuffed animals that he hands over to you. you’ll promise and swear to him that you’ll love and cherish the plushie forever as you kiss him on the cheek. you hope that you can have more realities with him that are as domestic as this one.
it’s around midnight when you feel a stir in your bed. you’re too tired to get up so you let it be, clinging to nothing but the fabrics of your bedsheets. something snaps within him, you don’t know it until it’s too late.
you’re in prison now. according to this fifteen year old, you’re a murderer. last time you had checked, you’ve never done such a thing. you make the time here worthwhile, you chat with the prisoners, you laugh, you play, you smile. you wish the most though, you wish you could be free.
the loneliness arises in you just as fast as the pining for him bubbles up. he’s gone, you know that, but you also know it wasn’t your fault. you loved him, you don’t hurt loved ones. even though he hurt you too many times to count on your hands. you still love him more than everything, you’ll never find a person just like him again, no one could replace him, especially not someone in this prison.
apparently, your love was too strong for him. that’s what you think the warden thought as you stare at your verdict.
unforgiven.
you’re unforgivable, you feel as if you can never love again. as if you aren’t allowed to love again. you sigh and huff and sigh some more as you head to your cell. you collapse on your cot and grip your pillow. you hope that today isn’t real, but a dream. you’ll wake up into his arms and you’ll feel warm again.
you wake up in the same stiff bed. by now it’s starting to sink in that MILGRAM is real. your throat is dry and hoarse, you try to cough but you can barely get that out of you. you walk to the kitchen and scavenge for a glass in the cabinets, you hear footsteps behind you and turn towards them. prisoner 10 greets you, you smile as warmly as you can, it keeps getting harder in a cold prison like this. she has a bat in her hand, you cant decipher the reason why until the cold metal hits your head.
you don’t remember much about the attack, no matter how much shidou asks. you try, and try, and try but nothing. you’re left with no memories except the knowledge of what happened due to the permanent migraines and the broken arm, and did shidou mention you’ll need physically therapy to use your legs again? you are wheelchaired back to your cell to lie down in pain as the painkillers don’t even work. you want to do something, anything to keep your mind off the hurt all over. you stare at the condition your nails are in and grumble, they desperately need a new coat of paint. you think of asking the prison guard for some nail polish, until you realize how the prison guard is in some sort of coma and your arm is as broken as your heart. you can’t really do anything without your arm. you’re stuck in this cell, even if you did have the motivation to get up, you can’t help but feel fear deep inside for another round of kotoko’s attacks.
you’re trapped in your cage, like the bird you once knew.