Work Text:
Emily worked at the Starbucks next door to the GUN headquarters.
To say it was an unusual job would be putting it lightly. During her short time here, she’d learned that anything could walk out of the doors of that government complex and into the coffee shop. Soldiers in full tactical SWAT gear. International politicians. Four-star generals. Sonic the Hedgehog, once, apparently- Emily’s supervisor had printed out a photo of a selfie she’d gotten with the Blue Blur and hung it on the bulletin board in the storeroom.
It was a Tuesday afternoon. Business was painfully slow at this hour- all of the usual government meetings had finished, but it wasn’t quite the end of the workday. Emily cleaned off the front counter with a rag and spray bottle. She stopped scrubbing when she heard the door chime.
In stepped Shadow the Hedgehog.
The Shadow the Hedgehog.
He was. . . shorter than Emily expected. She set the rag and spray bottle aside and stepped behind the till. Only now did she realize that someone else was with him, too.
“What kind of coffee do you want?”
“We should be going.”
“It’d be rude if I didn’t let you get something too, hun.” The white bat jabbed her elbow into his side. “We’re gonna be late anyway, might as well get something good on the way.”
Shadow the Hedgehog stared up at the menu with a blank expression.
“Can I help you?” Emily offered.
“Sure!” The bat replied. “I’ll take a venti iced soy caramel macchiato, upside down, with one pump of vanilla and cinnamon dolce syrup.”
Emily entered the order into the register. When she looked back up, the bat was handing her a credit card. Behind her, however, Shadow the Hedgehog stood, eyebrows furrowed, doing the best “Dorothy-landing-in-Oz” expression Emily had ever seen.
Not in Kansas anymore? she thought about saying for a single second before deciding she would never, ever say that under any circumstance. She looked over her shoulder and disguised her laugh as cough.
“What’s so funny, hmm? Got a problem with my order?”
“Nothing. Sorry.” Emily took the credit card from her and rang up the transaction. “What’s a good name for that?”
“Rouge. Shadow, you decided?”
“How am I supposed to order when I can’t understand half the words on the menu?” Shadow scowled. He then glared straight at Emily. “What kind of establishment is this?”
“Okay, relax, hun, I’ll order for you. He’ll take a honeycomb lavender latte- what size do you want?”
“The small one.”
“He’ll have that tall.” The bat, Rouge, finished. She stepped aside and waved Shadow forward.
The hedgehog gave a cutting glare as he fished a wad of cash out of his quills and slammed it on the counter. Emily waited until he’d removed his hand and stepped back before counting it. She was grateful it was exact change.
“And what’s a good name for that one?” Emily asked.
“The Ultimate Lifeform.”
She grabbed the cup and pen, and to her credit, she wrote the title without much hesitation. “Alright, we’ll have that out in a few minutes.”
The pair walked to the pickup counter. Shadow looked pissed, and remained pissed as Emily prepared his friend’s complicated order. Maybe “friend” was a strong term- Emily certainly didn’t know anything about these two, and the hedgehog didn’t look pleased to be with her right now.
“One venti soy caramel macchiato with vanilla and cinnamon for Rouge?” Emily called out.
The bat sauntered up to the counter. “Upside down?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“Good woman. Mmm.” Rouge sipped her drink. “Perfect.”
Shadow rolled his eyes.
Emily was able to make his drink much faster, and soon emerged out the other side with the short cup.
“One honeycomb lavender latte for the Ultimate Lifeform?” She set the drink on the counter.
Maybe it had been a little dumb to have taken their names, since they were the only ones in the store, but Shadow’s face actually lightened a bit when he heard the title called. He walked up to the counter and grabbed his drink, swirling it around in his hand.
“Well?” Rouge asked.
He took a sip. Then another. Then a long swig.
“Good, huh?”
He nodded.
“I told you.”
“This is the Ultimate Latte.” He gripped the cup with determination.
Rouge gave an agitated sigh. “Sure, weirdo. Watch my drink, I’ll be back.”
She set her drink down on the counter and walked to the bathroom. Shadow watched her go. When the door shut behind her, he covered his mouth with his hand and started shaking. Emily realized he was snickering , and this was enough to get a laugh out of her as well.
“What are you laughing at?” Shadow whipped around to her.
“Nothing, sir.” She straightened.
“Are you laughing at me?”
She shook her head before pointing toward the bathroom. “She thought you were serious, right?”
“Don’t ruin it.”
“My lips are sealed.”
“Good.” His glare softened, but not by much. He took another sip of his latte.
The bathroom door opened and Rouge returned. She grabbed her drink from the counter, muttered something about “ultimate vanity”, before the two left the store.
Emily would’ve had one hell of a story to tell her supervisor, but the last thing she wanted to do was break a promise with Shadow the freaking Hedgehog. . .
Two weeks passed. Emily got very good at preparing “upside down” orders, and she wanted to strangle whichever Instagrammer decided to make that popular. Shadow the Hedgehog’s bat friend must’ve been ahead of the trend.
This meant Emily was prepared when the two walked back through the doors. This time it was mid-morning, and they weren’t the only customers in the shop. Heads swiveled as Shadow the Hedgehog joined the line behind an old woman.
“My my! Aren’t you one of the fine young men that saved the world from that wicked Robotnik a while back?” The old lady exclaimed. “Why don’t you go ahead of me?”
Before Shadow could answer, his bat friend interjected. “Thanks, lady, we’re in a bit of a rush.”
She stepped up to the counter. “I’ll take a venti iced soy caramel macchiato, upside down, with one pump of vanilla and cinnamon dolce syrup, on the double if you can.”
Emily entered the order. “Name for that?”
“Rouge.”
“And for you, sir?” Emily asked.
Shadow snapped to attention.
“An Ultimate Latte for you?”
She didn’t know what possessed her to say that. She really shouldn’t have- she’d promised.
“Are you making fun of him?” Rouge asked.
“. . . why yes, actually, I’ll take one of those.” Shadow replied.
Rouge did a double take at her companion as Emily entered the order. She wrote the names on both of the cups before accepting Rouge’s credit card. The transaction completed, and the pair moved along. Emily stayed at the register to take further orders, but she could hear her coworkers making the drinks behind her.
“One upside down venti soy caramel macchiato with vanilla and cinnamon for Rouge?” One coworker called out.
The bat retrieved her drink. Emily paid only half attention to the customer in front of her, waiting.
“One honeycomb lavender latte for. . . the Ultimate Lifeform?”
Shadow waltzed forward and snatched his drink from the person who’d called his order out.
“Say it with more respect next time.” He growled, before returning to Rouge.
Emily’s coworker looked like he’d just peed his pants. Emily, meanwhile, could only slap a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud to the entire store.
Shadow came alone next time, one week later, in the dead of the afternoon. He had a paper with an order on it. He mumbled halfway through it before throwing it away and ordering two “Ultimate Lattes” instead.
“If she wanted her stupid frilly drink she could’ve come here herself.” He grumbled.
“I agree. Same name as usual for that order?”
Shadow glanced around to the empty shop around them, before a small grin teased at his lips. “Sure.”
Emily made sure to say it loud and proud.
If it was somehow hard to miss Shadow the Hedgehog, it was even harder to miss the giant robot that entered with him. Okay, maybe “giant” wasn’t the most apt descriptor, given that it was only about five feet tall- but that still towered over Shadow and every other mobian in the store.
And it wasn’t about height, but presence. “WHAT SUSTENANCE DO YOU REQUIRE?”
“Caffeine. Forgot my coffee beans this morning. This will only take a few minutes, you can wait outside.”
The robot stared at the menu, before staring at Emily.
“The usual?” She asked quietly.
“WHAT IS ‘THE USUAL’?”
“Yes. One Ultimate Latte, please.” Shadow ignored his companion and handed the money to her.
“I WANT ONE.”
Shadow looked at the robot. “Why?”
“I WANT ONE.”
“Don’t be foolish. You won’t be able to drink it.”
The robot swiveled, then leaned forwards, until its eyes were level with Shadow’s.
“Fine! Whatever. Two Ultimate Lattes.” He slapped more money on the counter.
A few minutes later and the drinks were ready. Emily walked them to the pickup counter.
“Two Ultimate Lattes for the Ultimate Lifeform!”
The regulars didn’t turn their heads anymore, but a few newbies did. Shadow retrieved his drinks and handed one to the robot.
The robot stared at the drink, before stomping back to the counter. Emily fought the urge to hide beneath the counter or take off running.
“I AM NOT AN ‘ULTIMATE LIFEFORM’.” The robot blared. “I AM THE ULTIMATE ROBOT. GET IT RIGHT NEXT TIME, MEATBAG.”
“Sorry, let me try that one again: one Ultimate Latte for the Ultimate Robot!” Emily replied without missing a beat. She’d have to thank whatever ghost of bravery that had possessed her later.
The robot stared at her, before giving an approving nod. She flashed her best customer service smile as it stomped off. Shadow trailed after it, but before he left, he gave her a tight-lipped smile and a shrug.
The next time Shadow came with company was right at rush hour, when the usual crowd of government agents got off work or were heading to their night shift. Emily wasn’t sure which one applied to the three that stood before her. Shadow, regardless of everything, looked happy to see her.
He cut in front of Rouge. “One Ultimate Latte, please.”
“Rude!” Rouge chimed.
“RUDE.” The robot chimed.
“Sure thing,” Emily finished doodling up the cup.
She took the money from him shortly after, and he stepped off to the side. The robot stepped forward next.
“ONE ULTIMATE LATTE.”
“For the Ultimate Robot, right?”
“CORRECT!” The robot pumped its fist into the air. It then turned to Shadow. “SHE REMEMBERED. I LIKE THIS MEATBAG.”
“You’re kind of hard to forget.” Shadow replied. “Emily, you can put Omega’s on my ticket.”
Emily froze. Whatever ghost of bravery or quick thinking or whatever that had helped her last time was completely absent.
“That is your name, isn’t it?” He gestured to the name tag.
“Right, of course.” Emily turned to Rouge. “And what can I get for you?”
“Ugh, about time. I think I’ll try something different- how about a venti half white chocolate, half regular mocha frappe with two pumps raspberry and whipped cream?”
“And the name for that?”
The bat pouted. “And here I thought we knew everyone’s names here?”
“Just ‘Rouge’ is fine?” Emily clarified.
Rouge paused thoughtfully, before grinning. “Actually, how about ‘the Ultimate Treasure Hunter Extraordinaire’?”
“Perfect. We’ll have those right out for you.”
Emily completed the payments, punched everything into the register, and then frowned at the huge line that had formed while the trio had ordered. She caught one of her coworkers walking by behind her, grabbing his shoulder and pushing him behind the till.
“Switch!” She whispered in his ear, before jumping into the order line.
It was hell to try and figure out what her unfortunate colleague had been in the middle of, but she threw together the orders well enough. Then it came to the three important ones, and she took her time with these. When they were finished, she went up to the counter and readied her best calling voice.
“One Ultimate Latte for the Ultimate Lifeform!”
“One venti half-and-half mocha frappe with raspberry and whip for the Ultimate Treasure Hunter Extraordinaire!”
“One Ultimate Latte for the Ultimate Robot!”
What followed was a scene out of a movie, slow motion and all. The crowded store parted, bewildered patrons creating the perfect walkway for the three to swagger down. Rouge led the formation, wings spread wide, with the grace of a supermodel on the runway. Shadow followed on her right, a look of cool arrogance in his eyes. Omega followed on her left, practically preening under all the attention, if robots could preen, that was.
They grabbed their drinks in unison and then walked away in the same formation. Rouge blew a kiss to the crowd before they went out the door.
Everything and everyone in the store seemed to freeze in place for a moment, as if reality itself was left reeling from the amount of “cool” it had just witnessed.
And Emily was beaming .
“It’s only a quick stop.”
“Coffee, Shads? Frou-frou coffee?”
“Shut up. You can wait outside if it bothers you.”
“No no no, I’m not bothered or anything, just weird.”
Being the barista that Shadow the Hedgehog knew by name prepared you for all sorts of unexpected, intimidating things. Emily liked to think that she could handle anything at this point.
But having THE Sonic the Hedgehog walk into your store was something else entirely.
“Hello, Emily.” Shadow said. “The usual.”
Really, she should’ve expected this. Shadow the Hedgehog hadn’t saved the world alone, after all. They might even be friends. . . though perhaps that was pushing it, given the way Sonic rolled his eyes.
“One Ultimate Latte, coming right up.” Emily began writing the name on the cup.
“You’re kidding.” Sonic said. He then cleared his throat and did a poor imitation. “An ‘Ultimate Latte’?”
“Shut up!”
Emily scribbled out what she’d written on the cup. “And the name for that?”
Shadow gave her a strange look. “Same as always.”
She shot a glance at Sonic, before looking back to him.
“Did I stutter?”
“Got it. Be out with that in a minute.”
Making the drink took only about as long as it took to heat the milk up at this point. The unique recipe was now as thoroughly engrained in her brain as a typical mocha or caramel frappuccino, so she didn’t have to think much about it anymore. She put the lid on and walked up to the counter.
Her throat went dry as Sonic looked over at her. As usual, no one else was in the entire store, and for the first time in a long time, she felt a little dumb for taking a name for the order at all.
But then Shadow met her gaze expectantly, and she couldn’t help but smile.
“One Ultimate Latte for the Ultimate Lifeform!” She called out and set the cup on the counter.
Shadow retrieved his drink and took a sip. “Thanks.”
“Wow. Just wow, dude.” Sonic shook his head.
Shadow turned around. “What, too afraid to try it?”
“Wha- no, of course not! Gimme a sip.”
Sonic was over in an instant. No, faster than an instant. The wind slapped against Emily’s face and her mouth fell open as her brain failed to register how someone that was over there could now be fifteen feet closer seemingly without taking a single step.
Sonic, meanwhile, grabbed the cup and took a swig.
And he immediately spit it out.
“It’s hot, you moron.” Shadow said.
“. . . Mhmmm, figured that. . .”
Shadow grabbed the cup back and took a small, reasonable sip. “I’m not giving you any more.”
“Come on. One more taste. I’m not getting defeated by some dumb drink.”
“Order your own.” Shadow turned and gave Emily a look.
She froze, for a single moment, from the weight of expectation upon her. She then gave her best customer service smile and asked, “Would you like an Ultimate Latte, sir?”
Sonic threw his hands in the air as a look of utter bewilderment crossed his face. Shadow covered his mouth and locked eyes with her, and they shared in the valiant struggle of containing their laughter.
“Fine. Ring me up.” Sonic zipped over to the till.
She walked back and punched in the order again. Her customer service smile helped delay the giggles but she knew she didn’t have much time before she totally lost it.
“What’s the name for that?”
“Sonic. Just Sonic, none of his nonsense.”
“Coming right up.”
Making the order this time around felt like an eternity, but soon Emily returned to the counter.
“One Ultimate Latte for Sonic?”
She didn’t even set the drink down when it was taken from her hands by a blur of blue. Sonic skidded to a stop next to Shadow.
“Now drink it. Slowly.” Shadow lowered his hand from his mouth.
Sonic set the cup down on a nearby table and popped the lid off. He blew on the top of the drink for a minute or two, before picking it up and taking a sip. Then another. Then another.
“Well?” Shadow asked.
“. . . okay, that’s pretty good. Very sugary. Didn’t take you for the type.”
“Rouge got it for me the first time. I didn’t expect it either.”
“But it’s nice.”
“Yes. It’s nice.”
Sonic took a longer sip, before setting the cup down again. He popped the lid back on.
“Heh, guess it is a pretty ‘Ultimate’ latte. That’s a good name for it.”
And that’s when Shadow snorted .
“Hey! What’s so funny?”
Emily laughed before she could help it. She doubled over behind the counter. Shadow’s own quiet giggles floated in from above.
“I said it’s pretty ‘Ultimate’! That’s the name, right? Why are you two laughing?”
Giggles turned into guffaws. Emily stood up behind the counter again to see that Shadow’s smile spread wide out from behind his hand as he laughed uncontrollably. Sonic smiled and put a hand on Shadow’s back. It took him minutes to calm down enough to speak again.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you laugh like that before, dude.” Sonic said. “You should do it more often!”
“Tsch.” Shadow brushed his hand off.
“I’m going to assume this is some kind of inside joke?”
“Maybe?” Emily said.
“Maybe.” Shadow repeated.
“You can’t tell anyone.” Emily said.
“Oh really now?”
“Don’t ruin it.” Shadow pointed at him.
“Sure won’t- if you can beat me back to your stupid boss’ office!”
“But we’re carrying drinks!”
“So? What’s wrong, Shads, don’t know how to not spill everywhere?”
Emily dug out a pair of coffee cup stoppers. “These might help.”
Sonic ran back and stole them from her hands, before sticking them in his and Shadow’s drink. He then disappeared, the door slamming shut giving the only indication of where he’d gone.
“Bastard!” Shadow shouted. “Chaos control!”
There was a huge flash of light, and a shockwave strong enough to shake the glass of the windows. Emily flung her hands in front of her eyes. When she lowered them again, he was gone.
One week later, in the thick of rush hour, Sonic the Hedgehog came tearing into the store. He weaved and dodged his way around the line, sliding to a stop in front of the till just as the last customer walked off. Not that anybody minded, and if anybody did, they weren’t going to say it.
“Hey, Emily, is it? How’s it hanging?” He grinned.
She could only give a shy smile. “Can I take your order?”
By this point, multiple patrons had gotten their cell phones out and were videoing the whole exchange.
“Sure! One Ultimate Latte, please.”
“And the name for that?”
“You know the one!”
Sonic slapped a wad of cash on the counter and took off to the pickup line. Emily counted the cash, only to find that he’d way overpaid, but any attempt to get his attention again was fruitless- he was busy taking selfies with a group of kids waiting with their mom. She threw the extra change in the tip jar. She then waved the next customer forward, a teenager with her phone out.
“What’s the ‘Ultimate Latte’?” The teen asked.
“Uh, it’s a honeycomb lavender latte.” Emily said.
“Sure, I’ll give it a try. Make it a grande, please.”
By the end of Emily’s shift, the coffee bar had run out of lavender syrup.
By the end of the week, so had the storeroom.