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When it came to love, the spirit of the forbidden library never really cared. The concept was trivial to her, something that acted as a distraction and nothing more.
Because of that, she never really cared to learn more about it. Why would she? There wasn't a need to, especially when she was just fine on her own!
But who was she kidding? Beatrice, the ever great spirit of yin, was lonely. It was blatantly obvious to literally anybody that had eyes.
For 400 years she held herself in her library. Her mother had given her a simple request and she planned to fulfill it to her utmost ability. Someday, "that person" will come. When that day came, she would be ready.
She was excited at first. She was eager to know who her mother had picked to be "that person".
But that excitement quickly turned into disappointment. Most people who found her room were almost always older, gruff looking men. They tried to coerce her and convince her to come out many times, but she wouldn't ever budge. They wanted to no doubt take advantage of her and the knowledge within the library, and she wouldn't let them.
Disappointment eventually turned into sadness. Beatrice remained hopeful for so long, but for what? The book that was gifted to her by mother remained blank. Was she forgotten?
The reality slowly set in on her as the years continued to tick by. Roswaal, Ryuzu, and mother were long gone, and she was hopelessly alone. With each passing day her pain and suffering increased.
By now, she doubted that "that person" even existed at all. If they did, why would they wait so long to come to her? She was beginning to hate the idea of "that person" more and more with each passing day.
By the time 300 years passed, Beatrice solidified a request in her mind. If "that person" showed up, she would ask them to kill her.
One day, the current Roswaal employed two oni children. Beatrice didn't care much. When they found her room, she hardly humored their fearful attitudes and instead pushed them to leave. In her mind, the twins were insignificant. They were not "that person".
Years later, Roswaal brought a half-elf to the mansion. That was just asking for trouble, considering the clear resemblance with the Witch of Envy, but Beatrice didn't pay it much mind. The girl, Emilia, wasn't a threat to any of the mansion's inhabitants.
If she couldn't die, she would protect everyone at the very least. Maybe she would be blessed with death in the process.
But even with that, she was still afraid of what death would bring. She was afraid of the pain and consequences, but she knew that it would make her happy in the end. She looked forward to her conclusion.
Apparently the Emilia girl was also going to be participating in the Royal Selection nonsense. Roswaal would sponsor her. How fun. Though Beatrice could sense that this Roswaal had more devious plans in mind. The Royal Selection was a nonconcern to him. In that way, he was like the Roswaal she used to know. She paid it no mind.
On the bright side, the half-elf's arrival reunited her with Bubby! For the first time in a long time, she was really happy. If she got her opportunity to pet and snuggle with him every now and then, she'd be content with life for a while.
Many days later, a rather annoying man opened her door. He spoke in ways that she didn't understand but his words did well to irritate her. He was too ignorant for her liking.
Beatrice thought well to pay him back for giving him a headache by draining his mana. She thought that he got what he deserved. By the end, before he passed out, he delivered somewhat of a clever deduction. She concluded that he was of no threat to the mansion, so maybe he was worth keeping an eye on.
That thought process was later proven to be correct. He was a strange man, indeed. Natsuki Subaru was her name, and she couldn't help but imprint it into her memory. There was something off yet very intriguing about him.
She spied on him from time to time, observing his actions. She thought that it was weird that he had chosen to become a butler, but it seemed as though his fawning for Emilia was the cause. Even still, she knew that he had never taken up a job of that nature before, yet he expertly handled the chores with little difficulty.
Compared to how he acted when he first arrived, his demeanor and mentality completely shifted. Why was that? She wondered as she observed his weird behavior throughout the week.
It was also notable how the putrid scent of the Witch had seemingly multiplied since his first day. Again, why was that? She knew that he wasn't a danger, nor had any affiliation with the cult, so why? It only continued to spark her intrigue.
When she told him that he was cursed, his reaction surprised him. For being told that his death was inevitable, he seemed entirely unbothered.
She disgustingly envied that mindset. Beatrice wished that she could face death as he did, prideful and unafraid.
Natsuki Subaru gave a speech about how he would fight for his life. He admitted that he was afraid, but he said that he also didn't want his story to end. Such a speech was unexpected. She was surprised yet again.
It was actually inspiring. Something in Beatrice's cold artificial heart tickled at hearing his words. Envy sprouted and she wondered why she couldn't be the same as him. Why did she always have to be afraid to speak her mind? Why couldn't she be honest with others and herself?
The events miraculously turned out in Natsuki Subaru's favor, something which she didn't expect. He was a stubborn man, it seemed, irritatingly so. He would be giving her lots of headaches in the future, she could already tell.
Even so, Beatrice felt more than just a slight hint of happiness. She was glad that he survived.
A part of her began to hope that maybe, just maybe, he was "that person". Maybe he was the one that would end her life.
After the Shaman fiasco, he left the mansion for a while on some Royal Selection business. She didn't concern herself with knowing such details. It didn't really matter to her, but she acknowledged the absence of some of the residents. In particular, she would admittedly miss the boy's demeanor. It was a different change of pace in such a gloomy environment, even if it was irritating. She would never admit that out loud though.
Emilia returned on her own. Beatrice was a little nosy and spied on some of her conversation with the other maid. It seems like the boy did something stupid and it resulted in them having a disagreement. It was fitting for what an irritable character he presented himself as. Hopefully he learned his lesson.
He was left behind to get his gate repaired, but he was still affecting everyone around him, even when he wasn't there. Beatrice could sense him with the forbidden library's amplification. He was accomplishing feats that no other man would dare attempt.
And so the white whale died.
The Witch Cult attacked the domain next. Beatrice felt her care for the matter evaporate. There was a familiar face amongst the cult too, one that she wouldn't dare face. She wasn't strong enough for that.
Beatrice knew that the boy led the opposing force as soon as they showed up. Even if he hid his identity, she was no fool. Emilia was, though, which was why she was easily tricked by his meager disguise. The whole ordeal was a pretty heroic display, and the cult was effortlessly fought off.
While everyone evacuated, she was still alone in the forbidden library. Roswaal went to the Sanctuary to enact some plot, one which she wanted no part in. But, for not acting in the coming conflict, he promised her something that she couldn't refuse.
She relinquished in her seat. It finally felt like the end was coming.
Natsuki Subaru came to see her before he left for the Sanctuary. He was as noisy and annoying as ever, but more so this time than any previous day before. He even called her an irritating nickname, but she chose to ignore it, lest she eject him from the library too soon.
She would play her part in Roswaal's scheme, just as the maid downstairs would do. It would be worth it in the end. That's what she told herself to justify everything.
The boy showed her Geuse's gospel. She felt herself get a little emotional, and it influenced her next actions by a fair amount. He was bugging her to no end, drilling her for information that she did not wish to share. She refused to be a tool that was used for his own convenience and ejected him from her library.
When the door closed, she felt herself relax, but she was still tense. What was she doing? Tears even streamed down her face, leaving streaks of water that stained her cheeks. It's been a while since she last cried.
He'd even confirmed that he wasn't "that person". There was nothing to hope for anymore.
Was this worth it? She told herself that it was because, at this point, there was no other way to get what she wanted. There was no other way to end her suffering.
She gripped at the book that mother left for her. It was blank, ever unchanging, but it was precious to her. It made sense that, in her final moments, she held onto something that meant a lot to her.
But fate wanted to twist the knife. The boy was stubborn and persistent, she would give him that. He barged into the room spouting that he would save her and take her away from the library.
Her heart didn't jump. She refused to believe that it ever would at hearing such words. It was all empty promises, built on lies. She couldn't let herself hope. It was far too late for that.
Even when Natsuki Subaru told her that the enemy was coming, Beatrice stayed glued to her seat. She was more than accepting of her demise. Her fate was set in stone.
But if that's what she really wanted, why did her face fall? Why did a pit open in her heart?
He tried to convince her to leave. It was apparent that he, somehow, knew more than he should, but Beatrice didn't mind. It was more of a blessing for her.
For the first time in many, many years, she opened up about her feelings. She told him the truth. She told him what she wanted, what she desired. She told him of how difficult it was to cling to the memories of the past, especially the ones that she held so dear to her heart. She followed mother's final order without a single complaint, but it was apparent that "that person" would never come.
The only way that she would be set free was to die.
He protested. He pleaded with her and, for some reason, she found herself becoming hopeful again.
With teary eyes, she asked if he would be "that person" for her. He refused.
She ejected him from the mansion at once. She wouldn't humor such trivial behavior, nor would she entertain empty promises. The assassin would come, and only then would she find release.
But this man's stubbornness was a detriment. He kept coming back. Even after having the opportunity to flee with the other residents, he came back. No matter how many times she threw him out, he always returned.
He had the gall to say that she wasn't shutting him out for real. How preposterous. When Betty made up her mind, her mind would not change.
When she tried to deny it, he rudely interrupted her and said that it wasn't true. It made her pause, but she stayed firm in her current mindset. She couldn't back down. He already refused to be "that person". There was no point.
"Why would I be able to come back so many times," he'd said. She faltered and her eyes watered. Her eyes went down to the book in her lap, the last reminder of mother.
She refused him. She wouldn't believe his words, no matter how much she wanted to. Beatrice ignored how much she started to cry when she ejected him from the library for the final time.
She ejected him at the entrance this time. At least he could live while she would finally achieve her wish.
But even as the mansion burned, he still returned for her. Beatrice admired his tenacity, but now they would perish together.
Yet his words pierced her heart. They were hotter than even the flames that burned around them. It made her soul flutter and yearn with hope.
He said that he would be there with her every day. She said that he'd just die anyway.
He said that they would make fun memories together, ones that she would always remember. He said that even if he wouldn't be there forever, he would treasure her then and now.
Beatrice felt her face scrunch up as her tears built up behind her eyes. His hand was held out and her heart wanted to spring forward and take it. Her hand yearned to grab his and she was so close to doing it, but she held herself back.
"You're not "that person"," she said.
"I'm not. It's me, Natsuki Subaru."
He kept going on with heartfelt words that tore her mind to pieces. She grit her teeth and her tears were completely unrestrained. She still clenched the book in her arms like it was her lifeline.
"Let's live together," he said.
"You'll just leave me eventually!"
"So let's engrave each and every moment into your soul. Choose me, Beatrice!"
The fire closed in around them. Beatrice felt something in her heart that she hadn't felt before.
For the first time, she chose something for herself.
As everything came down around them, she finally took his hand. She held onto each and every word that he said in that moment, etching it deep into her memory. He was already living up to his promise.
Together they flew to the Sanctuary, and Beatrice was proud to admit that she cried in his arms for the entire journey. She finally said his name. It felt so nice and filled her heart with great joy. She suddenly didn't feel lonely anymore.
They fought the great rabbit as a team. It was the most fun that Beatrice had in 400 years. She may have used up her mana reserves in the end, but it was more than worth the result.
After that the tension of the situation died down. She learned that Roswaal was HER Roswaal and she vented her anger on him for a bit. How dare he do this! What a fool.
Strangely enough, she couldn't be more satisfied with how things ended. While he may not be "that person", he was a reliable contractor and she knew that she would not regret her choice.
In the past, she never would have thought that she would think this way. Oh how things change so quickly.
Time proved her to be correct in her judgment. Subaru was the best person that she ever could have chosen.
But she realized that, despite his giddy persona, he had many flaws. His nights were often plagued with nightmares that she didn't understand. She tried to comfort him each night, and he appreciated it, but it was never a guarantee to make things better. It upset her a fair bit.
In the end, they started to sleep together. Beatrice would be sure to cuddle him tightly to make him know that he wasn't alone. It seemed to help his nightmares reduce in frequency, and she was happy about that.
The days were filled with enjoyable moments as well. Subaru made good on his promise by always spending time with her, filling every waking moment with something to be remembered. Her heart skipped a few beats whenever they had their time alone together, doing things that they mutually found relaxing or fun. His silliness even began to rub off on her.
But there were times that he didn't give her attention. It made a pit open his her stomach, and it felt so wrong. She understood that he couldn't be there all the time, so why did she feel so weird?
It was even worse when she saw him interact with Emilia. He hopelessly flirted with her, but Emilia remained oblivious to the meanings of his words. Beatrice mentally chatized her for not appreciating Subaru's feelings.
That was what finally made her pause. The abnormalities of her heart got her thinking about what was going on.
The evidence pointed to only one thing, but it didn't make a lot of sense to her. In the end she ended up asking herself: What did it mean to love someone?
Even if she knew what love was, she didn't really understand the concept behind it. Not even mother understood love at its core.
Love meant to have strong feelings for someone, feelings that showed the closeness and care between two people. She had strong feelings about Subaru. She thought that she was close with him and they cared about each other greatly.
Did that mean she was in love?
Beatrice didn't really know. For the days that passed, she let herself think about it even more. Love really was an odd concept.
When it came down to it, she was rather hopeless on her own. It was much like her contractor, but she could never be upset about that. The fact that they needed each other only added to their bond.
Beatrice ended up asking around, going to each resident of the mansion (besides Subaru) and asking them: What does it mean to love someone?
Everyone gave her different answers, more or less.
Ram said that loving someone meant to be dependent on them. But knowing who she admired, Beatrice had reason to believe that her point of view was skewed.
Garfiel told her that love came from admiration. Beatrice could understand that perspective.
Otto was too busy to talk to her, but he said something about love being from the heart. He said that, if she loved someone, it would make itself known to her. Beatrice didn't fully understand what that meant, but she would keep an open mind.
Frederica said that love came from appreciation. More specifically, appreciating what someone does for you and for those around you. Beatrice understood that very well, knowing first hand that appreciation was a driving force of emotion.
Petra had a very similar answer to Frederica, further instilling that it was a great point.
Emilia didn't really have an answer for her. Beatrice wasn't sure what she expected, considering how dense she was, but Emilia ended up surprising her.
"I think that it's very important. You can't live without love. It ties two people together in such an important and unique way that goes beyond a normal relationship. That's why I want to understand what love is before I think about it anymore."
Beatrice heeded Emilia's words. Despite her density, Emilia was smart when it counted.
She hesitated going to Roswaal for advice, but she did it anyway. She did end up regretting her decision in the end, but his answer was still one to acknowledge.
Roswaal told her two things. The first was that jealousy was a sign of love. Being jealous of the fact that the one you admire gives other people affection meant that the heart yearned to be on the receiving end instead. It was an indication of a desire to be loved.
He also told her that love came from attraction. In what way the attraction came was subjective, but attraction was important when it came to the affections of two people. It was essential to maintaining love. Beatrice didn't want to believe it, but she thought that his words actually held some value.
Before she left, Roswaal directly deduced the intentions of her question. It made her scoff before angrily leaving his room. She supposed that was probably why his answers felt so personal to her, because he already knew the why of her asking. That man was seriously irritating to no end.
Even after visiting everyone, she still felt lost.
Poetically, her realization didn't come until she talked with Subaru himself.
"Everyone told me you were going around asking them about love. While I'm a little hurt that you didn't come to be first, I'd be happy to tell you any advice that you need!"
"Betty will humor her silly contractor this one time, I suppose."
If he already knew what she was doing, what harm could be done. That was what she thought. She already heard what she needed to hear, so he would say nothing different.
He laughed a little at her reply, which made her blush a little bit, but she didn't say anything. He just composed himself and spoke.
"Well, I think that love is something special that comes from the heart. You can't love someone without admiring something about them, like a person's qualities. It's all about personality! For example, I love how sweet and caring Emilia is. I also like how clueless she is sometimes and think that its super cute!"
He went on for a little longer, but as he droned on, Beatrice stopped listening. Her mind finally opened as she had the revelation of a lifetime.
Subaru said things that she already heard, but he added to it and intertwined each and every thing in a way that she could clearly understand. At long last, she had a grasp of what love is.
But her time thinking didn't end there. She had to reflect on herself and understand if what she felt was truly love or not. Beatrice wanted to understand her desires and what she really wanted.
She isolated herself in her room for a while just to think.
Did she love mother? Yes, she did, but not in the way of romance. It was forever comparable to a mother and daughter love.
Did she love Ryuzu? Yes, she did. Beatrice wasn't sure if it was ever a romantic love, but she admired and cherished Ryuzu's friendship more than anything.
Her mind eventually went to Subaru, thinking solely of him and what made him special.
Her heart called out to him. She felt a pull to him that she never felt anywhere else. She also greatly appreciated everything that he's done for her. If it wasn't for him, she would be either dead or forced to live trapped in that library for another hundred years.
She was also dependent on him. Beatrice relied on him, but he also relied on her. They were a team with an inseparable bond. He gave her memories that would last a lifetime, and she did her best to reciprocate that.
Her thoughts went to his qualities. Subaru had a personality that she admired and, in a few ways, envied. He lit up a room as soon as he entered. He also wasn't perfect and didn't try to be, which was something that she really liked about him. Subaru was someone that she would spend every hour of every day beside if she could.
When it came to her heart, she knew that it soared when she was around him. It would skip in its beats and a blush would taint her cheeks. Sometimes she would even feel a little hot, but even then she felt the desire to cozy up at his side. She wanted to be close to him every second that she could too.
Her eyes widened as she finally came to a realization. She finally knew how she really felt.
"Hey, Beako, you okay?"
She blinked a few times, turning to Subaru. "A-Ah, yes, Betty is fine."
He still looked a little concerned. "Are you sure? You were spaced out for a while."
"Betty was just reminiscing, is all."
She smiled as she looked at the ceiling. Subaru didn't understand, but she wanted to keep it that way.
It was apparent that she didn't stand a chance when it came to the competition, but she didn't fret over it. She only liked the feelings that he gave her and cherished them.
Maybe one day she would confess and ease the beats of her staggering heart, but today was not that day.
That was how she figured out that she loved Natsuki Subaru.