Work Text:
To-do lists were fun – at least for Seungmin who has always been very enthusiastic about organizing things and thoroughly planning every single aspect of his life.
Even though to-do lists were able to provide the bare minimum of serotonin in Kim’s life, something was still lacking. Maybe it were countless social interactions? Crazy adventures? Parties with hectolitres of alcohol? And maybe all of these things?
It’s not that Seungmin was particularly unhappy about his life. Overall it wasn’t bad. It was rather very stable and predictable. So predictable he almost wanted to puke. There wasn’t any typical teenage drama in his life. Everything seemed boring. Bland.
And what did he do to change that?
Of course he made a to-do list.
It wasn’t your usual to-do list though.
It was made after gathering the most interesting activities out of dozens of teenage books and movies. The list itself was perfect in every aspect as it included what Seungmin craved the most – all the things he wanted to do before he turned eighteen.
Ranging from the simplest points such as baking a cake or screaming his lungs out at a random field to as complicated as asking a stranger for their number or getting drunk and not passing out.
He managed to complete almost all of his goals. Almost.
There was one point on his list which he didn’t get to cross out yet.
Sitting in his Korean class, he was staring at a creased sheet of paper covered in small, even letters. Right in front of his eyes, there was the final goal yet to be completed:
Kiss someone.
Here’s the deal - Seungmin wasn’t the type of person to rush into romantic relationships (and relationships in general). He would rather focus on discovering new love stories from various types of media than creating his own. Besides – meeting new people requires a lot of social skills and unnecessary effort meanwhile fanfics and escapism don’t.
Fanfics just keep winning.
For some reason dating someone in real life would be scary. And time-consuming. And terrifying. And too complicated. Did he mention scary?
It just didn’t feel right even though deep down Seungmin wanted to be more than a friend to someone. To this mysterious someone whom he would like to have his first kiss with.
He had two days until his eighteenth birthday. Two days to kiss someone.
And he couldn’t ignore his to-do list.
*
“Seungmin'' Jisung poked Seungmin’s arm but his friend didn’t seem to bother. Even though the class ended a while earlier, he was still mindlessly staring at the little piece of paper right in front of him.
“Oh” Jisung understood almost immediately.
He knew perfectly well about Seungmin’s list – after all Seungmin and him were best friends. They were together since elementary school – always coming up with not-so-clever ideas. Seungmin’s to-do list was a prime example of that.
Perhaps Jisung could try hard to persuade his friend not to create a list and simply wait for his eighteenth birthday just like a regular person would. Perhaps he could but that would take away all the fun. The fun which they both wanted to hold on to so desperately.
Seungmin sighed.
“This whole idea is fucked up” he pointed to a piece of paper right in front of him. “Now I feel bad about something I probably won’t do but I have this stupid sense of duty so I will feel like a failure if I don’t cross out everything on my list.“
Jisung shrugged.
“Then forget about it. Throw it away. Pretend it never existed. You already know it’s not your brightest idea.”
Jisung knew those words were the ones Seungmin clearly didn’t want to hear. Jisung might have not known the answers to questions from their recent test but he was definitely aware of what his friend needed at the moment.
“Oh come on, I can’t give up now!” Seungmin gave Jisung a nudge on the shoulder.
“But…” he leaned back in his seat ”there are just so many problems with simply kissing someone. Where do I even find the right person?”
Right at that moment something fell onto the floor behind the two boys. They turned their heads around simultaneously only to see their classmate – Hwang Hyunjin – cussing under his breath while picking up a book from the floor.
Both Seungmin and Jisung remained unbothered and just continued their conversation while Hyunjin rushed towards the nearest door.
“I don’t know either. Use your fanfic knowledge for this.”
“Jisung '' Seungmin looked straight into his best friend’s eyes “I read slowburn. I have two days, not fifty chapters. At this point I need something as quick as a 2 000 words one-shot. Besides, you read fanfics too so maybe you should be the one telling me what to do.”
“Don’t bully me, it’s not me who has to kiss someone!”
“Thank God we don’t have a second case like this.”
“Excuse me?” Jisung frowned and put his hand to his chest “I’m not as hopeless as you.”
Seungmin rolled his eyes.
“Keep believing that if it helps you sleep at night.”
“I don’t know whether I should feel offended but let me just ignore that. Instead I will focus on trying to come up with a plan to help you. Because you are both my friend and a hopeless case.”
Despite the generous offer of help, Jisung’s head wasn’t full of ideas. Quite the opposite actually. While thinking about helping his lost case of a friend, it was rather painfully empty. You could almost hear a tumbleweed bouncing off the ground there.
He knew he had to come up with something. Anything would do.
There must have been some cliches that would be helpful at times like that.
With hundreds of hours spent on reading cheesy stories, he must have encountered a fic that had a situation similar to that. Or did he…?
“Party” he blurted out as a single chaotic thought crossed his mind.
“Uhm… What?”
“Go to a party” there was a sparkle of insanity in Jisung’s eyes.
Seungmin didn’t quite understand his friend’s sudden outburst of energy at the mention of a party.
“Chris is organising a big one tomorrow. He invited the whole baseball team. Including you. You know how it always is – his parties go down in history.”
Seungmin squinted. He had heard about the party before but quickly forgot about it since he didn’t plan on showing up.
“You know I’m not a party person.”
“Then are you a person who kisses someone just for the sake of a to-do list?”
Although it was hard to admit, Jisung had a point. It seemed as if Seungmin deliberately wanted to make his life more complicated. Because who in the right mind even follows some idiotic to-do lists?
Jisung already looked quite pumped up about the idea of partying with a bunch of drunk people from school in that awfully big house of Christopher Bang. Whatever vision Jisung had in a head of his, it seemed to have convinced him to drag Seungmin to the party – with force if needed.
Seungmin was positive nothing would come out of it but did he really have any other real options?
Because – by social standards – asking random people to kiss in the school building wasn’t quite the move. It was a thing at house parties though.
“Okay, fine. I’m not a party animal” Seungmin crossed his arms over his chest. “But I guess I have to go there.”
Before Jisung could say anything he added “Only if you come with me though.”
“Oh I certainly wouldn’t miss the chance to see you make out with someone. You know, sticking your tongue down their throat and all.”
Seungmin rolled his eyes.
“You don’t even know how much I dread this whole idea.”
“Oh I’m perfectly aware. That’s what makes it so fun.”
*
Parties definitely weren’t Seungmin’s thing. As soon as he entered Chris’ house, he immediately became even more convinced it’s not something he would really enjoy.
Even though it was barely 8 p.m. a lot of people were already drunk. How did they manage to do it so quickly was a question yet to be answered.
“Seungmin!” he heard a familiar voice as soon as someone wrapped him in a tight hug. Of course it was Chris. Only he could greet someone in such a welcoming way. “I thought you didn’t like parties but I’m still so glad you’re here” a wide smile appeared on his face. “Do you need anything? Something to eat? Beer? Soju?”
“No, thank you. I’m good for now” Seungmin smiled while trying not to show Chris how stressed out he really was. “I guess I’ll just… look around a bit.”
“Okay, that’s awesome. I’m here if you need anything, ‘kay?”
“Yeah… right, okay. Thank you so much.”
“No problem, dude” Chris winked.
A few seconds later Chris disappeared as he left to greet another new guest.
Seungmin felt lost. And awkward. He could have stayed by Chris’ side but that would make him rather annoying. Besides – he was able to take care of himself.
Standing in the corner of the room, he checked his phone. There weren’t any new messages.
He quickly typed:
Seungmin: you better hurry up
Seungmin: the party has already started, where are you???
Jisung: im omw
Jisung: wait for me
Seungmin: …
Jisung: sorry for that dont be too mad ily and see youuu
When Jisung says he’s “on his way” it means he is still getting ready. Seungmin expected to see Jisung in half an hour. That was the most optimistic scenario.
Seungmin put his phone back to his pocket and looked around. Many people appeared familiar yet he was still hesitant whether to come up to them or not. After all, he wasn't really close with anybody.
Maybe he should approach a complete stranger? Logically speaking it would be better if the person whom he kissed didn’t really remember him afterwards. However, leading to a kiss… Oh god it seemed frightening.
How do people do this? Do they openly say “hey, I made a stupid to do list and that’s why I have to kiss someone before my eighteenth birthday and my birthday happens to be tomorrow so you know… wanna make out?”
Okay, he already knew he couldn’t say that. Besides there aren’t many people who make such lists so quite obviously, they don’t have a problem like this.
Probably it was just Seungmin’s thing.
Something that only Seungmin and manic pixie dream girls do instead of appointing a meeting with a licensed therapist.
It would be better to act normal. Just like in books and fanfics – find the right person and just go with the flow. Even though Seungmin’s flow didn’t work as it was expected to.
He desperately needed a confidence boost.
Maybe Chris was right as he offered him a drink.
Seungmin needed alcohol.
*
Maybe drinking wasn’t the best option for Seungmin. He indeed felt more confident however confidence came together with dizziness.
Standing by the table, he met a girl. She was really attractive and seemed to have been quite cool – up until she mentioned having a crush on a guy from the school’s soccer team.
Boys from said team were always bad news and Seungmin just didn’t want to be in the presence of someone who is interested in them. Even though that girl was in fact drop-dead gorgeous.
Walking around with a drink in his hand he talked to quite a few more interesting people.
Two guys who were passionately telling him about their new motorcycles, a girl who was waiting for her best friend – just like Seungmin - and finally someone who was the 3D version of Kageyama from Haikyuu.
Oh god, Seungmin always had a weak spot for Kageyama.
For some reason though, kissing any of those people wouldn’t feel right (not even the Kageyama person). Seungmin didn’t want to kiss anyone without their consent. Leading someone on and then leaving right after kissing them would be disgusting.
That’s why Seungmin had to find the right person. Someone who wouldn’t mind it being his first kiss yet a person who wouldn’t defenestrate him after learning, the kiss was all for a stupid to do list. Someone with whom he would feel comfortable.
And to believe that, he must have been quite delusional.
Maybe another shot of soju would help. Maybe.
Or maybe he could just feel less disgusting.
Minutes later, with a glass of alcohol in his hand he stood by the table, waiting for a miracle to happen.
His eyes widened as he saw someone standing in the doorway.
Jisung finally came to the party – that’s what counts as the so-called miracle.
“Jisung?” Seungmin exclaimed and rushed to his best friend almost spilling his drink somewhere on his way “For a while I thought you’re not going to make it.”
“Sorry for that” Jisung scratched his nape. “Are you mad?”
It wasn’t the first time Seungmin had to wait for his friend for quite a long time. Certainly it also wasn’t the last one.
“A bit. I mean… You could have told me earlier but hey! At least I’ve got to meet some new people.”
“And…? Did you, you know…?” Jisung gestured expressively with his hands. It took Seungmin a while to understand what it meant.
“Well… No. I didn’t.”
“Were you close to it though?”
You could almost see hope written all over Jisung’s face. His eyes opening wide, cheeks getting rosy out of excitement, the corners of his lips going up.
“No.”
Seungmin’s response was enough to make Jisung lose a bit of his positive attitude.
“Well… I thought you would somehow manage to do it. I got my hopes up.”
“And who are you to say that, huh? May I remind you, you also haven’t had your first kiss yet?”
Jisung bit his lip “I’m aware.” He looked around the room. “Let’s go grab some drinks, I can’t do this sober.”
*
Jisung always put everyone around him in a good mood – especially when he was drunk. Seungmin could vividly remember how his whole body hurt from laughing a few weeks earlier when they both drank cheap liquor and Jisung couldn’t stop telling some crappy jokes which sounded like peak comedy at the time.
After a while, Jisung was already fooling around and enjoying being the centre of attention. Seungmin on the other hand seemed nervous. He didn’t have much time left until midnight. As much as he wanted to take a deep breath and relax, despite his thoughts being a bit chaotic, the only thing he could think about was his list.
“Hey” Jisung nudged his friend “You didn’t laugh at my jokes, something has to be wrong.”
“How is it supposed to not be wrong?” Seungmin huffed “I have less than two hours to kiss someone. It just won’t happen.”
“Well…” Jisung’s face lit up with a sly smile. “I have lips, you have lips, how about we make them meet halfway?”
Seungmin was speechless. Not necessarily in a positive way.
“I’m sorry but it was the worst thing you have ever said.”
“Oh, come on! At least I tried!”
“Jisung…”
“You can hate me but there’s no way you can hate my pick-up lines. And those very kissable lips” he shamelessly pointed at his pouty lips.
Seungmin couldn’t stop a small smile from appearing on his face.
“I have to admit – your lips do look kissable. And your lip balm must be quite good, I will steal it someday. But dude, you know perfectly well I can’t kiss you. That would be awkward. Besides… I don’t want history to repeat itself. Remember the time when we tried to kiss in fifth grade?”
Jisung winced.
“I couldn’t possibly forget this. From that moment on my mom thought every guy friend I had was my boyfriend. Including you. She’s still kinda suspicious. It’s not my fault we both wanted to know what kissing is like.”
“And now here we are. Two desperate dudes at a party.”
“Don’t be so pessimistic, Minnie. As I’m also here, we can always kiss. Just say a word and my lips will be ready” Jisung said proudly, lifting up his chin.
“You’re too stubborn” Seungmin said jokingly.
“I’m just enjoying myself. This party is fun.” Jisung smiled as he saw something interesting from the corner of his eye. “But you know what will be even more fun?”
“Please enlighten me.”
“Going up to the dance floor.”
“Jisung… No.” Seungmin groaned. Dancing amidst other drunk people didn’t seem enjoyable to Seungmin - even after all of the drinks he’d had.
You could say their definitions of a good time were polar opposites and that wouldn’t stray away from the truth.
“Jisung, yes. Now come on, get up” he grabbed Seungmin by his wrists and pulled him in the direction of a group of drunk, dancing people. “Come on, there’s this cute guy I told you about a few days ago.”
Oh god.
It must have been Minho. The Minho. Minho who was one of the most handsome yet sarcastic people to ever set their foot on Earth.
Of course Jisung had a crush on the least available guy ever. Of fucking course. Even though he managed to get closer to Minho over the past few weeks, Seungmin wasn’t sure whether Jisung would manage to get out of this whole having a crush on Minho thing without getting his heart broken.
Seungmin wanted to free his wrist from Jisung’s grip and run away. Jisung felt something was wrong so he quickly turned around.
“I promise you’re not going to regret it. You’ll see for yourself.”
The thing was – Seungmin didn’t want to see it for himself. He couldn’t shake off the thoughts saying something can really go wrong.
Suddenly he felt a wave of dizziness. His head was heavier than before. The alcohol finally hit him – alas in the worst possible moment. His knees got weak for a second but he didn’t fall. Instead he followed Jisung, still trying to keep his balance.
People around him were dancing. They looked stupid at first but with every second Seungmin’s urge to dance with them was stronger. He wasn’t entirely drunk. He could still feel the embarrassment when his body started to move in a rhythmic way.
“Look at you!” Jisung yelled trying to be louder than the ear-piercing music. “You’re dancing! And let me tell you, it doesn’t even look that bad!”
“Mhm it’s just a matter of time before I win “The world of dance”” he said sarcastically.
“Speaking of which…” Jisung’s sly smile didn’t promise any good. “At this party there are two ex-contestants who happen to look our way right now.”
“What the fuck?” Seungmin suddenly felt as if there was no air in the room. “What are you talking about? Who are they?”
“They’re right behind me, so please don’t look at them or-“
Too bad.
Seungmin has already looked at them nearly breaking his neck beforehand. Minho and Hyunjin were busy occupying the center part of the dance floor. Dancing close to each other, their moves were smooth and clean. Definitely quite… sensual.
“What did I tell you about looking at them?! If you keep staring like that they’re going to think you’re a creep and-“
Jisung’s words didn’t seem to reach Seungmin’s ears. He was too busy admiring how the two guys were able to move their bodies so gracefully. Their moves were as smooth as the ocean waves - calm and graceful yet powerful. Just like looking at the ocean, watching Minho and Hyunjin hypnotised Seungmin leaving him with a tight stomach.
“Dude, I’m serious” Jisung suddenly appeared in front of Seungmin, making it impossible for him to see the dancing duo. “Stop. Besides… I didn’t know you were so interested in Hyunjin. At least blink if you’re going to stare at him for so long.”
Hyunjin.
Oh god.
HYUNJIN.
Seungmin’s knees got weak as soon as he heard Hyunjin’s name.
He must have not recognize him at first amidst the dim lighting.
Suddenly his vision got even more blurry. He desperately tried to properly adjust his focus just to be able to see Hyunjin clearly again.
Hyunjin was his classmate and to be frank, Seungmin had never paid too much attention to him. Up until that moment. Something in the universe must have switched. Whether it was the alcohol, the party’s whole atmosphere or just Hyunjin being… well… himself – it had left quite an impact on Seungmin.
“Come on, we’re coming up to them” without waiting for a response, Jisung dragged Seungmin across the room.
He started dancing right next to Minho and Hyunjin while simultaneously signalling Seungmin to start moving his body to the beat. Seungmin started moving his limbs in a poor attempt to dance – quite nervously but he did.
His thoughts just wouldn’t stop circulating around Hyunjin. How Hyunjin would see him? How dancing next to Hyunjin would be like? How Hyunjin would react to Seungmin’s sweaty palms if their hands accidentally touched?
That certainly wasn’t how one should think about his classmate.
After a while, Minho and Hyunjin exchanged glances which Seungmin was too buried in his own thoughts to notice.
“Mind if we dance?” a soft voice whispered right into Jisung’s ear.
Seungmin saw everything.
How Jisung’s eyes lit up, how his hands did shake and how Minho smiled at Jisung. Not to mention how Jisung almost stopped breathing.
That was a lot to take in.
Of course Seungmin knew that his friend managed to get closer to Minho over the past few weeks. But this?
Who would have known The Minho would invite Jisung to dance.
Situations like this never happened in real life. It was on brand for movies, books and cheesy fanfics written under the pen name "wonpills2209".
“Hey” Seungmin felt his whole face getting hot when he heard him “I didn’t know you would go to this party.”
All of Seungmin's muscles were tense. He slowly turned around only to see the most breathtaking person in the room – Hwang The Hot Hyunjin.
“Well… I didn’t know either. It just happened” he laughed nervously, while repeating only four words in his head like a mantra.
Breathe in, breathe out…
Talking to Hyunjin seemed rather weird after what he has seen a while earlier. Seungmin couldn’t help but wonder how it would be to feel Hyunjin’s body right next to his.
He didn’t really like Those Thoughts.
Bold of him to think about this after basically ruining his chances with Hyunjin by acting like an absolute fool, unable to come up with a coherent sentence.
Not being able to hear Seungmin’s inner struggles, Hyunjin said nonchalantly “You look extraordinarily hot today.”
Oh.
The way Hyunjin said those words so casually have put Seungmin in a state of shock. Maybe it was because Hyunjin was drunk? Or maybe because he told that to everyone he wanted to dance with? Was he the person to tell such compliments to random people?
Seungmin didn’t know. Didn’t know what Hyunjin was really like. Never really wanted to know.
“Does it mean I don’t look hot every day?” Seungmin blurted out. It would probably sound better if he didn’t drink a few shots beforehand.
Hyunjin giggled “Of course you’re hot every day but tonight you seem different. More confident.”
At that very moment the last bits of confidence left Seungmin. Either he was very drunk or Hyunjin suddenly just had that kind of impact on him. Perhaps both.
"To be honest I don't feel confident. Not even in the slightest" he thought to himself but didn’t have enough courage to say out loud.
Suddenly Seungmin heard the first beats of a song which seemed quite familiar to him. It was definitely featured on Jisung’s pride and joy – a playlist called “songs to shake your ass to”.
A quick glance at Jisung shook Seungmin to the bone. Jisung was actually really into dancing right next to Minho. Even more, as he recognized which song was playing. You could barely even find any space between their bodies. It was both startling and very hot - the straight out of the oven kind of hot.
Seungmin felt someone pressing their chest against his back.
Oh.
His whole body was burning inside. Flames straight from hell set him on fire.
“Do you want to dance like this too?” Hyunjin whispered right into his ear provocatively.
Seungmin wanted to ignore The Thoughts. Thoughts that made him feel things he has never felt before. As much as it was unwanted it clearly wasn’t unpleasant.
The warmth of Hyunjin’s body, the sight of Minho and Jisung getting lost in the music a while earlier, the people all gathered in one place on a Friday night – it all made Seungmin dizzy.
“Is this even a question?” he muttered almost not recognizing his own voice. Usually he wasn’t that flirty and he has definitely never felt as bold as he did at that moment.
Hyunjin grabbed his waist, gently pressing Seungmin even closer to him.
The thing is – Seungmin have never been confident when dancing was the matter. Even beside Hyunjin, his body didn’t immediately go with the flow of the music. In fact, Seungmin managed to step on Hyunjin’s foot once. Or twice. Or even four times but who would even count that (Seungmin did).
He was afraid Hyunjin would say something. He could feel the other guy’s body become tense after the first time so he immediately assumed it couldn’t go well after this.
“I’m so, so sorry” Seungmin blurted out looking Hyunjin in the eyes “Did it hurt? Oh god I bet it did-”
“Not more than when you fell from heaven” Hyunjin giggled.
Seungmin couldn’t have been more confused. “Excuse me?”
“I didn’t hurt as much as it must have hurt you when you fell from heaven.”
The corners of Seungmin’s lips went up as he rolled his eyes. “Has anyone ever told you your jokes are a bit… overused?”
“Of course not!” just like Seungmin, Hyunjin also couldn’t help himself from smiling. “That would be rude!”
“Well… in that case I must be quite rude.”
“Good ‘cause I like bad boys.”
Seungmin busted out laughing. Without thinking too much, he placed his hand on Hyunjin’s shoulder burying his nose in Hwang’s shirt.
“Please, those are the worst jokes ever, why do I enjoy them so much” he said, trying to gasp for air and stop himself from laughing.
“It’s all because I tell them.”
Seungmin looked Hyunjin in the eyes playfully “Of course, keep lying to yourself.”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes when a smile appeared on his face.
He couldn’t get enough of Seungmin. Of his smile, the way his eyes would sparkle in the hazy lighting – even his sarcastic comments. To be completely honest, Hyunjin found it especially hard not to fall for Seungmin. Not only did he want to keep Seungmin in his arms at all cost but he also couldn’t stop himself from looking right into his big, smart eyes.
He wouldn’t quite say they held stars inside them – more like an entire galaxy along with a clock magicians use to hypnotise people. You could say Hyunjin was absolutely hypnotized and it wouldn’t stray away from the truth.
"I'm about to say something overused again so be prepared" Hyunjin stated.
"Now I'm curious, say it."
"Has someone already told you, you have beautiful eyes?"
"Yeah, sure. My mom says that all the time."
"And your mom is absolutely right" Hyunjin exclaimed. "I'm not sure whether she would support the idea of us dancing like this right now but she would definitely agree with me when it comes to your eyes."
“Are you always so flirty?”
“Only today. Because I finally got the chance of flirting with you, Seungmin.”
“Let’s say I believe you.”
To be completely honest, Seungmin couldn’t stay immune to Hyunjin’s charms for too long.
They danced for the duration of four songs, not leaving too much space for Jesus between their bodies.
“I never knew this side of you, Mr. Kim” Hyunjin placed his chin on Seungmin’s shoulder. His long blonde hair tickled Seungmin’s skin, making his every nerve as sensitive as ever.
“And I never knew this side of you, Mr. Hwang.”
Hyunjin looked up feeling as if every cell of his body was tingling with excitement “Can we go… somewhere else?”
He didn’t have to wait for the answer for too long.
Seungmin grabbed Hyunjin’s hand. He didn’t think about that move at all. As if his body just knew what to do. “Let’s go”.
*
The hallway was dark but neither Hyunjin nor Seungmin wanted to turn the lights on. It was an unwritten rule of every party – don’t turn the lights on unless it’s absolutely necessary.
There should also be another rule – if you want to have sex, for the love of God, lock the door. Or at least say something when someone is knocking.
After accidentally walking in on a couple having fun, Hyunjin and Seungmin tried to be even more careful while attempting to find a room. Luckily for them - after seeing three people, asleep on a pink bed in a room - they managed to find another place where they could stay for a while.
A room without half-naked couples and people who fell asleep after drinking too much alcohol.
As soon as they stepped into the bedroom, Hyunjin placed his hand on Seungmin’s waist.
“Wait, let me lock the door” Seungmin quickly found the doorknob and made sure no one would be able to enter the room when he and Hyunjin will be busy.
“You thought everything through, didn’t you?” Hyunjin said as he stroked his fingers through Seungmin’s hair.
To be frank – Seungmin had thought about quite a lot of things before. Yet he didn’t predict how Hyunjin would affect him. Before that night’s party, him and Hyunjin were just classmates. At least that’s how it has always been.
“You could say I did.”
They were both standing by the door not wanting to make a single move. Going to sit on the bed would be too suggestive. It wouldn’t feel right. At least not yet.
Not when Hyunjin still didn’t know the truth about the to do list.
“But…” Hyunjin’s brows furrowed. “Weren’t you thinking too much just now though? You seem rather worried. Is there something wrong?”
Oh hell yeah there was something wrong. The stupidest thing to ever exist. Something that could ruin the mood in seconds. The to do list.
“I… Yeah, actually there is.”
Hyunjin took a step back, staggered on his feet a bit. His face became as white as a sheet.
“Does it have something to do with the way I touched you when we were dancing? If so, then I’m so sorry, I- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. Are you all right? Do you-“
“Hyunjin” Seungmin interrupted.
He felt his hear sink. The look in Hyunjin’s eyes, the way he was ready to take the blame and stop without a second of doubt – it was clearly enough to make Seungmin realize, Hyunjin was a kind person. So painfully kind.
It would be easier to just tell him the truth if Hyunjin was an asshole.
“Hyunjin, I…” he couldn’t force himself to say anything.
There was a gulp in Seungmin’s throat which just wouldn’t let him explain everything properly.
“Hey” Hyunjin took Seungmin’s hand but quickly let go. “Sorry ‘bout that. You don’t have to explain yourself. It’s okay” he smiled.
At that moment, Seungmin’s heart was shattered.
The corners of Hyunjin’s lips raised slightly, his cheeks now covered in pink and his eyes looking at Seungmin with nothing but pure kindness.
“Did someone tell you already, you look like an angel when you smile?”
Hyunjin giggled “You’re the first person.”
Seungmin took a deep breath. He had to tell Hyunin the truth even though it could make that beautiful smile of his fade away.
“I bet I would also be the first person to tell you something else. Something messed up.”
“Huh?”
“Okay, before I say anything, I know I’m an asshole. I’m aware. But I won’t mind if you remind me of this after I tell you everything.
“Hey” Hyunjin said “I don’t think calling you names would make me feel any better. Whatever you need to tell me, it will be okay.”
Even after Hyunjin's reassurance, Seungmin knew hearing about the list clearly wouldn't be a pleasant experience - not for Hyunjin, Seungmin or even the FBI agent somehow overhearing their conversation. Yet he knew what had to be done. Taking a deep breath usually didn't help much but Seungmin did it anyway.
“Well… Okay… So… A few months ago I’ve made a list. A list with everything I want to make before my eighteenth birthday. There were quite a few normal things there. I did almost everything I wanted to. Almost. There was the hardest thing left.”
He took another not-so-calming deep breath and quickly blurted out “By the hardest thing I meant kissing someone.”
Seungmin closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them, he started staring at the floor just to avoid looking at Hyunjin and his big, glowing eyes.
“Yes I know I’m a bastard for including kissing someone on my list” he continued, eyes still focused on the blue, fuzzy carpet lying on the floor. “There’s no point in explaining myself. I didn’t think this through. Back then I thought it would be cool to just kiss someone. I still do. But the thing is – I don’t want to do it just because it’s written on my stupid list.”
“But-“
“Hyunjin, I can’t even say anything in my defence. I just need to let you know I wanted to get close to you tonight not because of the list but because I think you’re an amazing person. To tell you the truth, I've discovered it today but that doesn't change anything. More precisely – when you told your overused pick-up lines. You’re so confident. So kind. Not to mention you look hot in black and your voice makes me feel dizzy. Dizzy but in a good way. After all I just thought I felt something when I was with you.” he quickly locked his eyes with Hyunjin’s just to look away seconds later.
“Now I just want to say I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
The boys stood in silence for a while. Even the party downstairs seemed to have gotten a bit more quiet.
“Seungmin.”
“Yeah, I know I’m fucked up.”
“Seungmin” Hyunjin repeated himself, his voice calm and the corners of his lips slightly raised.
“What?” Seungmin finally looked up just to meet his gaze with Hyunjin’s. And – to his own surprise – to see a smile on Hyunjin’s face.
“I knew about your list.”
Seungmin stopped breathing for a while.
"What?"
"I knew. Really."
“No, no, no, you couldn't have known!” Seungmin’s hands were shaking “It was a secret!”
“Well…” Hyunjin couldn’t stop himself from laughing. “You and Jisung aren’t too secretive.”
Suddenly a memory from two days earlier went through Seungmin’s mind. When he and Jisung were discussing how to possibly kiss someone, Hyunjin dropped his books. Right behind their back. Just as they were talking about the list.
“You…” Seungmin slightly furrowed his brows in disbelief ”You heard it in class two days ago?”
Hyunjin’s smile grew even wider.
“Mhm” he nodded. “Then and also quite a few times before that. Before you two were only talking about the list as a whole. Maybe sometimes you’ve discussed some certain points but man, when I tell you I didn’t expect kissing to be on the list.”
“Don’t even remind me” Seungmin hid his face in his hands.
“I mean… it was unexpected but I don’t complain. Can I be honest?”
“Yeah… sure.”
“I’ve actually wanted to kiss you for quite some time now.”
Seungmin felt his cheeks burn from the inside. Maybe not only his cheeks but his body as a whole.
Flames straight from the greatest depths of hell.
Him touching anything flammable would pose a fire hazard.
“What?” he muttered almost inaudibly.
“This is awkward” Hyunjin scratched his nape. “You were always sitting in front of me in class and that’s how I started paying attention to you. From that moment on it just kind of happened” he laughed nervously.
The world stopped at that moment. At least for Seungmin.
“For how long have you…” he drew circles in the air with his index finger not being able to say a word. His brain simply refused to work as most of his brain cells turned into ashes.
“For almost a year.”
“Damn” Seungmin let this word slip out of his mouth. “I mean… It’s been quite some time.”
“Yeah” Hyunjin smiled awkwardly “I guess it was. You have no idea how good it feels to get this off my chest. And it’s good to know you think I look hot in black.”
Not only did Seungmin cringe after hearing his own words from just a few moments before but he also had a feeling his whole face was red from embarrassment. Not in a cute way though - it was the stop sign-esque kind of red.
“I also mentioned you’re kind but I see you’ve just decided to ignore that part.”
Hyunjin took a step closer to Seungmin.
“Not really. I remember everything.”
After looking into Hyunjin’s eyes, feeling his skin right next to Seungmin’s, Seungmin couldn’t find excuses any longer. He liked Hyunjin. Whether it was a romantic or sexual attraction, just wanting to find someone for a few hours or stay with them for a little longer, Seungmin was done denying the truth.
He liked Hyunjin. A lot.
He wanted to feel the other boy’s presence, to see him laugh at their own jokes, to be able to stroke his own fingers through those long, blonde hair – just to be close to Hyunjin.
Hyunjin was just a classmate. In past tense.
“Damn” Seungmin smiled under his breath. “Who would have thought you were so flirty.”
“This is a skill you acquire.” Hyunjin placed his hand on his chest. “If you’re lucky enough, I can even show you how flirty I might get.”
“To be honest I wouldn’t mind it.”
Seungmin tilted his head back slightly. His eyes were still entirely focused on Hyunjin – his dreamy eyes, even brows and a cute nose. Not to forget about his red, plumpy lips. Those lips were certainly to die for.
Not to mention, Seungmin couldn’t stop himself from thinking how they would feel right on his lips.
What would kissing Hyunjin feel like? More importantly – what [how] does kissing feel like in general? Wouldn’t it be awkward? At least, the amount of awkwardness should be bearable.
There was also another question at the back of Seungmin’s head. A question which felt weird even if he had never meant to say it out loud.
Would Seungmin know how to kiss Hyunjin?
As his heart told him, he carried out proper research on the topic of kissing, yet he didn’t feel much better after expanding his knowledge. Everyone was just saying at the moment of kissing, you know. Seungmin wasn’t so sure about it. How was he supposed to know??
He had thought about his first kiss more than he would like to admit he did. He was done only thinking about it. Even despite his lack of theoretical and practical knowledge.
“Is there something on your mind?” Hyunjin asked.
If being straightforward would ever do Seungmin any good, it was at that moment.
“Yeah, there is'' he blurted out before a rational thought had crossed his mind. "Kissing you. I was casually thinking about kissing you.”
Hyunjin’s eyes were wide open out of shock. His cheeks got red in the span of only a few seconds. Of course he knew Seungmin could surprise him at any moment yet still couldn’t predict this.
Throughout the whole night, Hyunjin had the thought about what kissing Seungmin would be like at the back of his head. One of the reasons he decided to come to Chris’ party was the possibility of meeting Seungmin there.
As all the events were leading up to the kiss, it shouldn’t come off as a revelation for neither of them. Nevertheless it clearly did.
“So…” Seungmin couldn’t help but feel his face go red. “Do you mind if we…?”
“No” Hyunjin tried to act cool and stop his voice from cracking mid-sentence. “Actually I don’t mind.”
Out of many books Seungmin has read and movies he has watched, none of them mentioned how awkward it would be to actually kiss. They were all about describing the magical atmosphere of a first kiss and how the couples always knew they were meant for each other.
Although he was too embarrassed to admit it, Seungmin didn’t know Hyunjin well enough to even think about being with him for more than one night. After all, they never got to know each other well.
But maybe that night was just right to be their beginning?
Seungmin took a step closer to Hyunjin and placed his hand on the other boy’s cheek. He brushed Hyunjin’s blonde hair with his finger.
A shy smile raised the corners of Hyunjin’s lips.
“Gosh” he put his hands on Seungmin’s waist and pulled him closer “I think I like you, Seungmin”
“Well… I think I might like you too, Hyunjin. And we might have just been a bit too sappy” he giggled.
He looked into Hyunjin’s eyes. Big, playful eyes who looked at Seungmin with so much love and admiration, it almost felt surreal.
Finally their lips touched. A gentle touch was just the beginning.
Seungmin felt the wave of dizziness and heat taking over his body. His knees got weak. Not even in his wildest dreams would he imagine someone's lips could physically be this soft. He stroked his fingers through Hyunjin's hair.
Hyunjin slowly deepened the kiss.
For almost a year, he could only dream about this moment. None of what he imagined was on par with reality.
He didn't predict how soft Seungmin's lips actually were, how his hair would tickle him, how Seungmin's hands would leave every nerve in his body tingling.
He couldn't get enough - selfishly he wanted to
Seungmin took a step back and opened his eyes just to meet Hyunjin's gaze a moment later. Even though it was hard to look away from Hyunjin's eyes, Seungmin couldn't help but feel the strong need to stare at the other boy's lips.
Lips which he knew were soft. Lips which could form the most beautiful smile Seungmin has ever seen. Lips which he wanted to kiss again so badly.
At that moment his only desire was to feel Hyunjin's gentle touch, his hands leaving invisible traces on Seungmin's waist.
The world seemed cold without Hyunjin's warmth.
"Damn" Seungmin let out a breath.
Hyunjin didn't respond. Not because he didn't want to - he was too starstruck to even be able to articulate a single word.
Seungmin was right in front of him. And it didn't seem as if he was going anywhere. He was there to stay.
"Seungmin, I…" he began. "I mean…"
He didn't get to finish as a second later someone firmly pulled the doorknob. So firmly the door nearly fell off the hinges. Bless Seungmin's mind for locking it a few minutes earlier.
Hyunjin froze. His heart nearly stopped as he almost screamed in horror. Seungmin was quick enough to cover Hyunjin's mouth with his own hands and mutter "Please don't".
As the shock managed to wear off, Hyunjin couldn't help but let his mind trail off and think about how hot Seungmin looked while trying to silence him. Maybe it wasn’t really appropriate at that moment (or at any other moment actually).
Not quite luckily but definitely really quickly, his thoughts returned to the right track as soon as he heard a familiar voice right behind the locked door.
"Damn it" Minho huffed. "I wonder who's there."
"I don't know but they're probably having fun. Just like the couple from earlier."
Both Hyunjin and Seungmin were staring into each other's wide opened eyes. Blood rushing through their veins, echoing in their ears.
It was no surprise Minho and Jisung had some chemistry together yet them looking for a room together meant they were getting along a bit too well.
"Jisung?" Seungmin whispered.
"With Minho?!" Hyunjin mumbled with utter shock written all over his face in bold, red letters.
Minho cleared his throat. Two seconds later something hit the door. Most probably it was said Minho.
"Have fun there, sweeties!" he said in a sugar coated voice. "Remember: safe sex is good sex."
"Let's go, Minho" Jisung couldn't stop himself from giggling under his breath. "Let's get ourselves another drink."
"Whatever you want, Ji."
Even though the boys' voices started to become distant, they were still echoing in both Hyunjin's and Seungmin's heads.
“So…” Seungmin muttered quietly without the intention to even continue the sentence.
“Yeah…” Hyunjin replied, the dizziness still not wearing off. “I mean…” he turned left to directly face the younger guy. “I mean… wow?”
“And he calls Jisung “Ji”? Ji???
Seungmin took a few steps back and sat on the edge of the bed. For a minute he just stared at the carpet, frowning, probably attempting to process whatever the hell happened just a while earlier.
At that moment, a brief idea of what he wants to do appeared in Hyunjin’s head. Again, he wasn’t sure whether it would be an acceptable thing to do. Gosh. Why couldn’t his brain just give him non-questionable ideas?
Maybe it wasn’t even his brain that was at fault. Perhaps it was the amount of alcohol he drank earlier that caused him to lose all of his logical thinking skills. Or it might have been all the suppressed feelings for Seungmin he hid for too long? What if both?
“Can I ask you something?” he asked without leaving himself too much time to overthink it.
“Sure, go ahead.”
“Can I… you know…” Seungmin in fact did not know, which Hyunjin was perfectly aware of. He couldn’t really articulate the message he wanted to convey. Nevertheless Seungmin waited patiently.
Inhale, exhale, you can do it, Hyunjin.
“Can I… kiss you again?”
It felt as if Hyunjin had just dropped a brick. The sudden freedom and lightness of being was interrupted by the brick falling right on Hyunjin’s foot – more precisely, the realisation of what he had done seconds earlier.
He fought the urge to shut his eyes close as it was physically impossible for him to look into Seungmin’s eyes again. Not after the stupidest combination of words that ever left his mouth.
He was already prepared for the worst. For Seungmin to punch him in the face, curse him out, storm out of the room and then proceed to tell everyone within a 5 kilometre radius how much of an idiot Hyunjin actually is for thinking they could ever be compatible with each other.
Instead of doing that, Seungmin smiled. He simply smiled.
“And I was already afraid I wouldn’t kiss you again.”
Seungmin got up and came closer to Hyunjin. Placing one hand on the taller guy’s waist and the other one on Hyunjin’s cheek, he whispered quietly “Let’s say I won’t be afraid of that anymore.”
*
Some time has passed. A time filled with kisses, giggles and cuddles. The lights were dim and the muffled sounds of the music played on the ground floor were still echoing within the four walls of the room.
“I’m so tireeed” Seungmin groaned locking Hyunjin in his arms even tighter.
“Honestly same” Hyunjin said, burying his nose in the depths of Seungmin’s shirt. He felt the younger boy’s fingers draw invisible circles on his back.
“It’s probably getting late already.”
“Mhm” Hyunjin mumbled
“Actually I think I really need to sleep for a while if you don’t mind.”
“No, no I actually don’t.”
Wait a minute.
At that particular moment, Hyunjin knew something was off. It wasn’t a part of his plan. A plan he in fact managed to forget about for a second as - apparently - everything was way more interesting than sticking to what he intended to do in the first place.
A quick glance at the clock on the wall was enough to make Hyunjin’s stomach get tied up as a knot.
Gosh, he should have checked the time earlier. To make everything perfect for Seungmin. To not mess up something as basic as waiting for the hand of the clock to show the right time. For once in his life, Hyunjin didn’t want to be late.
Without a second to waste, he got up and looked right at Seungmin simultaneously gripping the younger boy’s arms with his fingers “I changed my mind.”
“What?” with furrowed brows and slightly opened lips a look of pure confusion was painted on Seungmin’s face. “Is there something wrong?”
“Nothing wrong to be honest. There’s just something…”
The anticipation was growing bigger and bigger yet Seungmin didn’t say a single word. He just waited patiently.
Hyunjin gave himself a mental punch in the face.
Just get this over with.
“Okay, so… there’s quite some important news you gotta hear,but first, you have to sit up.”
On his second attempt, Seungmin managed to pull himself out of the horizontal position just to sit directly in front of the other boy, making their faces not too far away from each other.
“Hm?” Seungmin placed his hands on Hyunjin’s knees.
Hyunjin intertwined their fingers together.
“I know how you wanted to kiss someone before you turned eighteen. And you succeeded.”
Both of them smiled.
“So while we’re on the topic of turning eighteen. Happy birthday, Seungmin.”
Seungmin’s expression changed. He furrowed his brows and pressed his lips together.
“I… What?”
“It’s a quarter past midnight. It’s 22nd of September already. You’re eighteen now.”
“No way” Seungmin shook his head staring into Hyunjin’s eyes. “Is it after midnight already?! Oh my god, I’m eighteen!” Seungmin smiled widely. He couldn’t sit still. Every single muscle in his body wanted him to get up and start dancing (or just start moving his limbs uncontrollably – that was basically the same thing).
“I’m eighteen! I really am!” he exclaimed and cupped Hyunjin’s face with his hands.
“So can we still kiss as two eighteen year old boys?” Hyunjin asked provocatively.
“We can” Seungmin stated with a sly smile. “And we will.”