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“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather study with someone smarter than me?”
“Yeah, of course! You’re my role model!”
“A-Ah, really?”
“Yeah! You always know what to do, especially in dire situations. Like our exams,” Kirishima grins like he’s the literal sun right in front of Izuku. “That’s what makes you so manly!”
Izuku only laughs with reddened cheeks. “You’re too nice, Kirishima-kun!”
“You’re the most skilled and smartest person I know, Midoriya. I’m not exaggerating.”
With how sweet Kirishima sounds now, Izuku’s face grows hotter, unable to deny his friend’s compliments. Not to mention how ungrateful that is.
“Thanks, Kirishima-kun.” As he nervously looks around, the boys surrounded by books and notebooks alike on his bed, besides the countless All Mights watching over them, Izuku plays with his hands and his pencil. “B-But what about Kacchan? I thought you guys usually studied together.”
Much to his surprise, his upbeat classmate’s smile immediately drops at the mention of Katsuki. Kirishima probably notices it since he masks his dread with a smirk.
“Nah. He’s not exactly the best teacher,” the red-haired teen clarifies. “I may be hard, literally speaking, but my head hurt for two days straight. I’m surprised I was even able to get through the theoretical exam like that.”
Izuku doesn’t laugh, despite Kirishima’s jokey tone. The former can still find the pain in the latter’s red eyes.
“Yeah…” Izuku says awkwardly. “Kacchan can be… a handful.”
“Tell me about it.” This time, Kirishima sounds bitter.
Izuku gulps, for some reason. Maybe because he’s never seen his classmate in this state before. Kirishima is probably the nicest guy he’s ever known, besides Uraraka. Kirishima seems to be the kind of person that doesn’t let other people get to him, that holds no resentments. Hence why he was always eager to befriend Katsuki.
As Izuku remains silent, Kirishima sighs in defeat.
“Honestly, I don’t even know why I try. Bakugo is just… he’s such an asshole ,” he vents, “for literally no reason. Like, he treats everyone like crap, but even though it might seem like he respects me, I’m still just his personal punchbag. And maybe that’s my fault, I dunno. I must’ve thought, ‘oh, he seems cool, maybe if I prove to him that he doesn’t have to be a jerk all the time, then we can be friends!’.” Kirishima only sounds more and more frustrated. “He hits me, he constantly insults me, he never calls me by my name… after everything we’ve been through, after everything I’ve done for him, I thought things would change, y’know? But Bakugo is still the same guy who calls me Shitty Hair. And why my hair of all things?! It’s my brand!”
His cheeks are as red as his spiky hair, which is now smoothed down. Yet his flushed face is not endearing here, as Kirishima’s hardened fingers grab some of his hair, as if wanting to rip it off.
If Izuku isn’t seeing things, it might as well look like Kirishima is crying.
Although the latter is usually open, he has never been this… vulnerable before. He has never shown such strong emotions like this, if not when Katsuki was kidnapped. Otherwise, you’d look at Kirishima and not believe there’s anything tormenting him, but now Izuku knows better.
(And he hates to admit that this sight, this situation… is very familiar.)
“Kirishima-kun,” Izuku calls him, as his scarred hands gently take Kirishima’s solid arms, abandoning the pencil and all the papers the students were reading. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re the coolest person in class. You have a good heart, you’re a great example of a hero to us. You’re my role model, too.”
Kirishima blushes, now flattered. Some tears end up rolling down his face, and he dries them with his sleeve, his quirk likely quieting down.
“I’m sorry Kacchan made you feel like that,” Izuku says rather sadly. “I know how it is to be his punchbag.”
Admittedly, he didn’t mean to add that last part.
But now it’s too late, as Kirishima appears to be on alert.
“You mean, like… you guys aren’t rivals?” He questions. “Or even childhood friends like everyone says?”
“He’s not my friend,” Izuku tightens his voice, regretting it when Kirishima shivers, so he adds, quietly, “he never was.”
The air around them feels heavier on their shoulders, a painfully familiar environment for Izuku.
“He… He tried to kill you in All Might’s class,” Kirishima reminds grimly, like he’s trying to pick the puzzles himself, and probably feeling stupid for not doing it before.
Izuku nods, head lowered.
“... he did worse than that,” he mutters.
“ Worse ?”
“ Much worse.”
“Like what?” Kirishima begins to sound angry, but not at Izuku, as far as he’s concerned.
The green-eyed boy, in contrast, is completely closed off now. He feels empty.
“When we were little, I could never stand close to him because he would literally blow my face off,” Izuku narrates. “Since then, he’s called me useless, worthless, a damn nerd, a waste of space…” He doesn’t cry at all. “He would also pick on other kids, and I was always there to stand up for them. But since no one looked after me back then… I was the one who got the worst of it.”
Although he doesn’t look at his classmate, Izuku can sense the rage coming from Kirishima, even if the latter tries to hide it.
The moment Kirishima opens his mouth, Izuku dares to worsen the heavy environment.
“... then he told me to kill myself.”
Inflamed silence.
“He did WHAT ?” Kirishima reacts.
Izuku, on the other hand, shrugs and replies, “‘Take a swan dive off the roof’, Kacchan said. So maybe I would be lucky in another life.”
His friend only breathes weird, like he’s going to have a full breakdown. Izuku is simply… there , remembering all of these things.
“I guess Kacchan got… a little better since we entered U.A. But if I get in his way he’ll literally want to fight over anything. And he’s still a horrible person to a friend as incredible as you, Kirishima-kun,” Izuku vents. “I definitely know how hard it is to rely on him, because in our practical exam against All Might, Kacchan yelled the entire damn time. He slapped me on the face when I tried to think of a plan. It sure was a miracle that we passed. Ugh.” He hugs himself, clutching his own skin. “He’s the worst.”
There’s yet another long, aching pause between the two boys, neither of them sure what to say next. Izuku doesn’t look at his friend much, which reminds him of Middle School, when he tried to avoid people the best he could. It was the only way he wouldn’t get hurt.
(Does this mean he’s expecting Kirishima to hurt him?)
Finally, Kirishima speaks up again, after what feels like half an hour.
“... do you believe him?”
Izuku frowns. “Huh?”
“Do you believe Bakugo?” Kirishima clarifies. “That you’re… worthless and useless, and a waste of space?”
The freckled teenager is speechless, not knowing what to answer. The words seem to be stuck down his throat.
“Do you…” Kirishima hesitates. “Do you really think… you’d be better off dead?”
Izuku’s chest tightens, hurts. Has he been exposed? Is Kirishima right? Because Izuku always does everything to convince himself that Katsuki doesn’t affect him anymore, except he’s only proving the contrary right now. Just like Kirishima, Izuku has his own baggage regarding Katsuki. And it’s certainly heavy.
With his lack of answer, Kirishima pushes aside all their school books to… hug Izuku. The latter stiffens, not expecting the solid yet soft warmth to embrace him despite this moment. It holds Izuku together from breaking into meaningless pieces, from breaking and destroying his bones over and over again. The sort of hug Izuku hasn’t had until he reunited with All Might at the beach, after the Number One Hero’s fall.
The thing about Kirishima, however, is that… they’re actually a lot alike. He’s always putting on a smile to reassure his friends and everyone else that everything will be alright. He’s the first one to rescue someone in need. Kirishima might not be mainly inspired by All Might, but he’s also very loyal and cheerful, always up to a friendly approach with everyone around him. Kirishima, though, is far more sociable than Izuku, seeing as he gets along well with everyone in class, while the greenette stays with his closest friends only.
Truthfully, Izuku was never this close to Kirishima before. He wonders if it’s because the latter hung out with Katsuki. He wonders if he feared Kirishima would find Katsuki way better than Izuku. Or if he just fears everyone in general. Maybe it’s all of these things at once.
Either way, Kirishima keeps him together for what feels like forever, as if only Izuku’s room exists in the world. Nothing else matters, as they’re up to the stars, the All Might comets flying around them. Izuku realizes his green eyes are wet, yet he doesn’t openly sop like he usually does. He’s been so strangely silent today. Maybe after everything that has happened, Izuku’s batteries are beyond low, so Kirishima does his best to recharge him, even if just a little.
And of course, it works.
Izuku melts entirely in the hug, it’s almost pathetic. He knows, though, that Kirishima is the last person that would ever judge him for it. He also knows that his red-haired friend probably needs the recharge as well. Neither of them want to let go just yet. If they could, they would abandon all their inner demons and stick together.
Both boys relax, sinking on the bed. Still, Kirishima is the one who organizes everything to make Izuku more comfortable.
“You’re leaving?” Izuku asks, blushing once he notices how needy he sounds.
“Honestly… I don’t want to.” Judging by his tone, he likely doesn’t want to go to his room, which is right next to Katsuki’s.
“You can stay here, if you want.”
Kirishima smiles fondly. “Yeah. I don’t want to leave you alone, either.”
Izuku likely blushes red again at the other’s soft concern, and even more so when his classmate finally joins him, the teenagers lying close to one another, their hearts beating together, after hurting for so long. At the very least, they get to look out for each other.
Knowing Kirishima, he likely won’t want to leave things with Katsuki the way they are. He would get to the end of things, especially when it comes to the bully hurting Izuku. Regardless, Kirishima won’t want to force anything, because all he wants is to keep Izuku safe. All he wants is to let Izuku know that he isn’t worthless or useless, that he doesn’t deserve to die. That Izuku means the world to him, as well as his other friends – his real friends.
For now, they don’t need to worry about any of that, nor the upcoming exam (mainly because it’s not tomorrow). Because right now, Izuku feels safe, and Kirishima might second that. Only they know how long they’ve needed this.
The two of them likely fall asleep at the same time, breathing together, protecting each other. No explosions will ever destroy what they have.