Chapter Text
"You look like shit." Yeosang mutters when Hongjoong plops down on the couch besides him.
"Thank you for pointing it out. I thought I looked like sunshine incarnate, how dare you burst my bubble?" He deadpans and Yeosang just rolls his eyes.
"Stress really doesn't make you any less insufferable."
"I just paid for our pizzas so I suggest you watch that noisy mouth of yours." Hongjoong threatens before leaning over the coffee table to dig into said pizzas. He and Yeosang get together at least once a week to destress with bad movies and takeout. Although Hongjoong is pretty sure nothing at this point could relieve his stress. He is stress. "But please, if you have good ideas on how to destress I am open to all options."
Yeosang gives him a pointed look before continuing to struggle to get the tv to respond to the old remote. It's more tape than buttons at this point but it'll do. "You already know what I'm gonna suggest."
"How many times do I have to decline an invite to that creepy sex dungeon you work at?"
"Well, as long as you crave a solution I will keep offering you one..."
Yeosang had told him about his career at a far too early point of their friendship. Back in college when they'd worked on a project together. It was about 30 minutes of chemistry before Yeosang went into great detail about his amazing job as a bartender in a secret bdsm club. Not the best first impression but apparently it worked because here Hongjoong is. On Yeosang's couch 6 years later at 27 years old, referring to the man as a best friend.
It had freaked him the fuck out at first because it took about five more minutes for Yeosang to admit to him that he’s gay. Following that admission with a panicked I've never told a random person that before. Hongjoong had never been told such a thing before so that made two of them. It took Yeosang about 4 months to pry out Hongjoong's own deeply shoved away bisexuality and that's that. Now he's trying to navigate through life as a primarily closeted bisexual by presenting as the straightest man known to mankind.
Seeing as his father would call him a very specific word starting with the letter f for crying when he fell as a kid something tells Hongjoong he wouldn't take the news very well, just a hunch, of course. He's maintained his heterosexual vanilla sex life well enough and almost feels somewhere close to satisfied. When he hangs out with Yeosang he pours out all the pent up gayness and rants about any cute man he'd come across since he last saw his best friend, and then moves on with his life as normal.
It's fine, he's happy enough. And he sure as hell doesn't need Yeosang's creepy bdsm dungeon to better his life.
"You know I'm not interested in that place," he sighs, and lies. He definitely is. But something is holding him back, and that something is probably himself and years of borderline trauma and being force fed a certain image of himself. But, he's not about to get into all that.
"Well for starters we both know that's just a lie. But you can just come with once, you can watch one of the live performances and see what you think. Or you can just sit by the bar and keep me company all night. I think it'd be a nice experience for you and it could really offer a new outlook on things you may actually be interested in."
Hongjoong chews a slightly too large bite of pizza. Why are Yeosang's arguments starting to make sense, and why is he actually considering this. "If I agreed, and I'm not saying I am! Would I be able to leave at any time?"
"Yes, of course!" Yeosang perks up. "If you feel uncomfortable you can leave the club at any point you feel like you need to. It can be a bit of a hassle to get in but it'll be no issue if I tell them you're with me."
Hongjoong ponders for a few seconds. "I'll think about it."
«»
It's not even three days later that he's sitting at the exact bar he's heard Yeosang talk about for years. He cannot believe he'd let himself get dragged into the place, he actually cannot believe himself. It's a primarily queer focused space but he can see all sorts of couples sitting together. He stirs his cocktail of which he’s apparently only allowed to have three because there’s a limit on the drinking. Something he’d found weird at first but after some explaining from Yeosang it did make sense.
He tried to dress up a bit prettily, which you'll never hear him admit out loud to anyone. Most of his closet is far more basic than he'd like it to be. But fashion isn't for men, he hears his father's voice in the back of his head whenever he looks at a flamboyant piece of clothing. So he'd pulled on black skinny jeans and a white turtleneck both of which hugged the lines of his body nicely, but he was definitely very underdressed even for the lobby he currently found himself in. It was a relatively small space with dim lighting and the outfits ranged from strange to outrageous. Still Hongjoong found himself inherently fascinated by the leather and collars but also the pretty pink corsets and the high heels. All of it.
It's weird though. He reminds himself, he can hear it on a loop in the back of his head. These people are all weirdos and he shouldn't even fucking be here to begin with. Why did he ever think-
"Hey," a deep voice sounds from behind him and Yeosang seems to perk up at their new company. "Didn't know you were bringing someone."
"Mingi! Ah, yes, this is my best friend, I was finally able to drag him along." Hongjoong turns around and comes face to face with a large man. Tall, and intimidating, in all the ways Hongjoong wishes he was. But he's wearing a tight lace corset, and latex pants that bleed over into his black heels. His eye make up black and smokey to match the vibe of his outfit, fluffy grey hair on his head. Hongjoong finds himself absolutely captivated for a second too long because the man still looks strong, and manly, but soft and feminine as well. Hongjoong's mind is working overtime as he takes in all that is this apparent Mingi. Yeosang's voice interrupts his staring. "Hongjoong, this is Mingi, one of our subs that actually does shows. Mingi, this is Hongjoong, the pain in my ass."
"Nice to meet you." The man's full and glossy lips stretch into a large smile when he reaches to shake Hongjoong's hand. "I've heard quite a bit about you, I'm glad Yeosang was finally able to drag you along."
Submissive. The word bounces around the inside of Hongjoong's skull with no place to settle. Because this man is not at all what he'd expected with a title as such. He means to respond in an appropriate way, maybe greet him back. “You look pretty.” He blurts out before he can help himself. It’s not untrue. But still.
Mingi’s smile brightens at that. “Thanks.” He sighs and sits down next to Hongjoong suddenly. “San’s abandoned me because he’s doing a show with Seonghwa tonight.”
“I’m sorry, I still don’t really understand what these shows are?” Hongjoong would feel embarrassed to ask but Mingi seems nice enough. “Do they like… do stuff? In front of people?”
Mingi cackles loudly at that, clearly amused by Hongjoong’s incompetence. “Yeah, basically.”
“That seems awkward…” Hongjoong mutters.
"It’s not really,” Mingi disagrees. “Do you know them?”
Hongjoong shakes his head. “I don’t know if you can tell but I’m not all that knowledgeable on the matter.”
“It alright. San mainly works as a camboy. But sometimes he treats us all and lets us watch here in real life. Plus I think he may secretly have a crush on Seonghwa because I swear Seonghwa is so not his kind of dom but he will not stop doing shows with this man." Mingi plots like Hongjoong has any clue what he's on about. "He's also a little weird so that might just be it. Who knows."
"Yeah, who knows..." Hongjoong nods. He sure as hell doesn't.
Yeosang joins them again after serving another man, leaning into their conversation. "What are you guys talking about?"
"About whether San has a crush on Seonghwa." Hongjoong informs like he has any fucking clue.
"Definitely not," Yeosang shakes his head. "He just wants Seonghwa to fuck him but he knows he never will."
"Why won't he?" Hongjoong finds himself getting interested in the gossip at hand.
"Seonghwa is very particular about this stuff," Mingi explains. "He's here to help, as he likes to put it. He doesn't have actual sex with a sub unless they have an exclusive relationship, this for him is more of a hobby. He's almost an assistant while he makes the sub the star of the show. It's quite interesting to see. I think he sees himself more as a sexual counsellor than a dom to be honest, he's pretty full of himself."
"Thank you, Mingi." Another voice sounds from behind them. "Gotta say I do appreciate how lovely you speak of me to new guests. The kind words mean the world to me."
Mingi doesn't even look guilty while being confronted by the man Hongjoong can only assume to be Seonghwa. His limbs are long and beautiful, accentuated by the slight heel on his boots. He's wearing simple black pants like Hongjoong himself but with a pretty white, sheer top above it. The most eye catching off all though is probably the cotton candy pink hair atop his head.
"You know it's true," Mingi challenges and Seonghwa merely sighs.
"I don’t view myself as a counsellor. As I have stated many times before I enjoy being of help. Subspace can be a therapeutic and beautiful thing, this is a hobby I like to carry out because I enjoy helping people. That is all."
"So a counsellor?" Mingi deadpans and Hongjoong can't contain his snort.
Seonghwa's emotionless face makes place for an eye roll. "Whatever you say, Mingi." He turns to face Hongjoong then, and his agitated face morphs into a kind smile. "And you are?"
The rest seems to tune their conversation out and although he's still surrounded with people Hongjoong feels like he's just been abandoned and left to fight his way through a conversation with Seonghwa all on his own. "Hey," he tries to smile to the best of his abilities. Feeling equal parts intimidated, attracted and straight up scared. "I'm Hongjoong."
"Ah, Yeosang's friend?" Seonghwa questions and holds his hand out to shake, it takes Hongjoong a few seconds to get the memo and place his shaky hand in Seonghwa's for a slightly clammy handshake, which makes Seonghwa chuckle.
"That would be me..." Hongjoong clears his throat. "He's finally managed to convince me."
Seonghwa studies him for a few seconds, "do you regret it?"
"What?" Hongjoong blinks dumbly.
"Coming?" Seonghwa frowns but still kindly, an amused smile playing on his lips. "Do you regret showing up?"
"Oh-" fucking obviously that's what he meant. Gotta love Hongjoong and his distinct lack of braincells. "I'm not sure yet," he chuckles, it's only partly a joke. "I'm not sure if this is really my... environment."
"You've only seen the lobby?"
"And I'm already intimidated." Hongjoong sips his drink just to keep busy. "So what does that tell you?"
"It tells me that you're trying to dismiss something without giving it a chance." He says it lightheartedly but Hongjoong feels painfully called out.
"Ah..." his eyes cast down. "Well, you may be right."
Seonghwa hums, "I tend to be, yeah. But ever considered that you might be approaching this wrong?"
"How do you mean?"
"You're interested in this right?" Hongjoong hesitates which makes Seonghwa roll his eyes slightly, still it doesn't feel mocking. "You can just nod, Hongjoong. I know the answer."
"Yeah..." Hongjoong does nod.
"But you're a bit overwhelmed?" The question makes Hongjoong nod again. "I have a friend called Wooyoung, he does livestreams. Sexual livestreams, obviously. So does another friend of mine. How about I give you their usernames and you look them up and watch a few streams, and see how you feel about that? Then, if you're still intrigued, you can come and approach the real thing."
"Why can't I just watch some porn in the genre, and find out more through that?"
Seonghwa looks disappointed that he'd even suggest such a thing. "Honestly bdsm porn tends to be very inaccurate. If you're actually wondering about how a safe and proper scene would play out, I'd advice you to go with my idea instead."
He's got to admit that watching some videos sounds far more doable than throwing himself in the deep end immediately. "That sounds... honestly way smarter than what I'm doing right now."
"I'm also featured in a few of them." Hongjoong fails to understand how his grin is both seductive and soothing at the same time. Something about this man is weird and doesn't sit entirely right with him. Or it sits a little too right. Whichever. "So, you can look into that if you'd like."
"I will." He promises and blushes when he realises how eager that'd sounded. "I mean, like I'll try. You know." Great save. Impeccable. Great work from Hongjoong once again, are we surprised?
Seonghwa raises one brow with a chuckle, "yeah, you do that. Maybe I'll see you around some time in the future then."
Uhm, yes please? "Maybe."
Seonghwa offers him one more smile before leaning into Yeosang and Mingi's conversation, who now seem to have been joined by a man who Hongjoong laters finds out to be the Jongho Yeosang won’t stop talking about. Hongjoong forces himself into the conversation for a while longer until most of them have disappeared to fulfil their duties. Yeosang continues serving him another few cocktails until they turn to mocktails but Hongjoong can only entertain himself with alcohol free drinks for so long, so he too ends up leaving Yeosang alone.
He grabs a cab home with a giddy feeling in his stomach, and a note Seonghwa left in his pants that weighs like a brick in Hongjoong's pocket, with two very specific handles written on it in a pretty handwriting.
«»
He gnaws on his bottom lip while he stares at the Google home page on his laptop, his bright screen currently the only light source in his bedroom. It's been a week since he'd tagged along to Yeosang's work and met a very specific pink haired man that oddly enough hasn't really left his mind ever since. He's kept the note hidden under his pillow as if hiding it from greedy eyes although he lives all alone. And now finally after a way too long day of work he's finally pulled it out into the open, because Saturday night is when he was told Wooyoung goes live.
He inhales a few deep breaths before typing in the website noted at the top of the tiny paper. Hongjoong honestly steers pretty clear of watching any sort of gay porn. It's not as if he's been trying to cure himself, at least hasn't been for a really long time. He just feels that the more he stays away from engaging in gay things the easier it is to... ignore. He accepts that it's there, because he's long realised it won't be leaving any time soon. But as long as he doesn't pay it too much mind it's almost like it's not there...
Anyways, back to googling. The homepage of the website is already a lot so to speak. Profile after profile of young men in revealing outfits, trying to convince you to pay money to see more. Seonghwa had explained the concept to him briefly but as far as he understands he can acces the lives for free and money is made from tips, and heavy tippers can make requests. Seonghwa told him that he could acces past videos of Wooyoung by paying as well. Honestly he's unsure if Seonghwa is just trying to scam him. But in all honesty, he'd probably let him.
He quickly makes an account under a random fake name before continuing. To his surprise he finds mister foxus99 right at the top of the home page, profile picture having a blinking green circle around it that Hongjoong assumes must mean he's live. He inhales deeply to brace himself for whatever he's about the be confronted with before clicking on the profile.
It opens nearly full screen, although about a quarter of the screen shows a comment section that's overflowing. Hongjoong never realised this cam stuff was such a big deal. There's a man from presumably around his age sitting on his knees on a fluffy carpet, leaned over towards the screen as he seems to be reading comments.
He's still greeting people so Hongjoong assumes he must've showed up right on time. The man's wearing a crimson, silk robe that's tied so loosely it shows that the man can only be wearing underwear underneath if not nothing at all.
"Hey, hello..." the man carries an overly sweet smile as he reads out a few comments. Hongjoong notes to his surprise there are people already tipping. He'd sort of assumed a lot of people would just be enjoying the show for free instead of throwing money at someone they don't really know, but clearly he was greatly mistaken.
"Hmm, yes sorry guys, it's just me today." Wooyoung pouts at the camera. Hongjoong realises then many people must not know his actual name, for obvious privacy reasons. "No one wanted to come and help me, too busy for me. Isn't that just so rude?"
The comments nearly lag with the overflow of people offering help and promising they'd never turn Wooyoung down if they were in that position. Hongjoong can't help snort at the obvious desperation dripping from the comments. He knows for a fact Wooyoung probably finds it slightly humorous as well but he doesn't show it through the kicked puppy face he's upholding.
"I know, nobody wanted to play with me..." he uses a voice that holds the perfect amount of whininess without being obnoxious. "But you guys will help me right?"
His eyes are prettily made up, slightly smokey but not enough to draw the attention away from all his other features. Hongjoong feels slightly enthralled by the man's look and the way he carries himself, and he doesn't find it difficult to understand why he'd be so popular on an app like this.
"Anybody got suggestions for what I should do tonight?" The comment sections fills up with acceptable requests but also things that make Hongjoong's jaw drop. He supposes it's only good that Wooyoung can pick the comments he actually agrees with and just ignore others. Although he knows Wooyoung will probably listen to the people that tip the highest.
He continues saying some lewd things that seem to rile the chat up even more. It's the first thing Hongjoong's ever watched of him but somehow he can tell Wooyoung must've been doing this for quite a while. Every word he speaks and move he makes seems perfectly calculated, and all of it works incredibly well.
Wooyoung giggles and shakes his head at the suggestions. "So naughty. Why do you guys love to watch me suffer?"
It takes Hongjoong a while to realise that the weird words in the comments are names of different sex toys they're suggesting, and Wooyoung reads them all carefully. Hongjoong catches sight of a large tip before it disappears into the sea of comments but he also sees Wooyoung's lips curl up in a sly little smile. "A vibrator huh? Y'all are too sweet to me."
Wooyoung gets on all fours to reach for something behind the camera, some rummaging is heard before he retreats now with a large, purple... penis. In his hand.
Oh god, he can't do this. He slaps the laptop closed with wide eyes, staring into the blackness of his bedroom. Only then does he notice how bad his heart has been racing so he makes a conscious effort to try and calm it down.
"Okay, it's okay. You tried." He whispers to himself reassuringly. He can just forget any of this happened and move on...
He swallows thickly and continues to ignore the way his fingers itch to open the laptop back up. He closes his eyes and does a few breathing exercises, trying to clear his head. He spends quite a long while trying to sort all of his thoughts, and the only real conclusion that he can come to is that he really wants to open his laptop back up. "Fuck..."
He pushes it back open and it takes a bit for his screen to turn back on, but it immediately slaps him in the face with Wooyoung being a whole few steps further into his show. Seemingly just now sinking down on the toy he picked out earlier, the robe now open and hanging loosely off one shoulder to showcase the matching panties that are on the verge of snapping under the strain of his erection. The imagery stirs a whole lot more in Hongjoong's gut than he would've guessed it would.
The man is pulling on his bottom lip with his teeth, still keeping eye contact with the camera while he sinks all the way down, holding the base of it with one hand while the other grabs onto the bed that's on the floor behind him. He moans a tad excessively and Hongjoong purposefully ignores the fact that it definitely did something to him.
The man stays still for a few seconds, breathing deeply with his eyes closed before opening them back up. He wiggles around a bit seeming pleased. "What do you say? Am I allowed to turn it on?"
Hongjoong finds himself wanting to type out a response but refrains from doing so, there are more than enough people answering for him.
"Who is saying no?" Wooyoung frowns with a pout. "How mean, I've been good so far haven't I? Don't I deserve a reward?"
There's still people disagreeing but the vast majority agrees they wanna see Wooyoung turn it on. More tips stream in and the numbers that catch Hongjoong's eye make him consider this line of work quite seriously for a few seconds.
"Thank you," Wooyoung smiles sweetly.
Hongjoong watches his fingers skim around the bottom of it for a second before he clearly finds what he'd been searching for as his mouth drops in a gasp. "Fuck, thank you, thank you." Wooyoung whines as he slowly starts bouncing on the fake dick, looking unfairly pretty. The tip of his dick peaks over the edge of his underwear and Hongjoong notes begrudgingly even that looks pretty.
"Hm, can I- can I touch myself?" Wooyoung asks with wide and far too innocent eyes, scanning the chat while his hips maintain their movements and Hongjoong feels impressed with the multitasking. "Come untouched?" Wooyoung scrunches his nose in distaste. "I'm all alone. Won't you let me off easy just this time?"
There's comments telling him he's being too bratty. Others asking him to please touch his 'pretty little cock'. Hongjoong's fingers are on the keyboard before he can stop himself. He types an encouraging message and while he knows it'll disappear into the masses he still feels a bit dirty for it.
"See, there's only a few people saying I'm not allowed..." Wooyoung raises his brows daringly. "If you want me to listen to you you'll need to heighten your tips."
He raises his hand from the bed behind him to press his palm against himself over the fabric instead. He cants his hips up against his own touch and his moans increase ever so slightly. Hongjoong watches larger tips appear, all with different requests.
"A different angle?" Wooyoung asks then. "Hmm... alright. How do you want me?"
Hongjoong continues watching Wooyoung with half a mind, while the other half is everywhere else. Wooyoung ends up settling with his ass up towards the camera, cheek squished to the carpet so the viewers have a perfect sight of his backside and his face at the same time. Every word Wooyoung speaks goes in one ear and out the other, trying really hard to ignore the ache between his own legs. Part of him already knows he'll subscribe just to watch the older videos including other people. Including Seonghwa. But the bigger part of him pretends he hasn't made up his mind yet just to make it a bit less embarrassing.
He watches Wooyoung whine and pant as his wrist loses it's rhythm. He asks the chat if he'll be allowed to come tonight and for some reason Hongjoong almost hopes they tell him no. He wonders if Wooyoung would listen. If he would turn the toy off and bid his goodbyes with his cock still hard and leaking. Whether he would secretly finish himself off afterwards or if he'd continue listening even after the cameras turn off and he'd be laying in bed tonight tossing and turning for hours trying to ignore his own desires.
Hongjoong releases a shaky breath, seems like the chat is as conflicted as he is. The requests and demands vary from both sides of the spectrum. His eyes fix back on the screen when Wooyoung starts pleading. When he starts full on begging for some people that realistically hold no power over him to allow him to come. It changes his mind pretty quickly because he realises just how badly he wants to see it happen, and hear it happen.
It's pretty impressive that Wooyoung is still managing to follow along with the comments even tho his face is pretty far away at the moment. Seems he's seen the chat come to an overpowering conclusion because a stream of thank you's starts pouring from his lips. Hongjoong can't stop his hips from grinding upwards against the laptop that's placed in his lap. He's commando in his pajamas and the thick blanket between him and the device creates somewhat of a nice sturdy yet soft space to push himself up against.
Wooyoung's moans turn higher pitched and desperate, hand working over his cock quickly while he comes, heavy drops of cum falling onto the fabric beneath him. Hongjoong presses his laptop down a bit by the sides so he can grind his hips against it harder until he shamefully realises he's quite literally humping his own laptop.
He quickly releases it and keeps his hips still on the bed while he watches Wooyoung come down with a sated look in his eyes. He doesn't even stay to watch how the man ends the stream, or to witness whatever his other plans for the night are. Instead he goes to his profile and subscribes without giving it another thought, filling in his bank information. Immediately he gains acces to dozens and dozens of pictures and videos and past live streams.
He scrolls through them looking for a familiar face, which he ends up finding in a video from three weeks ago. Late night fun with my Mars. Mars. Hongjoong assumes that must be the name Seonghwa uses online. The thumbnail showcases a promiscuous image of Wooyoung sitting in a chair with his hands presumably tied behind it, Seonghwa standing behind him possessively as he seems to be in the middle of dragging his fingers down Wooyoung's front.
Hongjoong hesitates before clicking as he thinks over his options, remembering he has a bottle of lube stashed somewhere in the room. He fights his instincts for about seven seconds before he hops out of bed to search for it, trying not to pay any mind to the way his hard dick bounces with every hasty step he sets.
He finds the bottle in the bottom drawer of his desk and checks the expiration date with dread. To his great relief he has a month left to finish it. It's got more than half left but something tells him he won't have any issues getting to the bottom of it. He hops back over to bed and dives under the sheets.
He opens the video and ignores the nasty voices in the back of his head trying to disagree.
"Hello everybody," Wooyoung greets as he's sitting alone in the chair in the middle of the screen. Legs spread to showcase he's half hard, his toes just barely reaching the floor. "As you may realise because of the title, I brought back everybody's favourite man. You know I always keep my promises."
As he's introducing tonight's guest you can see said man entering the camera's view as well. Standing upright the screen cuts off right above his collarbones, he's fully clothed in a black suit, contrasting with Wooyoung's poorly covered body. He leans over for a second to send a sweetly seductive smile to the camera, waving cutely. "Hi."
Hongjoong leaves the laptop on the bed besides him so his lap is empty and wiggles his pants halfway down his thighs before squirting a very generous amount of lube into his palm. He wastes no time warming it up and jolts when the cold liquid finally makes contact with the heated skin. A soft gasp escapes him which turns into a sigh of relief when he strokes his cock to spread the lube around all over. He doesn't really tend to use it but tonight he's just craving the feeling, he really has to refrain from immediately adding more and creating one big slick mess on his crotch.
He strokes himself slowly while he uses his other hand to skip forward through the video. He'll probably go back and watch the whole thing later but there's nearly a week's worth of pent up horniness in him and he's pretty much bursting at the seams with it.
His hand stops when he arrives at a frame that speaks to him and allows it to play on. Seonghwa's just then pulling out the dildo he's apparently at some point shoved up Wooyoung's ass, leaving only the tip in while his other hand rests loosely around Wooyoung's neck. The man's hands are still tied behind him and Hongjoong notices the way he's tugging on the restraints while he whines and pleads.
Seonghwa leans down a bit, grinning over his shoulder as he looks at the comments. "They're saying you misbehaved last time..." Seonghwa tuts right by Wooyoung's ear. "You told me you acted like a good boy but they're telling me something different. Did you lie to me?"
"I-I didn't." Wooyoung's voice cracks as he feverishly shakes his head, he looks endlessly more wrecked than he did in the solo stream he did tonight. "They're lying."
Seonghwa frowns in disappointment, hand tightening around his throat just a tad. "They tell me you came without Uno's permission? Is that true?"
"I..." Wooyoung looks like someone who just got busted. He opens his eyes and tries to turn his head to look at Seonghwa, barely managing. "He wasn't being fair, I promise I really tried."
"But you failed..." Seonghwa puts on a fake pout and releases Wooyoung's neck when he stands up straight, slipping the last of the toy out of the sub. Wooyoung's body tries to follow immediately but he's still unable to move.
"No, please. I'll be better!" Wooyoung rushes out as he tries to look up over his shoulder at the man standing behind him, dick hard and leaking profusely all over his stomach. Hongjoong had never expected the sound of someone begging would do so much to him. He tries to imagine how it'd be to have someone begging for him. Wooyoung tries again, "I'm sorry."
"You sound so pitiful..." Seonghwa sighs and brushes a few comforting hands through Wooyoung's hair, the man leaning his head back against Seonghwa's clothed stomach. "What do you guys think? Do you think he's sorry enough or do you think I'll have to reteach him what it means to be a good boy?"
"I am. I'm good, please?" This Wooyoung looks absolutely nothing like the one he saw earlier and if it hadn't been his account Hongjoong may have failed to recognise him altogether. Of course Hongjoong had missed most of the buildup because of his own horny desperation but Seonghwa had completely broken the man down. Stripping off all the layers of confident seduction and instead leaving him a desperate crying mess. Hongjoong finds it to be absolutely mesmerising, a strange longing brewing in his gut but it gets shoved aside by his impending orgasm.
His hips fuck up into his hand with every downwards stroke, slick squelching noises ringing around the empty bedroom. His head lols to the side so he can stare at the screen again, embarrassed to bite back a whine that he feels coming. Looks like he's missed some more conversation but Seonghwa seems to have made up his mind about allowing Wooyoung his pleasure.
Hongjoong watches him stumbling towards the edge, moans high and pleading. Seonghwa uses the toy to fuck him expertly and Wooyoung's hips grind down to try and make every thrust hit deeper. He can see it on Wooyoung's face, how close he is, and braces himself so they can come at the same time. But just then Seonghwa swiftly removes the toy again, making Wooyoung cry out.
Hongjoong blinks dumbly at the screen, hand falling still on his own dick in copy. Yeosang sometimes makes fun of his lack of sexual knowledge especially for someone who's actually engaged in so much of it. But he's never found it interesting enough to really make his hookups more in depth. It's nice and all, but he's never fully understood the hype. It's this lack of knowledge that now leaves him a bit confused as well when Seonghwa smirks at Wooyoung's desperate squirming.
He doesn't dare move while Seonghwa refuses to touch Wooyoung, almost trying to live the scene. "Maybe this'll teach you how to wait for it," Seonghwa chuckles softly, still walking around Wooyoung's chair, circling him as a predator would a prey. He settles behind Wooyoung then and whispers something short in his ear, face more sober and less taunting. Wooyoung nods in reply so Seonghwa reinstalls some distance between them. Hongjoong wonders what it was the two of them so shortly communicated about but loses his trail of thought when he gets interrupted by another one of Wooyoung's attempts at convincing the dom.
"Wanna try again?" Seonghwa asks, playing dumb. Wooyoung is quick to agree.
Seonghwa somehow manages to keep somewhat of a distance between them even as he's pleasuring Wooyoung and Hongjoong's starting to understand what Mingi had meant last week. Seonghwa presses the toy back in and it's only then that Hongjoong realises it's vibrating, Wooyoung body twitching the second it presses against his rim.
Hongjoong picks the movements on his dick back up when Seonghwa continues his earlier ministrations, copying the man's pace. He can almost pretend he is the toy inside of Wooyoung, the thought makes him suck his bottom lip into his mouth in a desperate attempt at keeping in a moan that manages to escape anyways.
He presses the side of his wrist to his mouth shortly before letting his hand rest on his own chest. Nobody's around to hear him but still he's scared make even the slightest of noises. He casts a look at the screen quickly to realise Seonghwa is repeating his earlier process, clearly still trying to teach Wooyoung a lesson. But he's too far gone to try and keep up their rhythm anymore.
His body finds a will of it's own as he fucks up into his hand, mouth dropping open in a silent moan when he finally allows his climax to hit. He hasn't come this hard in a while and it manages to splatter all way up to his chest. He tries to catch his breath and blindly reaches to pause the video and cut off Wooyoung's moans.
"Crap..." he mutters and fumbles around trying to find a way to clean himself without ruining his sheets. He settles for slamming his laptop shut and waddling over to the shower, cleaning all the lube and... bodily fluids, off his skin. Before diving back into bed and trying his hardest to ignore everything that just happened. Although of course, he has a new subscription right there to remind him.
«»
It's been about five days ever since he first impulsively subscribed to Wooyoung. He's not proud, but he's by now watched every video featuring Seonghwa and then more. He's met plenty of Wooyoung's colleagues by now and after a few features of the man Seonghwa told him is called San he tuned into one of his lives as well.
Safe to say he's spiralled a little. Just a tad.
There's a weird feeling that's been bugging him ever since that first night and he can't put his finger on it. Yes he'd acted a bit impulsively but something else is bothering him. The videos were captivating, it's truly his only way of describing it. And all of this is understandable to a degree, but Hongjoong feels like there's more to it.
He rolls over in his bed once again, it's late and he's exhausted but his mind won't stay quiet. He thinks over the streams again, and decides he'd definitely like to participate in such a thing some day. But not on video. Yes it's interesting, and sexy, but there's more. Hongjoong can sense it, it's almost within reaching distance.
Tears, cum, pleads. Flashing imagery keeps his mind wide awake. He tries to picture himself in that situation. He tries to imagine being in Seonghwa's position... he really tries. And it takes a few long seconds but then it clicks in his mind. He shoots up with a gasp that most would consider overdramatic. "Fuck, oh my- shit."
Because suddenly he can picture it, very vividly, how he would participate in a scene like one of the ones he's watched. And when he conjures up the image in his mind it shatters his entire perception of himself. Because he is the one of his knees, he is the one begging, the one tied up. He is the one submitting.
This had been the thing he couldn't put his finger on. When he felt the strong craving and longing to be a part of a scene like that, that he was actually craving to be the submissive. He wants to be bossed around, to have someone else take control of him. He can't even deny it because his stomach immediately flips when he shortly entertains what it would feel like.
He feels like he might be sick. His father's voice echoes through the back of his mind. Be a man. Submitting goes against his nature, he's always taken on a more dominant role in bed even though the sex was always vanilla. He's always taken the lead in relationships, projects, social settings. Be a man. He isn't built to submit, the mere idea of it feels wrong in mind but his stomach twists as he considers it. Be a man. He'd always just automatically assumed he'd take on a dominant role if he were to participate in something as such. He's never even considered to be the one doing the submitting. The realisation is like a slap in the face.
He must just be tired, delirious even. There's no way he'd want to be controlled like that. He wouldn't want someone to tell him what to do. Have Seonghwa tell him what to do. He doesn't want Seonghwa to take care of him. He doesn't want Seonghwa to have him kneel, and beg.
Except he does. He definitely 100% does want that. Need that.
He lays back down, wide eyes glued to the ceiling while he tries to regulate his breathing. That's fine. Nobody needs to know. He can just shove this far away like anything else he doesn't want to deal with and pretend it doesn't exist.
But pretending it doesn't exist would mean he'd never get the chance to do something with Seonghwa. Maybe it's time he finally stops doing what he thinks to be right and instead starts doing what actually feels right. But he couldn't possibly. No, this is one of those things he has to deny himself for the greater good.
Please, how desperate is he? Like he'd really give up his dignity just to have Seonghwa dominate him. As fucking if...
He's dialling Yeosang before he can stop himself, and despite it being nearly 4am the man picks up after letting it ring two times. "Hey."
"Hey?" Yeosang's tinny voice sounds through the speaker of his phone. "You're lucky I have no sleeping schedule. What business do you have calling people at this ungodly hour?"
"Important business, actually." It's not too late to hang up. He can just ask Yeosang to hang out tomorrow and pretend that was all he's calling for. There's no need to admit this, he's stronger than this, he- "do you know if Seonghwa is still accepting new... clients? Right now by any chance?"
"Uh, yeah I don't see why he wouldn't be." Yeosang's hesitant voice comes as a reply, he can hear the man's blankets rustle as he turns over in bed. "Why?"
"I uh... I-" like pizza, wanna go on a walk tomorrow, am thinking about purchasing a new pet, how do you feel about a reptile? All perfectly acceptable ways to finish this sentence. "Uhm, I think I'd be interested in maybe giving that a try."
"You know Seonghwa only doms right?" Yeosang chuckles softly. Hongjoong doesn't say anything, he'll give him a few seconds, he'll figure it out. It's nothing but static for a few seconds until Yeosang gasps so loudly the noise of it through Hongjoong's speaker actually makes him flinch. "Oh my god! Really!?"
"Jesus, Yeosang. It's the middle of the night what are you yelling for?"
"Sorry, hyung." Yeosang's voice quiets down a bit, almost a whisper now as if they're discussing a secret. "Sorry I just, I always thought you... you know. The other way around."
"Yeah, me too..." Hongjoong sighs, twisting a finger in his hair. "Do you think it's silly?"
"What? No of course not!" And Hongjoong can almost hear the way he's aggressively shaking his head. "It's not silly, just caught me a bit off guard. You go enjoy what you wanna enjoy my man, I'm not here to judge."
He sighs heavily while pinching his nose bridge. "I don't know, Yeosang... It all feels a bit..."
"I know. I'll give you Seonghwa's number. And then you can decide when and if you want to contact him, alright?"
He loves Yeosang. "Thanks."
"Course, babe." Yeosang dismisses it. "Keep me updated."
"Sure," he rolls his eyes. "Bye."
"Bye, biiiiitc-" Hongjoong hangs up before he manages to finish the sentence.
His phone dings about a minute later and he finds it's Yeosang sending him a contact. Seonghwa's number, presumably. Shit. He both wants to delete the number (and maybe Yeosang's while he's at it) immediately while also having to hold himself back from calling him up right this second.
He puts his phone away before he can make any rash and stupid decisions. It's an inappropriate time to contact someone anyways, plus he should get some sleep and see if he doesn't feel entirely different tomorrow morning.
It takes him a whole lot of effort to calm his heartbeat and relax, and then a whole lot more to silence his mind and drift off to sleep.
«»
He stares at the opened contact on his phone, the profile picture looks very different than the Seonghwa he'd met in the club a while ago. No make up and his hair done very casually. Hongjoong assumes it's because he uses the number for more professional things as well and he also assumes not everybody in the man's life knows how he likes to spend his free time.
He sips his lukewarm coffee, robe tied tightly around his body as he sits in his kitchen. It's nearing noon and he's still trying to wake up.
To his great surprise - and disappointment - the idea of being dominated by Seonghwa still sounds equally as appetising as it did last night. And if getting aggressively dicked down sounds good at 11am Hongjoong knows it must be serious.
He groans in frustration, fighting the urge to smash both his phone and his mug and maybe even the apartment. He can do this. He can call. But why should he? Maybe he can buy a dildo and keep it as his own dirty little secret. No one would have to know...
He closes his phone then. That's a good plan. He'll buy a nice toy and forget the man even exists. Perfect. Problem solved.
He continues to stare at the black screen and takes one of his nails between his teeth to chew the anxiety away. He never knew a person could experience awkward silence without anyone else being around, but he definitely is. The quiet stretches on uncomfortably until he finally unlocks his phone again, exiting the app to open Google instead.
It feels almost as if someone's peeking over his shoulder when he types in the word dildo, unsure of how else to go about this. He's never owned a sex toy before, for a while he contemplated getting a fleshlight but never followed through with it.
He feels entirely overwhelmed with all the options. Colours, sizes, shapes... functions? So he does exactly what he always does when in doubt. Ring Yeosang.
"Hey, babe." The man sounds out of breath like he'd been in the middle of something. But Hongjoong also knows Yeosang's stamina barely carries him up the stairs without it ending in him heaving his lungs up. "Did you call Hwa yet?"
"Uh, no, actually..." he clears his throat. "I don't think I will after all. But I need your help with something else."
"Oh." Hongjoong can tell he's trying to hide his disappointment. "Alright then. How can I be of service today?"
"What dildos are good?" It's a slightly absurd question but Yeosang helps him with everything. Ranging from what shirt to wear to shaving his balls for the first time.
"Depends on what you're trying to achieve."
"An orgasm." And the deadpan with which he says it makes Yeosang chuckle.
"Touché." Yeosang hums in thought. "Do you like want me to tell you my personal favourites?"
"You've tried more than one?" Maybe this shouldn't shock him as badly as it does.
Yeosang laughs louder at that. "I'm just gonna refrain from admitting the actual amount because I fear it might permanently stain your perception of me as a person."
"Should I be scared?"
"Most definitely." And he just knows Yeosang is grinning from ear to ear. "Maybe get something that vibrates, you can never go wrong with that. I'd say don't go too big, I don't think you've had much up your ass yet so that could get... unpleasant."
Hongjoong acknowledges the advice with a soft hum, a bit too lost in his own mind to pay proper attention. "Would you say real dick is better?"
"Well with dildos you can pick your preferable size and shit so I'd say that's pretty good. But in my humble yet severely experienced opinion I'd say nothing beats the feeling of having actual meat rubbing all up in-"
"Okay that's enough!" Hongjoong cuts him off with wide eyes. "Forget I asked."
Yeosang laughs and then silence falls between them, Hongjoong removes another piece of nail with his teeth. The younger sighs heavily, "why won't you just call him, hyung?"
"I changed my mind, I don't think I'm interested." It's a big fat fucking lie and Yeosang definitely knows that.
"And now the truth?" Yeosang knows him so well. Too well.
He entertains the idea of lying again but chooses the honest road instead. "...I'm scared."
"Of what?"
"All of it?" It's a half question half accusation and he buries his face in one of his hands in pure and utter frustration. "It's nerve wrecking. My nerves are wrecked. Like really my nerves-"
"Okay, your nerves. We get it." Yeosang scoffs before picking up the sweet helpful friend persona again. "What's the worst that could happen?"
The worst outcome... "Me liking it. That could happen."
"Sorry, once again your peculiar brain has lost me. Isn't that exactly what you'd want from such a situation? Enjoying it?"
"Well yeah- but no- I..." fuck this.
"So what if you enjoy it?"
"Then..." then all of it is real. And suddenly he'll have to discover a whole new part of himself and he struggles to tolerate all that he is right now already. "Then it'd be like a thing. Like a real thing."
"What? Being a sub?" Yeosang laughs incredulously. "Big fucking deal, man. Worse things have happened."
"Yeosang, I'm serious." His throat feels tight and he presses his palms against his eyes to try and force all emotion back inside, his phone clamped between his ear and shoulder.
"Look, Hongjoong." Oh god, Yeosang's put his serious voice on, never a good sign. "I understand that this is difficult for you, and I have nothing but sympathy for you and your struggles. But I am tired of watching you allow this stupid man to stand between you and your happiness. I've watched you deny yourself too much on his behalf and I'm sick of it."
Hongjoong shakes his head firmly, "this isn't about him."
"Yes it is and you know that as well as I do. Seriously, when has your father's judgement ever been right?"
"...I know, but-"
"No buts." Yeosang is quick to stop him. "You need to get that deadbeat's voice out of your head and start living your life for you. You're nearly thirty for fuck's sake."
Hongjoong rolls his lips into his mouth, brows pinching together. "That was really mean."
"I know. Shit, I know, that was a bit harsh. Hyung, I'm-"
"No, you're right." Hongjoong exhales a week's worth of breath. "It's just hard. But I know you're right. Sorry I'm a bit messed up."
"Never apologise, babe. It's one of the things I love about you," Yeosang reassures. "Now go and call Seonghwa and go get yourself some well deserved dick. It's about time we can compare lays I've been waiting since the day I met you."
"I tell you about my lays..." Hongjoong pouts.
"I don't give a fuck about what way out of your league girl you managed to bag this time. I need something juicy."
"Fine." Hongjoong rolls his eyes. "So you think I should leave the dildo and just call him?"
"What?" He questions as if greatly offended. "Where did you hear me say that? Order yourself some good shit and then call him. Obviously."
"Alright. Thanks for the input man, gotta go."
"Bye, honey." Yeosang blows a few kisses into the microphone. "And as always, keep me updated."
«»
Yeosang ends up sending him about seven suggestions and Hongjoong orders three of them, because he's feeling a bit mischievous. Two of them are supposed to arrive in a few days but one is said to arrive tomorrow because he ordered it before 3pm and it comes from within the country.
He's sat on the couch with his dinner by the time he finally manages to pull up Seonghwa's contact again. And this time he won't allow himself to back down.
Hongjoong:
Hey, are you free to talk on the phone?
[7:13pm]
It's Hongjoong by the way
Yeosang's friend
[7:17pm]
From last week
[7:23pm]
Seonghwa:
Hey! Yes I am, feel free to ring me :)
[7:34pm]
He forces himself to wait five more minutes so as to not seem like he's been staring at his screen waiting for a reply so intently he forgot to blink at least four times. And then finally allows himself to click the little call button at the top of the screen.
It rings three times. Very casual, Seonghwa, touché. Hongjoong would've picked up at two...
"Hello," Seonghwa greets and the smile is evident in his voice. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Shit. All this mulling and stalling and not once did he consider how the fuck he would start this conversation without being a fucking weirdo. "Hi. Uhm..."
Seonghwa giggles. Giggles. Good god. "Yes?"
"Sorry, yes. I asked Yeosang for your number, because I want to discuss some things with you. Or like- ask you something?"
"Go ahead." Seonghwa definitely knows what he's calling for or at least what it relates to. Yet he allows Hongjoong to ease into the topic at his own pace.
"Basically-" basically what? Hey, would you happen to be interested in helping me orgasm? Would you like to touch my peepee? How do you feel about bossing me around until I come? "Uh, well."
"Take your time," Seonghwa soothes so sweetly. Hongjoong is strangely addicted to his voice already. Even through his crappy speakers. "Don't be nervous, no question is a bad question. Ask me anything."
"I know you work with different subs all the time and stuff. And I actually watched some of the content you recommended me, and- and I liked it. Like a lot. And I wondered if maybe I could get like- I wondered if you would... I was just wondering-"
"Hongjoong."
"Yes?" His voice squeaks out of his throat.
"If you were wondering if I'm still available to help others, to help you. The answer is yes. If you want me to I can."
"Oh. Okay. Okay good. Nice..." he clears his throat. He's making such a massive fool of himself, he's sure he's about to make Seonghwa regret telling him he could help him. "That's... great."
Seonghwa chuckles a low chuckle and Hongjoong wishes they weren't on the phone so he could see the man's lips pull into a smirk the way he knows they do. "Are you nervous?"
"No. Yes. Sorry, I'm just new to this."
"To what exactly?"
And well, all of it basically. "Pretty much all of this. The kinky stuff, but also just... being with men. I've never... ahem, anyways. Also, being..." the last word he mutters is barely above a whisper, "submissive..."
"I feel very honoured," Seonghwa admits. "How about this. You stop by my house some time soon, and we'll talk all of it over. In the meantime you do some more research about possible likes and dislikes. If you ever change your mind feel free to let me know."
Seonghwa has a way of making everything sound not as terrifying. He can't fight the way he starts smiling in response. "That sounds like a really good idea. Thank you, for everything."
"I've barely done anything, Hongjoong. You can thank me later. Or not, of course."
Hongjoong chuckles softly. "Alright, goodbye. Feel free to text me a date for when I can come by."
"Will do," Seonghwa says softly. "Have a good night."
"Yeah... you too."
«»
"Have all your dildos arrived yet?" Yeosang suddenly asks during one faithful dinner.
Hongjoong chokes on a bite and quickly coughs up the grain of rice that just attempted to murder him. "That is not dinner talk."
"Boring," Yeosang boos and leans back in his chair. Eyeing Hongjoong up and down. "I feel like the answer is pretty clear but I'm still gonna ask, have you used them yet?"
And really, Hongjoong has heard too many stories from Yeosang and could probably pick Jongho's dick out of a line up just because of how detailed Yeosang's descriptions were sometimes. Yet somehow he still manages to feel shy. Damn him, damn his conservative parents and damn Yeosang. Especially Yeosang. "No... I haven't."
"Why not?"
"I don't know how..." he lies.
"That's bullshit because I know you watch Wooyoung's videos like it's a daily drama you try to keep up with."
"Okay, fuck you. First of all." Yeosang's right though. He's developed an... addiction. Of sorts. "But fine. I don't know what's holding me back. Probably has something to do with the emotional constipation again."
At school people had often assumed that he was into men. Something he was very very sure of that he didn't. Which of course proved itself to be wrong but still. And Hongjoong at this point can't tell anymore what's holding him back. Whether it's their jokes and the time some annoying fucker put a dildo in his locker on Valentine's Day. Whether it's one of the trillion things his father has said about others over the years that unknowingly to him were also directly attacking Hongjoong. Or if it's just him and the fact that he's a fucking coward. Could be either one to be honest.
"I'm just saying, it may be nice to warm yourself up to it a bit before you meet up with Seonghwa. So you have somewhat of an idea of what to expect."
And he's right. He definitely is. "Shut up and just watch the movie."
«»
It's a staring contest. And he's losing. He's losing to his sex toys.
He gulps as he glances away from the three dildos sitting on the desk before him. He's letting a piece of plastic get the best of him. He can do this. He will do this. He snatches the vibrator because the size is the least daunting, it doesn't have the shape of an actual penis, and vibrations are always good. And he leaves the rest on the desk while he takes place on his bed.
Yeosang's right. He should definitely figure his own body out to some extent so he at least knows what to tell Seonghwa when it comes down to it. So he knows his limits or whatever.
He Googles some straight porn on his laptop like it would somehow erase the fact that he's about to fuck himself with a fake dick, and shoves the laptop to the side of the bed he isn't occupying so he has the space to move around. He's seen Wooyoung do this, he's seen many people do this. It can't be too difficult.
He rids himself of every last piece of clothing and shyly opens his legs as he lays back, as if there's anyone to see him. He really tries to force his brain to shut up and focus on the task at hand. Easier said than done but Hongjoong is nothing if not determined. He will fuck himself today.
He lathers his fingers in lube that he'd ordered alongside the toys because he was really pushing the expiration date of the last, and then freezes. He can touch his butthole, no big deal. People do it all the time. He's touched buttholes before. Female buttholes, but like, what's the difference really. Except for the fact that male buttholes offer a bigger reward because prostrates and shit. If he can touch female butthole he can touch male butthole and he can most definitely touch his own butthole. He bans the word butthole from his mind because it's not that appetising and slowly but surely lowers his hand.
He presses one cold finger against his rim and pauses, unsure of how to proceed. He realises he must look really funny right now, frozen mid movement in a slightly awkward bend. He has quite tiny fingers so it's surprisingly easy to slide one inside. And it feels like nothing really. Not even like a backwards poop like he'd somewhat expected. It's just... there.
He glances at his screen, trying to force some life and excitement back into his dick. He watches the overproduced piece of porn, and lowers the volume because the moans were starting to get on his nerves. He focuses back on himself. He moves his finger around a bit before sighing in frustration.
He should just add another. Which doesn't do much either except for make the feeling a bit more uncomfortable. He moves them in and out, a bit awkwardly, before giving up. He doesn't remove them while reaching for his phone blindly and dialling the same person he always does.
"What's up?" Yeosang's voice filters through the speakers. Hongjoong needs to stop making this his first resort in tough times.
"I think I'm doing it wrong, I don't feel anything."
Unsurprisingly it takes his best friend not even two seconds to figure out what he's talking about. "You need to crook your fingers, try to find the prostate."
He pouts, "how will I know if I've found it?"
"Trust me, you'll know." He tries to do as Yeosang told him, causing the man to clear his throat. "I'm sorry are you planning to hang up or am I supposed to stay here?"
Hongjoong rolls his eyes and hangs up without another word.
He tries to follow the advice. He's fingered girls before and it can't possibly be that different. Except the angle is weird now and it's a whole lot scarier. He bends his fingers and searches around his own insides. And it doesn't take long for him to graze something that makes his body jolt.
"Oh, okay..." he mutters to no one but himself. He presses his fingers against it a bit harder and can't help the way a surprised little whine comes out of him. He understands what Yeosang had meant now. There really was no missing it.
He slowly fucks his fingers in and out while nearly twisting his shoulder so as to not lose the perfect angle he'd managed to find. A soft moan slips past his lips and can feel himself blush at the reaction. He goes to stroke his dick in time with the movements and it pulls an embarrassingly loud whine from him. It's like double the pleasure at the same time and he immediately regrets not exploring himself earlier.
His eyes fall closed and the laptop besides him might just as well not even be there. "Fuck-" he gasps when he puts more strength behind his own thrusts. He quickly adds another finger and the oddness gets overpowered by the pleasure as he never loses his rhythm.
He nearly forgets that all he’s doing is opening himself up for the toy laying besides him. He has half a mind to just ignore the thing and finish himself off this way but his curiosity is stronger. With great disdain he removes his fingers and reaches for the vibrator.
He clicks it on and the sheer strength of the vibrations shock him for a second. Something tells him he won't be lasting long. He turns it back off to lather it in an obscene amount of lube. The girth of it is pretty much exactly the same as his three fingers. Something that had seemed daunting earlier tonight but now he somehow feels disappointed it isn't thicker.
He hurries back into position and this time doesn't hesitate to get back to business, driven by a newfound desperation to discover more. He presses the toy against himself and is shortly startled by the change in temperature, being far colder than his own fingers had been. But he can't be too bothered by it as he slides it inside without another drop of carefulness.
He moans unabashedly when it's in as far as it can go, he'd planned to take it slow and ease himself into it. But he can't switch the on button fast enough. "Shit!" He cries softly when he turns it on. He manoeuvres the bottom until the toy is pressing right up against his prostate and he can't even find it in himself to fuck himself with the toy, more than satisfied with the way it's buzzing precisely where he needs it most.
"Fuck fuck fucknghh-" he can't stop rambling to himself while he takes hold of his own dick again. Any thoughts of taking his time are permanently out the window at that point and he strokes himself with a quick and tight hand.
It catches him off guard a bit when his orgasm crashes into him. His back arches of the bed while he moans in a way that sounds unfamiliar to his own ears. It's just so good and he almost doesn't want to stop even when it starts hurting from oversensitivity. It takes tears welling up for him to finally turn the toy off, not yet ready to remove it.
He pants heavily while he melts back into the mattress, knowing he must look absolutely wrecked. But in a hot way. He bets he looks really fucking hot right now. He grabs his phone with his cleaner hand and quickly types out a thank you to Yeosang. He receives back a voice message of Yeosang cackling loudly.
«»
Hongjoong does do more research after that just as Seonghwa requested. He watches all sorts of stuff regarding the subject and has managed to form somewhat of an image in his mind of what exactly he wants. He doesn't know yet if he'll actually be able to tell Seonghwa it without imploding because of shyness, but he'll give it his best shot.
It's nearly two weeks after their phone call when he goes over to Seonghwa apartment to discuss matters further. In the meantime he's asked Yeosang pretty much every detail about how Seonghwa goes about things. And he feels... maybe not ready. But something close to it.
"Hey, glad you could make it," Seonghwa greets when he opens the door.
Hongjoong nods somewhat timidly, a little awkward. He looks into his eyes and then away again while clearing his throat. "Yeah, of course."
"Please, come in." Seonghwa gestures for him to follow and closes the door behind him. "Please remove your shoes I just vacuumed."
"Ah- of course." Hongjoong bows his head a little before carefully taking off his shoes. Seonghwa is so so calm and gentle but for some reason there's a feeling of authority hanging around him. Hongjoong has no idea how to explain it properly and why he wants to tend to every single one of this man's needs but he feels a little embarrassed to say the least. And a little turned on, he can't lie.
"Would you like some coffee?"
"Uhm..." he wipes his sweaty palms dry on his jeans. "Do you have tea by any chance? I've been trying to lay off of the coffee."
"Of course." Seonghwa's expression is schooled and doesn't give away much about how he's feeling except for the polite smile on his lips. "Make yourself comfortable on the couch, I'll be with you in a second."
Hongjoong just offers a small nod before scurrying off into what he assumes and hopes to be the living room. It seems... expensive. He knows working at the club is a hobby for Seonghwa and not a job so it does make him wonder what he gets up to to make a living. The interior design is modern but somehow not boring or lifeless which he finds somewhat impressive as most modern homes tend to lose their liveliness. It's clean enough to deserve it's own page in a home magazine, and he makes a mental note to clean his apartment later.
He looks around the living room some more, inspecting photos and expensive pottery until he's interrupted by Seonghwa entering with their tea. He turns around to watch the man set the pot and mugs down on the coffee table. The older straightens himself back out and looks Hongjoong up and down. "Funny, I thought I said make yourself comfortable on the couch, not go and snoop around in my living room."
Hongjoong's jaw drops the slightest bit and he desperately tries to form one coherent thought that will excuse him out of this situation. It's not like he's committed a crime and Seonghwa's statement hadn't even sounded inherently threatening. But once again the man seems to emit some sense of power and Hongjoong feels like he disobeyed some non existent rule. "Uh-"
Seonghwa cracks a small smile before laughing, "don't worry about it. But please, take a seat."
"Sorry..." he mutters as he makes his way onto the couch as quick as he can without it being straight up embarrassing.
Seonghwa studies him for a second, "you're not really what I'd expected you to be."
"Oh-" he isn't sure how to feel about that. "How do you mean?"
"Yeosang said you were very..." Seonghwa seems to mull it over while he pours them both a steaming mug. "Let's say he anticipated it would be a hassle to get you to submit. But I think you'll be doing just fine."
"Excuse me?" He couldn't help feeling slightly offended at the implications of that statement. "That is not..."
Seonghwa pushes the drink his way on a coaster with a puzzled expression. "I didn't mean to offend you. It'll only make this process easier and more enjoyable for the both of us. I'm not a brat tamer and I'm also not looking to be one."
"I'm not a brat." He has to physically refrain from pouting. "But I'm not su-" he cuts himself off. Submissive. But that's why he's here. Because he is, probably... definitely, actually. But the idea of admitting that out loud still feels weirdly wrong.
"Not submissive?" Seonghwa raises a singular brow. "Why are you here then?"
"I am! I mean-" Hongjoong groans and rests his head in his hands. "Fuck."
Seonghwa eyes him for a few seconds as he can clearly tell Hongjoong's feeling conflicted. "Look, I know this is your first time participating in something like this. And I'm am grateful you chose me and more than happy to help you along in your journey. But if you genuinely feel like submitting will be an actual issue or will make you feel uncomfortable you need to tell me. Because forcing yourself into a state of mind like that while you're not ready won't help anything. And that's what I'm here for. To help."
The calm nature with which Seonghwa brought the words does something to sooth Hongjoong's pounding heart. "Thanks... But I want this, I'm sure. I just..." he nibbles on his lips. Seonghwa doesn't look impatient, he looks like he'd sit here in silence for three hours until Hongjoong finally found his next words. "I'll just need some space, and understanding. It's not that I don't want this, it's just that it kinda goes against my... instincts. Because I've been conditioned to feel a certain way and now I realise I'm actually craving the opposite. And my mind won't stop screaming at me about how wrong this is but I know that this is what I want-" he cuts himself off when he realises he's started rambling.
"This can be a difficult process but I feel like this could be really good for you. It's brave to step out of your comfort zone like that and I'm proud you're trying to go after what you really want."
Hongjoong blushes fiercely at the praise and he can see Seonghwa try to force down a smile. "Thank you."
"Now onto probably the most important part, rules." Seonghwa pulls out a few papers from seemingly nowhere. "Often these rules will be based off of experience, but seeing as you have none we'll be going through them and you'll tell me how you feel. Let me know any hard nos, things you're unsure about and things you're fairly certain you'd be into. I expect you've done your research before showing up here like I asked, so you'll have an idea of what speaks to you and what doesn't. This'll be a proces a of trial and error and your list can always change. I have my hard nos as well but we'll get into that after we discuss you."
"I've done some research. I've been watching Wooyoung quite a lot, it's really helped me find the directions I feel most comfortable going in."
"That's lovely..." he trails off for a few seconds before offering Hongjoong a question he hadn't been prepared for. "Did you enjoy them?"
His eyes widen, "oh! Uh, some more than others."
"What was your favourite?" He refuses to just drop the fucking subject.
"Uhm, probably the one with the tall man, I think he was referred to as Uno." Or the ones with Seonghwa. But he's not about to admit that out loud.
"You'll have to give me more details."
Fuck Seonghwa and fuck this, he definitely knows exactly what Hongjoong is talking about he's just trying to make him suffer. He's always been a bit shy talking about sex but maybe it's the promise this conversation brought with it that makes it even worse. "The one where he tied Wooyoung up. With the, uh, the orgasm denial..." his voice squeaks a bit at the end. "I think that's something I'd really like."
Seonghwa smirks a little a scribbles something down. "Noted. Notice anything you really dislike?"
"Most of San's stuff. Some of it's really intriguing and most of it is nice to watch, but I feel it's too much for me to participate in, at least right now."
"Good to know, the sadomasochism isn't my expertise anyways," Seonghwa smiles. "So that works out perfectly." Hongjoong smiles back because he feels like he's done something right and for some reason it makes him feel giddy. "Then we'll go over the rest of the list, this should include pretty much anything relevant but if you feel like there's anything you need to add or clarify please feel free to."
"I'll try my best."
"I know you will." The statement brings another blush to Hongjoong's face and Seonghwa chuckles softly. "You'll have to give me a number of 1 through 5. A 5 means you're definitely up for it, 1 means you consider it entirely non negotiable. Anything in between we'll discuss with more nuance later. I'll give you the list so you can fill it in at home in private but we'll discuss it now so you can ask me about any terms you don't recognise or aren't sure of what they mean in their entirety."
"Isn't all of this a little bit excessive, I thought we'd just discuss some things I feel uncomfortable with and call it a day..." Hongjoong admits tentatively while he accepts the papers Seonghwa hands him.
"It's a common misconception, but things like these truly do require a lot of ground rules. It can be very emotionally and physically challenging at times. I don't know how familiar you are with subspaces but then especially we need to be extra careful because the smallest of things can cause a drop, which I'd like to avoid as much as possible. This is something that needs to be pleasant for all parties involved otherwise it's pointless."
"I don't think I really know what the uh, subspace? Is, I think I've heard the term before but, that's about it."
"It's basically just when two people carry out a scene the submissive will often find themselves falling into somewhat of a meditative state, as it's often described. It can heighten your pain tolerance and such, so it needs to be approached carefully. I'll keep speaking to you the entire time to try and keep you from slipping too deep, as time goes on and if you decide you'd like to maintain this lifestyle you can try and explore it more. When you're in your subspace sometimes something will cause a subdrop, which most likely won't be noticeable until hours or even days later. Often aftercare will prevent such a situation from taking place but even after that I will be checking up on you occasionally for a few days after our scene. But a subspace can definitely make the scene even more enjoyable for the submissive, but if you reach a point of not being properly responsive I will stop the scene for the consent is no longer valid, like consent from somebody who's drunk. Especially since I don't know you well."
Hongjoong nods slowly, "...alright."
"I'm sorry, I know this is a lot of information to take in. Please inform me if I need to speak slower or stop for a second." Seonghwa puts a comforting hand over his, offering him one of the warmest smiles Hongjoong has ever seen. How a person can be this intimidating and welcoming at the same time is absolutely beyond him.
"It's okay," Hongjoong smiles back. "I appreciate you taking the time to explain, I realise now I definitely lack a lot of information still. And you seem very knowledgeable on the matter."
"Well I've been doing this for nearly 10 years now," Seonghwa chuckles. "So I've picked up a few things here and there over time."
Hongjoong replies with a small chuckle of his own and thanks the universe when Seonghwa removes his hand off of Hongjoong's sweaty one. "Do you have... a space?"
"You mean a dom space?" He questions and Hongjoong nods because yeah probably. "Yes, I do, as do most doms. Contrary to popular believe we do need aftercare as well and we can also drop. I will drop if I at any point feel like I've let a submissive down. My main focus is to help make people feel better so if I get the feeling my service disappointed I am at risk of experiencing that."
"Okay..." Hongjoong nods, trying to take it all in. "I'll try and make sure you're okay too. I- I mean I've never done this before, what if I mess it up? I don't know how I'll be and what-"
"Hongjoong," Seonghwa interrupts his spiral. "I know how to take care of that myself. Afterwards I will check on you and if you happen to not want to speak I'll try and make as much of your body language as possible to reassure myself. Seeing you comfortable and peaceful afterwards is enough to reassure me."
"Okay." It's less awkward than he'd expected, discussing in detail how exactly he wants to be dominated. Seonghwa makes the conversation casual while still clearly showing the weight and importance of it. Hongjoong makes a mental note to thank Yeosang for everything. I'll try not to disappoint, he thinks but decides not to speak it out loud. "That's good."
"I'm gonna assume you don't have the broadest field of experience when it comes to aftercare?"
"Uh, no." He admits, "I've only had heterosexual one night stands. Can't say most of those girls wrapped me up in a fuzzy blanket and showered me in kisses."
"What a shame," Seonghwa tuts. "Well aftercare is different for everybody. But just like with everything else this is a discovery process for you, so we'll just try and see what works for you. You call the shots and I follow, yes?"
"Thanks."
"Of course," Seonghwa waves it off dismissively.
"No, really." He forces his voice not to sound as strangely emotional as he feels. "I was really nervous, but you make it seem not as scary. I trust you."
Seonghwa positively beams at that last statement, teeth showing with his smile. "That means a lot to me, Hongjoong. I don't take your trust lightly, and I will continue working hard to earn it."
He smiles because he's unsure of what else to say, and jumps back into the topic at hand. "There are some terms I think I'm unfamiliar with."
And so they go through every point on the list and Seonghwa explains them all until Hongjoong is a 100% sure about what he's getting into. They slowly travel down the list until they come across a term that's been intriguing Hongjoong quite a bit. "I'm not sure about rigging, it's to do with bondage right?"
"Yes," Seonghwa nods. "It's quite intricate and can be very beautiful. When it comes to bondage I can cuff you and I can do basic knots to restrain arm and leg movement but I am not a qualified rigger. I am training currently but I'm not ready to do that on a human yet. If you decide later on it's something you feel very drawn to we do have a dom at our club specialised in the field. Yunho - or as you know him, Uno - is a professional rigger and very good at what he does."
"Training?" Hongjoong frowns, "I figured it just took some practice. Can't you just practice on a human?"
"Another common misconception but rigging can actually be extremely dangerous. You need to be very careful about distributing the weight of you’re doing suspension, where the rope is tight and where it isn't. Accidentally cutting off blood or air flow is a very real possibility which can lead to permanent physical damage. It's a very precise practice, and once again, should not be taken lightly."
Hongjoong feels a little stupid for even asking in the first place, his eyes cast down. "Ah... sorry."
"Hey," Seonghwa says gently and puts his hand back over Hongjoong's, making him look up. "No worries, all questions are welcome and I'm happy I'm able to inform you about things. There's no need to be ashamed, there was no reason for you to know all the exact details of bondage because you've never gotten in touch with it before. Everybody starts somewhere."
"Thanks." It's like the hundredth time he's said that word tonight but it's true. He just feels very thankful for Seonghwa's approach to this conversation.
"Do you have any preferences when it comes to what I should call you?" Seonghwa questions and keeps his pen ready to jot it all down.
"Hmm, I've never had many terms of endearment used for me. Except like babe or something." Hongjoong purses his lips while trying to imagine the different options, not coming to a very distinct conclusion. "Honestly you can just try multiple things and see what works, the idea of all of them makes me cringe a little right now. So I think I'll just have to get used to it when the time is actually there, and you can just see how I respond. But no degradation, please. Insults wouldn't make me horny, just... bad memories. I don't think I'd like that at all."
Seonghwa nods and notes all of it down, eyebrows furrowing briefly at the mention of bad memories. "Good to know." He looks up, quite sternly. "You can refer to me as sir. Not master, or daddy, or any of that. To each their own but sir is the only one I've ever really felt comfortable with."
Hongjoong nods, "yes, sir." Making Seonghwa chuckle airily.
"Now for safe words, I find it easiest to just use the traffic light system. Especially since I work with different people I find it the most effective to use to same for everyone so there's no way to accidentally miss it." He explains and Hongjoong nods again to show he's following. "Red is a complete stop and I will put the scene to an end immediately. Yellow means you want me to slow down for a bit or to stop with a specific thing we're doing. Green means you're fine and good to go. I'll check in on your colour throughout the scene but I need your participation as well. If something doesn't feel right you need to tell me. I don't mind stopping a scene but I do mind knowing you tried to put up with something you feel uncomfortable with. Even if you fill in a 5 on the list now and while we're doing it you decide you actually don't like it at all, I'm begging you, please let me know immediately."
"I will,” he assures. "I promise I'll let you know."
Seonghwa sighs and leans back, "I think we've covered everything we need to for now. Fill in the list, take all the time you need and do more research if you feel it's necessary. And hand it in whenever you're ready."
"Thank you, I will."
"I think this is gonna be good for you, Hongjoong." Seonghwa nods as he sips his tea. "I think you'll be doing just fine."
Just fine... He'll be just fine.