Chapter Text
The problem with the Hero of the Wild, Twilight had decided, was that he really did not live up to his title. At all.
The “hero” part? Sure. Beat Ganon, rescued the princess, saved Hyrule and completed a multitude of side quests along the way. As far as Twilight was concerned, and regardless of what Wild’s own shoddy self-esteem might say, that was a genuine hero right there. And not only that, but Wild was a really, truly good person. He was loyal, he was kind, he loved horses – a trustworthy character trait if there ever was one – and he was the best damn cook their group of culinarily-challenged adventurers could have hoped for.
But he wasn’t wild. No: if anything, he was a little too tame. A little too polite, a little too considerate, a little too willing to play by the rules, and it surely wasn’t natural for someone his age. Call Twilight a meddling big brother (he was), but there was something truly sad about those wistful looks Wild would sometimes cast towards the more playful and chaotic members of their group, as if he wanted more than anything to join in but couldn’t quite bring himself to do it. Maybe it was a product of his upbringing or maybe it had been the nature of his quest, but either way: Twilight was determined to fix it.
The perfect opportunity finally arose when the latest portal spat them out in Twilight’s own era, in an area he recognised as Upper Zora’s River.
The initial surge of excitement was soon tempered by concern for the young Zora ruler and his people, but after a few hours spent travelling upstream and paying a surprise visit to the delighted King Ralis, Twilight was relieved to find out that there had been no recent monster sightings. Unless something had somehow slipped past the notice of both the roving Zora scouts and Ashei’s portion of the growing Resistance force (unlikely): it seemed they’d been granted a reprieve.
And that brought them to Iza’s little white-water canoeing business.
Wild looked at Twilight. Wild looked at the narrow boat, fighting against the ropes that held it to the pier. Wild looked back at Twilight.
‘That seems unsafe,’ he remarked.
Twilight waved a dismissive hand. ‘Nah, it’s fine. I’ve done this trip a bunch of times.’
Wild hesitated. ‘Is the river always this fast?’ he queried cautiously. ‘Or is there a problem upstream? Maybe we should check with the Zora again. Vah Ruta doesn’t exist in this era, does she?’
Vah what now? ‘Nope,’ Twilight guessed. ‘This is normal. Well, maybe a little faster than normal… guess they had some good rain recently or something –’ Wild’s face only tightened further, so Twilight quickly went on, ‘– but it’s fine! I’ve travelled in worse conditions. And we’ll have a guide to make sure we don’t drown.’ He gestured to Iza’s patient Zora employee, who continued to tread water patiently to one side with a patient customer-service smile on her patient face.
‘C’mon, Wild, it’ll be fun,’ he pleaded. ‘Just a little archery game. They even provide free bomb arrows! Surely you can’t say no to that?’
There was a spark of interest in Wild’s eyes, disappearing as the younger hero gave a quick shake of his head and replied, ‘Is this really the best use of our time? Shouldn’t we be scouting out the area, or something? There has to be a reason why we were dropped here, right?’
Twilight sighed. Solemnly, he clapped Wild on the shoulder. ‘Kid,’ he said seriously, ‘you have to learn to live a little. Life isn’t all that doom and gloom, you know?’ Wild looked unconvinced, so he hastily added, ‘Besides: it’s good practice, right? Test out that bow of yours with me. If you can shoot down those pots Iza sets up, you should be fine with any monsters that ambush us. Hell, feel free to shoot down any monsters we encounter too!’ Of which there would hopefully be none, Twilight amended silently.
Wild relented. ‘Fine. If you say so.’
‘That’s the spirit!’ Twilight cheered. ‘Alright, then: let’s set sail!’
‘It’s a canoe,’ Wild pointed out dutifully. ‘There aren’t any sails.’
Entirely unnecessary clarification duly noted: the two adventurers set sail.
Even Wild’s soldierly stoicism couldn’t hold up for long against the sheer thrill of the rapid ride. Within less than a minute, he was grinning, and then outright laughing as Twilight overextended to avoid a collision with the cave wall and narrowly avoided falling from his seat. Twilight grinned right back, willing enough to be the butt of the joke if that bright smile was the result.
He wasn’t done yet, though. Not by a long shot.
‘We’re coming up on the first target,’ Twilight warned. ‘You got a bow? Or do you want to borrow mine?’
Wild set his oar aside and raised a medium-sized wooden recurve in answer. ‘You got the arrows?’
‘Sure.’ With an inviting smile, Twilight produced the quiver of arrows and complimentary bomb bag that Iza had provided. Helpful as ever, he jammed one of the arrows into a bomb, lit the fuse, and handed it to Wild.
Wild didn’t take it.
Slightly nervously, Twilight said, ‘Hey, umm, Wild… you know this is going to explode if you don’t –’
‘That’s not a bomb arrow,’ Wild said abruptly. ‘That’s just an arrow that you jammed into a bomb and set on fire.’
Twilight frowned. ‘Wild, don’t be pedantic.’
‘I’m not being pedantic. That’s not a bomb arrow,’ Wild argued fiercely.
The bomb arrow gave a warning crackle. Twilight hastily shoved it under the water.
‘Look Wild,’ he said patiently, ‘I know you’re allergic to fun and all –’
‘Am not,’ Wild shot back.
‘– But a bomb arrow is a bomb arrow,’ Twilight persisted. ‘See this? Bomb.’ He produced a bomb. ‘And this? Arrow.’ He revealed the second half of the compound noun. ‘So if I combine the two –’
‘No, that’s not how that works!’ Wild retorted.
‘Is too,’ Twilight replied calmly, demonstrating his point by shooting the first target by himself. ‘See? Easy.’
Wild stared at him, open mouthed, as the cavern wall drew ever closer.
‘Uh… Wild?’ Twilight tried.
Wild continued to stare. The cavern wall continued to draw closer.
‘Wild?!’ Twilight said desperately.
‘You just… jammed an arrow into a bomb and just fired it,’ Wild uttered. ‘Just like that.’
‘Well, ok, yes, I understand you’re upset, but I kind of need you to paddle right now, or else –’
The canoe, its two passengers and the assortment of deconstructed bomb arrows all slammed into the wall and back down into the river.
A very patient Zora employee very patiently fished them out.