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Stupid for You

Summary:

“Don’t call me such foolish nicknames. I have a name and I’m certain you’ve heard it.”

“I should know your name?”

That caught his interest and he unconsciously stepped closer, back in the rabbit’s eyeline who looked back just as puzzled.

“Yes. You work for Big Mama,” a white finger pointed at Leo’s (stolen) uniform. “Are you saying you haven’t heard about what she’s been getting her greasy fingers into recently?”

“Well, I am amazing at minding my own business, so yes, in fact. I haven't ever seen or heard of you.”

“Huh. You seem like you would be horrible at that from the two minutes we’ve spent talking.”

Leo scoffed, pressing a hand to his chest, pretending to be wounded.

“Good sir, you have the audacity to speak to a good-natured turtle in such a way? I think I might have to put some space between us and do some digging. I’m starting to fear for my well being.”

This time, the rabbit actually laughed. At him. He thought he was funny.

 

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The one in which Leo falls for Big Mama's new bodyguard and champion.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter 1: And I'll Speak With My Eyes. You'll Think I'm Neat - I'm Not Surprised

Chapter Text

“Guys? Guys, come on, can we stick to the plan, please .”

 

“Ooh, careful, ‘Nardo. You’re starting to sound like Raph.”

 

“Oh, no way! She has singing pigs that can play instruments? Hold on, I need to document this, I'm so gonna use this as inspo next time I go -”

 

A disgruntled sigh left the red eared slider’s mouth as he slid a hand down his exasperated face, tuning out his brother

 

Leadership hadn’t slid onto him like he was silently hoping it would when their father had announced the new arrangement. Michelangelo and Donatello in particular had difficulty taking his orders and plans seriously. He loved them, but it was clear they didn’t respect him in that way.

 

And Raph, well, Leo cringed at the thought of his elder brother who had not been taking the dynamic change well. 

 

They had argued more in recent months than in their whole lives and it was starting to take a toll. Rather than outright refusal, he was faced with constant questioning from his elder brother. And in a way, he understood the difficulty of passing that torch on. But it had become so draining.

 

The red-clad turtle’s com was eerily silent as Michael continued blabbering on about the pigs, Don cutting in with a sarcastic retort every other sentence.

 

So much for their simple mission. 

 

Easy as pie, he mocked himself mentally from a mere few hours prior to the mission.

 

Yokai bustled around, laughing and dancing, eating and joking with one another. They were all dressed to the nines, articles of clothing translating a fashion statement that was quite a far cry from the fashion norms of average humanity. A statue of ice stood in the middle of the room, showing some sort of fish monster that sprayed punch - or what he imagined as such - from the mouth and attendees shoved their glasses in front, catching the liquid and chugging it. There was a skylight and the full moon shone through alongside the warm lighting of the room. Big Mama knew how to throw a party, that was for sure.

 

Really, it was a sight to behold, and Leon wanted nothing more than to fawn over the fashion icons that bordered on almost dangerous - one Yokai had a flaming dress - and he bit his cheek to keep his focus on the staff around them.

 

Big Mama was up to something. The four of them had discovered Battle Nexus profits had increased exponentially (thanks to Donnie’s very helpful insight that he consistently reminded his twin of) alongside a disappearance of Yokai off the streets, and a strange increase in contestants who did not exactly match the missing descriptions, yet carried one or two matching traits with the missing Yokai.

 

Originally the four of them had gone undercover as kitchen staff. The perfect mix of hearing workers gossip as well as hearing what the server’s had to say from eavesdropping on customers. 

 

Until the youngest brother had gone missing in the sea of people, enchanted by one thing or another. The smartest brother fell victim to impatience. The eldest - far too worrisome to allow their baby brothers to waltz around in danger.

 

And thus, Leo walked around in the uncomfortable suit he had stolen. Ears straining to hear the conversation of Big Mama’s patrons, partners, sponsors, etc. while tuning out the chatter of his brothers.

 

Leadership made him so nauseous.

 

He couldn’t do this. 

 

His serving tray had long since been empty and he slowly swerved around the crowd with it tucked beneath his arm, a bit uncomfortable with his shell. 

 

Maybe he should leave. Let Raph take over again. Nevermind how it would throw the two of them into another argument. 

 

Yet, if he stayed, he already knew Raph would have too much to say about how it had all gone so far - not even considering whatever other disastrous events would be thrown their way.

 

So lost in his own head, Leo stumbled a few steps backwards when he walked straight into one of the Yokai attending. His heart rate accelerated.

 

Just what he needed. They needed to flee. Their disguises didn’t do much to hide the fact that they were all turtles, and all it took was one of Big Mama’s men to recognize them for it all to go down the drain.

 

He couldn’t deal with another fight. 

 

“Are you alright? I’m sorry, I wasn’t looking where I was going.”

 

Realizing he had been lost in his own mind, Leo quickly shook his head, missing the feeling of the tails of his bandana brushing against him with the action. Wearing them would have been too much of a giveaway.

 

“No, no! I’m sorry. I should have been more…”

 

The turtle trailed off into a quiet voice as he looked over the one he had bumped into.

 

A rabbit with soft-looking, white fur. His eyes were a warm brown - was that red eyeliner that brought a bit of color to his face? 

 

He wore a hakama of lightweight fabric, dyed a deep blue with black and white as well. A sword rested on his hip - a katana. Long, floppy ears were tied together with black ribbon, moving ever-so slightly that if one blinked, they would miss it.

 

The turtle was silently cursing his father for not schooling them more on their culture at that moment. 

 

The rabbit wore a flat expression, but his brow was slightly quirked in confusion. Leo realized he was just staring. Silently. Like a bozo. His cheeks burned in embarrassment as he attempted to regain composure. When had he dropped his serving tray? When had he stopped having coherent thoughts? The answer to that last one must have been hours ago. 

 

He laughed loudly, nervously. The others around them had started to stare.

 

Why was he sweating?

 

 “Is everything alright?” The rabbit began to look around them, eyes traced in red searching for something. Oh, was he a bodyguard or something? The alarms in the turtle’s head were screaming . “Is there anything amiss? Feel free to tell me.”

 

“Oh, ha, seems like you don’t miss anything, huh, bunny-boy?”

 

Oh, the silence between them was painful, but was he hallucinating the slight twitch of the rabbit’s mouth?

 

Don would absolutely think so.

 

The rabbit turned, covering his face with a hand and shaking his head. “Don’t call me such foolish nicknames. I have a name and I’m certain you’ve heard it.”

 

“I should know your name?”

 

That caught his interest and he unconsciously stepped closer, leaning over and tilting his head to he was back in the rabbit’s eyeline who looked back, even more puzzled. 

 

“Yes. You work for Big Mama,” a fuzzy white finger pointed at Leo’s uniform. “Are you saying you haven’t heard about what she has been getting her greasy fingers into recently?” His voice was dripping with a certain venom. 

 

“Well, I am amazing at minding my own business, so yes, in fact. I have never seen or heard of you.” He retorted in a teasing tone.

 

“Huh. You seem like you would be horrible at that from the two minutes we’ve spent talking.”

 

The rabbit was joking with him. Perhaps there was a bright side to this downhill mission that he had gradually begun to loathe.

 

Leo scoffed, pressing a hand to his chest, pretending to be wounded as he often did while trading quips with his brothers. It was refreshing to do, he realized it had been so long since he had been able to joke. To speak with sarcasm. 

 

“Good sir, you have the audacity to speak to a good-natured turtle in such a way? I think I might have to put some space between us and do some digging. I’m starting to fear for my well being.”

 

This time, the rabbit actually laughed. At him. He thought he was funny.

 

“You should. If you’re an adversary of hers, you are quite suspicious, turtle.” His nose twitched in, what was that, amusement? “I may need to keep a close eye on you.”

 

His heart leapt into his throat and the turtle went rigid. It was all going down the drain, wasn’t it? He himself had also gotten distracted and -

 

The rabbit laughed again, bringing a finger to his lips as though to shush Leo, smiling slyly. “Don’t worry. I’m only working under her as she has something of mine I need back. I will turn the other cheek to whatever it is you are doing here, but be a bit more careful, okay?”

How was he so fucking cool? 

 

Leonardo was a mouse that had snuck into the lion’s den, hiding in the shadows. This rabbit had snuck in and convinced the owner of the den he was also a lion.

 

The leader’s mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. 

 

“You never told me your name.”

 

“Well, you haven’t offered yours either, have you?” 

 

Leo smiled widely. “You really don’t want to tell me?”

 

The rabbit’s arms were crossed now, but he no longer was turned or attempted to walk away. “Us both being enemies of Big Mama’s does not mean you are trustworthy. Perhaps it’s a blessing you haven’t heard my name. The universe must be telling me to stay away.”

 

“Man, the universe is a scary place. I wouldn’t listen too hard.”

 

“Leo!” 

 

The turtle in question felt the ground shake slightly. The rabbit reacted immediately, entering a poised stance and his hand flying to his hilt as Raphael ran up, already carrying their other two brothers beneath his arm. 

 

“It’s time to go! Stop fraternizing with the enemy!”

 

Donatello looked on for a moment with a bored expression before tapping away on a screen poking out from his battle armor. Michelangelo stared at the rabbit with wide eyes and a bright smile.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a rabbit Yokai before!”

 

“Leo, don’t make me carry you. That wouldn’t be very leaderlike of you,” Raph spoke with gritted teeth. 

 

Behind them, Big Mama’s men were scrambling over the Yokai guests to get to them, tripping over one another.


He couldn’t find one thing to focus on. The problem barreling towards them, Raph’s seething expression -

 

The rabbit laughed, face morphing from tense to calm, relaxed as he stepped back. 

 

“Well, Leonardo , it seems I’ve discovered who you are first. I think that means I’m winning, right?” His voice was teasing. “You’re falling behind, turtle.”

 

Oh, they were most certainly going to see each other again. 

 

The world turned around, shaking as he was thrown over his brother's shoulder. 

 

The rabbit was waving, covering another smile.

 

He forgot to do so back.

 

When a net was launched their way, the brothers finally dispersing, Leo was knocked back into reality. 

 

“Tactical retreat!” He yelled, running along with his brothers, Raph and Don grumbling and Mike cackling with laughter as he replayed a video on his phone.

 

It was a long, grueling hour before they dragged themselves back into the lair.

 

Splinter was holed up in his room. April doing schoolwork.

 

It was just him and his three brothers. 

 

The numbers quickly dwindled to two as Don retreated to his lab, Michelangelo following close behind, asking to see what he was now working on.

 

“A simple recon mission shouldn’t have gone like that, you know.”

 

“Raph, can we do this later? I majorly need some comic book therapy,” Leo waved him off with a flippant smile, heading to his room, however, it was more of a second retreat to the safety of his room, away from weaponized words that could hurt more than training did. 

 

“That! That right there is why it went south. You need to be more serious, Leo.”

 

He frowned, spinning around and throwing his arms out as he began yelling, exasperated at that point. Filled to the brim with a certain bitterness that continued to overflow, despite all his efforts to contain it. “Look at yourself! Look at Mikey and Don! It went like that because no one wanted me to be leader. I don’t even want it! If you want it to change, take it up with Pops, not me. Not my problem."

 

They stared at each other for a few seconds and Leo grew hopeful that that would be it. They would be done for the day. That they would simply avoid each other until movie night came around and their unfamiliar dynamic would dissolve for the evening as they spoke to everyone but each other. 


He began heading in his room's direction, dragging his feet. 

 

Leo missed his brother.

 

“He isn’t budging.” Raph replied, voice quiet but still conveying so much emotion with those three words, causing Leo to freeze.

 

“You’ve tried to talk him out of it?” He asked softly. “Without asking me first?”

 

He shouldn’t be surprised. He knew Raph was unhappy. Angry. Frustrated with how things had gone so far. Leo had been under the impression that they would just… deal. Like they always did and preserve somehow, someway, because they had to.

 

Raph had gone behind his back. 

 

Though he did not want the mantle, pain exploded in his chest at that reveal.

 

The larger turtle seemed to realize his mistake and his expression softened for a moment. He opened his mouth to speak. 

 

Leo did not wait to give him the chance to. His heart was thundering in his chest, skin vibrating with each pulse as fear and irritation climbed through him, grabbing ahold of his shoulders and steering him straight to his room. 

 

It was silly, he knew that logically.

 

The more illogical part of him led him to scream into his pillow. 

 

That even eventually dissolved into frustrated sobs.