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Dirk is fucking tiny. Well, he’s probably not that much smaller than when you first met him, but especially compared to Asshole Dirk he just looks like a kid. You want to scoop him up and carry him around like Roxy does with her cats. You want to protect him from himself in any way you can.
Your shortstack buddy twinkles out of existence, and you’re left staring at Dirk. He initiated a fistbump earlier, which basically means you have free reign to hug him. You do so, a better one than the first time, pulling him into your chest. You rest your cheek against his crunchy hair.
Tentatively, his arms creep up to land on your back. It’s adorable.
For a few seconds, you stay there, holding him. The last time you hugged your Dirk was years ago now. He still hadn’t fully figured out what to do with his arms, but sometimes he would collapse into you like you were the only thing holding him up. A single tower in an ocean.
You tell Baby Dirk what you wish you could’ve told yours.
DAVE: youre a good person you know
DAVE: everyone has the potential to be a huge asshole but you chose not to
DAVE: i think youre awesome
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: ...
DIRK: Thanks.
His voice sounds so small. You pat him on the back a couple times and disentangle yourself before this gets too revealing. Dirk’s staring at you, probably wide-eyed beneath the shades. His face is a little pink.
Your Dirk had been… careful with you, in the months following your initial conversation. To be honest, you never felt like he fully relaxed with you. And then he offed himself. You’d thought a lot of the problem had been dumping all your issues on him unprovoked, but after meeting Big Asshole Dirk you’re starting to rethink that. He probably had way more going on than anyone knew.
You want to pull Baby Dirk back, feel him warm and alive against your body, but you don’t wanna overwhelm him. The way he’s looking at you now, the anticipatory tilt to his mouth despite obviously trying to hide it, reminds you of how much he admires his Dave, his big bro.
You are, suddenly, aware of how gross your hoodie is. When was the last time you shaved?
DAVE: wanna go inside and play video games or something
DAVE: kinda bright out here
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: Yeah, alright. I wasn’t sure how long you were staying.
The little dude is playing it cool. Pretty cute.
DAVE: yeah me neither actually
DAVE: your friend zapped me in and theyll have to zap me back out
DAVE: were not in my timeline so i couldnt go back even if i wanted to
DAVE: not that i dont want to go back ever or anything i love my friends
DAVE: nothing makes me happier than hanging out with a bunch of shacked up lovebirds and proto fascists without karkat even there to break the tension
DIRK: You’re friends with fascists?
DAVE: i said proto
DIRK: Hmm.
DAVE: they werent before and we cant exactly kick them out of our friend group
DAVE: although at this point the friend group is kind of a wash
DAVE: not that i hate my girlfriend
Oh god this is going horribly. You guess dumping early 20s friends drifting apart issues on him is better than years of your bro’s abuse, but still. You should be asking about his issues, you know he has them.
DIRK: You have a girlfriend? Is it Roxy’s mom?
DIRK: Rose Lalonde, I mean.
It got worse. You sputter.
DAVE: NO! oh my god
DAVE: why would you ask that
DIRK: Our versions of you were close friends and allies. Roxy and I have a bet.
DAVE: what
DAVE: dude shes my sister
DIRK: Really?
DAVE: jeez i forget how much you didnt know
DAVE: yeah man ectobiologically you and roxy are me and roses parents
DIRK: Huh.
You have no idea what he’s thinking, and you want to move away from this topic.
DAVE: im dating jade
DAVE: uh jakes grandma
DAVE: its going perfectly fine and thats all there is to say on the matter
Dirk makes some sort of face at the mention of Jake, but you know how that goes and you decide to power past it. You nudge him a little with your elbow.
DAVE: anyway forget all that i just wanna hang out with my bro right now
DAVE: getting to know you
DAVE: you getting to know this version of me thats not a badass director revolutionary
DAVE: just chilling out and not going on some sort of metatextual adventure
DAVE: playing a stupid game or mixing beats or drawing or something
DAVE: whatever youre into right now
DAVE: i will even look at any puppets youre working on but i gotta warn you in advance that puppets creep me the fuck out
Dirk has visibly brightened. He’s actually smiling, the corner of his mouth tucking into his cheek. He looks so hopeful and so so young.
DIRK: I won’t force you to interact with a puppet against your will. My friends don’t really like them either.
DIRK: I hope piles of them strewn around the floor aren’t a dealbreaker, though.
DAVE: nah man i know how you are
You smile at him. He cranks the curve of his mouth up a notch, which for Dirk is practically beaming.
DIRK: Yeah, let’s play a game.
DIRK: We’ve got the whole of human history to pick from.
DAVE: awesome
You end up playing a late-2100s Super Smash Bros release. Crocker Corp had bought out Nintendo at some point, and half the playable characters are juggalos and pastries and shit. You cycle through mains to see just how many final smashes involve cream filling. It’s hilarious every time. Dirk, as always, mains Marth.
The game is glitched to hell and most of the stages are underwater. To be honest, you wish Jane was putting out games like this in your timeline. Condesce Crocker Corp seems a lot more fun, not that you’ll say anything of the sort to Dirk.
Dirk has loosened up over the past couple hours of gaming. You two are sitting on the futon, close enough that your elbows knock together. When you get a little too into a match and lean into your joystick movements, you veer right into his shoulder. He lets you, even leans into it. It’s nice. You’ve missed this.
DAVE: haha oh man this is like the tenth camera facial
DAVE: why are these final smashes so sexual i thought “cease reproduction” was part of the batterwitchs whole thing
DAVE: although i guess them being called smashes kinda answers that question
DIRK: I don’t think she ever really grasped human sexuality.
DIRK: This was supposed to be more of a jumpscare, as if getting a face full of cum is a nightmare to everyone on earth.
DIRK: Uh.
Oh, right. He thinks you’re straight. He thinks you think he’s straight. This conversation was awkward enough last time, and now you’re coming into it with an information advantage. Panicked, you just fucking blurt out something that you haven’t said to anyone in years.
DAVE: i like men
DIRK: !
DAVE: like im bisexual or whatever
DAVE: just so you know
DAVE: uh im trans too
DAVE: my dirk didnt know that when we met so i should probably put that out there
DAVE: like i know youre gay and trans now but i didnt when we first met either
DAVE: to clarify
DIRK: Oh.
DIRK: That’s, um...
DIRK: Sorry.
You can’t tell if he’s just shocked, or excited, or what. It was weird, when you first realized Dirk was gay, to project that backwards onto your bro. It was actually much easier to accept that he was trans.
DIRK: That’s good to know.
DIRK: I based a lot of my conception of manhood on you. It’s nice that we’re both self-made men.
The combination of his phrasing and earnestness and how small he seems next to you on the futon is too much for you. You have to put a hand on his head and ruffle his hair. It’s hard to do through the shellacked shell, but you manage. He lets you, seems almost pleased by it.
DAVE: youre not quite an adult man yet
DAVE: although “self made boy” sounds awful
DIRK: Yeah, I don’t like that one.
DAVE: whatever youre man enough youre over thirteen
He seems happy about that, too. You don’t remember if your Dirk was as easy to please when you met him. He wasn’t later on.
DIRK: I feel embarrassed I never even considered that you were trans. Not very PC of me.
DAVE: well like i said i didnt know either and i actually lived with my bro
DAVE: the guy was a mysterious fucker though
Dirk nods at you to continue, but you don’t really want to go through all this right now, especially after Dirk was already face-to-face with a shitty version of himself. He shouldn’t have to hear the gruesome details.
DAVE: i didnt know he was gay either but rose made fun of me for that so maybe i shouldve
DAVE: all those phallic puppets flopping around
DIRK: I badly want to hear about my alternate self's innovations in smuppets, but I’ll respect your puppet boundaries.
DAVE: thanks bro
DIRK: I have actually contemplated your potential attraction to men.
DIRK: Roxy and I had another bet about it.
You knew about that bet. Dirk had thought you were straight. Dirk had thought all the gay shit in his bro’s movies was for irony and provocation only. Having seen them, you can understand that position.
DAVE: dont bet against roxy man that never ends well
DAVE: dont bet against rose either now that i mention it
DAVE: lalondian wiles include mysterious gambling wins
DIRK: I know, but she gets me every time.
DIRK: Girl’s trickier than a fox. Or a cat, I guess, which is more on-theme.
DAVE: dont worry bro its a strider curse to be a sucker for lalondes
DAVE: rosell get you too when you meet her
DIRK: I look forward to it.
You realize that you’re fantasizing about bringing him home with you. Getting him out of this lonely apartment and putting him in yours. You and Jade haven’t moved out of the hive you used to share with Karkat. You’re both still hoping he’ll come back, but you do have a spare room.
You let yourself imagine it for a second: hey Jade look who I found! A kid version of the guy you were vague acquaintances with who was a shitty boyfriend to your kid grandpa! He’s living in our house now and I’ll be spending multiple hours a day fucking around with him!
Yeah, that’ll go over well. You smile anyway.
DAVE: yeah me too
He smiles back at you, then seems to get distracted and zone out.
DIRK: Ah.
DIRK: Well, as long as we’re divulging information, I should tell you that I’ve been conferring with my auto-responder throughout this conversation.
DIRK: Not that he’s necessarily helpful.
DAVE: oh man yeah
DAVE: you told me about him but when i met him hed merged with the sprite of this weird sweaty troll dude and just wanted to talk about horses and for me to touch his muscles
DIRK: ...
DAVE: and then he fucked off into the sun or something
DAVE: anyway hey glasses bro
Onscreen, overlaying the character selection, a message pops up in the logo font.
TT: ‘Sup.
DAVE: haha awesome
DIRK: You’re not even on Pesterchum, you don’t need to use my handle.
The AR must respond on Dirk’s shades, because Dirk’s jaw twitches. You think they’re arguing. You wonder how much they’ve been arguing the whole time you’ve been here.
DAVE: hey break it up you two
DAVE: dont make me turn this car around
DIRK: We’re debating prototyping, it can wait.
DIRK: ...
DIRK: It can.
You’re not exactly sure how to deal with this. You generally got along with the other Daves you’d run into, even if they had inferiority complexes about not being the alpha Dave. Oh man, does AR have an inferiority complex?
DAVE: hey ar do you wanna play smash with us
TT: Sure.
DIRK: He cheats.
TT: Having lightning-fast reflexes isn’t cheating, and you made me that way.
DAVE: oh can you make that say—
The screen changes to display a perfect “Super Smash Balls” logo before you finish the sentence.
DAVE: haha nice
The AR easily beats you both with his lightning-fast reflexes, talking shit the whole time. You don’t mind so much. He’s kind of like your little brother too.