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A bullet, lethal and precise, skin gold from spending most of her time out in the Alexandrian sun. Glain Wathen was as deadly as she was handsome. There was a strength in those muscles that Thomas admired. She reminded him of Santi in some ways. A bit lighter-toned but still with that dark close-cropped hair and those twinkling eyes. Which made sense, he had spent more time training her recently. Kept declaring she would end up with his job as Lord Commander one of these days.
There used to be another feeling, a long while ago, back after they rescued him from prison. A romantic desire, but now he was certain it was just gratitude, and the feelings faded. A passing fancy of a powerful girl who helped save his life. He had just latched onto the one other single postulant in their party. Now there was someone else and the emotions ran much deeper and sweeter than with Glain. A genuine romantic allure that had come on from time spent together rather than a desperation to cling to another. He just didn't know how to go about it. With Glain, he could dismiss it, but it was becoming increasingly difficult not to spill everything out. No reason to destroy a perfectly good friendship for the sake of the fluttering in his stomach. He cared too much about Jess to wreck what they had.
That fluttering ignited in him and heat touched his cheeks just thinking about his name. He shook his head, unruly hair flipping into his face. Jess had never shown any inclination towards men and there were other issues he didn't think Jess would understand. Issues he might be grossed out over.
A deep feminine voice sliced through his thoughts. "Who are you thinking about, Big Guy? You look like you might pop a blood vessel with how red your face is."
He flinched, not sure when Glain had even drawn near him. The warmth got worse, now from mortification at being caught. "Nothing! Nothing, I'm not thinking of anyone. Why would you even…I'm not red. I am a perfectly normal shade."
The Welsh girl raised her hands in surrender, a knowing grin lighting up her face. "You're a little too pale to hide your blushing. But whatever you say. Are you thinking about your machines, then? Getting all hot and bothered about wires and blueprints?"
Thomas spluttered and clapped his hands to his face. How to explain he didn't get like that over another person? He couldn't look at someone and be attracted to them. He could recognize beauty, but not in that sense. "I don't get hot and bothered. Not over machines, especially! They're like my babies, that's disgusting. Why would you even say that?"
"A joke, Thomas. It was a joke. Do you want to talk about it, though? I won't tell anyone if that's what you think. Whoever your mystery crush is, it's safe with me."
Should he? He trusted Glain, but this felt wrong to admit. What if there was something wrong with him? What if he was wired differently from everyone else in the entire world? Like a faulty automaton that got abandoned and used for scraps. But Glain was looking at him with something he had never seen before in her eyes. A genuine offer of no judgment. "First, can we please stop calling it hot and bothered?"
Glain rolled her eyes and flopped down in the spot next to him on the stone. "Alright, who are you sexually attracted to, then?"
That somehow felt worse. A sigh escaped his lips and he mashed the worn soles of his hands against his eyes. "I don't feel that kind of stuff. I like someone, maybe even love them. But I don't get excited…in that manner. At least, not when I look at someone who most would consider attractive. I just don't get those feelings. I don't even know how I feel about sex! It hasn't ever crossed my mind. That makes me weird, doesn't it?"
An arm slung over his shoulders or tried to at least. Glain was a little too small to accomplish that. "Nope." She popped the P and grinned at him when he raised his head. "I don't, either. If that makes you feel better. Nor do I feel romantic interest. I've explored it a little more and I know I don't like sex or dating, so I never will. Some people like us do, though. Like relationships and everything they have to offer even if they don't feel those types of attraction. There isn't anything weird about it. Not extremely common, but not that abnormal. Now spill it. Who is this person you like or might supposedly love?"
His defenses went up and he tried to deflect the question, but a figure just down below caught his attention. Eyes made their way to the training field and his heart sped up just a little. Jess, paused to talk to someone he recognized, a Garda soldier he probably trained with. Heat flooded back into his cheeks and a stupid smile lit up his face.
Until Glain broke the silence by cracking up. "Brightwell? Seriously, Thomas? Should have guessed, you spend most of your time with him. Pretty solid match if you ask me, but really?"
"Shut up, Glain-"
An ache radiated up his arm where Glain punched him, still laughing. "Sorry, sorry, no judgment. Just funny to think about. He's so tiny compared to you. Like a ragdoll. Are you going to tell him?"
"I-I've thought about it. But what if he makes fun of me? For liking him? For being the way…y'know…I am."
"This is Jess we're talking about. The worst that could happen is he tells you no because he doesn't feel the same. I highly doubt it'd do much to your friendship or anything. I mean, I don't know where Jess stands with dudes or people like us, but maybe ask Wolfe. Most likely person he'd tell that sort of thing to. Maybe Santi. I'm pretty sure he lives with them now, so who better to ask than the "dads." Or I can beat the shit out of him if he makes fun of you. That's a win for me, at least." She shrugged and leaned away from Thomas to bask in the sunlight.
The idea of approaching Wolfe to ask about Jess's sexuality felt a little daunting. 'Hey, Scholar Wolfe? Can you tell me if Jess likes guys and is okay with possibly never going beyond kissing?' "No, way too inappropriate. That isn't really their place to tell, is it?"
"Maybe not. So just ask Jess what his sexuality is. And be normal about it, Schreiber. This isn't one of your formulas you have to solve in order to make work. It's simple and if it isn't what you want to hear, I'm sure you'll move on. You did with me."
He froze in place. "You knew about that?"
She cuffed him on the ear, "Of course I did. Just because my marks weren't as high as everyone else's, doesn't mean I'm an idiot. My intelligence just lies somewhere else. In reading people, combat, and tactical areas. I knew, I just didn't want to hurt your feelings."
"You? Not want to hurt my feelings? That doesn't sound very Glain-like." It was a joke. Everyone downplayed just how kind Glain could be because she always seemed so stoic. But she had her moments and Thomas always tried to acknowledge her for that.
"There's no reason not to go for it, is what I'm trying to say, Thomas."
"No reason not to go for what?"
The voice sent a bolt straight through him and he went completely rigid. Jess had somehow managed to get behind them and was bending over Thomas's shoulder at an awkward angle. He could have easily tumbled over. Which would have put him directly in Thomas's arms. "Nothing, Brightwell. Mind your business before I kick your happy arse back to London. Come on, Thomas."
He got up and started to follow her once she seized his hand. "Wait, where are we going?"
"You and I are going shopping. Get you some better clothes for a special occasion." She winked and Thomas flushed.
Jess called out after them, "What occasion? And since when do you two go shopping, especially together?"
"Since now!"