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Romance wasn't something they taught at school. They didn't teach you the basics. They didn't write textbooks on what love is and what it's not. They didn't let you practice caring, losing and all the balance in between.
Romance wasn't something that you could learn around town as well. If you try, you only come face to face with new words and actions such as flirting, courting, going on dates, or so. Every single person had their own understanding of 'love', which only made it more difficult to learn. Some took romance as something to be played with. 'It's entertaining and fun,' as they say. Mostly, young people in their passionate years agreed with this perspective on romance, but others felt it undermined the depth of love. They argued about how romance was a sacred thing. You don't just 'fall in love' with everyone. It's deep and unquestionable.
It seemed like both parties could go astray with this limited perspective on what they think 'romance' was. If you asked Oota, he was pretty sure everyone's opinion was lacking some piece.
He just wasn't sure what they lacked.
"I want to lie down on those leaves, Oota." Tanaka nudges his head towards a bunch of leaves that fell because of the restless autumn wind.
"We don't know what may be inside those, Tanaka." Stating the obvious wasn't a tiring job like others thought. They did it all day without realizing. Oota did it for Tanaka.
Tanaka looked disappointed. He really wanted to lie down on them. Lying on that soft bundle of leaves would be different from what he normally did, which was lying on the ground. Only one thing would never change, having Oota near him.
He tried to get the blond's attention by sighing. It was not loud enough for anyone else to hear, yet Oota always seemed to recognize his discomfort. "What is it?"
"I..." Letting his eyelids drop a bit, he wished for Oota to understand without any needed talk.
Luckily, Tanaka's wishes seemed to come true more often.
They began to walk towards the leaves, Tanaka leaning onto Oota for some extra support. Oota wasn't the one to complain to himself; it came off as useless, tiring yourself about some insignificant event that wouldn't even hurt you. He didn't understand the people who spent their time in life complaining about things they couldn't control or had controlled and ended up with their defeat.
Oota waited for Tanaka to decide on their next move. Standing near a pile of leaves while holding a seemingly lifeless human being was probably a strange sight for others to see.
Tanaka hummed lightly. "Drop me?"
There was a slight pause before the tall blond unceremoniously let Tanaka go. A small breathless noise could be heard from the leaves. Oota looked down only to be faced with his friend's pouting face. "I thought they would be more... crunchy."
Oota couldn't help the small chuckle leaving his lips. He crouched to be closer to Tanaka. "Don't you mean soft? I thought you wanted a more comfortable place to lie." Teasing was not any less fun even though the other didn't react as much. Oota wasn't someone who liked seeing people angry or annoyed, especially those he cared about. Playful jabbing was just something familiar. Something comforting when done with significant ones. It was a sign of tranquility and acceptance of their own slip-ups and mistakes to tease about. It made them love how human they are.
"Oota, pick me up. I don't like this." Tanaka grumbled, his head turning slowly to meet Oota's eyes. When his friend made no move to stand up, they got into one intense staring contest. Passersby's interested eyes fell on them from time to time, wondering what those two teenage boys were doing with all that uninterrupted eye contact. At last, the blond seemed to break, averting his eyes before they dropped lightly.
Crouching legs loosened as Oota sat with a thump just beside the leaves where Tanaka's awkwardly positioned body lay. "I'm tired, we're staying here. You chose this place, try to enjoy it." He knew his friend well enough that he wouldn't be hearing any more complaining noises but only a small frown not everybody could notice. "Come on, I know it's not the best, but at least there are no bugs in there." Yet, he couldn't help but feel bad about Tanaka's unexpressed discomfort.
Just as he made up his mind to stand up and carry Tanaka out of here, even with this sudden sluggishness he had, the smaller boy cut his thought process with his words. "Fine, at least come closer?" Frowning because of Tanaka's unexpected take, Oota decided to shut his mouth. He crawled closer until some leaves touched his trousers and Tanaka's eyes seemed content enough.
With that, they fell into their usual silence instead of useless chatter. The chilly wind decided to take that time to blow some of the world away from their sight: some garbage, small rocks, and leaves on which Tanaka lay. As a single leaf brushed Oota's face, his mind drifted to different places.
Tanaka was uncomfortable, thus he accepted Oota's answer without a word. Could he write it off as his listlessness or was it recognition of his needs and wants as well? He felt a smile tugging at his lips. Tanaka made Oota realize that he didn't need to worry about or pity him. He wasn't some glass trinket, and the tall blond wasn't the only one with complex conceptions of the human mind.
"Can I..." Oota nodded mindlessly to Tanaka, his brain too occupied to process the question.
Rustling seemed to wake him up a little. His eyes searched for the reason for the sound and stopped when they came together with two darker versions. Tanaka's brows were tense with the effort he put into angling his body so his head could finally land on Oota's lap. A sigh left his lips when he was at ease after all the itchy leaves. Looking up at the right moment, Tanaka caught his friend’s crinkled eyes, with a hand covering what could be a smile. He wanted to catch that hand and bring it down because of a want he couldn't name. So he settled on watching the sun's last goodbyes to them.
Oota's eyes searched around with the hope of witnessing the daily routine of the star, even though it would be here tomorrow and the day after that. Why was this agitation? Even though he knew it wouldn't leave its place in this sky as long as it was possible, he didn't want to risk the chance of the world ending tomorrow. Or his life coming to an end without seeing and feeling the rose-colored rays. Was this love?
This is love. His hands moved to keep his hair in place from all the wind blowing without precaution. The last light trembled in the reflection of his gaze. He held onto the love he felt with all his might until there was nothing in sight but darkening clouds.
"Thank you, Oota."
His eyes latched onto the sight of Tanaka's dazed eyes like it was another source of what they felt.
This is love. Oota's mind provided the thought that had been turning around for a while when it found the chance. They had been sitting here for what felt like hours. Both weren't eager to, one more discomfort yet no less culpable for the situation they were in. Still, they had each other's comfort in mind, which mattered to them as much as their own well-being, neither more nor less. Oota didn't stand up and leave. Tanaka didn't disconnect from the world as an escape. They chose to stay together even though they knew there would be another day, maybe with better conditions to watch a sunset. One where their own stubbornness didn't get in the way or the constant fighting of the idea of love wasn't their main focus. However they chose to make the best out of this moment they had in hand, like the world was going to end tomorrow. Like one of them was going to say goodbye the other day. And that was fine.
He leaned forward, his body straining to reach the boy who was looking up with eyes so warm. When their lips pressed together, they understood it was to share their emotions and what they thought. Oota knew he couldn't find the right words, and Tanaka knew that even if he could, his mouth would betray him halfway through. So they kissed as the wind softened, and the only light was the ones in their eyes reflecting the love with a professional manner. And the only thing Oota could think was, "Oh, how wrong those people were who were brave enough to explain love."
Because finally, he knew what it felt like.