Chapter Text
Camila seems like a sweet person. She doesn’t know her very well, but the small interactions she had with the woman were nice. She was would’ve been elusive had Billy not consistently remind her of her and their children and if she didn’t occasionally stop by to drop something for Billy.
Unfortunately, she is reminded that she’s still an outsider when she comes around the studio. The lack of relationship with the young woman was jarring and evident when she would individually and collectively catch up with the band. They all knew each other from Pittsburg and had shared memories that she didn’t have with them
She’d usually come in and Billy would be quick on his feet to greet her with a hug and kisses. She’d see them whisper into each other’s lips or ears before breaking apart. He looked so enamored with her. She’d just had labor a few weeks ago so he’d always fuss over her before she’d bat him away, assuring she’s okay. Witnessing this side of him was staggering, not because she thought he was incapable of this softness, but because it exposed how reserved he was around her.
Billy was a perfectionist. He took working on the album seriously. He would be so uptight and strict about the time limit on breaks and not goofing off. However, whenever Camila came around, it was like his brooding, grumpy, egotistical, uptight alter ego would crumble. It’s an unspoken rule amongst the band that whenever Camila was coming to the studio, that meant freedom. That meant in that little time frame, you took advantage of it because Billy’s barrier was down. He would be less strict and more relaxed and chill.
Daisy was intrigued by the power and influence his wife wielded over him. She’d feel a twinge of envy as she wondered what it feels like to have someone so in love with you that your very presence evidently impacts him. To have a partner overly care about your well-being. To have a partner that holds and kisses you like you’re the most precious thing in the world.
She knows how it feels to be in Billy’s arms. She remembers how safe and comfortable she felt when she had ran into his arms after nailing the recording of Impossible Woman down after the many takes. She had felt so grateful to him for pushing her and believing in her like he had. She remembers how he gently lifted her off the ground and swung her side to side before setting her down. It felt nice. She wonders how it feels to receive those hugs on a daily basis. To have Billy just merely hold you. She thinks it would be just as nice, if not, even better than his hugs.
Camila would walk further into the room, with Billy following her like a puppy. She’d cordially smile at Daisy and chalk up a brief conversation, “ Hi. How are you?” . She’d give Teddy a hug and kisses on both cheeks, she was the only person that he would do that with. She’d watch as Karen pulled her into a tight embrace and begrudgingly let her go to let Graham do the same. She’d watch as she spoke Spanish with Warren and talk with Eddie and Pete. There would be vacant spots available on the couches or lounge chairs but she always sat on Billy’s lap. And if she had already sat down, then Billy would urge her to get up so she can sit on his lap. Watching them be so sickeningly in tune with each other was…beautiful. There was something so unique about them. There was nothing ordinary or typical about Billy and Camila.
Billy's arms would encase around her waist and she would lean back against his chest. She would usually have her hair in a style that left her hair down and but would be pulled to one side. Billy would bury his face, leaving kisses, in the side of her neck that was bare. She would cover his arms around her waist as she listened to whomever was talking. His fingers would often laced into hers or would skim around her body. When she would turn to talk to him quietly, he’d purch them on her ass. From the corner of her eyes, she’d noticed how he would sometimes squeeze her ass as he’s whispering in her ear and she’d let out a girly giggle, smacking his chest and what she would make out from lip reading, her playfully telling him to stop.
How long her visits to the studio would vary but wouldn’t exceed past 30-40 minutes as she had to get back to their kids. When she says her goodbyes, the whole band would voice their disappointment in their own ways. Daisy didn’t share their disappointment. She guiltily felt relieved. Relieved from not having to feel like she didn’t belong whenever she came around.
She’d watch as Billy clasped his hands around hers and walk her to the car. He would spend 10-20 minutes outside before reentering the studio, ready to work again. No one ever had to guess what took him so long to come back. His flushed face and neck would commonly adorn her lipstick, his lips smudged with it, his curls would be disheveled, and clothes rumpled. And she would feel a pang in her lower abdomen but she wouldn’t know why.
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One afternoon, they were recording when Camila came into the studio with the girls.
She knew that they were coming so she made a fact to put away and secure any coke or pills that could be lying around that she’d owned. When Camila came in with Julia and the twins, Susana and Maria, it was the first time she’d seen the twins. They were the cutest fairly newborn babies she’d ever seen. They copied Julia and mirrored Camila with their golden skin and cute nose. They had attained brown hair from both parents but instead of wavy hair like Julia and Camila, they had a head full of curls, inherited from their father, with a pink bow present. Unlike Julia, they didn’t get their father’s green eyes but instead their mom’s brown. They were wearing these adorable light pink matching dresses with their diapers peeking out. They had these complimenting bibs around their necks that said Daddy’s Baby Girls, that matched Julia’s dress. Her tiny little pink dress with her jelly sandals and wavy hair and innocent smile. Those girls were a cuteness overload.
Billy instantly greets Camila with a kiss before gathering Julia in his arms. She would be swung around and her laughter would fill the studio. Her laughter warmed Daisy’s heart. She loved children. Julia would give Billy a kiss on his lips and tell him she missed him. He would instantly fall under her spell, telling her he wants to be home with her but has to be here to work. She would understand as much as a 3- year old could before Graham would come to scoop her up. She would tell Uncle Ram she missed him and he would be entranced with his niece. Billy would bend down to level with the stroller and give both the twins a kiss, telling them how much he missed and loved them. She couldn’t tell who was Maria or Susana but one of them was still sleeping while the other was awake. She wants to take a guess and say it’s Maria that’s awake, and Billy unclasps her seatbelt and carries her. She lets out a baby gurgle that she knows melts everyone’s hearts. She can see how much Billy truly loves his girls. She sees the light in his eyes when he’s around them just like she sees the light when Camila was around.
Daisy wants to hold one of the twins, especially when she starts crying. Billy is trying to console her but she won’t let up. Graham insists on taking over but she still remains crying and the same for Karen. Daisy wants to insist on trying too but Camila is already up and suggesting that she’s probably hungry. Camila asks Billy if there was a room she could use to breastfeed, but Billy insists for her to just use the small corner of the room that is hidden by a wall.
It’s something so beautiful about watching a mother breastfeed their child. She imagines how connecting that must be for them both. She softens as she watches their baby paw at her breast, drinking the milk erratically. Often moaning from satisfaction. She’d hear Billy critique the baby, Aren’t you a hungry one? And their baby girl would just stare as she continues to drink. Once done, Billy would take her off of Camila’s hands and gently walk back and forth, burping her. By then, the other twin, presumably Susana, had woken up and began to cry. Camila, assuming she could be hungry as well, tried to breastfeed her but she refused. Billy, Graham, Karen, even Pete tried to calm her down but she mimicked her sister and was not letting up. That’s when Camila decided to take them on a stroll. Karen insisted she joined her and then they were gone.
Julia stayed behind with Billy. He had placed her on top of a stool in the control booth with headphones on. My mic wasn’t working so while they fixed it, my eyes were fixed on Julia. She was so fucking cute with her tiny hands and legs. Angela, the receptionist, had just bought an assortment cookies and thought maybe Julia would like one so she asked her. Her reply was so sweet, Does my dad say its okay? Teddy smiled at Julia before asking Billy through the intercom. He said had said she could, just for Daisy to make sure it’s normal one and only one.
She remembers the feeling of grabbing Julia’s tiny hand. Her body was filled with a surge of warmness as she guided her to the kitchen. They split a peanut butter cookie and talked about their love for pineapples. Daisy couldn’t help the smile that stretched even wider on her face when she seen how excited Julia was that they shared that in common. Daisy would’ve loved to keep chatting with Julia, but Camila and Karen had returned from their stroll and Camila was calling for Julia. Karen had entered the kitchen and had walked towards Juliet and gave her a kiss on the forehead and told her she should stop by the house later to hang out. Julia excitedly hugged her. Daisy wanted to be able to go over to their house and hang out. She wanted easy access to their children just like everyone else had but she didn’t. Another flaw of the lack of relationship between Camila and herself and the extent of her partnership with Billy.
She knew he wouldn’t ever voice it, but he would never invite of Daisy to his home out of his own volition to just hang out. She doesn’t hate him for it but he clearly keeps his work life and family separate. At least with her. Everyone else didn’t have that problem but she was work. If he had invited her then he somehow would be crossing a boundary. Whatever artistic connection they had happened here and was left here for him. His home is sacred—his wife, kids—his family was sacred, is sacred to him. And although Camila has been nothing but kind to her, she doesn’t think that kindness is extended to her home.
Daisy grabs Julia’s hand to give her back to her mother. Once Camila’s comes into view, she notes Billy is beside her. Julia releases Daisy’s hand and breaks into a run towards her parents. She giggles and she hugs both her her parent’s legs. As she looks upon the small family, she can’t help but yearn for that. A husband. Kids. Love. She wants all of it.
Billy leans down to kiss all of his baby girls before standing up and kissing Camila on the lips. He tells her she wishes they could stay longer and Camila agrees but says rock n roll and babies don’t mix love . She tells him they’ll see him at home and he plants another kiss on her lips and she fends off his wandering hands from her ass. Camila thanks her for watching Julia and they walks out the studio with Julia waving goodbye to her.
Once they left, Eddie called her and Karen back into the studio. I guess her mic was ready. Warren tells her she’s good with kids. That makes her smile and then Eddie opens him mouth and says I bet you’d make a great aunt… that’s stung. That made her smile fall because she knew what he was saying. And she knew he was right. Great aunt, not mom. I think what’s worse was the fact that the rest of the band, Pete, Warren, Karen, Graham, all nodded their heads in agreement.
Her filled eyes prickled with tears but blinked quickly to get rid of them. Once Billy got back in, we got back to working. Once I got back to my hotel room——my lonely sad hotel room. I took a few more quaaludes downed it with some champagne and got to writing and writing about a hold of having the kids and family to come home to. She thought of Julia and Susana and Maria and how happy and content Billy and Camila were with them and each other and the titled “A Hope Like You” came to flourish.