Chapter Text
Severus is five when he discovers that his mother is a selkie. Well, it’s less a discovery and more deductive reasoning given that she’s just slipped out of her selkie skin. The skin appears to be a grey cloak with soft downy feathers lining the inside. The hour is late and the moon is round and full, reflecting off of the turbulent waters lapping at the shore.
She turns her head to stare at him, her brown eyes appearing as dark as his own under the night sky. Her hair is lank from the water that’s dripping down her nude form, her only cover the cloak she’s slipped from her shoulders. It is the most beautiful she’s ever looked, Severus thinks.
Eileen doesn’t speak, she just holds out her hand towards the small figure. Severus steps forward, and when he takes her hand she drags him down into the sea. He’s not scared though. The water is dark and dangerous so he knows he should be, but he’s not. There’s some intrinsic part of him that knows the place he’s going is home. His true home, not the dilapidated Spinner’s End with the predictable drunkenness of his father coupled with the man’s unpredictable bouts of rage.
Severus doesn’t have a selkie skin. His mum says he was born with one, just like she was, but it was taken from her by his father. Eileen had fulfilled her obligation to her ill-begotten husband, and at the birth of their son she’d sobbed over his small body because the pain and longing that she’s felt when gazing at the sea the entirety of her marriage is the same fate she’s bestowed upon her own flesh and blood.
However, Tobias had been true to his word. After taking the small cloak that belonged to their son, he’d returned the skin he’d stolen from Eileen nearly a year ago. Eileen was free again. Free to leave her husband if she so wished. But she could not. Tobias knew this from the look on his face, and though the man is no wizard, like Eileen his blood held traces of the fae. Not strong and powerful like hers but enough to trap her here. He knew that even with her skin back Eileen is as trapped here with him as one would by lock and key. Even if she can return to the sea her poor beautiful boy cannot.
As she cried Tobias had gently run his hand across her hair, had whispered unheard words of reassurance in her ears. They are a family now, and nothing can come between that. That’s why he had to take Severus’ selkie skin because Eileen wouldn’t be able to help herself. She’d whisk him right off to the sea and what kind of husband would he be if he wasn’t able to provide for his wife? If he wasn’t able to look after his own son?
Tobias was happy for a time, and life continued but inevitably that taste of pleasure in his mouth turned sour because he might have bound a selkie to him but he’d never have what he wanted most in the world—Eileen’s love. Before long, that bitterness had turned to anger. Anger at himself, anger at Eileen, even anger at Severus. It causes him to demand and rage but Eileen can never love a man who has trapped her so. The only way to gain her love is to set her free and that is something Tobias will never do, something he can never risk.
None of this is known to young Severus of course, at least not at that time. Instead, he feels the rush of icy water around his ears, and then the warmth of his mum’s skin around him. There is a moment of rightness and wrongness in equal parts before the icy water is suddenly warm and comforting. The dark waters are no longer pitch but instead are lit up by the glimmers of moonlight. When Severus opens his eyes he’s surprised that he can see—everything looks a bit strange, nothing like he thought it would—but he can see.
His mum is in the water with him, her dark hair floating around her head like a halo. There is a spark of pure joy in her gaze, a look that is almost foreign to the woman as she reaches out a hand to gently rub against the top of Severus’ head. It’s at this point that Severus realizes he’s no longer human. Well, he never was, not really. It makes all those tales that his mum would weave for him to put him to sleep seem less like fairy tales because, just like his mum, Severus is a selkie too.
That’s what this sense of rightness is, and the sense of wrongness he will discover later is due to the skin not being his. It’s his mum’s skin whose blessing has allowed him to don it for a brief time but he’ll never truly feel comfortable in the thing. If he ever gets the mad idea to run off with it, he won’t get very far; that sense of wrongness he feels will continue to increase, to the point of painful, until Severus would be forced to discard his mum’s cloak.
This, Severus will find out at nine after making his first and last attempt to flee home, emboldened with anger at both his father and his mother because Severus can’t understand why she continues to stay. Can’t understand why his father rages when his mum gives the drunken bastard everything he could ever want.
Yet, deep down, he knows.
When he finally returns home there are tears in his eyes, the cloak hanging over his arm miserably. His mother can’t save him from the wrath of his father, not after that, although Eileen is quick to rub healing salve into his bruises. Severus wants to stay angry at her, but he can’t. Not while her touches are so comforting. Especially not as fat hot tears roll down her face, splattering across his body like the sea while she whispers why exactly the two of them are bound to Tobias and can never leave.
Well…he thought he had known but now he knows.
At eleven, when Severus receives his Hogwarts letter, he is beyond ecstatic. Finally, a chance to be free in a way his mum hasn’t been for over a decade. Happily, Severus tells her she can leave now, that she doesn’t have to stay with his father anymore because he’s going to go to a wizarding school and when he does he’ll find a way to get his skin back. If Tobias had simply been a muggle an imperio would have been enough for Severus to retrieve his skin. Unfortunately for them, even if Tobias will never be able to cast spells like his wife or his son his blood has just enough fae in it to make the man dangerous. It is enough for him to resist such spells and enough for him to have successfully hidden Severus’ skin for over a decade. What Severus doesn’t know, however, is that his mum has traded her selkie skin for Severus to have the freedom to attend a wizarding boarding school for ten months out of the year. Because with Severus gone for so long, what will keep his mother from fleeing to the sea until the time that Severus comes back? If she comes back. No, that is something Tobias can never risk.
Severus’ ignorance emboldens him, making him believe that Hogwarts will be the road to his freedom. Severus can feel it. For the first time in his life, Severus is able to see the sights of the wizarding world, to visit the place that his mum has never taken him to due to the invisible prison his father keeps them in.
Well…we all know how that turns out.
Severus is sorted into the House of Snakes, a place where he’s an outcast due to his Half-blood status. None of that matters though, because Severus has Lily. His bright and brave Lily who, if anyone were to believe either of them to be faefolk, it would most certainly be her. With her emerald green eyes and fiery red hair Lily can be a mermaid, a creature fabled to be as alluring on land as in the sea. Despite what Severus has read about selkies, based on his observations of himself and his mum, it seems selkies are not nearly as beautiful on land as when they’re in the sea. Or perhaps it's impossible for either himself or his mother to be so, when both of them long for a home neither can return to.
Well, Severus hasn’t given up yet and he doesn’t intend to. He will find a way to get his skin back, he just knows it. It’s why he’s come to Hogwarts, after all, even if his search for a way keeps being interrupted by those idiot Marauders. They just won’t stop. It’s almost infuriating but their childish teasing and pranks is nothing compared to the wrath of his father. In fact, Severus almost welcomes it because, for once in his life, he’s able to fight back. When his father had ranted and raved, Severus had never been able to lift even a finger. Neither him nor his mother—it’s like they are both petrified when in the face of Tobias.
The most Severus had been able to do was run away, just the once. But after that his father had demanded that he never do such a thing again and…Severus hasn’t. He’s wanted to, even if just for a brief respite from his father’s turbulent moods. Yet, despite his own desires, Severus has never done so. Severus had wondered if that made him a coward. His time at Hogwarts has shown him that’s not the case. In spite of the Marauders calling him a sneaky little Slytherin and whatever other names they can think of, Severus always stands his ground.
So…not a coward. If anything, these so called Gryffindors are the cowards since they always need to team up on him, four to one even if half of the quartet are utterly useless. Severus just sees it as practice for his inevitable showdown with his father. If he can take on two meanspirited bullies at once then he can surely take on his father one day, right? Well, whatever the outcome, the Marauders have never been able to scare Severus; their duels are freeing in a sense, invigorating almost. They’re a reminder that Severus is his own person whose actions aren’t bound by the pull of his selkie skin as is the case when he’s home with his father. He wishes he could just imperio his father but if anyone lives under the pull of that spell it’s surely he and his mother, the two bound by those invisible chains that his father refuses to release.
So, the Marauders don’t scare him. How can they when compared to Tobias?
It’s why, in this moment, Severus is surprised at how terrified he suddenly is.
It’s not that the Marauders seem to have brought a crowd to bear witness to this new humiliation. It’s not that no one helps him, as James whips out his wand before flinging Severus upside down in the air, exposing his threadbare underpants for all to see. It’s not that the person who finally does come to help Severus is Lily, his sweet, beautiful Lily. No, it’s none of those things really, because as James Potter continues his taunting Severus has a look of horror on his face as he finds himself hanging upside down above the Black Lake.
This is dangerous. This cannot happen.
Lily is saying something to James now, and he’s laughing, responding to her in that devil-may-care way of his. Severus doesn’t hear the words though. The only thing he can hear is a rushing in his ears, akin to that first time his mum had dragged him down beneath the sea.
No!
And all it takes is…one word. One tiny little word that shouldn’t mean so much yet, to Lily, it’s as though Severus has cut her bare by just uttering it.
Mudblood.
Even hanging upside down, Severus can see the hurt in her eyes. He’s filled with guilt. Severus wants to apologize. He wants to take it all back; wishes he’d never uttered that hateful word in the first place.
But it’s necessary.
Nary a moment later, James releases his spell as he rushes off after Lily’s fleeing form. Severus lands head first in the lake with a splash that’s accompanied by the laughter of the nearby students. Severus allows himself to sink below the depths of the surface, knowing that any further splashing will just cause a scene and perhaps bring forth an even larger crowd.
That’s something he cannot risk.
Severus waits for an entire minute before carefully peeking the top of his head out of the water. He’s relieved to see that the crowd has already dispersed due to the Marauders quick departure—clearly whatever fun they expected at Severus’ expense is over. He’s relieved, yes, because the one thing that cannot happen is for one of his fellow students to lay eyes on him soaking wet. So, his relief is palpable but Severus is also furious. No one has ever seen him wet. He’s made sure of it. They don’t know if he can swim or not. They don’t know if James has just ushered him to a death by drowning because none of those ill begotten miscreants even think to check on him.
As great as his fury is, it pales in comparison to his relief. No one has ever seen him drenched in water and no one ever will. Mermaids may be as alluring on land as in the sea but even they are no match for a wet selkie. His mum has warned him about that more than enough times. Even if he has no fear of anyone stealing his selkie skin due to it already being in his father’s possession there’s certainly no reason to draw unwanted eyes and curry crazed obsession.
The wizarding laws regarding magical creatures are simply abysmal. Severus will not tempt his already ill fate by exposing himself so that some dark wizard can harvest his parts for potion ingredients, or worse. Severus has spent too much of his time trying to make himself invisible while at Hogwarts to throw that all away now. He’s already sacrificed his relationship with Lily. Knowing that his words would cut her deeper than if anyone else had dared uttered them. It had been a calculated risk, and it had worked. Lily had fled and the Marauders, instead of sticking around for more of their bullying, had left with her. Their departure had even taken the crowd that had followed right along with them.
No one had seen Severus emerging from the Black Lake dripping water. All it had taken was for him to sacrifice the one beautiful thing he has at Hogwarts. But if someone were to find out about him Severus would be forced to flee and he can’t do that. He needs the resources and learning that Hogwarts has to offer.
Outside of the classroom, all of his time is spent researching ways to free himself and his mum. The power his father has over them is all encompassing, and it's such a great and terrible thing that Severus can never let another living soul know of it. Not even Lily. In fact, if it wasn’t for his friendship with Lily he would have never caught the Marauders attention in the first place because it’s clear to him that the rivalry and pranks stem from James' jealousy at the place that Severus’ holds in Lily’s heart.
Not anymore though.
It’s for the best. Severus has deluded himself that it was safe to remain friends with Lily because they are in different Houses. The privacy he needs for his research and his potions experiments and his inventive spellwork—all to find a way to break free of his father—it’s impossible for her to know of it when Severus can hide such things behind doors that she can never open.
He’s sneaky and secretive, it’s true. Just as Potter and Black have accused him of when tossing their insults at him. Just not for the reasons they believe. It doesn’t matter though. None of that matters. He’s safe. Even if he had to lose Lily to be so, he’s safe.
No one sees him as he drags himself out of the water, soaking wet from head to toe, before he can reach his wand to utter a quick drying spell. He doesn’t have Lily anymore, but without the Marauders bullying the rest of the school lose interest in him, having only ever turned an eye his way when he was cornered by the Gryffindor gang.
This is good. He has more time now to focus on a way to get his skin back.
Perhaps he should have dropped Lily as a friend ages ago. But…no. Despite not having to worry about the Marauders nearly as much as he had to in the past, not having Lily in his life anymore hurts. Seeing her smiling next to James Potter hurts.
I should be the one standing there next to her.
Severus turns his gaze away, sticks his nose back in another book.
It’s not until Severus is nearly killed by a raging werewolf that he realizes he’s miscalculated. Potter has always harassed him due to his desire to monopolize Lily but that’s never been the case for Black. It was foolish of him to forget that, because if he hadn’t, he never would have fallen for the trap that Sirius Black had set for him.
A death trap.
Is this the only way that I can know peace and freedom?
But…no.
There’s James bloody Potter saving him!
Severus is shocked, terrified. He’s in a daze. Hell, he’s probably well and truly traumatized.
One moment he’s about to be devoured by a werewolf and the next moment he’s in the Headmaster’s office and being sworn to secrecy about the entire misdeed.
He’s furious. The Blacks are a powerful family. Severus will gain nothing trying to go against that juggernaut. Sirius has tried to murder him, and the only thing Severus has gotten out of it—aside from the inevitable trauma—is a bloody life debt to one James Fleamont Potter.
Severus wants to throw up and he’s unsure if it’s because of Lupin, Black, or Potter. Well, no one said he has to choose just one.
After that, Severus makes himself as small and as invisible as possible. It seems to work, because for once the Marauders actually leave him alone, even Sirius.
What he doesn’t know is that James is watching him closely, because even if Severus can’t tell anyone about Remus, that doesn’t mean that he can’t reveal the Gryffindor’s secret some other way. He thinks Severus might realize it at first, because the Slytherin is glancing over his shoulder more than usual and is awfully jumpy. But perhaps that’s just how slimy little snakes are because James has never paid this much attention to Severus before. If Severus actually knows James is there, trailing after him underneath the invisibility cloak, then Severus surely would have started throwing spells his way. Besides, James has used the cloak and the map for years and Severus had never known before; there’s no reason to think he’ll know now.
This goes on for weeks.
James is unsure of how long he would have continued if not for the night that everything changes.
They’re at the Black Lake again, the same as when James had used a spell to dunk Severus in those fathomless waters. This time, however, the two of them are alone. Severus doesn’t know he’s there though, hidden beneath his trusty invisibility cloak.
James doesn’t know what he had expected when he’d used the map to locate the Slytherin after supper but certainly it wasn’t him finding Severus Snape drenched from head to toe like some drowned rat.
Except…he looks about the furthest from a drowned rat than any person soaking wet has a right to look.
Usually, Severus is sallowed-faced and awkward and his hair a greasy mess. However, for some odd reason, all of those things that work against him on land seem oddly enchanting as he rises from the water. Indeed, for the first time in his life James finds himself faced with a Severus that is…beautiful. Really, there is no other way to say it and, regardless if the person is Snape, James suddenly finds himself utterly enthralled.
Severus has something in his hands, some sort of plant he thinks—perhaps it's potion ingredients—that he carefully stores in his school bag. When he finishes the Slytherin uses a hand to brush back his hair, wiping at the water that’s dripping from his face before he turns it upwards to gaze at the waxing gibbous moon. It’s a reminder that the full moon will be here soon but for once the thought of it doesn’t have James’ mind going to Remus. Instead, he continues to stare at Severus’ upturned face, his skin appearing radiant and supple. Ethereal really, under the faint glow of the moon.
The moment seems like it lasts for eternity but it really can’t be for more than a few seconds before the Slytherin uses his wand to quickly dry himself. The change in his appearance isn’t as abrupt as it could be—sure, whatever spell had overtaken James is gone now—but perhaps it's how peaceful the other student looks that allows James to see past his own usual scorn to a face that’s not as hideous as the Marauder’s teasing makes it out to be.
Before James can think about what he’s doing he pulls the invisibility cloak free of himself.
It takes a brief moment before Severus can register what’s happened. His once peaceful gaze turns…fearful, before it’s suddenly devoid of emotion, cool and shuttered behind onyx doors.
“W-what do you want, Potter?” sneers the Slytherin. Or at least he tries to. His gaze is a bit shaky, even the wand he has trained towards James is trembling a bit. It’s quite uncharacteristic of the other student.
And James, well…he’s not the smartest student in his year, but what he lacks in book smarts he more than makes up with in an intuition that rarely steers him wrong. It’s how he’d known that Severus Snape was the one student he could bully with carte blanche regardless of his childhood friendship with the lioness Lily Evans nor his placement in the House of Snakes. He was correct because he’d gotten away with it for years until Sirius had gone and messed it up. Not that he needs to torment Severus anymore since the other student had effectively ruined his relationship with Lily, the person James has had his sight on for years.
But Lily still isn’t his girlfriend. Not yet, at least. He'll have to change that right fast.
James isn’t the smartest bloke in his year and he never will be but when that intuition of his goes off like a little lumos in his brain James wastes no time pushing his new advantage.
“Are you one of the finfolk?” James asks.
Severus stiffens in front of him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he says, voice tight as his gaze darts towards the entrance of the castle. Severus could use a spell to escape—it’s just James, none of the other Marauders are there—but if Severus doesn’t dispel this notion from the Gryffindor’s head now he’ll never be at peace.
“Hmm…I think you’re telling the truth,” says James, causing some of the tension in Severus to relax. However, James next words have Severus stiffening again. “You’re thin enough and you are always a bit gloomy, sure, but you’re certainly not what anyone would consider tall nor do you have the skill to seduce a woman away from anyone. Hell, you’ve been trying to go after Lily for years and we both know how that turned out.”
“Shut up,” retorts Severus, his cheeks coloring in rage at the insult. “You’re the one who has been trying to seduce Lily for years and failing. We’re just friends!”
“Not anymore you aren’t. Or have you forgotten that you publicly humiliated her by calling her a mudblood?”
“Shut up,” repeats Severus, because if it wasn’t for stupid James bloody Potter and his gang of rampaging idiots Severus never would have had to do such a thing in the first place.
James takes a step towards Severus, causing the Slytherin’s hold on his wand to tighten as he suddenly aims it at James' throat. James just laughs. “What are you going to do, hex me? Have you forgotten already, Snivellus?” James takes another step forward, causing Severus to take another backwards in kind. The sound of the water lapping at the shore grows louder in his ears and Severus knows he can’t continue for fear of ending up in its depths again.
Perhaps if he can just use a quick confundus charm? But no, Potter is right. Due to that pesky little life debt Severus can’t hex or charm or jinx the bloody idiot even though he wants to. NO spell with the intent to harm the other student would make it past his wand. It’s infuriating.
“Ah, I see you must have remembered,” is James sly reply as his hazel eyes gaze at Severus’ from behind his spectacles. “You were always a worthy opponent. More than worthy,” clarifies James. “Not just any student can hold their own against Sirius and myself. Sure, we won most of the time but it’s always been two against one, no?”
“How dare you!” screeches Severus in sudden fury. He wants more than anything to throw a hex at James but that bloody life debt is chaining him as well as his skin chains him to his father. “All this time you and your Marauding idiots have called me a coward for years when it was you lot ganging up on someone smaller than them!”
“Yes, I know. How utterly tragic,” says James, his voice sounding almost bored now. “But all is fair in love and war. You should have given me Evans when I made it clear I wanted her in the first place.”
Severus' mouth falls open in shock as he gapes at James before, abruptly, his voice explodes free again. “Lily isn’t some thing that can be handed over to someone, you bloody wanker!”
James just shrugs. “Maybe she isn’t,” he concedes. “But you are, aren’t you? You’re a…a selkie,” he suddenly says, gaze feverish bright beneath the moon as the revelation promptly rushes through him as though Severus had whispered his deepest darkest secret into the Gryffindor’s ears himself.
“N-no. You’re wrong,” says Severus, the Slytherin silently hoping that the brief stutter in his voice will be taken as residual anger from James’ earlier words about Lily.
“But I’m not, am I? Where is your selkie skin, Severus?” The Slytherin clamps his mouth shut, refusing to utter a word. “A life debt requires a life for a life. Your selkie skin is your life, no? Tell me where it is and we’ll call it even. I shall release you from your debt.”
“I…I don’t,” Severus tries to keep his mouth shut, to force the words back down his throat but it’s impossible. What he’s feeling now must surely be similar to those under Veritaserum. “I don’t know. My father has it, has had it since the moment I was born.”
“I see,” says James, peering at Severus from behind those hideous spectacles of his before his mouth curves up into a smile. “Stay away from Lily; I still see you looking at her. And if you ever even think of hinting at someone about Remus then I’ll post your creature status all over the Daily Profit. Have a good night, Snivellus.”
And with that, James darts back off towards Hogwarts castle. Is the life debt truly over? Is he free? But at what costs? James knows about him now but the price he’d asked was a price Severus had already paid. Lily wouldn’t even look at him and the two of them are in different houses so trying to get close to her again is useless. Besides, it would do nothing but incite the Marauder’s rage again. As for Lupin being a werewolf, Headmaster Dumbledore has already sworn Severus to secrecy. As terrified as Severus is of Lupin now he’d never actually intended on telling anymore.
Selkie are considered part of the merfolk, and due to their petty grievances with vampires his kind has steadfastly refused to be labeled as beings, instead choosing to be known as beasts. As for werewolves, since they are human all nights of the year except under the glow of a full moon, their own status is floating somewhere between creature and beast. Yet, even the laws against werewolves should be criminal. The laws against beings actually classified as beasts, however, is just…horrific. Given this, Severus will never disclose Remus’ status to the world.
James Potter doesn’t know this though, doesn’t know how Severus feels on the matter. Perhaps he will be satisfied with Severus out of the way for him to pursue a relationship with Lily and with the threat to his friend’s safety gone. Perhaps that will be enough and Severus won’t have to worry about James trying anything.
The Headmaster has practically tied the Marauders’ hands after the whole werewolf thing, which is why Severus has been free even of Black’s bullying. He won’t have to worry about them in school anymore, he thinks. And once the lot of them have graduated Severus will never have to see their faces ever again.
If only Severus can be so lucky.