Chapter Text
Giyu had a gut feeling about the mission from the start. To be fair, the gut feeling was probably due to his empty stomach at the time.
To say he wasn’t in the best shape was an understatement. His eyebags were incredibly pronounced, his slouch bordering on disrespectful. His hair was mussed, more so than usual, with his hair tie snapped and stuck in it. He hadn’t slept for more than an hour since two weeks prior.
The demon itself was not worrying, although it was interestingly animalistic, resembling a fat centipede with a human face. Giyu did not ponder it, only accounting for additional limbs before lunging into the fray.
The demon was not incredibly talkative or angry- something Giyu was grateful for- but naturally his suspicions rose about an ulterior motive, perhaps a stronger master waiting to strike or a hidden Blood Demon Art.
Giyu’s suspicions were somewhat confirmed when he stepped into Water Surface Slash and a thin limb reached into his blind spot. Normally, he had no blind spot; a pillar could not afford to have one- but as his hair grew more unruly, the molecular holes in his defense grew and became visible.
The limb stabbed him in the small of his back, Giyu not worrying much of it. It was tiny, presumably a talon, but he suddenly felt something pumping into his body, and his vision went white. Giyu howled, nearly dropping his katana and scrambling to pull at the offending limb. In his haste, he broke off the arm before he launched himself at the centipede demon.
Giyu latched onto its body without bothering to use a breathing technique. He gripped its hair with his left hand and used his right to saw into the creature’s neck. The thing screamed with him, disintegrating and launching him off of it. He hit packed dirt with a painful thump.
To his horror, a crimson-filled syringe lay beside him, dropped from the amputated limb. His last thought before everything went dark was that Urokodaki-san would surely sob at his technique.
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Giyu woke only hours later, burrowing into the firm mattress beneath him. He instantly recognized where he was- while there was no wisteria air freshener near him, he felt revitalized, the only fault with his body being that he felt absolutely starved. A blanket was settled over his sleeping form as well. It could only stand to reason that he’d finally collapsed on a mission and was taken to the Butterfly Estate.
His brows scrunched up, as he began to remember the mission. He had slain the demon, right? He remembered the tiny talon in his back. No- syringe. Giyu’s eyes bolted open.
He laid on the ground, his dirty haori settled over him. He jumped up, and was surprised that he could do so without struggle. He rose his eyes to the sky. There was not much longer until daylight came. He couldn’t have slept long enough to revitalize himself completely, could he? He felt so- strange. Uncomfortable. Hungry.
An intrusive thought popped up. Hungry for what? What exactly had that syringe contained? Was he hungry for flesh?
He quickly shook his head. It just wasn’t possible. He would be consumed by Kibutsuji’s bloodlust, or at least forced to fight it off. Nothing in his blood lusted for human flesh.
Giyu sighed. Maybe he could see Shinazugawa in the Butterfly Estate. Just to be sure. He was there at least once every week, though Giyu doubted the man would take kindly to a visit.
Running a hand through his hair, he was finally aware of how much of a shitshow it was. Even for him. Last week, Kanroji had gifted him some sort of oil for his hair. He’d puzzled over whether it was a gift or a veiled insult- he didn’t know her all that well.
It was a long walk back towards the Water Estate- secret routes were constantly changed, and Giyu felt himself loop in circles as he unconsciously followed a memorized path.
Finally, he reached his home- not that he really felt that the estate was his home. It was too spacious and empty. But it was as close as he could get, and for once he was grateful for the building. The feeling was instantly shattered when he opened the door, however.
He lunged to find food first.
His stock of food was mostly desolate, mostly drink and condiments, but he eyed some slabs of pig meat in a box that was otherwise full to the brim with salt.
Pulling it out, Giyu was suddenly possessed with the urge to choke the meat down raw. He laughed at the idea until he felt something dribble down his chin.
He made a choking noise. Was he- drooling?
Enough was enough. Giyu raced to his washrooms.
He choked again when his eyes found a mirror.
The changes weren’t obvious. They were- well, they were obvious, sure, but Giyu morbidly thought that he was at least not a centipede.
His face seemed to be dotted with paint. He had red dots on the ends of his mouth and eyes, and tear marks adorning his cheeks. He was reminded of his old hakuko mask- though he realized that was exactly what he was supposed to resemble as he found earrings nestled in his hair. They were short braids of twine, similar to the twine that once kept his mask on. Naturally, the mask was lying in the fields of Final Selection, crushed beside Sabito.
Oh, Sabito. Was he watching him? Was he disgusted with him? Giyu would not blame his old friend if he was. He was a monster. What he, earlier that day, cut down indiscriminately.
He thought of the Pillars’ faces of contempt. Of Shinobu.
If a demon chose to die and not take a single human life, I would stay by them until the end.
Could Giyu do it? Keel over and die? No. Not now. Oyakata-sama grew weaker every day. After the Kamado siblings made a name for themselves, demon attacks seemed to become more sporadic-
The Kamado siblings. An inspiration, for sure. But Nezuko was stripped of her intelligence. She remained infantile and muzzled. Giyu could not possibly stand as a Pillar that way.
Sure, he was a false pillar. But the Corps needed everything they had these days.
Giyu continued to think, a mile a minute, to grip his arms in anxiety and disgust for his form. His stomach turned, and he felt the urge to vomit.
Should I cut my neck now? Half his head screamed.
But the other half screamed with newfound instincts. What if I just ate a bit of a human? Just a finger, just a nail, anything?
Shinazugawa-
Marechi. I could be kept alive for weeks on just a lick of his blood.
How would I even go about that? “Hey, Shinazugawa, can I borrow your dirty bandages real quick?”
Just his arm would keep a low-level demon like me alive for a century or two.
I don’t want-
Yes I do. Eat and eat and eat and become stronger and breed and live forever.
I don’t want to live that long!
Become an Upper Moon. Receive blood.
I-
EAT.
Giyu never noticed how dizzy he felt until he hit the ground.
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“Tomioka-san?”
Giyu finally woke up. As he gained consciousness, he felt something leave his lips.
Blood?
He chased the feeling, but it pulled away. Frustrated, Giyu opened his eyes slightly. He rasped, “Shinobu?”
“No,” A low voice responded. “I am Kanao, Sir.”
“Oh.” His throat felt like sandpaper. His eyes felt sensitive to the light, but he tried to open them. As he took in his surroundings, he noticed a small cut on her arm, and his eyes widened further.
“Did I-” his voice cracked.
Kanao shook her head.
“Did you..?”
She nodded.
“Uh..” he paused. “Why?”
“Shinobu-san was sent to find you. You are currently missing, and she gave me the responsibility as she’s busy.”
The girl’s eyes darted to her pocket for a moment, but then she looked back at him with determination. “Giyu Tomioka, I awoke you to ask a question. Have you consumed any human flesh or blood since becoming a demon?”
Giyu looked up at her, hoping his eyes betrayed honesty. He found that the best way to deal with Shinobu’s quips and poison words was to be blunt. He hoped the girl was the same.
“I have only consumed your blood, Miss Kanao.”
She studied him in silence for a moment, then her shoulders sagged. “Okay, I believe you.” She moved her arm. Giyu noticed her hand had gripped the curtains over his window. Oh.
“How were you- turned?” Kanao stuttered. Giyu revised her opinion of her. She used pretty words, sure- but she meant them honestly. With mirth he had not had the capacity for in days, he felt as if he could laugh at her awkward question.
“I was attacked by a weak demon. It stabbed me with a syringe containing blood.”
“Really? Where’s the syringe now? Do you think this is a new wave of attacks from Kibutsuji?”
“Yes, really. I imagine the syringe still lies in the woods. I hope this is not a new attack, but it may be.”
The charge’s eyes sparkled with interest. “How was it, fighting off Kibutsuji’s influence?”
Giyu thought for a moment. “I didn’t really feel it at first. I imagine the influence is not present- I shoved the syringe out when it had barely been inserted. However, I do feel a sort of influence in my subconscious.”
“What’s that like?”
“Disconcerting. It’s as if the most base instincts have risen in me- with the addition of loyalty to Kibutsuji.”
“Hm.” She seemed to catch a smile from forming on her face. “Sorry, that sounds awful.”
“It’s alright.” Giyu’s anxiety began to rise. He hated to ask this of a teenager, but- “What should I do?”
“Hm?”
“Do you think I should kill myself?” Oh. Too blunt, probably.
Kanao thought for a moment. “I don’t. You’re a pillar, demon or no.”
“I refuse to harm humans.” He cringed at his use of the word. Humans, as if he wasn’t one.
“Well-” Kanao looked frustrated. “Of course, but there must be a sort of loophole. I suppose you can’t sleep like Nezuko- what if you continue to drink my blood.”
“I refuse.”
“Why?!”
Giyu counted on his fingers. “I require more blood than you could safely provide. It would be difficult to deliver covertly. Also, it feels indecent.”
“You could be provided blood by other members of the Corps!”
Oh. Giyu tried to be gentle with his words. “The thing is- well- you’re a very compassionate person but- Okay. Have you ever met Shinazugawa, Kanao?”
Her face scrunched up. “The Wind Pillar? Tanjiro told me about him.”
“He stabbed Nezuko. In child form. Even after she was pardoned and approved by Oyokata-sama, his eyes were filled with bloodlust. The Demon Slayer Corps are made up of people whose family, friends or even villages have been ravaged by demons. I am incredibly lucky you came to find me, and not Shinobu.”
Kanao’s face deflated. And then inflated.
“Shinobu!”
“What about her?” Giyu asked.
“She does physicals of the members of the Corps constantly. And she draws blood from them!”
“Are you saying-”
“I’ll steal the blood samples!”
“Miss Kanao.” Giyu bore his eyes into the girl’s. “Are you prepared to betray the Corps by assisting a demon?”
Kanao’s small smile disappeared. Her eyes drew back to her pocket, but then she pulled them away and looked into his eyes confidently. “ Yes.”
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Giyu’s life wasn’t incredibly different after that. He still received missions, his old, blind crow not noticing a difference in him. Talkative demons recited spiels about how a demon like him would be hunted by Muzan for his betrayal, and by the Pillars for his betrayal as well. Giyu made sure he didn’t let one demon escape.
He’d become curious about a hidden Blood Demon Art, but chanting “Blood Demon Art!” randomly did not awaken anything within him. Part of him was relieved, but the the other part was disappointed.
He wrote often to Kanao. Nothing serious or demonic, but benign things such as weather and duties within the Corps. Shinobu, as well as the Kamado siblings, were frequent topics of conversation. Once a week, one of Kanao’s letters would hold a small, crimson vial. Kanao sometimes slipped and dropped the -sama prefix from Giyu’s name. It made him smile, and he decided not to ponder on how he could only seem to make friends with teenagers. His self-worth wasn’t holding up well as it was.
He did ponder, however, on his transformation. Sometimes, he shivered at the thought of being hunted down. Sometimes, he stared into his reflection and wished to rip his own skin. He stared into his own eyes, disgusted with himself.
His irises remained the same- a deep blue. His sister always complimented them, calling them deep pools. Sabito, ever brash, said they reminded him of a boring lake. The calm side of the ocean. Dead calm.
Yet, his stupidity had turned his sclera gray. His pupils resembled a cat’s. He despised his eyes. It wasn’t a big deal, the eyes alone. But Giyu despised them. Perhaps, it was indignation at the theft of his identity.
This took place for three weeks- until the month came to an end. His crow delivered the invitation to his hands- an invitation to the Hashira meeting.
Giyu received the letter with shaking hands. On the back he wrote,
Oyakata-sama,
I unfortunately cannot attend the meeting. I have a currently unidentified illness, not bad enough that I can’t attend missions, but I think I need to stay in bed for the day. I have not slept fully for a week now.
My Regards,
Giyu
He stared at it for a moment. Was it good enough? In real life, Giyu would never not attend for such a shallow reason, but he still needed to go on missions. He racked his brain on anything else he should add.
P.S. I deeply regret not being able to join you.
Giyu thought of the Hashira. Of Shinazugawa. ‘What, he’s too good even for us Pillars now?” He cringed.
P.P.S. Please inform the Pillars of the reason for my absence.
Good enough. Kanzaburou was a bit confused at having to send a letter back, but hopefully he got there in time. He patted the crow reassuringly.
Giyu sat back for a bit, knowing that he wouldn’t have any missions for an hour. Maybe he would take a nap- he didn’t need to sleep anymore, but it felt nice and he liked to retain a sense of normalcy. Plus, maybe not sleeping took some energy, and it wasn’t like he was exactly swimming in human blood.
He cringed. What an analogy, but there was not much to be done for it.