Chapter Text
Dennis thought about it. He was laying in his bed, staring straight at the ceiling.
He hadn’t been with a woman in a while. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. Actually, that’s exactly what it was. He couldn’t find it in him to go to a bar that actually had customers and find a woman. He didn’t care to preserve his D.E.N.N.I.S system as often as he should. It all just felt empty.
It had been feeling empty for a long time. He never particularly liked any of the women he brought back. Most nights, he was just bored. Or curious if his system was holding up. For some reason, he stopped caring to try.
Ok, well if he was going to try to work this out, he was going to have to name the issues. Mac. It was Mac. Mac had given him something he couldn’t find anywhere else. Mac was why Dennis didn’t care to find women. The way Mac looked at him and the way women looked at him were different. Women looked at him like he looked good (no surprise), but there wasn’t much else. They didn’t know Dennis. If they ever did get to know him, they all ran away. Mac looked at Dennis like there was nowhere else he would rather be. Like he knew him inside and out (he did). Dennis knew there were times he was shit to Mac, yet Mac stayed. Even when they were apart, it all led back here. In the morning, they would sit at their table and eat cereal like they always did. Even after everything. Mac knew Dennis.
Dennis turned on his side. Mac knew him, more than anyone else. He wondered about the rest of his life. Did he ever plan to get married? Of course, for most of his life, he assumed he would. But now? Who would he get married to? He could find a woman tomorrow and talk about his life for the next year, and she wouldn’t come close to knowing him like Mac does. If she stayed the whole year, that is.
Dennis wondered what would happen if he did find a woman he liked. Mac would probably smile and congratulate him. Then he would look at Dennis with those sad puppy eyes whenever he thought Dennis wouldn’t know. Of course Dennis would know. Both because he knows Mac, and Mac isn’t exactly subtle. But the thought of Mac looking at him like that made his chest hurt. He didn’t want Mac to feel like that. Dennis realized pledging his life to some woman gave him a similar feeling. It was strange. Dennis was thinking about finding a woman, a wife, and his chest hurt. The thought felt more like giving something up than gaining something.
Dennis sat up. It was a lot to think about. His whole life he had been after women because that’s what he assumed he should do. He would find the right one, and everything would fall in place after. Dennis knew he had high standards for a woman, and he might’ve just realized why.
He didn’t want to find a woman. That’s why he always talked about his ideal woman with traits that couldn’t exist. If he found what he was looking for, he would have to be with her, and he couldn’t let that happen. He never wanted to find a woman. At least, not subconsciously. He wanted to stay single. Rather, he didn’t want to be with anyone but Mac.
Dennis sighed, cursing the universe for making him think about this on a random Thursday night. He knew in the next few years he wouldn’t find a woman. He certainly wouldn’t find a man. If he ever wanted the fulfillment he dreamed of, the kind he always assumed would just happen, he was going to have to be with Mac.
The thought of Mac finding someone was scary as shit. No, Dennis didn’t think Mac would be a good boyfriend (Mac would sure try, but Dennis still hadn’t totally forgiven him for the attempted poisoning), yet he was good enough that someone would like him. Good enough. Is that how someone would see him? Dennis shook his head. What if there was a possibility Mac found someone who wasn't right for him? What if they insisted on eating the apple skin? What if they made him get rid of his bike? (Not that Dennis loved it, but if Mac liked it, it stayed in his room, and there was absolutely zero evidence it existed, he didn’t care). Dennis realized if Mac found a guy, the guy would never know him like Dennis knew him. Just as a random club woman would never know Dennis, the reverse was true. Mac would never meet a guy who could understand him like Dennis. Would Mac be able to see that?
A thought made Dennis cold to the bone. What if Mac found a guy and moved out? If Mac found someone else, they might not be happy with him living with Dennis. Would Mac agree? Dennis thought about how silent the apartment would be without Mac ranting about a movie or trying to use the blender. Sure, Dennis enjoyed moments of silence with Mac not around, but that’s only because he knew Mac was coming back. Enjoy the silence now because it’ll be gone soon. If Mac left, he couldn’t enjoy the silence because there was no other option.
Dennis put his head in his hands. He was making himself paranoid. He checked his clock. 2:30 a.m.
Oh. He had been thinking about this for several hours.
Dennis knew he was paranoid, but he couldn’t stop thinking about it. At some point, he became content not seeking out a woman to marry (or bang), but he never realized maybe Mac didn’t. Was Mac looking for someone? Someone other than Dennis?
Dennis shook his head again. He had to do something. Now. Although the odds of Mac finding someone tomorrow (technically today) were slim to none, Dennis couldn’t live with himself if he did. Jesus- to be Mac’s best man at his wedding? The groom be some random guy Dennis would inevitably hate and be forever jealous of? He felt nauseous at the thought.
He tossed aside his sheets and got out of bed, ready to change his fate at nearly three in the morning.