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Kusuo has never seen himself as human.
He was a being, sure. But he never felt like he belonged where he is now, like he was never wanted. That feeling never really left him.
He wishes he was someone else. Anyone, honestly. Just so he could be normal, feel normal. His ‘amazing’ psychic powers were a curse to him, but they wouldn’t be to anyone ordinary. That’s yet another thing he wishes he could change. He couldn’t.
But even if he tells himself he could easily live without his powers, he really wouldn’t be able to. Being unable to help those nuisances or do simple stuff without the use of them seemed easy, but in reality it was impossible. For him, at least.
Yet, even if he does admit he enjoys secretly helping his friends, the feeling of being unwanted still never really goes away.
Sometimes he just feels like a tool, created for others without their knowledge. His purpose being only for those around him. Never for himself.
The point wasn’t that he wanted his help to be noticed. He didn’t blame those around him, it was him. All he wanted was to feel wanted. His friends and family showed it enough, too much, even. He just couldn't let himself accept it. He never knew why, it wasn’t their fault. It wasn’t their fault he felt worthless most of the time.
…
Worthless is a strong word.
He took a deep breath and sat up on his bed quietly. When did he start thinking about stuff like this? It’s not like it mattered. Thinking about it would only make him want to talk about it, and talking wasn’t an option. No one would be able to help him through this, even if they wanted to. Kusuo only shook his head and got up.
He took a look at the clock. 7:48 AM. He easily still had the time.
After getting ready Kusuo walked in on his dad struggling with his tie and his mom finishing cooking breakfast. He couldn’t hear their thoughts due his germanium ring- he seldom wore it, but today he… just felt like it.
Looking at his dad, he knew that in about 15 seconds his dad would notice him and beg him to help him get to work in time. He really didn’t want to put up with his childish foolery today, but he knew his mother would ‘kindly’ ask him to agree or his dad would try and bribe him.
So, before his dad would be at his feet, without a word he tied his tie with his powers and sat at the dining table across from his mom who just finished placing the plates.
“Good morning Ku!” His mom said after seeing him sit down. “I just finished cooking breakfast, as you can see, I suppose.”
“Oh, thank you Kusuo!” His dad smiled, relieved. “I know you just helped me with my tie, but-” Kusuo cut him off by shrugging, usually he’d shake his head until he was bribed with coffee jelly or money. He doesn’t feel like himself.
“Ku, what’s gotten into you today? You never help your dad unless he bribes you with something,” Kurumi teased, sitting down. Good grief, even if he helps with no conditions he still gets teased. “But don’t look so down, I’m just joking.” She added, grinning.
His dad sighed and sat down at the table as well. “Good morning Kusuo,” He stabbed his food with a fork. Suddenly he smugly smiled. “You got down a bit later today, are you becoming a sleepyhead?” Kusuo just ignored him, and stuffed his mouth with food.
After all of them finished their food, and Kuniharu and Kurumi finished giggling and flirting around, Kusuo teleported his dad to work before he could ask without a word. As he teleported back home and was about to leave, his mom stopped him.
“Ku, you don’t really seem like yourself today,” She said, keeping her hands behind her back with a worried face. “Not that you’re supposed to always be the same, but is everything okay?”
He turned around to face her, and tilted his head in confusion. He didn’t feel like talking.
“Don’t tilt your head at me, I know when something may be wrong,” She took his hand in hers. “I’m your mom, honey.”
He didn’t pull away, and wondered. Besides that weird morning, there isn’t anything he could tell his mom. So, technically, there was nothing wrong. Nothing that would concern anyone besides himself.
“Well, that’s the first thing, you never let me hold your hand.”
Okay, that is weird. He even surprised himself. But even now that she’s mentioned it, he doesn’t feel like pulling away or doing anything about it. He shook his head either way, he didn’t want to worry her. (That’s a new statement, wasn’t it that “No one would be able to help?”)
She sighed, clearly very worried, at which he felt weirdly bad. He worried her despite his effort not to, good grief. Lately pretty much nothing goes his way.
“Don’t worry Ku. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay, I’ll wait,” She smiled, softly, with visible understanding. His eyes softened, and he felt warm. They didn’t do that often, talk about feelings.
After a second of thought, Kurumi hugged him. It was sudden and unexpected, Kusuo never had to be hugged. But, for some reason, he didn’t pull away, and for some even weirder reason, he felt relaxed, safe. He may not have hugged her back, but he laid his chin on her arm and relaxed. When was the last time he’s been hugged? He’s not sure if he’s been ever hugged at all.
“Oh honey, are you sure you don’t want to stay home today?” His mom asked, rubbing circled into his back. He could hear her worry and care in her voice, but despite that, he shook his head in response. “All right then, but be safe, if anything happens, don’t hesitate to call me. Or, well, teleport back home I guess.”
Kusuo nodded, and pulled away softly. His mom seemed less worried, but still very caring. He put on his shoes and left home lightly smiling and waving his mom goodbye just in time to see Nendou and Kaidou on their way. He really hoped they wouldn’t see him, since according to his mother, ‘He doesn’t seem like himself today.’
But, once again, his hopes and dreams were crushed, when Kaidou yelled his name and ran to him waving, with Nendou following shortly after.
Since he wasn’t able to read their thoughts and predict them getting closer, he was pretty startled when he felt Kaidou run into him, with Nendou doing the same right after. Both of them let Kusuo go after a few seconds, knowing that if they’d do it longer Kusuo would get upset.
But Kusuo didn’t want to pull away. He liked it.
“Hey Buddy! Me and Chibi were just talking about getting ramen after school,” Nendou put his arm around Kusuo. “You up?”
“-And right after that, Jet Black Wings and Saiki are going to patrol the park to make sure Japan is safe from the Dark Reunion!” Kaidou quickly added, before Kusuo could ‘answer’ the first question.
He just nodded, and slightly tilted his head in tiredness. It felt nice, even just this little bit of touch, like having an arm around him, or a few-seconds-lasting hug. He felt warm and safe, as weird as it sounded.
Thankfully, Kaidou’s and Nendou's conversation kept him distracted for the rest of the walk to school, so he wouldn’t go into a spiral again. It was weird feeling this sensitive, especially for him. Technically, he was invincible.
When the three of them got to school there was still time before class started, so Kusuo sat down at his desk as usual, while his friends talked next to him. Good grief, he really felt tired. At this point, he honestly wasn’t sure if this was only caused by the hug from his mom, but there wasn’t anything else that could’ve caused him to act like that. He has a good sleep, if you’re curious about that.
As he spiraled into his thoughts again, he subconsciously leaned his head against Kuboyasu’s arm, who stood next to him. He was sure that if he took off his ring he’d hear his gay thoughts for Kaidou, good grief. Those two should finally do something about their miserable crushes on each other.
Kusuo felt Kuboyasu slightly freeze and stop midway his sentence when he leaned against him. “Huh- Saiki?” He quietly commented, slowly turning his head to his direction. Kaidou, who was the one Kuboyasu was talking with, was also surprised. After all, clingy Kusuo isn’t anything common, it’s very rare, even. “You good?” Kusuo lightly nodded against his arm.
Despite wearing his germanium ring, he still could feel them staring. He was considering taking the ring off, but he knew that people’s thoughts flooding into his head so quickly would definitely overwhelm him. After a second he felt Kuboyasu relax and continue his conversation with Kaidou.
What Kusuo didn’t see, was Kuboyasu’s and Kaidou’s eyes softening and softly smiling at him, before continuing as if nothing happened. What he didn’t know, was how they would watch out for him for the rest of the day.
Kusuo could only imagine what they thought of him at that moment, but despite being unaware of that, he still felt grateful for both of them not prying him to talk about it, or being weird about it. His friends were sometimes bearable.
It’s been maybe 5 minutes after that, when he heard the bell for class. Nendou and Kaidou went to their desks, while Kuboyasu slowly pulled his arm away, smiled at Kusuo and walked to his desk as well. Now it was time for the boring, yet relaxing part for him. Their classes weren’t anything difficult to him, he was a psychic, after all. He could just read someone’s mind if he needed to answer something.
His mind drifted once again to how he ended up like… this today. Maybe he really should’ve stayed home. Well, at least those nuisances were less annoying today. He really wasn’t sure if they noticed something’s up, or it’s some sort of ‘Mercy For Saiki’ day. But now that he thinks about it, that would’ve been a cool holiday. He could celebrate it everyday.
Time and classes went by, and Kusuo was getting stressed more and more. What was causing him to stress so hard? His mom was right, something was wrong. But even he himself couldn’t put his finger on what it was. His mom’s morning hug helped him, but there was no way he’d hug anyone at school.
Not that they wouldn’t reciprocate, he just didn’t want to . They’d get concerned and center their attention around him, and that’s the very last thing he’d want today. Another recess came by, and Kusuo went and locked himself in the restroom.
He sat on the toilet with his legs against his chest wrapping his hands around them and sighed. This was genuinely exhausting for him, feeling so irritated. He took off his ring. It was getting too quiet , now.
Turns out it wasn’t such a good decision, since all of the voices flooding into his head at once was way more overwhelming than he thought. But he decided to ignore that, trying to let himself get used to it again.
He wasn’t sure how much time did he exactly spend in that stall, but after a while, he heard a knock, quickly followed by a concerned voice calling out his name. He didn’t hear anyone getting closer, as he couldn’t focus yet.
The said voice belonged to Kaidou, which Kusuo could see the sort of worried face of through the stall door with his X-ray vision. “Hey, Saiki, you’ve been there for like 10 minutes now, are you okay?”
‘I’m okay,’ he projected. He didn’t need anyone worrying more than they already are.
Kaidou only answered with a sigh. “Can I come in?”
If he doesn’t let him in, he’s going to still be worried. If he does let him in on the other hand, he’d have to face whatever has been bothering him.
The stall door opened, revealing a curled up Kusuo with his head in his knees.
Kaidou’s breath hitched. “S-Saiki…” Was all he murmured out, before coming into the stall and closing the door behind him.
Kusuo could hear his thoughts.
“Ah shit, I wish I could hug him right now, but I know he doesn’t like physical affection.”
Kusuo looked up at him.
“Saiki, you’re crying…” Kusuo touched his cheek. He was? Honestly, with all those weirdly negative thoughts he didn’t even realize. He looked down.
Should he ask for a hug? Wouldn’t that be too out of character for him? Maybe he should wait for Kaidou to initiate the hug first. He wasn’t shy , just logical.
The boy across from him took a deep breath, “Hey, I know you don’t like us touching you,” He scratched his neck. “But It might help, I mean, if you want to,” Kaidou seemed more and more awkward and stressed. He understood, the last time Kusuo had ever cried was when he was 6 and Kuniharu ate his coffee jelly. It was abnormal for him.
…But even if it was, his body ‘somehow’ moved on ‘itself’ and he slowly nodded. Kaidou exhaled and came up and wrapped his hands around him with a small smile.
It took a small moment, but after some time being wrapped in a hug by Kaidou, Kusuo rested his chin on his arm. Maybe he could let himself feel safe like this sometimes. He wasn’t human, but he sure felt like one when he was with his friends and family. Okay, maybe except Kusuke.
…
This was nice. He, they should do this more often.
Kusuo hugged Kaidou back and sighed in relief.
Yeah. Kusuo should do this more often with others in general.