Chapter Text
Colin Bridgerton was going to have a wife in a matter of days. He thought he had felt excitement when he proposed, even more so when he announced their engagement to the ton just two days ago, but now he was truly elated. It was really happening and happening far quicker than he expected.
Though he initially believed a long engagement would be preferable, as it was more romantic, he was far more pleased to be able to rid his betrothed of her concerns about not being accepted or wanted by eloping. He and Marina would create a family together where she would always feel accepted and wanted.
Their engagement dinner the night before had gone as well as he could have hoped, given how surprised his family had been by their announcement two days prior. He had not expected them to even accept an invitation to celebrate his pending nuptials, let alone so soon. Then there was the matter of their hosts, the Featherington’s, who, apart from Penelope, were an interesting bunch and an evening spent with them could certainly be hit or miss.
Lady Featherington was one of the most notorious busybodies of the ton and Lord Featherington was only ever engaging if a bet could be placed on something. Their two older daughters, Prudence and Philippa were not very clever and given far too much praise for their lack of talents.
Penelope Featherignton was different. A very dear friend of his family’s, she had never fit into the ridiculous and tactless household that she came from. He never quite understood how someone so clever and kind as Pen could have Portia Featherington as a mother. Then her cousin Marina arrived for the season and he finally met a family member of hers who was just as warm and delightful as his friend.
Marina Thompson stole his heart the moment he saw her across the ballroom. It was as if he had been struck by a thunderbolt from the sky when he first laid eyes on her and he hadn’t looked back since. Though it had been a short courtship, by the time he proposed he felt he knew her better than anyone.
Their courtship had been stunted by an illness she sustained just after they met, but it quickly resumed with her recovery. She was so attentive and sweet whenever they were together and she was the first person in his life who ever took him seriously. They understood one another, he and Marina.
What better foundation for marital bliss than knowing the minds of your partner and yourself? And he was sure their marriage would be a blissful one. Yes, he was very much looking forward to marrying her and calling her his wife.
Celebrating their engagement together was a much welcomed reprieve from the doom and gloom he was subjected to in his own home after they announced their engagement. After they arrived home, his brother, Anthony, had admonished him for upsetting their mother and being green, spewing vile nonsense about setting his cap at the first young lady he fancied.
His mother was no less forthcoming with her disappointment the next morning, acting as though he hadn’t been courting Marina since the beginning of the season. As though she were a stranger! So when she came back from the modiste that same afternoon, informing him that they would be dining with the Featherington’s the next evening, he was very surprised to say the least.
The dinner itself was more or less fine. Anthony had been odious, as Colin had expected. He tersely encouraged a longer engagement when Lady Featherington suggested they marry sooner. He dismissed the idea of speculating on destinations for their honeymoon. He was simply unpleasant.
For all of Pen’s usual grace and charm and wit and cheerfulness, she was giving Anthony a run for his money with her unpleasant demeanour. Her sweet disposition was nowhere to be found and she drank much more wine than he had ever known her to indulge in. It was the oddest thing, now that he thought of it.
Between Anthony and Penelope’s combined dreadfulness, it was a wonder they got through that part of the evening without dampened spirits. Colin, his mother, and Lady Featherington carried most of the conversation, always bringing it back to the joyous reason they were all together: his engagement to Marina.
His mother told his fiancé to call her by her Christian name. She asked Marina about travelling with him and was quite interested in learning about her hobbies. It was nice to see his mother and his future wife getting on so well.
Though it wasn’t perfect, the dinner ended up being fairly enjoyable. The festivities after dinner, however, had not been as successful. In fact, the rest of the night was fraught with issues that he still could not wrap his mind around.
First, they were all subjected to the horrible singing of an extremely tone deaf Prudence Featherington. His ears may never recover, truly. Again, he found himself ruminating over how shocking he found it that Penelope came from that family.
Just as he had finally excused himself from the torturous entertainment before his ears bled, he was hit with not one but two uncomfortable revelations. His lifelong friend and confidante followed him into the corridor, expressing concerns that Marina’s heart was with another man.
As if that summoned her, his fiancé soon found them and quickly dismissed Penelope. There was some sort of tension between the two of them that Colin could not make heads or tails of.
Marina was clearly upset for some reason and all he wished to do in that moment was ease whatever troubled her, even if he wished Pen did not leave on such an uncomfortable note. She told him that she didn’t feel accepted by his family or her own and wished they could be married sooner.
How could he not have offered to take her to Gretna Green after that? He thought she hated the idea when she did not respond right away but after he began to take it back, she said she loved the idea. Then she told him that she loved him and for the life of him, he could not say it back. It was quite the whirlwind of events.
He let those moments of distress in the corridor drive him as he spent much of the day secretly getting things ready to go to Gretna Green the next morning. He had considered remaining at home with his family through tea, if only to have the chance to clear things up with Penelope but she had been quarrelling with Eloise as of late and had not been to tea in some time.
Instead, Colin set out to hire a hack, map out inns along the way, and discreetly meet the jeweller to procure rings for them. He sent a note along to Marina confirming the time and place to meet the next morning, and finally went to Whites for a celebratory drink. But then the night rolled around and he made his way back home.
There he found himself packing the final items into his travel bag. Everything was in order, all that was left to do was sleep. And yet, he couldn’t keep himself from turning over everything that had been said and more importantly, everything that had been left unsaid the night before.
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“Colin? Might I have a word?”
“Pen, of course.”
“It… is a rather delicate matter. I wish I did not have cause to raise it, but I believe you deserve to know.”
“Is there something on my face? Has it been there all evening? It has, hasn’t it? ...Sorry. Um, go on.”
“I have wanted to talk to you since the engagement was announced, but we’re always in company.”
“So, this is something about Marina?”
“Her heart belongs to another.”
“What?”
“His name is Sir George Crane. He is a first son, a soldier. They grew up in neighbouring properties in the country. I am sorry, but I have seen their love letters. I felt you should know before it was too late.”
“You really are very good. You know that?”
At first, he believed this to be naivety. Pen was young – though he supposed not that young, as she had debuted that season. It still surprised him when he found her at various society events and he had to actively remind himself that she was a young lady.
He couldn’t bring himself to think of her courting or marrying some gentleman of the ton. He knew she was not that much younger than he was but in his mind, she was still the little girl he grew up with.
The delightful, auburn-haired neighbour who indulged him in speaking about how much he longed to travel. The one who befriended his mercurial sister one day and never looked back. The one always dressed in yellow, offering the brightest smiles as if she were sunshine personified.
And she was, of course, still all of those things, just now older and out in society. But regardless of her age or status on the marriage mart, she was certainly inexperienced in matters of the heart. So he found her warning to be inconsequential, if well-intentioned. It was sweet but it would not deter him from marrying Marina.
“Did you think that I would care that she had fond feelings for another before we met? It would be rich of me, considering I have flirted with half the girls in London at one point.”
“You misunderstand. This was no mere flirtation. Marina loves this man. She loves him still.”
“And yet she is marrying me. Trust me, Pen, do not fret. I know my mind and Marina’s. We understand each other.”
He was rather proud of how he handled this at the time. He felt mature, less like the boy he’d always been treated as and more like the man he knew himself to be. The man who would be husband to the woman in question in a matter of days. So why did it give him such discomfort to reflect upon, once he had the opportunity to sit with it?
He truly could not fathom his fiancé being some great deceiver, just as he could not fathom Pen leading him astray. Though if he had been asked just two days prior about their relationship, he would have said that he could not fathom Marina and Penelope having any sort of tension between them.
Had the animosity been simmering for longer than he realised? He would have expected Pen to be as elated as he was when he announced his engagement to Marina in the garden earlier in the week. He thought nothing of it at the time but she never did congratulate them or cheer along with the others.
She also had alluded to Marina lying before, during their courtship. About tomatoes of all things, which was completely trivial. Still, demure and discerning as she was, he never knew Penelope to say something without purpose.
At the time, he had an inkling of Marina perhaps not being the most honest with him. She was always offering admirable surprise every time he brought her flowers, which he believed to be simple flattery, of course. But was there more to it?
Penelope seemed as though she was going to say more to him in the corridor before Marina walked out and now, he could not stop wondering whatever it could have been. Apart from his own sisters and mother, they were the two ladies he was closest to in this world and he thought they got on rather well before. What was going on between them?
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“Is anything wrong? Is it my brother? He… He was odious at dinner. I apologise.”
“I cannot stand it, Colin. My own father does not want me. Even the Featheringtons cannot wait to be rid of me. Fool that I am, I truly thought that with your family, I might finally find acceptance. But it is no use. Even your mother is just being polite.”
“That is not true, Marina. I am your family now. We shall make our own family, you and me.”
He was so upset with the idea of his family making Marina feel unwelcome that he hadn’t stopped to question it. While his family may have been privately against it, they had not shown much of that to her at all.
Anthony was quite churlish at dinner, sure, but that was not out of the norm. It was rather par for the course, how Anthony always tended to be in those situations. Marina would have to get used to his brother’s prickly demeanour.
He had so many responsibilities thrust upon him at such a young age when their father passed away that he had adopted this cold, ruthless persona. Underneath it all, Anthony just wanted what was best for their family.
He believed their engagement had been rushed and while it hurt Colin so that he did not give his blessing or offer his support after their announcement, Anthony attending the dinner itself was a sign that he was well on his way to accepting their union.
Their mother, too, was much kinder and more engaging than he ever expected her to be after their discussion that morning. Having been raised by her, he knows when she is “just being polite,” and that was not how she was acting in the least.
He could not fault Marina for getting the wrong impression from his mother or Anthony, as she hardly knew them and was not accustomed to their mannerisms. But perhaps that in itself was cause for worry. Shouldn’t one’s betrothed know the family they are marrying into?
In fact, that was truly a cause for concern. Recalling the mention of her own father got him thinking… What did he know of her immediate family and her life back home? Did she refrain from discussing her life in the country because of the first-born gentleman from a neighbouring property that Penelope spoke of?
In addition to the brief mention of her father not wanting her, Marina had also spoken of her extended family, the Featherington’s, not accepting her. Which, now that he actually thought of it, he didn’t quite understand.
The Featherington’s did not seem as though they “could not wait to be rid of her” last night or in the weeks of their courtship. They smiled and interacted with her more than he had ever seen them do with Penelope in all their years of friendship. It pained him to admit but if the Featherington’s were unaccepting of anyone, it was most assuredly Pen.
“It is all I want. It is all I want in all the world. I wish we could be married this very minute. Then we could be alone together always. I would never have to leave your arms.”
“What if I told you there was a way?”
“Colin, what are…”
“Scotland. Gretna Green. I know it is mad, but we could be married within a matter of days. We just have to make it to the border. Anthony would be an ogre about it when we first return, of course, but by then, it would be too late. We would be married. We would be together. …You hate the idea.”
“I love it. I love you.”
“Allow me a day. I shall arrange everything!”
Then there was the matter of her declaration of love. Marina told him that she loved him after he proposed running off to Gretna Green to begin their journey together as husband and wife. As much as he thought he had been feeling the same, he couldn’t bring himself to say it back.
When Anthony was berating him for getting engaged after their announcement in the garden just two days ago, Colin retorted by saying, “Why does anyone marry, brother? For love.” Though that perhaps wasn’t the driving factor behind his initial proposal, he truly did believe himself to be in love with Marina.
But why was he unable to vocalise it to her when she had been brave enough to profess her love to him? What was stopping him?
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Replaying the conversations in his mind over and over gave him no more clarity than before. It all led to the same repeating questions… Was this a good idea? Was all of his running around town that day for naught?
Was their decision to run off to Scotland too rash? Were they simply caught up in the moment? Were the consequences and repercussions they’d face with his family if they did elope worth it, if they really only had to wait a couple more months to marry?
One the one hand, absolutely because he never wanted to imagine Marina feeling unwanted or unaccepted in her home. But on the other hand, waiting may give them more time to resolve all the concerning matters that had been uncovered in the past 24 hours.
She would have a chance to get to know his family and the same could be said for his family getting to know his fiancé. He would be able to learn more about her life in the country and perhaps he could meet her family.
He did not care that she previously had fond feelings for her neighbour, just as he was sure she would not care that he had flirted with half the girls in London, but it would be nice to talk about their past dalliances. Though all of that could be done after they were married.
And while his family might be upset for a bit, running off to Gretna Green to elope without telling a soul would bring scandal upon them, but they’d move past it. Sure, it might take some time but his family believed in love above all else, so it would stand to reason that they would eventually embrace his marriage.
Their household was unique in that it was filled with love. His mother and father shared a love like no other and he intended to have the same kind of marriage. He knew he was lucky to have grown up in a home with two parents who loved each other dearly. No matter how sickening their displays of affection seemed to him as a young boy.
His father used to tell him about meeting his mother, how she was his first and foremost his very best friend, how they teased one another and laughed together constantly. What stuck out in his memory more than anything, was how his father described knowing she was the one for him. He said that he could picture his mother in a wedding gown, walking down the aisle toward him, the image so clear in his mind that he just knew it was their destiny.
He didn’t have that moment with Marina and truthfully, he had tried to force himself to conjure up the image in his mind more than a few times since he proposed. He was never able to and still could not. He supposed that was because they were never meant to have that sort of wedding. They were destined to elope, it seemed.
And while he was happy to begin his life with her, it did sting a bit to grieve the wedding they would never have. He loved weddings, always had. He loves the promise of loving, protecting, supporting, and honouring one’s beloved for the rest of their lives. The act of taking vows in front of the people in the world that the couple holds closest, their family and friends, it’s all the more meaningful.
When the bride walks down the aisle to the strings of a familiar romantic melody and the entire church stands to watch her, he loves looking back at the groom, seeing the awe and wonder on his face. Colin usually teared up at those moments. He had always thought of how he’d feel seeing his bride striding to meet him at the altar.
He was confident he would cry from the love and joy he’d feel in that moment. It would be such a beautiful, magical scene that he’d tell his children and grandchildren about for years to come. He and his wife would live out the rest of forever together in love and it would all have been sealed at that altar.
He supposed he could still have some of that. He wasn’t sure he’d want to tell his children and grandchild about running off to Gretna Green to elope without any family or friends even knowing about it until after the fact. He was sure that he would not want to tell them of his abrupt proposal when Marina tried to kiss him in an unchaperoned room at his own sister’s wedding breakfast, that the thought to propose hadn’t been born of some epiphany of their destiny to be together.
But he could tell them of the love they had gone on to share and that would have to be enough. He and Marina would still take the same vows of love, support, honour and commitment so long as they both shall live. They would still care for one another and create a loving home for the children they’d raise together. He felt awful not being able to will himself into believing that would be enough but the more he thought of it, the more an overwhelming sense of dread overtook his entire being.
And what of his friendship with Pen? Before last night, he would have thought things would carry on as usual between them after her cousin became his wife. He even fancied that perhaps their friendship would be better because they could see each other more. She would be part of his family, he would be part of hers. They’d be in each other’s lives forever, as he always knew they would.
Their relationship had taken place so naturally over the years and he loathed the thought of losing that constant in his life. Thankfully, he could never really imagine his life without Penelope in it because that would be a very sad life indeed. He was actually rather delighted that in marrying Marina, he would also be sealing a future with Pen in it.
But now, it seemed there was some hostility between his future wife and his little friend. If they were quarrelling, he’d be obliged to take Marina’s side as her husband. And if that ever led to full on estrangement between them, it would inevitably extend to him. The thought made him sick.
Just as sick as he felt the evening before with everything that happened in the corridor. While he was fervent in his resolve to marry Marina and take the loneliness she felt away, he was nervous about why Pen seemed so against it. And if the engagement itself was troubling her, would running off to Gretna Green to elope without telling her push her away even further?
Between that and the thoughts that had been plaguing him since then, the soft whispers of doubt, the questions that lingered, Colin knew what he had to do. He had to speak with Penelope and there was no time like the present.