Work Text:
Pop.
Seven.
Thud.
Uh-uh.
Letting.
Dipshit.
And now, the Six Merry Murderers of the Hyrule Destiny Jail, in their rendition of the Cell Link Tango.
Pop. Seven. Thud. Uh-uh. Letting go. Dipshit.
Pop! Seven! Thud! Uh-uh! Letting go! Dipshit!
Pop! Seven! Thud! Uh-uh! Letting go! Dipshit!
Pop! Seven! Thud! Uh-uh! Letting go! Dipshit!
He had it coming! He had it coming!
He only had himself to blaaaame!
If you’d have been there, if you’d have seen it!
I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop! Seven! Thud! Uh-uh! Letting go! Dipshit!
Pop! Seven! Thud! Uh-uh! Letting go! Dipshit!
Sky: you know how Sword Spirits have these little habits that get you down? Like… Girahim!
Girahim liked to teleport around. No, not teleport. Pop!
Well I’m walking around the surface this one day, and I’m really upset and I’m looking for a little peace and quiet, and there’s Girahim, being real pervy and teleporting. No, not teleporting. POPPING!
So I said to him, I said “Girahim, you pop into being near me one more time…”
sigh.
And he did.
So, I took out the Goddess Sword and I fired two warning sword beams.
In-to his head.
He had it coming! He had it coming!
He only had himself to blaaaame!
If you’d have been there, if you’d have heard it!
I betcha you would have done the same!
Wild: I met Calamity Ganon in Hyrule Castle about half an hour after I woke up, and Flora told me that he’d killed everyone and we, uh, hated each other right away. So, I started gathering strength. He’d send out monsters, I’d kill em, He’d resurrect them, and life would go on.
And then I found out. Everyone, she’d told me? Everyone, my ass! Not only did people survive, oh no. There were seven towns. Four with Divine Beasts, did ya know?
So a month later right before the blood moon, I killed all his monsters, just like usual.
Yknow some monsters just can’t handle Divine Beast lasers.
He had it coming! He had it coming!
He took a Zelda in his priiiiiide!
And then he used her! And he abused her!
It was a murder but not a crime!
Wars: Now I’m standing on the battlefield, carving out huge swaths of monsters, staying well away from Ganon, and in storms a furious Cia in a jealous rage.
“You’ve been killing my monsters!” She says. She was crazy! And she kept on screaming, “You’ve been killing my monsters!”
And then my bowstring slipped.
My bowstring slipped ten times .
If you’d have been there! If you’d have seen it!
I betcha you would have done the same!
Age: (In sheikah) What am I doing here? They said the Calamity rose and it was my duty to protect everyone along with Zelda. But it is not true. I did not succeed. I do not know why Hylia has sent me here to join you. I tried to explain to her, but she only smiled and sent me on my way!
Wind: yeah, but did you kill him?
Age: uh-uh! Didn’t! Survive!
(he had it cooooomiiiing)
Time: My second adventure had this looping act and this mask called Majora started it. For a loop of three days, I was scrambling to help everyone and save Clock Town. One mask, two, three, four, five, ranches saved, souls put to rest, fetch quests done one right after the other!
Well on the 167th loop I was on the moon, with Majora already there with Tael, having a barrel of laughs. And I’ve got 23 masks, so I go over to these 5 kids and get the last one.
I go up to Majora, begin the fight, and there’s Majora doing all these attacks I can’t dodge.
I put the mask on, let it take over, and…
Well, I don’t really know. I completely blacked out, I can’t remember a thing. It wasn’t until later, when I was holding the mask in my hands that I knew Majora was dead.
They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all alooooong!
I didn’t do it! But Fierce had done it!
How could you tell me that he was wrong?
They had it coming! They had it coming! They had it coming all alooooong!
I didn’t do it! But Fierce had done it!
How could you tell me that he was wrong?
Four: I hated Vaati’s dipshit face more than I could possibly say. He was a real piece of work. Sadistic. Stole Shadow.
But he was always trying to find Link. He’d send out Shadow every night looking for Link and on the way he found Red, Blue, Green, and Vio.
I guess you could say Shadow turned from Vaati because of artistic differences. Vaati saw himself as alive.
And we saw him dead!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
The dirty bum, bum, bum, bum, bum!
They had it comin' (They had it comin'), they had it comin' (They had it comin')
They had it comin' all along! (They had it comin' all along)
'Cause if they used us ('Cause if they used us), and they abused us (And they abused us)
How could they tell us that we were wrong?
He had it comin' (He had it comin'), he had it comin' (He had it comin')
He only had himself to blame! (He only had himself to blame)
If you'd have been there (If you'd have been there), if you'd have seen it (If you'd have seen it)
I betcha you would have done the same!
Pop.
Seven.
Thud.
Uh-uh.
Letting go.
Dipshit.