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'The sun was beating down on the back of my head. Under the armour, my sweat flowed, and on top, blood caked the metal. On the ground there was a child, maybe 7, 8? Sobbing. Shielding themselves with bruised arms from the sword that was in my hand. I must have been glaring at them because every time they dared to look up at me they would flinch and curl back up…'
'Is this my legacy? Is this all I leave in my wake?'
'That’s what I thought that day, and it’s what I think of now.'
'I cannot continue this, I can no longer ignore the screams and cries and pleas from everyone I encounter. I do not want to be feared any longer, I want to be loved… I need to be loved.'
Two sets of footsteps approach me.
“Are you the woman who sells words?”
“At your service.” She stammered and I rose and met her eyes. It felt as though I was bearing my soul to her mind, every struggle and hope paraded for her to see. 'What does she see, I wonder… What story do my eyes tell? Probably one of war and destruction..'
“I want to be president.”
'I am weary of the constant pillaging across this godforsaken land. Fighting meaningless wars for meaningless materials and crashing, burning in defeats that have taken my soul along with them. I tire of sleepless nights- And, on the nights that I can manage to distract my mind from the horrors of it all, I tire of the open air and bugs that bite at all my exposed skin. The same military food day after day- eating is a chore more than a necessity at this point. But above it all, what really makes all of it insufferable now, is the fear that everyone looks to me with. Lord how I wish to ride into a town and be greeted with cheers, joy, admiration- I would have bright flags and flowers everywhere, people would bring me fresh food like eggs and bread… but no. Instead when I ride into town, the men who have not already fled with their families fall at my feet due to fear or injuries.. The children sob on the ground, behind bushes and baskets, praying that my gaze will not fall in their direction, and the women protect them- no.. try to protect them. God, I can remember so clearly, entering into a town with the familiar blood flowing the streets so quickly due to my own actions, I turned a corner down a shaded street. A pregnant woman ran into me as I turned and she fell to the ground on her backside. I didn’t have the time to end her, so I stared down at her.. Glaring if I’m being honest. Later, at camp, I heard talk among the men of a woman in an alley who had miscarried. They joked that it was because of the fear stricken in her heart, that it traveled down to the womb and to the child.... '
'I have no proof of who the woman was, but I don’t need any. I know what I did..
There was.. One night, where I brought up my desire for atonement to El Mulato, and my solution: becoming president. He had offered the quick way to such a goal, storming the capital city and taking it all by force. I do not condemn him for reacting like that, the habits of war and devastation seep through every aspect of our lives, but I can’t take that route. Nothing would change if I did. So, winning in the December election is the way we must go. It’s quite uncharted territory for each of us and we both struggle to find ground.. Maybe this woman can give us the balance we need and the words to win over the people. She must, I cannot do it by my own skill.. All I have is fighting and war. I know nothing of the calm life of the everyday man.'
“To do that, I have to talk like a candidate. Can you sell me the words for a speech?” 'I must look like I’m begging, my eyes certainly betray me. She is surprised though, I suppose she would be. Certainly I am not the first to ask for words to aid in politics, but I must be the first from such a bloody background to do such a thing…….'
'….Why is she taking so long-'
“Of course Colonel. I will need paper and a writing tool.” ..I’m in a bit of disbelief, I feared that she would refuse. 'I would not blame her… hm, how many would laugh at me fearing such a thing?'
'Too many to count.'
-*-
'How much time does it take to write a presidential speech? She has been sitting underneath the tree close by since nightfall yesterday and still up until now, a little after noon. While I am curious what words she has found for the speech, I am much more occupied with her. She’s quite well built, no doubt due to the distances that she travels from town to town. Her legs in particular are so tone, covered by a light material that ends just after her knees. How much ground has she traveled in her work as a woman of language? Does she enjoy travelling alone- or does she get lonely, as I do? It would be ironic, for both of us to feel a similar loneliness and perhaps rude on my part. I’m surrounded by soldiers on every side and I’m lonely? Voicing such things would surely make her laugh, and it would be deserved. But she doesn’t strike me as the woman to do such a thing, no, she would look at me with those warm eyes, the ones that have stared into so many before me, and- Oh, she’s called over El Mulato.'
The Woman is untied by El Mulato and approaches me at my stool with the speech in hand. If I look closely, I can see some anxiety in her stance. She holds out the papers with the words written across to me and I take it.
'…What the shit does this say?'
“What the shit does this say?”
“Don’t you know how to read?”
“War is what I know. Read it aloud to me” And she begins.
'Her voice is so kind and unburdened by the violence that I have surrounded myself with. She’s speaking with an iron will encased in hope- hope for forgiveness, hope for a better future for the country and the people. I imagined that such a thing coming from her would sound unnatural, but it doesn’t. It sounds as though all of this is second nature to her, easy as it is to breathe, the words falling like a waterfall of ambrosia into my ears. She’s taken all this time to write such a thing for me? Am I even worthy to accept it? Do I have the ability to hold the same will she does, standing here proclaiming these words of promise and trust- Wait why has she stopped? It can’t be over already, can it?'
“Does this speech meet your expectations Colonel?” She and a few soldiers who had come to listen looked to me, expectantly.
'Dammit, it is over, I didn’t listen to a thing.' “Would you speak it again? The paper is of no use to me and I must memorize it all.” And the Woman begins the speech again. 'Good save. I must actually listen this time..'
I have her present it one more time on top of the last to ingrain it thoroughly into my mind. Instead of the few straggler soldiers that had originally come to listen, there are men surrounding the whole area. In each of their eyes, I can see the emotions that the speech has aroused. Hell, my own face shows my enthusiasm. With her words, I may actually be able to do this.
“If after they’ve heard it three times, the boys are still standing there with their mouths hanging open, it must mean the thing’s damn good, Colonel.” El Mulato said, approvingly.
I nodded, “All right woman, how much do I owe you?”
“One peso, Colonel.” What? For all that you are giving me?
“That’s not much.” Yet I reach into my pouch on my belt to grab her sum.
“The peso entitles you a bonus. I’m going to give you two secret words." 'Interesting.. But,'
“What for?”
“Well, simply, for every fifty centavos paid to me by a client, I give them a word only to be used by them.” 'This isn’t what I had in mind when I asked for her service, but she has offered. And after what she has done for me it would be impolite to refuse.'
She comes closer and bends down to my level, putting her head near my ear so that only I will hear what she has to say. 'I can smell the scent of a mountain cat, it’s.. Nostalgic. She’s so close, if I only raised my hand, or even my head, it would surely meet her body. It takes everything in me to not lift my hands to place on her hips. And in the breath she takes before she speaks the two words, I catch a scent of sweetmint on her lips.'
“Te amo,” she whispers, then pulls back, meeting my eyes. “They are yours, Colonel, you may use them as much as you please.” And with that, she leaves with El Mulato leading the way.
-*-
'I wish I could say the last few months have been good or even bearable- They have in a way. The speech given to me by the Woman has turned heads everywhere I have traveled. From the busiest cities to the back-country where only a handful live, the people listened to me and saw my change. Slowly, when we entered a town we wouldn’t be met with shields and cries for mercy, but an anticipation for what I would say. And, when we would take our leave, there were no more flowing streams of blood, but hope that lingered in the citizens. I can see in their eyes, the shock of my sudden change of heart but.. The people gave me a chance. It would have been well within their right to cast me away, pay me no mind, attack me, anything, but they do not . Because of the small chance they have given me, they listened to my words and spread them. I’m being humble when I say that I am a favourite amongst many, so, in this regard everything is well. My original goal is coming into fruition yet… I am left with a different desire in its wake, one I didn't know I still had the ability to feel. One that blocks out all the cheers of my name and praises of my work. The source of this desire are the words that the Woman spoke to me: “Te amo”'
'“Te amo”, was she genuine? Did she mean it? Is her love exclusively mine, mine and no one else’s? Was it simply part of her business, did it mean nothing, were they just two words that I had bought, were there no emotions behind it? These thoughts take up every second. How I wish that she had meant what she had said, but within a minute of speaking them, she was gone. I will forever regret not asking for another day with her- another hour- a moment, anything.'
'I must look like a madman to the boys, I constantly murmur the words to myself. I wouldn’t be surprised if I spoke them in my sleep, after all, I hear them in my dreams every night. And with the words come her memory. I remember her smell of mountains and sweetmint. Her eyes full of warmth and tales from towns all over the country and her hair that tickled my face as she bent down to speak those words. Her voice, which held such vulnerability, so soft. So quiet. In that moment it was just for me. How I wish to hear them from her again.'
'I’m high on the words but her memory isn’t enough to quell my longing. She has bewitched me so thoroughly that I am unable to think about anything else. If I can hear her again, maybe these feelings can be sedated… But such a thought brings me pain, I don’t wish to let go of my emotions, I want to shout them to the skies so that maybe, just maybe, the wind will carry it her way. I wish to keep them with me until I take my last breath. The build up of deep affection in my heart is so exhilarating, it would destroy me if they ceased without reason. If only-'
“What’s got a hold of you, Colonel?” El Mulato asks. 'That question again. He asks it so often I have run out of half assed excuses. I feel bad to dismiss his fears for my current state, but I can’t tell him. The men look up to me, he looks up to me- what would they think if I told them that her words play repeatedly in my mind? That my mind is not occupied with fear and the new experiences of leading a country, but a woman whom I have only met once. A woman who has spoken a handful of her own words to me.'
“Colonel, what has happened to you to put you in such a state?” El Mulato asks again. I stare up at him from my seat on the ground, mouth slightly agape, trying to come up with some defence of my condition. But what can I say? I stop trying after a few seconds and motion for him to sit with me.
“Sir, you can speak with me about anything. I will always listen and do my damnedest to assist.” He said. I can tell he’s being sincere, the look in his eyes says as much. I sigh and close my eyes.
“It’s my- her words. They have plagued my mind in a way I cannot describe. In wake, I think of them. In sleep I think of them. While speaking I think of them and while resting I think of them. I cannot go an hour, much less a minute without the soft whisper of her voice ringing in my head… And the worst part is, I believe I should fear my current condition, but I can’t. I’m so entranced in what she has said to me that you and the men look at me with concern so deep I would drown in it. Yet, nothing in me wants to change. I feel no need to try and snap myself out of this stupor I am in.. and I think that is the part which scares me. What a bind this woman has on me..”
“...” El Mulato is silent, contemplating what I’ve told him, I’m sure. 'How can he respond? I have practically confessed that every moment I think of nothing except a woman who I saw for only a day. So much for the dream of wanting to be loved by the populous, all I want is to be loved by her.' “...Tell me what they are and maybe they’ll lose their meaning-?”
“No.” I say, a little too loudly for the volume that he was speaking at. “I can’t tell them, they’re for me alone.” He stares for a moment more, eyes squinting, then nods and walks away. I am left alone once more to repeat her words again, and again.
-*-
'The scent of sweetmint on her lips. Her hair tickles my neck. Her traveler’s build is so close to mine. She speaks(“Te amo”), only for a second, then slips away. She leaned in, and her hair brushed against my neck. Her body, so close to mine, so tantalizingly close. When she speaks, there's a scent of sweetmint in the air, “Te amo”. Then she’s gone. “Te amo” she said. If I reached out slightly my hands would reach her body, toned from travelling far and wide. Sweetmint reached my nose and I don’t move even as her hair brushes against my neck. She leans in-'
“Sir!” A young man interrupts my thoughts. I blink and gesture for him to keep speaking. “El Mulato has nearly returned.”
“Ah, good, good.” My words trailed off. El Mulato had left about a week ago, after a speech in a small city. 'I wasn’t quite sure his reason for departing, but he said he would return with a solution. To what? I only had my speculations.'
Some time passes by and the sun is creeping to the horizon, blanketing the earth in golden light. The wind is silent and the creatures have begun to settle down- save for the insects chirping in the grass and the footsteps that approach in my direction. 'El Mulato, no doubt. I do hope he was successful in his venture, whatever it was for, and that he would not mind more travelling. We need to leave for the next town when morning comes.'
The steps cease and I keep my eyes trained on the ground, still wanting to keep to my thoughts. After a nod of acknowledgement on my part, El Mulato’s voice rings out."I brought this witch here so you can give her back her words, Colonel,"
'A.. witch?'
Then there is the quiet sound of a gun being lifted and he speaks again. “And then she can give you back your manhood." My head shoots up and I finally see the figure in front of me. 'It’s her- the woman who sells words- he has brought her here. I never thought- I never allowed myself to hope- that I would see her again.. A witch? No.. no she is nothing so vile. But.. she has placed me under a deep spell.'
My eyes meet her own. 'Her warm eyes, oh, how wonderful it is to have them on me again. I have taken them for granted. My image of her in my mind is nothing compared to how she is now, standing here in front of me. Her hair flowing down- I desperately wish to run my hand through it-, cheeks flushed- is it due to the long journey or something.. someone else?-, clothes bearing the dust of the earth- I could care for her, I could keep her needs met, clothes clean-, and her eyes- they bare into mine…'
'Please.. Don’t leave again..'
She walks closer and I don’t dare move, lest she judges me unworthy or worse yet- takes back her words. I feel her hand graze mine, then grab onto it. Reciprocating immediately, cradling her soft hand, I feel complete.
The plagued sights of the wars that I have incited are lost to the wind, nothing else in this moment matters except for the woman who sells words and my love for her.