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Hindsight's a bitch, Niragi thinks as he watches how Karube chases Tatta through the knee-high snow surrounding the small vacation home that belongs to Niragi's family.
And it isn't that he hadn't known perfectly well what he would get himself into when he invited his two best friends with him to spend a week in the snowy north of Japan. Having Tatta and Karube marvel at the beauty of the frozen pond with that small bridge crossing it, chase each other around the labyrinthine paths of the old garden like they're children again, and just having the time of their life makes his heart fucking sing in his chest. Because apparently, seeing them happy is now one of the most important things in his world.
It's also his main problem.
You see, the thing is that Niragi can't just have good things. That's not something life grants him, for whatever fucking reason. He doesn't know what he did wrong in a previous life, if he treated somebody bad or shot the wrong deer for dinner, but the fact of the matter is that he's apparently unable to simply have friends.
At first, it was fine. He met them at the hospital after that blasted space rock decided to turn life as they knew it upside down. They were both gravely injured, just as he was, and because of that, they spent a lot longer at the hospital than most of your average meteor victim.
Niragi realized pretty early on that they were together, in that comfortable way that spoke of a years-long relationship. He kept to himself, not wanting to burden them with his fucked up presence and shitty life-choices, but they still wormed themselves into his life as if it was the easiest thing in the world.
And it was nice, to finally have friends that actually seemed to care about him. That wanted him around for whatever reason, foul mouth, prickly personality, and all. It was easy.
Until it wasn't. Because somehow Niragi managed to not only fall for one of them, which would already be very much par for the course, honestly, but for both of them at the same time. And isn't that just fucking perfect?
He watches them laugh and have fun in the snow, chucking snowballs at each other's faces like there's no tomorrow. He watches them smile at each other softly, their gazes so full of love for each other that his fucking fragile heart breaks a little each time, and he wonders how long it will take for those small cracks to finally make it shatter all together.
He sighs. He's trying to be happy for them, trying to ignore how much it hurts. He really is. And sometimes, he wonders if they already know. Because he knows that they've been talking about him, has seen the glances they throw at him when they murmur to each other sometimes, and in those moments, the fear of losing them because of his stupid feelings is so great that it's almost suffocating.
He reaches down and scoops up a handful of snow. Time to distract himself.
Niragi aims at the row of snowmen they had built earlier, short and tall vaguely human-shaped bodies with sticks for hands and pebbles for eyes, and hits one of them dead in the face. He smiles for a second, his aim something he's always been very proud of, before something hits him in the side without warning and he topples backwards into the snow.
It's Tatta, who throws himself onto him and straddles his hips. "You murdered my snowman!", he calls in mock offense, his face split into a wide grin, and for a second Niragi can't breathe because Tatta is so beautiful above him, his cheeks and the tip of his nose painted a lovely red, and does he even know how fucking cute he is?
He quickly realizes the position they are in and scrambles to get away, not wanting Karube to think he's making moves on his boyfriend. But Tatta doesn't let him. He presses his thighs against Niragi's legs and keeps him pinned underneath him, still grinning, still being cute as fuck, and Niragi wants to die a little.
He wants to die even more when suddenly, Karube trudges closer and let's himself fall straight on top of the both of them, burying Niragi and also Tatta underneath him in the process.
"This is perfect", he sighs with his eyes closed and his cheek pressed into Tatta's red beanie. "It's the best idea you've ever had. I've got my two favorite men here with me. What more could I want?"
Karube doesn't wear any gloves because he's fucking crazy, but the good kind of crazy, the sort Niragi likes so much because it's the kind of crazy that's not what he always thought he himself would end up being. Karube grins, and Niragi can't stop thinking how fucking good he looks, how his smirk makes his heart fucking stutter in his chest, and how much he wants to follow his stubble with the pads of his fingers.
He realizes that he's staring, his eyes jumping from Tatta who's still smiling at him adorably to Karube who just called him one of his two favorite men, and fuck, what does that even mean?
Niragi tries to look away, uncomfortable and afraid. Afraid that they know, that they figured out how he feels and that the only reason they came is because they feel fucking sorry for him.
Tatta turns his head, eyeing his boyfriend with a soft snort. "You might need to make it a little clearer. I don't think he got what you were saying."
Karube frowns. "How the hell could I get any clearer than that?"
Tatta smirks. "You could do it like you did with me back then. Spell it out word for word. Use your words, love."
Karube snorts. "No, he isn't that dense."
For that, Tatta tries to hit him and Niragi kind of just lies there, looking at them, because he has no fucking clue what's going on, but he's not going to question having them on top of him. He's absolutely fucking sure he's going to regret it later when he lies in his bed alone, but he's going to enjoy it now while it lasts.
But then they stop bickering and turn to look at him instead, and Niragi doesn't know what to do. It's started to snow again, tiny snowflakes dancing all around them, happy and carefree, and he wishes he could be one of them. Instead, he's lying here, with his two best friends looking down on him, and he doesn't know how to read the expressions on their faces.
He also can't stop noticing how fucking beautiful they both are and fuck, he needs to get away from them before they realize what he's been feeling and decide they don't want anything to do with him after all!
He tries to scramble away again, but they're still holding him down and Karube raises his hands and places them against Niragi's face, cupping his cheeks and stroking one of his thumbs over Niragi's lip. Then he leans over Tatta's shoulder and presses a kiss to Niragi's nose.
A sound leaves Niragi's lips, a surprised hiccup that's probably embarrassing as hell, but he doesn't get any time to come to terms with that, no time at all to die from shame or embarrassment, because Tatta presses his face into his neck, his warm breath fanning against Niragi's skin, and Niragi doesn't know what the fuck is going on.
"We like you", Tatta murmurs, interrupting Niragi's internal panicking. "Like, really really like you. In the sense that we want to be with you."
Niragi stares at the dancing snowflakes whirling down on them, his brain ticking and whirring. "What?", he finally asks. It's not the height of eloquence, but he's fucking confused and trying his hardest not to read too much into what Tatta just said.
When he finally looks at them again, Karube's chin is placed on Tatta's shoulder. They're looking at him, both smiling softly, and Niragi wasn't even aware that Karube could smile like that. It's making his heart jump in his fucking chest again.
"We want you", Karube eventually says. "In any way you'll have us."
After that they're silent again, seemingly content to just look at Niragi and to let him sort through the confusion that must be very apparent on his face.
"You...", Niragi starts before swallowing nervously. "Are you serious? Because if this is a fucking joke, then-"
"It's not a joke", Tatta assures him quickly. "We would never joke about this, I promise."
"So, you want to... what? Have a threesome with me or something?" If sex is all they want of him, it will break his fucking heart even more, but he will take it. He knows he will.
He will take anything he can get.
"No!", Tatta says, before stopping. "Well, yes, if that's something you want as well. But more importantly, we want to be with you."
"Like, in a relationship?"
Tatta nods. "Yes."
Niragi hesitates, but he has to ask. "Does that mean you feel for me like you feel for each other?"
"Yes", Karube answers and his hands are still cupping Niragi's cheeks, his thumb stroking small circles across his skin.
"No", Tatta says, and he shakes his head before shrugging. "But I've never felt the same for anybody I've fallen for or been with, so that's just me, I guess. It's not less, just different." He smiles, and his face is so close that if Niragi leaned forward just a little bit, he could press his lips against Tatta's own.
"We don't want to pressure you", Karube takes over, and Niragi realizes that they've probably rehearsed this conversation at some point beforehand. "We got the feeling that you like us as well, not just Tatta or me but both of us. But we also know that liking somebody and wanting to be with them are two completely different things, especially if we're talking about something like this", he raises one of his hands from Niragi's face and gestures between the three of them. "Polyamory, or whatever you want to call it. What I'm trying to say is that we would understand if you said no, because this is-"
"Yes", Niragi interrupts him without thinking. When his brain catches up with his mouth, he realizes that he would say it over and over again.
Tatta giggles and Karube raises an eyebrow. "Yes? You don't want to think about it first? This is kind of huge, we know that, so if-"
"Fuck, no", Niragi interrupts him again, and he knows it’s kind of rude, but that's just how he is and, apparently, they like him, so they'll have to deal with it. "I have no fucking idea what I did to deserve you guys, but there's absolutely no way I'm gonna say no to this."
His heart is beating hard and fast in his chest and the adrenaline is probably keeping him warm, because they've been lying on snow for quite some time now and the cold is surely seeping through the thick fabric of his jeans, but he doesn't feel it. Only feels the weight of Tatta and Karube on top of him and to Niragi, it's the best fucking feeling in the world.
Karube still looks a little apprehensive, but he's also gone back to circling his thumb against the skin of Niragi's cheek. Tatta's smiling, he's always smiling, and then he asks: "So, can we kiss you?
Niragi's heart jumps at the thought of either of them pressing their lips to his, and heat rises up his neck. He nods, wondering who will kiss him first, and isn't that the first fucking problem already, because how do you decide who gets to kiss who and for how long and what if somebody gets jealous?
But Tatta and Karube only share a quick glance and a small smile before leaning in at the same time, each of them pressing their lips to one corner of Niragi's mouth.
And it's fucking perfect.
