Chapter Text
Contact between himself and the rest of the family has gradually dwindled over the years. It's something that he has no one but himself to blame for. Of course it's technically what he wanted, but it doesn't make it hurt any less. It doesn't make him any less lonely either. He knew from the start that changing his personality to fit that of trash would cause his reputation to take a nosedive. It's what he needed to happen, only there was still a part of him that had expected someone to speak up. To tell him that he shouldn't act that way, that it wasn't right.
There was a small part of him that thought someone would take a look at him and realize he was acting, but no one noticed. The only three that know he’s pretending all these years… are the three he told ahead of time. Would they have noticed if he didn’t tell them? Or would they have believed all the rumors?
Cale’s already lonely, he doesn’t want to think about what his life would’ve been like had he not told Amira, Eric, or Gilbert about his plans. Of course, they keep trying to convince him to drop the act, but he knows they understand why he’s doing it.
They even, rather reluctantly, agreed that it was one of the easier courses of action to take.
He’s not surprised that his father has yet to realize, he probably never will.
It took his father remarrying to get him to remember Cale existed. Even then, his father had avoided having to be left alone with him or having to look at him. He knows that it's because anytime his father looks at him, he's reminded of just how much Cale looks like his mother. Cale knows how difficult it is to see him and expect someone else to be there. It's happened often enough with his reflection. It… it was completely understandable that he would take her death so hard, his father knew his mother for much longer than Cale knew her. Although Deruth had a point in his life where Jour wasn’t a part of it, Cale didn’t. He didn’t know how to keep living without someone who’s been there with him since he came to be. It's why he didn't complain about being the one who had to do the comforting. It's also why he had taken the initiative to start the arrangements for the funeral since his father couldn't be bothered with answering any of the family helps' inquiries on what to do next. Cale worked hard to keep them from seeing the way his father would break down in tears at any memory of his mother. He's not sure how to feel about the way they all stared at him throughout the process, but they went through with his plans for the funeral so Cale doesn't focus on their opinion of him.
His father seemed to be in a daze throughout the entire funeral. Cale was the one who had to step up and thank those who showed for attending. Cale was also the last one to leave the grave, standing there for hours before Ron showed back up, told him that his father was resting, and escorted Cale back to the estate.
He didn’t cry. Not when he found out, or throughout everything leading up to the funeral. He hadn’t cried afterwards either, he knew that others noticed. A few of the vassals’ maids saw and had whispered about how cold-hearted he was… gossip spread pretty quickly between the hired help, he's overheard nearly all of them talking about how emotionless he supposedly is... something Cale ignored. Throughout the year to come, the only time Cale saw Deruth was when he snuck toward his fathers’ room to see that he was still breathing. It was a fear that developed shortly after his mothers’ passing, something Cale couldn’t push to the side. If he couldn’t see his father with his own two eyes, then he’d ask Ron to check up on him, and often walked to the kitchen to ask Beacrox to make sure his father ate. About six months after the funeral, his father started going out or staying locked up in his study. Cale knew that it was because his father was attempting to avoid seeing him.
It’s why Cale began staying in his room all the time.
At least with him in his room, his father would feel more comfortable with moving around without fear of having to see Cale. He’s not sure how to deal with Ron constantly trying to get him to leave his room, but at least he stopped trying when Cale had snapped and told him to leave him alone.
Contrary to what others thought at the time, Cale didn't hate the woman or her son that his father suddenly brought home, declaring that they were his family now. How could he hate someone who's done nothing to him? How could he hate them when they made his father happy again?
Besides, Cale had nearly a year to prepare himself for their appearance.
Eight years old. He's eight years old when his father tells him that his mother was involved in an accident returning from the Harris village. He's eight years old when he's told his mother is dead, and rather than crying or even mourning her, he's left trying to comfort his father. Lost as he is within his grief, his father doesn't even notice him as his son but some random person helping him. Perhaps if he had actually looked at him then he would have known that it was Cale by his side even hours after crying himself to sleep.
Cale didn't say a word as Ron came to collect him and helped him get ready for bed.
Nodding wordlessly as Ron bid him a good night, Cale laid in bed, wide awake. Sleep is evading him, no matter what he tries he can't seem to fall asleep even though keeping his eyes open hurts. He wants to cry, he wanted to cry earlier too but despite how his eyes stung, no tears fell. He's so tired that he doesn't notice the strange man sitting on the side of his bed until he turns over. Cale screams, watching with wide eyes as the man flinches back before holding up his hands and quickly telling Cale not to worry. Why wouldn't he worry at seeing some stranger sitting on his bed?!
"Hm, I'm not well known in your world, however you may refer to me as the God of, heh, Chaos. I’m the God of Chaos. It's nice to meet you, Cale Henituse."
Is this guy really the God of Chaos? He looks- normal… What does a God want with him?
“You’re quite interesting… I’ve prepared a gift for you. Well, gifts, I suppose. You… you are one who has defied fate, and will continue to defy fate. You haven’t even given in to your despair, you overcame it, moved past it. You’re more than I was expecting! Haha!”
Cale isn't expecting to be handed a book, nor is he expecting the other books that follow.
He reads five of the books in one go, passing out just as he finished the fifth book. When he wakes, he's tucked under the covers, the books nowhere to be seen, and the God of Chaos was sitting against the headboard humming softly. The scene brings forth a wave of nostalgia, and Cale is defenseless against the tears that it brought about, tears that cling to his lashes yet refuse to fall. He finishes the rest of the books with the God of Chaos by his side, Cale doesn't stop to question why no one came to check up on him. By the end, he's a mess, snot and tears smeared over his face, and he was practically hyperventilating. It took quite some time for him to calm down, and even then he felt— detached from what he read. He kept thinking about it, specific scenes, conversations between 'characters' and excetera.
He didn't want to believe it, any of it, but he couldn't ignore the God of Chaos quietly explaining what was meant to be his future. 'The Birth of a Hero'… what nonsense.
Cale kicks the covers away from him, feeling unbearably stuffy.
Hours later, he starts to read the new books given to him, the story, 'The Trash of the Counts Family'. Multiple times he has to put the books down and take a break to prevent himself from destroying them in the process. Despite being tired with each book he gets through, he forces himself to read them all. He needs to know what happens in the end.
Only then did he recall the conversation he had with his mother, the one where she had told him about his annual rings being warped. How she had lovingly described him as a child who would have a peculiar experience with time.
Was this what she meant? He's terrified.
Before he falls asleep, Chaos whispers to him that the final gift will arrive as a bundle, so that he doesn’t have to be scared. Chaos tells him that he’ll appear with the last gift in the future, and when that time comes, it’ll be time for him to make a decision.
Ron comes to wake him the morning after, only to see that Cale had developed quite a high fever seemingly overnight.
It's thanks to everything he learned from those books that he wasn't as surprised or hurt as his original self probably would have been at meeting his stepmother and step brother. While it still hurt, he was able to push that hurt down easily enough. It was slightly more difficult to be faced with the first confirmation of what he read becoming reality. That meant that he definitely had to prepare for the 28th day of the 3rd month in the 781st year of the Felix Calendar. The day of the Harris village massacre.
Before that, there were a few other matters he'd need to get settled.
It hurts to see everyone that he knows technically dies in the future, and on more than one occasion he found himself having to settle for a blank stare just to avoid some sort of emotional outburst. Deruth. Basen. Violan. Hans. Hillsman. Ron. Beacrox. A family that was lost to him in his new world, and hated him in another, up until his body belonged to Kim Rok Soo. A change they hadn't even noticed… In TBOAH, Hans was assigned to him after Ron and Beacrox had abandoned him, leaving him there and joining Choi Hans' party. In TOTCF Hans is assigned to him shortly after Kim Rok Soo woke up in his body, more or less the butler was told to act as a spy for his father.
Hillsman is the only consistent person he can think of, someone who stayed by the side of 'Cale Henituse' despite what events arose.
However, Hillsman was also someone who never doubted the trash act Cale put up in either world.
He doesn't want to think about Ron or his son. He doesn't want to think about how the familiar bond he had with them was apparently something entirely one-sided. He didn't want to think about how after one version of him was beaten nearly to the brink of death, they just up and left him there. Alone.
Ron didn't care about him, nor did Beacrox. They never did. Yes, Beacrox and him were never really close, that was to be expected considering his father ended up spending more time with Cale then him, but he had thought of Ron as something like a Father figure to him. Apparently, he was the only one who thought that way.
The benign smile Ron would give anytime they crossed paths made him want to start crying all over again. The first time Ron woke him up in the morning after having read those books, Cale took one look at Ron, got up, and locked himself in the bathroom with the water running for over an hour.
He didn't know he had a fever until after soaking in the cool water and feeling the relief that followed.
Of course, Ron helped him change before herding him back to the bed. His silence must have been brushed off as a side effect of the fever. A convenient excuse that Cale used to keep from having to see or speak with anyone.
Cale can remember how the morning after reading those books, he stayed locked in his room. Something that Ron encouraged so that he would rest. He had a year since then to decide whether or not he would take up the act of being trash once more, and by the time Violan and Basen arrived, he still wasn't sure what to do. On one hand, the benefits of acting like trash were far better than the consequences.
So what if he wouldn't be chosen as the heir? He didn't want it. Having bad rumors about himself spread even outside of Henituse territory would be beneficial sooner or later. It'll be good that people underestimate him and hold no expectations. On the other hand… Cale isn't sure if he'd be able to handle the loneliness being the trash son of a Count would entail. His family were all killed during the war, dying horrific deaths as the wyverns attacked. Memories of their pain-filled cries, the way their blood splattered, the grotesque details the TBOAH books had on his family members' last moments were the source of his nightmares for quite some time. Even now he still found himself haunted by the knowledge. Cale does not want to fight a Wyvern Knight Brigade, but he will if it means keeping his family, and his territory safe.
It took him a week after meeting Violan and Basen to decide that he would become trash, for them it’d be worth it.
So… he just needs to replicate how he acted in the past of his alternative selves?
He doesn't actively want to get into the habit of drinking, he may have a high tolerance thanks to his mother's bloodline, he remembers seeing her drink quite a bit at gatherings and being perfectly fine, but going through alcohol withdrawal later on will be a pain. He’s never had alcohol, but he’s seen people drink and get drunk before. He doesn't want to be in pain. It shouldn't be hard to convince people that he's trash, and an alcoholic, all he needs to do is find a few people, slip them some cash, and get them to spread some rumors. Buying people's mouths is easy.
Gossip and rumors are like a guilty pleasure of people, they also can quickly become outrageous and different from the initial information spread out. Cale can use that to his advantage!
Sure he'll have to act a few times, especially if he's in public, but that shouldn't be too hard.
…It's knowing that he'll need to act around his own home that has him hesitating to go through with this. That and after learning Ron's background from the stories, seeing him clean one of his daggers everyday is unnerving as hell! That old man is scary! It doesn't help that he's also been avoiding Deruth and Violan. Not Basen though, Basen is still young and insecure about becoming a part of the Henituse family. Cale doesn’t want his brother thinking he’s not welcomed here. It’s bad enough that he knows the vassals aren’t accepting of Deruth and Violan’s marriage, but Cale doesn’t want them or any other nobles trying to convince Basen that he doesn’t belong.
What right do they have to decide who can or cannot be a part of this family? It doesn't help that his cousins on his father's side, he doesn't know anyone from his mother's side of the family, keep trying to start shit with Basen.
The first time he puts his trash personality to use is in an argument with them.