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"Where are you going?"
Joel watches as Jimmy stills, halfway out the door already.
Jimmy coughs. "I, er, was gonna go see Tango."
"Where's G?" Joel asks, and he already knows the answer.
Jimmy shrugs helplessly. "Out?"
Joel sighs and sits back. "Okay."
"Sorry," Jimmy says. He doesn't look very sorry. "We can watch a movie when I get back or something."
Joel scoffs. Like you're going to be back tonight.
Jimmy frowns at him. "I'm serious."
Joel doesn't get a chance to respond before Jim's out the door.
Listen, Joel was fine with it, okay? Fine with Jimmy and Tango, Grian and Scar, whatever. He was totally fine with it all.
He just missed his friends.
He missed long talks with Grian over pop-tarts in the morning, he missed teasing Jimmy about his taste in movie stars, he missed them.
And yeah, maybe a small part of it was that Joel didn't have anyone to talk to it about.
He usually goes to Grian when he's got problems. And when he can't go to Grian, he goes to Jimmy.
Now he can't go to either of them.
That's the problem with only having two friends, he thinks. You only have two friends.
Joel's phone rings. Huh. Maybe he did have more than two friends after all.
He picks it up, noting the unfamiliar number. "Hello?"
"Hi there, would you like to take part in this five minute survey–"
Joel hangs up. Damn it.
The phone rings again. Joel considers ignoring it. He picks it up anyway.
"Stop calling this number," he tells the person on the other side. "I don't want to take part in your blummin' survey."
He goes to end the call again when he hears a new voice on the other side.
"Joel?"
Joel thinks his heart skips a beat a little. Maybe a lot. "Etho?"
"Hey."
Joel coughs, clearing his throat. "Hi."
"Jimmy's over," Etho informs him.
"I know," Joel says, laying down on the couch. "It's so annoying."
"Tell me about it." Etho sighs. "Tango's always busy now."
"So's Jimmy." Joel pauses. "Grian's busy right now too."
He can hear Etho's smile through the phone. "Already on the way."
The call ends.
So maybe Joel hadn't been being entirely honest when he said he's only got Jimmy and Grian.
But, really, Etho wasn't his friend.
He was just... a person. A person who convieniently wants to be out of his house while Joel convieniently has an empty apartment.
It was convienient. That's all there is to it.
It could've just as easily been anyone else. Anyone else.
Etho was just right there and easy to talk to and yeah, they've got a little bit of a history, but that wasn't relevant at all. At all.
It wasn't even really a history. They'd just dated for a while and then it had... fizzled out.
("A while" isn't completely accurate. It was certainly long enough for Joel to learn everything about Etho, to know every part of him by heart.)
("Fizzled out" also isn't completely accurate. Joel can distinctly remember himself yelling obscenities, Etho throwing up the middle finger as he walks out the door.)
(Alas. That was a story for another time.)
There's a knock on the door, pulling Joel out of his thoughts.
He checks the mirror before opening the door. Fixes his hair, checks to make sure there's nothing in his teeth.
Which isn't to say that he cares what he looks like in front of Etho, because he doesn't. Obviously.
He opens the door, fighting a smile. "Hey."
Etho grins. It's a cute grin. Objectively. "Hi, Joel."
"Your hair's wet," Joel notes. He has the urge to ruffle Etho's hair. He ignores it.
"Showered before I came," he shrugs.
Joel wrinkles his nose. "You smell like strawberries."
"Thanks." Etho walks into the apartment without waiting for an invitation, flopping down on the couch with a sigh.
Joel rolls his eyes. "Just make yourself at home, why don't you?"
"You don't mind."
He scowls. Etho was right, obviously, but that didn't mean he had to be so annoying about it.
Joel walks back over to the couch, nudging Etho with his knee. "Move over."
Etho readjusts himself so that his head is resting on the arm of the couch, making room for Joel to sit down.
They're very close together. It's a small couch.
Not that it matters. Joel definitely isn't thinking about Etho touching him right now.
Focusing back on the present, Joel grab the remote. "Let's watch something?" he asks.
"We watch something every time," Etho frowns. "And you always choose."
"You don't mind," Joel says in that same tone Etho had earlier, just to annoy him.
Etho's quiet for a minute, thinking. Finally, he says, "You hungry?"
"Kinda. You wanna go somewhere?" Joel asks.
"Nah," he says, shaking his head. "I wanna stay with you."
Joel ignores the way his stupid heart skips a beat. Instead, he rolls his eyes. "I'd still be with you if we go out, idiot."
"Yeah, but it's different."
"Do you want me to... make something?" Joel ventures. He really does not want to make something.
Etho stares at him. "I don't think I've ever seen you cook in my life."
"Hey-"
"No, really," Etho interrupts. "I don't think I've ever seen you even put bread in the toaster."
"I can cook just fine, thank you very much," Joel says, crossing his arms.
Etho raises his hands in surrender. "Alright, alright, go ahead."
"You want pasta?" Joel asks, standing up.
Etho makes a face.
"Hey, you're the one who wanted food." Joel tells him. "Beggars can't be choosers."
"Fine, fine, pasta it is." Etho stands up, making his way to the kitchen behind Joel. "At least let me help, then."
Joel pauses, thinking about it. "You know what," he says. "You can just do it. If you're so eager."
Etho's mouth quirks up at the sides into a little half-smile. "I knew you would say that," he says, opening a cabinet.
"Uh huh," Joel says, hopping up to sit on the counter. "Sure you did."
"I did, actually," he says, nodding solemnly. "Can't teach an old dog new tricks."
"You calling me old?"
Etho rolls his eyes. "Shut up."
Joel quite literally has to bite his tongue so that he doesn't say Make me.
"Do you not even have pasta?" Etho asks, staring inside the cabinet.
Joel frowns. "I mean, I think we do. I don't really go in the kitchen often."
Etho snorts. "Wow, couldn't have guessed ."
Joel kicks him. Lightly. Mostly lightly. "I could secretly be very good at cooking, you know."
"I feel bad for Grian and Jimmy," Etho snickers. "Dealing with you must be a nightmare."
"You're dealing with me right now," Joel points out.
"Yeah, but I have practice," Etho reminds him.
Joel narrows his eyes at him. "You know they've known me for longer than you have, right?"
"Yeah, but they know you in a different way."
"Different way?"
Etho doesn't elaborate. "Do you wanna text Grian and ask him about the pasta?"
Joel shakes his head. "He's gonna ask why I need pasta."
"Just tell him that I'm making it."
Joel stares at him. "Are you serious?"
"What?" Etho asks, and he looks genuinely confused. "Why not?"
"I guarantee you he will freak out," Joel says. "Not happening."
Etho furrows his eyebrows. "Why would he freak out?"
Joel snorts. "Stop joking around and find the stupid pasta already."
"I'm not joking around," Etho frowns. "Why would he freak out?"
Joel pauses, trying to figure out if Etho's being serious or not. "He's not your biggest fan," he says finally.
"Grian and I are friends?" Etho says it like he's unsure.
Oh, now Joel feels bad.
He knows for a fact that Grian, and Jimmy, for that matter, really do not like Etho right now.
It's not Etho's fault, per se.
They just were both a little... protective.
"Yeah," Joel says finally. "You and Grian are friends."
Etho looks at him funny. "Why did you say it like that?"
Etho, jesus christ, why can't you let bygones be bygones?
"I didn't say it like anything," Joel says, voice steady. "I think the pasta's over there."
Etho narrows his eyes at Joel. "Right."
They're quiet for a minute, Etho checking another cabinet and Joel unsure of what to say.
Finally, Etho finds a bag of pasta in the cabinet and begins to open it as Joel watches.
It's quiet, but it's a comfortable quiet. Nothing they're not used to.
The first time Etho came over was about a month ago, and it was not as comfortable as this.
Joel remembers he was half asleep on the couch when his phone rang, and he remembers he nearly had a heart attack when he heard Etho.
It was a long phone call. Short conversation with a lot of pauses in between sentences. "Jimmy's over," Etho had said, and Joel had stayed quiet for an entire minute trying to figure out what was going on and why Etho was talking to him.
Then Etho had come over, and they watched TV the entire time, neither of them saying anything and sitting on opposite ends of the couch.
The second time was a little better.
They talked a little. Not much, but they did talk. "How was your day?" Joel had asked, and Etho responded with some story about how long his day was.
After that, they fell back into their rhythm faster than ever.
"I went on a date yesterday," Etho says suddenly, breaking the silence.
Joel nearly drops the glass in his hand. "Oh, yeah?" he asks, fighting to keep his voice level.
Listen, Joel didn't care that he went on a date, okay? Etho can do whatever he wants.
He just wasn't expecting to hear about it.
"Yeah." Etho doesn't say anything else.
"How was it?" Joel says, in an attempt to keep the conversation going.
"Bad," he says, and no, Joel does not exhale in relief, thank you very much.
"Why?"
"He talked too much. Reminded me of you," he teases.
"So you want me to just shut up then?"
"Hey, hey, hey," Etho says, raising his hands up defensively. "I never said that. I like your talking just fine."
"Oh, trust me, I remember just how much you like my talking," Joel says, enjoying the way Etho's neck turns red.
Listen, this is just the way Etho and Joel are, okay? It doesn't mean anything.
"What was the guy's name?" Joel asks, and no, he doesn't ask because he's jealous. He's just curious.
Etho shrugs. "John or Todd or something like that."
Joel raises an eyebrow. "You don't remember?"
Etho shrugs.
"Sounds like you were the bad date there."
Etho walks over to Joel, getting dangerously close. He leans in, so much that Joel could just lean in and kiss him. Which is not something that he wanted to do, for the record. It's just a representation of how close they are.
"You've called me a lot of things, Joel," Etho says, "but a bad date is a new one."
Joel laughs, but it's a little strained and forced. He hopes Etho doesn't notice, but knowing Etho, he definitely did. Joel pokes Etho's shoulder, pushing him backwards. "Getting a little close there, aren't you? Ever heard of personal space?"
"If I remember right, you never were a huge fan of personal space," Etho teases, but he steps back anyways.
Joel's about to say something when his phone rings across the room. "Can you grab that?" he asks Etho.
Etho walks over, checking who it is. "It's Jimmy," he tells him, handing the phone to Joel.
Joel sits up a little straighter. He roses the phone, picking it up. "Jimmy?"
"Joel, finally," Jimmy's voice comes through on the other side. "Can you let me and Tango in? Forgot my keys, hah."
Joel pales. Etho notices, giving him a look saying What? Joel shakes his head, ignoring him. "You guys are here?" Joel asks Jimmy.
"Yeah, we're literally just outside the door."
"Okay," Joel says, mind racing. "Okay, give me a minute."
He hangs up.
"What?" Etho asks him immediately.
Joel slides off the counter, turning to Etho. "You gotta go. Like, right now."
"What? Why?"
Joel walks out of the kitchen, Etho following him like a lost puppy. "Okay, you can't go out the door because Tango and Jimmy are there-"
"Tango and Jimmy are here?"
"Yes," Joel says impatiently. "Oh, I know, go in my room." Joel says, something clicking in his brain.
"What? Why?" Etho frowns, and he's not moving, which is completely infuriating. "We're not even doing anything."
"What do you think they're gonna think?"
Finally, Etho gives in, going in Joel's room.
"Thank you," Joel says, exasperated. "I'm gonna shut the door. Don't say anything."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, I won't."
"Thanks, Etho." He shuts the door.
Does something smell like smoke, or is Joel going insane?
"Oh my god, Etho, your stupid pasta is burning!" Joel shouts, immediately going to turn the stove off.
No response from Etho, which is slightly concerning.
Joel takes it off the stove, peering into the pot.
Yup. Definitely unsalvageable. Oh well.
He opens the door for Jimmy and Tango.
"Hey Joel!" Tango says. "What's up, what's up?"
"Nothing much, dude, nice to see you," Joel says, beckoning them in. "Jimmy, didn't know you would be back tonight," he mutters pointedly.
Jimmy frowns. "I told you we could all watch a movie tonight."
"You say that every night," Joel says, exasperated.
"I know, I know, sorry," Jimmy says, raising his hands in surrender. "I meant it today."
Oh, Jimmy, why'd you have to choose to be a good friend today of all days?
Jimmy and Tango sit on the couch, which is not a good sign for Joel who wanted them to leave.
"What do you wanna watch?" Jimmy asks Joel, settling in.
Joel shifts uncomfortably, having no idea what to do. Finally, he gives in, deciding to sit down and just try to get this over with as fast as possible. "Just play anything."
Jimmy plays the Hunger Games, which Joel should've expected, considering how much Jim loved Josh Hutcherson.
Half an hour passes.
Tango shows no signs of leaving, Jimmy shows no signs of falling asleep.
Joel groans and tries to focus on the movie.
Another hour passes.
Tango keeps checking his phone for the time. Jimmy's eyes are getting droopy and his head is on Tango's shoulder.
Joel is starting to feel severe third-wheel syndrome.
"Hey, Tango," Joel says, clearing his throat. "Isn't it getting a little late? Shouldn't you be getting home?"
Tango nods. "I was just thinking that, actually."
Joel breathes out a sigh of relief, standing up. "Okay, okay. I'll see you later then, man."
Jimmy frowns, rubbing his eyes. "You guys don't want to finish the movie?"
Joel groans internally. Shut up, Jimmy.
Tango hesitates for a minute. "Sure," he says finally. "Let's finish the movie."
"Well, I'm just going to go to bed then," Joel says impulsively. "It's late and I'm, er, tired so, yeah."
Jimmy looks at him funny, but doesn't comment on it. "'Night, Joel."
Joel turns around and leaves. He opens the door to his bedroom, where Etho is sitting on the bed and just... staring at the wall.
Etho sits up a little straighter when Joel comes in. "Did they leave?"
Joel shakes his head. "No, not yet. I just told them I was going to bed, so, er, we're kinda stuck here."
"Well, that's not so bad," Etho says, tilting his head to the side.
"Eh," Joel says, laying down on the other side of the bed. "Sorry it took so long."
Etho shakes his head, laying down on his back too. "Don't be. It was fine."
"Really? What were you doing the whole time?"
"Thinking," Etho says, staring at the ceiling.
"Yeah?" Joel asks, intrigued. He turns on his side to face Etho. "About what?"
"Things," he says, as if that wasn't already obvious. "Did you change the lights in here?"
"Yeah, actually," Joel says. "Grian got this pack of new lightbulbs with, like, warm tones or something?"
"I like them."
"I'm surprised you noticed, honestly," Joel says.
Etho raises an eyebrow. "You know, I have spent a fair bit of time in here before today."
Joel snorts. "Not much time paying attention to the lights."
"Hey, I'm an observant guy, okay?" Etho says defensively.
"Oh yeah? What else have I changed in here then?" Joel challenges.
Etho pauses, looking around the room. "The picture frames," he says finally, confident. "They used to be black."
Joel blinks. "I forgot I changed those."
Etho laughs. "See, I told you I'm observant."
"Sorry I thought you were too busy making out with me to notice picture frames."
"What can I say," he says, shrugging. "I'm a multitasker."
Joel rolls his eyes. "Clearly."
Etho yawns. "You think they're gone yet?" he asks, looking towards the door.
Joel shakes his head. "They said they were gonna finish the movie."
"How long was left?"
"Like an hour." He pauses, contemplating. "You can just stay over tonight if you're tired."
Etho looks at him sideways. "Okay," he says. "Yeah, sure. You got anything I can change into?"
Joel shrugs. "Yeah, go grab something. Second drawer over there."
Etho stands to go get changed and Joel is suddenly struck by how familiar this all is.
Etho in his room, walking around like he knows the place like the back of his hand.
Yeah, this was a very, very familiar scene.
Etho takes out a shirt and sweatpants of Joel's drawer, not pausing once before taking off his own shirt.
Joel turns his head to the other side so fast his neck hurts. "Whoa, you're not gonna give me any warning, huh?"
"Nothing you haven't seen before," Etho reminds him. As if he needed reminding.
"But still," Joel says, shifting.
He can practically see Etho rolling his eyes. "Okay, okay, sorry." He's quiet for a minute, and Joel can hear the sound of fabric rustling. "I'm done anyways."
Joel turns back around to face Etho. He raises an eyebrow. "Isn't that shirt a bit small for you?" he teases.
Etho crosses his arms defensively. "Your clothes are always small on me, I don't know what you expected."
"Yeah, yeah, I know." He pauses, thinking. "You know, I probably still have one of your shirts in the back of my closet somewhere if you want."
Etho shakes his head. "It's fine, you keep it."
"Really?"
"As long as I get to keep this one," he says, gesturing at the shirt he was wearing.
Joel frowns. "I like that shirt, though."
"Too bad," Etho says, sticking his tongue out at him. "It's mine now."
Joel sighs. "Stubborn as always, I see."
"Learned it from you," Etho says, sitting down on the bed. "Do you want me to get the lights?"
"Sure," Joel says, trying to pretend he isn't nervous.
Him and Etho alone in a dark room together. This could easily go horribly wrong.
Etho turns out the lights. Too late to back out now.
Joel can hear Etho settle in beside him, facing the other way.
Maybe he was just worrying for no reason. Everything seemed to be fine right now.
(No, Joel is definitely not focusing on the fact that their backs are touching. Shut up.)
"'Night, Joel," Etho murmurs.
"Goodnight, Etho."
A few minutes pass.
Then: "Joel?"
Joel rubs his eyes, yawning. "Yeah?"
"Do you ever think about us?"
Joel thinks his heart stops in his chest. If he wasn't awake before, he sure was now.
What the hell, Etho, Joel wants to say . Why do you always need to ask these things at the worst possible moments?
"No," he bluffs. "I don't."
Etho's quiet for a minute, and for a second Joel thinks that's that, but, of course, it's never just that with Etho. "You're lying," he accuses.
Joel scoffs. "Do you ever think about us?" he challenges.
"I am now," Etho says quietly.
Joel wants to scream. Of course you are now, you bozo, we're literally in bed together.
"Just go to sleep, Etho," Joel says finally, voice even.
Etho doesn't say anything.
-
Joel wakes up to someone knocking on the door to his room.
"Joel!" Grian's voice calls out. "Joel, wake the hell up or we're leaving without you."
Joel rubs his eyes open. Damn it. "Coming, Grian!" he says, voice a little raspy. "Just wait one minute!"
Joel's arm is pinned underneath Etho. His head is on Joel's chest and his arms are around him. Which all might've been nice if Joel didn't need to leave immediately.
Slowly, he untangles himself from Etho, careful not to wake him up. He shifts a little, but stays sleeping.
Joel grins at him fondly. Etho could probably sleep through an avalanche and not stir at all.
Now standing, Joel rushes to get changed. Him, Grian, and Jimmy had made plans to go out today - which Joel had, admittedly, forgotten about.
He's about to open the door when he pauses.
Etho would be fine, right? Like, he knew his way around the place. He was smart, he would figure it out. Joel trusted him to not mess anything up.
He hesitates.
Should he leave a note or something?
He spots a sticky note on his dresser, and he quickly scribbles some stuff down.
Had to go, sorry. By the time you wake up we should all still be gone. Lock the door on your way out.
He pauses, contemplating whether he should add anything else. It feels a little too empty at the moment.
Thinking back to last night, he thinks he knows what he should add.
PS: I do still think about us.
Yeah. Yeah. That feels right.