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How To Haunt a House

Summary:

I am a blob ghost, and this house is my Haunt.

... what do you mean you just moved in, human?

Notes:

Originally posted for EctoberHaunt 2023: Oct. 5 - Haunt

Warnings: some implied relationship abuse, is resolved

Crossover: n/a

Work Text:

It's a blob-eat-blob world.  When you exist at the bottom of an ecosystem, and are the approximate size and tastiness of a chicken, you either adapt and survive, or you face your End by someone else's fangs.

I float here, surveying my Haunt, prepared to defend it to the End.

Can't die if you're not alive, but you can End.  And I'll End anyblob who dares to try and mess with me.

This house is mine, and no one will be allowed entry without my permission.

...

Hey!  

What do you think you're doing?!

You can't just... open the door and walk in!

Hsssssss

Fine.

I suppose you can stay.  For now.  But I'll have you know that these boards?  This one right here especially?  This is my creaky board, and you had better not step on it.

Hah!

You stepped right over it.  You didn't even get to hear how nicely it creaks.  Maybe if you're a polite guest, I'll demonstrate for you later.

Hey, where are you going?!

I'm still talking to you!

Why are you just walking past me?

Oh.  You're hungry?

Well, I don't have any human food.  I would... probably share it if I did, because I am a good and gracious host, magnanimous in my rule and a benevolent dictator over...

Oh hey, there is food in the fridge?  Ooooooh, you brought it back with you.  That's good, that you have something to eat.  This Haunt of mine, it had nothing to eat in it for a long time, and now it has me.

Not that I'm something to eat!

Wait, no!

Hey!

Don't you dare get closer!

Don't...!!

Oh.  You uh... walked right through me.  Right.  I forgot humans could do that.

That... probably means you can't see me, either.  Or hear me.

... oops.

Well, I suppose since you can't hear, see, or touch me, that we may Haunt this house together.  I can have my favorite creaky board, and you can have your... uh... your pizza.

I might have to steal a piece of that from the fridge later.

I'll let you step on the creaky board in return.

Deal?

Deal.

I'm... kinda tired, so I'm gonna go up to the attic.  Don't worry about me, I'll be back down for the pizza later.


Hello?

Are you awake human?

I... can't tell if you're asleep or just laying there with your eyes closed.  Eyelids confuse me.  Why do you need them?  You can't see when they're closed.  Doesn't that make you feel vulnerable?

Anyway, I'm going to the kitchen to steal your pizza.  Say nothing if you're ok with that.

...

Awesome.


Human.

Human!

Hey!

Where are you going every day?

It doesn't seem like it's very nice, you always come back tired and your energy's all... sad.

Don't get me wrong, it tastes good!  And I'm sure it feels better for you to have it absorbed away from you.

You humans, you're really bad at cleaning yourselves, you know that?  Always having bits of unprocessed emotions and other people's opinions hanging off of you.

It's a good thing you have me here, huh?


This Haunt is mine.

You hear that?!  MINE.

I will not tolerate interlopers, especially ones that make My Human feel bad!

Hey!

You can't hear me, but I'm gonna get my point across anyway! 

Don't you dare yell at them!

Ha!  Take that!  That's right, the lightbulb burst and the TV turned on and I threw a book at you so you know I'm here and I don't want you here and I'm gonna push all sorts of Get Out emotions until you leave my human alone!

Yeah, that's right, you better run. 

We make a pretty great team, right human?

Human. 

Human? 

Hey, you don't have to keep crying.

Are you ok?  I chased that guy off for us.  He had some really nasty emotions that felt bad, but I got him, and you don't have to worry about him anymore.

I... I'm kinda tired, though, so I'm just going to... sleep right here with you.  Just... just in case he comes back...


You've been feeling better lately, human.

I'm glad for that.

Your emotions are bubbly and light, and they make me feel bubbly after I clean them off.

I've scared off a few other blobs who stuck their ectoplasm into our Haunt.

I think some were formed from that human I chased off.  They were heavy with their forming emotions, and I didn't like them.

But they've been coming less often lately, and I don't think he's going to bother us again.


Hey human.

What's that you have there?

I... don't think I've seen one of these anymore.

Oh.

You're... talking to me?

You know I'm here?!

Aaaaa ok ok I'm listening.

You want me to... just... touch the little... Oh.  It moves.

And... you hold the other side, and I can move it!  Ah!

AHAHAHA I can move the little piece of wood with you!

It's over here!

Now it's going over... what?

Oh, you want me to answer questions.

I can do that.

Why?

Why what?

...

Why did I throw things at the other Human?

Because...

He hurt you.

Human.

Oh, Human, I'm sorry, please don't cry.  Oh, they're good tears.  I see.

Well.

I... will keep you safe, ok, human?

We can Haunt this house together.

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