Work Text:
Harsh world for a gentle soul.
tight mask makes a dented skull.
Keeping secrets that you can’t let go.
Afraid to face the side that no one knows.
On the day of her little sister’s trial, Vi was drinking in the shower. She didn’t drink much, it scared her in a way. She figured that if she had an alcoholic inside of her, it would be best not to let it out. She did sometimes make an exception for especially shitty occasions, like her baby sister getting, if she was lucky, a life sentence in Stillwater. Vi tried to shut those thoughts out of her head. The only thing more pathetic than drinking in the shower is drinking and crying in the shower.
By the time she got out, Vi’s finger tips looked like little brains and her head was buzzing from being pounded on by the hot water. Well, the hot water and the vodka Caitlyn kept in a flask with her family crest on it. Surprise #378, Caitlyn Kiramman can drink like a sailor. What’s up with Pilties and their decent water pressure and fancy flasks?
Caitlyn was at the hearing. She had to be, being the new Sheriff and all, but Vi could tell she felt guilty. Caitlyn was so damn understanding. I could never hate your sister, Vi. I certainly don’t like her, but with all our side has done to yours I suppose it’s only understandable that something like this would happen. Who just says that about the girl who killed their mother? Caitlyn fucking Kiramman, apparently.
Vi tried to lose herself in thoughts of Caitlyn rather than her sister, but sometimes even thinking about Caitlyn brought on its own kind of guilt. Vi wondered, far from the first time that day, if she would ever be able to think of her loved ones without drowning in guilt.
She pulled on some loose sweats and sauntered out of Caitlyn’s bathroom, wandering down the winding marble staircase of the Kiramman mansion. She assumed Tobias was out, it was the middle of the day and he was a busy man, so she figured she had free roam of the whole place.
Even before Cassandra Kiramman’s death, a place this size for one family seemed insane to Vi. Caitlyn agreed with her, she even said once that she wouldn’t set foot in the west wing of the house because she had once when she was seven and it freaked her out. Caitlyn must have been a very different kind of child than she had, Vi thought, because she knew her and Powder would have had a field day exploring this place if they’d grown up here.
She was running her finger along the edge of a bookshelf, squirming under the gaze of some of Caitlyn’s old relatives glaring at her from an oil painting (are rich people allergic to smiling? Vi thought), when someone cleared their throat and Vi nearly jumped out of her skin.
Tobias Kiramman had a slightly amused look on his face. “Exploring a little, I see,” He said, and Vi felt her face go hot with shame.
“Yeah, sorry, I was just trying to take my mind off things a bit,” she said, scratching the back of her neck like she had fleas. Maybe she did after all that time in Stillwater.
Tobias waved her off, “what do you have to be sorry for? I’m just surprised you didn’t venture out sooner. Can’t imagine my daughter’s law books would be of any interest to you. Or anyone but her, really,” he said with a chuckle. Vi smiled a little at that, but her heart wasn’t in it. Her sister killed his wife.
“Vi, you know you’re welcome to whatever you want here. As I’m sure you’ve seen, we have more space here than we could ever need,” Tobias said. Vi was coming to realize where Caitlyn got her compassion from. Vi was a damn stranger to this man and he just offered up his whole place.
“Thank you, Mr. Kiramman, really,” Vi said, hoping she didn’t sound as uncomfortable as she felt. These nice rich people were going to be the death of her. Tobias only nodded, slipping out of the room as quietly as he came in.
That was another thing about topsiders, they were nearly silent. Where Vi grew up, everybody made noise of some kind or another. Vander hummed, her brothers bickered, Powder sang or talked to her stuffed animals. She always knew exactly where her family was. The Kirammans weren’t like that. Vi couldn’t count the number of times Caitlyn has snuck up on her like a ghost. Maybe Caitlyn was a ghost. Or an alien. She might as well be with how foreign she was to Vi.
In the two months Vi had been staying at the Kiramman estate, she had only managed to find exactly two spots where she felt at home: Caitlyn’s bed (for reasons), and the roof. Vi found herself cracking Caitlyn’s window and hauling herself out onto the rooftop. She left it open so that Cait would know where she was.
Trying to make that climb buzzed was probably stupid, but Vi was probably stupid too, so she figured it balanced out. Just because you think with your fists doesn’t mean you’re stupid, you’re just… a little special, Vander had said, ruffling her hair.
Vi curled up on the edge of the roof, she pulled her knees tight to her chest the way Powder used too after a nightmare. Small and scared. Vi stared out at the silhouettes of the skyscrapers and wondered how many of them would have to fall before topside got the message.
The skeletal husk of the council building leered at her like the wardens at Stillwater before they learned to keep their mouths shut. Before she became someone to fear. Vander had called her a force to be reckoned with. The wardens just called her a crazy bitch.
Vi didn’t hear Caitlyn pull herself up to the rooftop, which must have been a feat in those heels. She didn’t hear her crouch into a sitting position next to her. She was only jostled out of her thoughts by the metallic click of Caitlyn’s rifle unfolding. She really needed to find something safer to fidget with. Obsessive rifle cleaning had to be a sign of something.
Vi startled at the sound. “Warn a girl, Cupcake,” she muttered into the crook of her elbow.
“My apologies, I wasn’t aware I had to announce my presence in my own home,” Caitlyn said. Vi could hear the wry smile in her voice.
“Maybe not in your home but we aren’t in it, we’re on it,” Vi said. Caitlyn snorted. Teasing was easy, relaxing like a nice bar fight after a stressful day. It was better than talking about whatever news Caitlyn would have brought home with her. “How’d it go? Do I even want to know?”
Caitlyn hesitated, she sucked in a breath. Vi let herself look at her for the first time that afternoon, she looked so tired. Her nose was pink in the cold and her eyes were fixed somewhere in the middle distance. Vi just wanted to scoop her up and take her inside, curl up and forget about the world, but she knew they had to have this conversation first.
“They’re not sending her to Stillwater, I made sure of that,” if Vi wasn’t so on edge she would have collapsed into Caitlyn’s arms out of relief right then and there. “They’re sending her to a rehab facility in Ionia. The results of her psych evaluation absolve her of criminal charges, she’s clearly sick.”
Vi’s heart dropped right back into her stomach, maybe cracking a few ribs on the way. “Ionia? You mean the place your dad’s from? Isn’t it like, a four day trip? She’s never been that far from home before, they’re just gonna stick her in another place-“
Vi’s rambling was cut off by a cold hand pressed to her face, thumb resting over the tattoo on her cheekbone. “Vi, love, this place is nothing like Stillwater. I did my research, she’ll be taken care of. She won’t be treated like a criminal, it’s three meals a day and she’ll be able to draw as much as she wants. I know it’s a long way away but depending on how well the treatment goes it might only be temporary.”
Fear and uncertainty and a horrible kind of relief crushed Vi’s chest. She’ll be far away. Far away and safe. She couldn’t breathe, she thought if she had any more days of feeling the whole spectrum of human emotion she might as well just get herself hooked on shimmer. Relief came in the form of the hand on her cheek tilting her face upward, towards the light, towards Caitlyn.
“She’ll really be safe?” Vi asked, half to Caitlyn and half into her palm.
“Yes, Vi, I made sure of it. I would never lie to you. Never. I think we’ve both had enough of that from everybody else, yeah?” Caitlyn said. She was so beautiful, staring her in the face without any pity, just honest affection.
“Mhm,” Vi mumbled, trying to get control of her breathing.
Caitlyn gave her a tentative smile. “Can I do something stupid?” She asked.
“I’m stupid, do me.” She was still Vi after all. Caitlyn was so caught off guard that she didn’t even try to stop herself from snickering like a kid who’d just done something she knew she wasn’t supposed to.
She brushed Vi’s rusty hair out of the way and leaned down to kiss her forehead. Her nose was freezing but her lips were warm and chapped against Vi’s skin.
Vi never knew how much love she had in her until it was about to overflow. Five years in Stillwater left her so touch starved she thought she would melt onto the bridge the first time Caitlyn hugged her. A forehead kiss and she almost fell off the roof. She wrapped her arms around Caitlyn’s waist and pulled herself into her chest.
Caitlyn only seemed surprised for a moment before she buried her face in Vi’s hair. “I think you’re the best person in the whole world, you know that? I don’t think I tell you that enough. You’re such a good person, Cupcake,” Vi rambled into Caitlyn’s chest.
“Oh, Vi, You are such a sweetheart. I think you’re wonderful too, darling. I also think you’ve had quite a bit to drink. Can we take this inside? It’s awfully cold out here and I’d like to get out of my work clothes and hold you properly,” Caitlyn said. Vi nodded into her chest before helping her back through the Window.
After they’d gotten inside, Caitlyn was starting to nod off before she’d even taken off her uniform. “Hey cupcake, you ok over there?” Vi asked, concerned. Caitlyn had a habit of working herself into the ground.
Caitlyn looked up at her drearily, “I’m alright, love, just tired. I’m so tired.”
Vi frowned. “You don’t sound alright. What’s up?”
Caitlyn chuckled softly. “You know it’s funny, my whole life people have told me that they have no idea what I’m thinking. Steel trap,” she tapped her forehead, “But you read me like a book, and quite frankly it’s alarming.”
“Hmm, you’ve never seemed too secretive to me. Maybe nobody else was looking at you right,” Vi said, flopping down onto the mattress.
“And how exactly do you look at me, Vi?” Caitlyn asked. Vi thought about this for a moment before responding.
“You’re kind of like a living apology. It’s like a couple of topsiders with guilt complexes made you in a fancy ass lab to even out the scales. To make things better for everyone. You care so much even when you don’t have to,” Vi said.
“Gods, Vi, you need to warn me next time you’re going to say the nicest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I was expecting a ‘you’re sexy, Cupcake,’ or something,” Caitlyn said. She sounded almost exasperated, but she was smiling big enough for Vi to see her tooth gap.
“Well I mean you are sexy, but that’s not all. I dunno, I just need you to know that I see you and I think you’re amazing,” Vi said, sitting up to press her forehead against Caitlyn’s.
“Vi, you’re gonna make me cry, what brought this on?”
“I dunno, I just love you.”
“I love you too, darling.”