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Falco is standing by the sink washing dishes in the neat kitchen that overlooks the small garden at the back of the house. It’s a bright spring day and the cherry trees, so ubiquitous in Hizuru, are swathed in frothy pink blossom that dances in the gentle breeze. Falco likes coming here, to the little house on the square. It’s quiet and peaceful, a world away from the noisy chaotic home he shares with Gabi and the kids a couple of streets over. He wouldn’t change it for the world, but he enjoys the quiet respite of Mr Levi’s house.
Pieck had come to visit earlier in the day, recently returned from the latest delegation to Paradis, bringing news of the diplomatic negotiations and undiplomatic gossip. Much as he enjoys her visits, Levi is always exhausted afterwards. He tires easily these days, especially after time spent in company. After she left, Falco had made Levi a fresh cup of tea, tucked a blanket around his knees and left him to read the newspapers that Pieck had brought from the island.
Falco’s quiet reverie by the kitchen sink is interrupted by the crash of falling china from the room next door. Hands flecked with soapsuds, he rushes through to the parlour, where he finds Levi grey faced and clutching his chest. The blanket is crumpled on the floor, tea cup shattered at his feet in a pool of spilled tea. Crumpled in the Levi’s fist is a copy of the Eldian Herald.
“Mr Levi!” Falco drops to his knees in front of his chair, heedless of the puddle of tea soaking into his trousers. “Are you all right, Mr Levi?”
He’s struggling to breathe, breath rattling and wheezing in his scarred lungs, and when he looks up, his face is grey, his one good eye glassy and unfocused. Falco knows he’s not seeing him. He’s gone; lost in an endless nightmare. He gets like this sometimes, they all do. There’s no escaping the war and its traumatic aftermath.
“You just wait there Mr Levi, don’t worry, I’ll get your pills.”
He dashes to the bathroom and extracts one of the many bottles of pills from the medicine cabinet, collecting a glass of water on route.
Back in the living room, Levi’s breath is still rasping in his throat, but Falco is able to slip the pill into his mouth and coax him to drink.
Falco eases the newspaper from his fist, sets it aside, and sits beside the older man, holding his scarred hand until the awful attack passes.
Once his breathing has eased, Falco helps him to his bed. He grumbles irritably as Falco helps him change into his neatly pressed pyjamas, before tucking him under the covers. He’s breathing more easily now and his eye has lost that terrible vacant stare. He just looks old and terribly tired.
“It’s all right Mr Levi," Falco attempts to reassure him. “Just rest, Ms Peick’s exhausted you. Sleep until morning, you’ll feel better then.” He draws the blinds and quietly closes the door. Though it’s barely late afternoon, he knows that the sedative effect of the medication will ensure Levi sleeps until well after dawn.
Falco goes back to the parlour to clean up the mess, carefully picking up the larger pieces of broken china then sweeping up the tiny shards. It’s a shame, it was one of Levi’s favourite cups. It was a plain old thing, much coarser than the fine Hizurun porcelain Levi has quite a collection of, but it was his favourite nevertheless. The cup had a small winged crest stamped on the bottom, and Falco suspects it may have come from Paradis originally. It’s broken beyond repair now, so Falco sweeps the pieces into the bin, then fetches the mop to clean up the spilled tea. The blanket is soaked, so he carries it through to the laundry, before returning to straighten out the rest of the room.
Picking up the crumpled copy of the Eldian Herald, Falco attempts to smooth out the creases. The front page is dominated by a picture of a statue of a young man with his arms outstretched. It's not a very good likeness, but Falco knows it’s supposed to represent Eren Yeager. He’s never seen a copy of the Eldian Herald that doesn’t have a picture of Eren Yeager on the front page. The headline trumpets “20 Glorious Years of Freedom”. Beneath, it promises a “full photo spread from the Eldian Nation’s biggest Freedom Day celebrations.” Falco flicks through the newspaper and finds images of massed ranks of marching soldiers with their characteristic helmets and rifles, surrounded by crowds of cheering people. There are photographs of various dignitaries Falco doesn’t recognise and several of the Queen standing beside her daughter, the Princess Ymir. Falco guesses she’s supposed to look regal, but to his mind she just looks rather sad.
Turning to the centre pages, Falco finds a double page spread titled “Heroes of the Eldian Nation: Commander Erwin Smith, 13th Commander of the Survey Corps.” At the head of the page is an imposing picture of a handsome grim-faced man mounted astride a rearing white horse, holding his sword aloft as if poised in mid charge. The caption beneath reads: “Dedicate your Hearts! Erwin Smith, the last great commander of the Survey Corps”. Curiosity piqued, Falco sits down to read.
It’s an affecting story that tells how the young Erwin’s idyllic childhood was shattered when his father, a popular school teacher, was murdered by the despotic regime of the puppet King Fritz for attempting to discover the truth of the walled world and the enslavement of the Eldian people. Swearing to avenge his father’s murder, Erwin joined the Cadets where he excelled in all the military disciplines. Despite graduating at the top of his class, Erwin was prevented from joining the Military Police and sent instead to join the rank and file of the Survey Corps, where the corrupt regime believed he would meet a swift and ignominious end in the jaws of a Titan. A brave and talented soldier, Erwin Smith defied the odds, and quickly rose through the ranks of the Survey Corps, becoming their youngest squad leader and ultimately replacing the cowardly and ineffectual 12th Commander, Keith Shadis, who later betrayed the people of Eldia by fighting against the Yeagerists in the Battle of Heaven and Earth.
The article goes on to paint a glowing picture of Commander Smith’s military career. Commanding the resistance against the Titans when Marley sent their Warriors to break through Wall Maria. Leading the displaced populace in a heroic expedition to recover the territory lost to the Titans. Hatching the daring plan to prevent Eren Yeager’s execution and shelter him in the ranks of the Survey Corps. Discovering the presence of traitors in their midst, and revealing the identity of Marley’s Titan shifters. Saving Eren Yeager’s life a second time by rescuing him from the Armoured Titan, losing his own arm in the process. Overthrowing the corrupt Fritz regime and restoring Queen Historia Reiss to her rightful place on the throne. And finally, leading the expedition to Shiganshina to recover Grisha Yeager’s diaries, revealing the truth of the world and the treachery of Marley and its allies, who had colluded to subjugate the Eldian People and steal the power of the Founding Titan. The circumstances of the commander’s death in Shiganshina are somewhat vague but the article assures the reader that he died nobly, sacrificing his life for the people of Paradis and the Yeagerist cause.
A single paragraph about the commander’s personal life tells, in rather salacious detail, of a love triangle between Erwin Smith, the great love of his life, Marie, and his one time friend, Nile Dok, Commander of the Military Police. Though Marie and Erwin were engaged to be married, he knew his duty to Paradis must come first, so he asked his fiance to wait until the people of the walls had won their freedom, before sealing their bond. Alas the faithless Marie eloped with the craven Commander Dok (another traitor to the Eldian Nation), breaking Erwin’s heart beyond repair. Erwin never got over his lost love, or forgave his former friend, and the betrayal resulted in years of animosity between the two commanders.
The picture of Erwin Smith that emerges from the article is of the archetypal military commander; ruthless, manipulative, cold and callous. A solitary man, without friends or family, who held himself aloof from his comrades and gave up the love of his life for the greater cause. A man willing to sacrifice everything, including his own humanity and the lives of thousands of soldiers, for the goal of freeing the people of Paradis and vanquishing their foes. A man driven by duty, whose courage and determination was matched only by his patriotic fervour and his devotion to Eren Yeager, the saviour of the Eldian people. Commander Erwin Smith; a man who dedicated his heart to Paradis.
There is a paragraph denouncing the Alliance and the traitorous commanders Hange Zoe and Armin Arlet who betrayed the 13th Commander’s glorious legacy. The article ends by lamenting that the great tragedy of Commander Smith’s life was that he died before fulfilling his dream and seeing the glory of Eren Yeager’s Rumbling, the emancipation of the Eldian people, and the utter destruction of their enemies. Nowhere in the article is there a single mention of Captain Levi Ackerman, his name has been erased from the history of Paradis.
Falco rolls his eyes as he closes the newspaper and sets it aside. Although he has heard the name Erwin Smith many times, he knows very little about the man himself. However he has an acute nose for propaganda; growing up in Liberio saw to that, and he recognises the same lies spouted by Marley to subjugate the people of Liberio and brainwash them into throwing their children’s lives away by joining the Warrior programme.
Though Levi is sound to the world, deep in a peaceful narcotic sleep, Falco decides to spend the night in the guest room across the hall. He doesn’t want to be too far away in case Levi wakes in the night, alone and in distress. He telephones Gabi, marvelling again at Hizurun technology and ingenuity, before laying out the spare bedding and settling in for the night.
The following morning, Levi is much recovered. He brushes off Falco’s attempts to help him dress, complains about the weather, grumbles about the temperature of his tea, and appears to be genuinely distraught by the loss of his old cup. Despite his cantankerous mood, Falco is greatly relieved to see him back to his old self and he can’t help smiling fondly when Levi complains, yet again, about how tall he’s grown, despite the fact that Falco stopped growing years ago. Gabi and the kids come round for a short visit in the afternoon and they both pretend not to notice when Levi slips coins and sweets into the children’s pockets. After they leave, Levi is in a much better humour than earlier in the day. Spending time with the children always lifts his mood. He claims to despise the brats, but anyone with eyes can see how he dotes on them.
Falco prepares a simple dinner that they eat in the small kitchen, before taking their tea out to the verandah overlooking the garden to catch the last rays of the pale spring sunlight. A flock of birds is twittering in the cherry tree before settling in to roost. They drink their tea quietly, listening to the birds bickering and the faint sound of traffic drifting over from the square.
Falco knows it’s risky to bring up the newspaper article, at best he might sour Levi’s mood, at worst he could provoke another attack, however he is intensely curious to know more about the man whose name he has heard so often, about whom he knows so little. Levi rarely talks about the war, it distresses him, and Gabi is quick to shut down anyone who attempts to interrogate him about his ‘war stories’. She is intensely protective of Levi and guards his boundaries ruthlessly. But sometimes, on soft evenings such as this, Levi will reminisce about his departed comrades, the Veterans of the Survey Corps.
“I saw the article in the Herald about the Commander of the Survey Corps,” Falco begins tentatively. “I know he was your,” he stops, searching for the right word and coming up blank. “Friend,” he eventually settles on.
“Friend.” Levi smiles mirthlessly, the word twisting in his mouth. “Yeah, that’s what people said.” He stops and sighs, looking down at the marred hands folded in his lap. “But he was my friend, but...”
Levi falls silent, grief etched on his face.
“What was he like?” Falco asks carefully.
“Not like that.” Levi’s scarred lip curls in disgust. “That article’s full of shit. They made him into the devil, and he had to be, but that’s not who he was.”
Falco waits for him to continue. The birds are settling down now, their shrill chatter muted to a quiet murmur.
“There’s a grain of truth in it,” Levi admits. “His father was killed by the government, tortured and murdered by the Interior Police. Erwin blamed himself for that, for asking too many questions, even though he was just a boy. He carried that guilt with him for the rest of his life but he wasn’t driven by vengeance, he just wanted to prove that his father’s theories were right. That was his dream.”
Falco can sympathise, he knows all too well the burden of bearing a beloved parent’s hopes and dreams.
“What was his father’s theory?” he asks.
“That there were people outside the walls, people who wanted to keep us in the dark. He was right about it all. They both were. People scorned him for it of course, but he was right all along.”
“That’s a lot of responsibility for a child to carry.”
“Yeah, and it damn near broke him,” Levi continues “He was torn between his dream and his duty. Most people only saw the grim, ruthless commander, they didn’t see the man underneath the facade.”
“But you did?”
“I saw him.” Levi nods. The sun is setting now, sinking slowly behind the rooftops and casting long shadows through the branches of the cherry tree that creep across the lawn towards the verandah. They both remain silent for a few moments, drinking their tea, before Levi continues.
“He wasn’t the intimidating commander with the heart of stone, he wasn’t a monster either. He was just a man, with the same childish dreams as everyone else. I used to think he was above all that shit, that he only cared about saving humanity, that’s why I decided to follow the asshole in the first place.” Levi shakes his head and sighs.
“How did you feel when you found out? About his dream I mean.”
Levi gazes out across the garden, lost in thought.
“Shocked at first. I guess I put him on a pedestal, but he was just a man. He was a good man though, despite what he had to do, he cared about saving humanity, he cared about his comrades, he cared about his friends, he cared about…” Levi stops short and Falco can’t help noticing the flush spreading across his pale cheeks. Perhaps it’s just the glow of the setting sun.
“It’s true he could be ruthless,” Levi goes on, changing tack. “He had to be. I wouldn’t have followed him if he’s been soft-hearted enough to compromise battle strategy. He was the Commander of the Survey Corps for fuck sake, we were fighting for our lives. And yes he sent thousands of soldiers to their deaths, I did too, but he was never reckless or cruel or callous. He did everything in his power to minimise casualties, he even developed the long distance scouting formation that saved fuck knows how many lives. Do you know how many soldiers died when Shadis was commander? We just used to charge straight at the Titans, it was fucking carnage. Every single death weighed on Erwin’s conscience, he never forgot a single soldier who died under his command, their ghosts haunted him right until the bitter end. Erwin sacrificed everything to save humanity, even his dream. He wouldn’t have given a rat’s arse about all this Eldian Nation bullshit. He was never that small minded. He wasn’t just fighting for the people of Paradis, he was fighting for all humanity. We all were. When we dreamed of a world without Titans it was a crazy idealised world. It had to be. It had to be worth what he dedicated, the price they all paid. Thank fuck he didn’t live long enough to see the Rumbling. He believed Eren was the best hope for humanity’s survival, we all did. So many comrades died to save Eren Yeager’s sorry ass and look where that got us. What a fucking joke. Erwin would never have supported genocide, in fact,” Levi gestures towards the fading light with his missing fingers, “Erwin would never have let it happen. Once he found out the truth, that he’d been right all along, he’d have been unstoppable. He’d have found some way to stop that idiot, sure as fate.”
Falco has rarely seen the stoic man so animated and for a moment he fears Levi is going to have another attack.
“And all that crap about the Doks?” he continues, “that’s bullshit too. Yeah sure Marie caught his eye when he was younger, but it never went anywhere. Love of his life my ass. Erwin was determined to join the Survey Corps and he knew he couldn’t live that life; marriage, family, kids, all that shit. He never regretted that decision. He helped Dok get a foot in the door though.”
“What do you mean?”
“Hange told me they found an old letter, full of fancy words, in one of Erwin’s books once. It was a love letter he helped Dok write to Marie when they were both cadets. He was probably too dumb to do it himself,” Levi scoffs. “I never saw eye to eye with the rat faced bastard but they stayed friends through all these years. Erwin used to send them messages on their wedding anniversary and crap like that. One time we were going on an expedition and he put this stupid coded message for Dok in a newspaper, congratulating them on the birthday of one of their brats, just in case we never made it back.”
“It sounds like he was a good friend,” Falco says, relieved the conversation has turned to safer ground.
“Yeah, he was.” Levi smiles his precious twisted smile. “And he was good to his friends.”
“Kind too?”
“Yes,” Levi nods. “He was ruthless when he had to be, but kind when he could be.”
“And you? What about you?”
“What about me?”
“What was he to you?”
Levi looks down at his hands, one cradling the other in his lap, a strikingly vulnerable gesture. But there’s no vulnerability when he looks up and fixes Falco with his one good eye, bright and sharp as a blade.
“Everything. He was everything to me. If it hadn’t been for Erwin I’d probably have ended up dead in a ditch in the Underground with a knife in my back. I owe him everything. We all do. It’s only thanks to him that we came so far.” Levi pauses, looks down again. “That’s why I had to let him go.”
“Let him go?”
“In Shiganshina. He was injured leading the suicide charge against the Beast Titan, I had the Titan serum, Armin was injured too, almost everyone else was dead.”
Falco has heard many stories about the Battle of Shiganshina, a catastrophic disaster for Marley. He still remembers the shock when the Warriors returned having lost the Colossal Titan and almost losing the Beast Titan in the process. It’s not difficult to put two and two together now.
“So you chose to save Armin? That’s how he got the Colossal?”
“No,” Levi snaps with a vehemence that takes Falco back. “I chose to save Erwin. They’d already made him the devil, I couldn’t drag him back into hell. So I chose to…” Levi pauses, but his gaze is bright, determined, “I chose to let him rest.”
It sounds so simple. Falco thinks about Gabi, about the childhood they sacrificed, everything they suffered, all the deaths that still weigh so heavily on their conscience, and he wonders, if it had been him, if it had been her, would he have had the strength, the courage, to make the same decision? Suddenly he’s seized with a fierce urge to return home, to hold her, and hold her, and never let her go. Falco can feel his eyes prickling and he has to blink away the tears. He hopes Levi won’t notice, but Levi is observant as always, even with his one good eye.
“Fuck, you shouldn’t get me started on these old stories. Nobody wants to listen to this shit. It’s getting late,” he says, indicating that the conversation is clearly at an end.
“I’m sorry.” Falco clears his throat, but his voice is choked with emotion. “Come on, let me help you up.”
“I’m not a fucking child,” Levi grumbles. “Go home to your own brats.” But he doesn’t resist when Falco helps him up from the verandah and through to bed.
Although Falco is desperate to get home, he lingers a little longer, reluctant to leave the older man.
Before he leaves, he returns to the bedroom to check Levi has settled. The room is quiet and dark, just a sliver of moonlight falling across the bed where Levi is sleeping peacefully. He has slipped his scarred hand beneath his pillow, where Falco knows an old shirt lies folded. A shirt too large for a man of Levi’s stature, with a single faded ink stain on the sleeve. Falco retreats from the room on quiet feet, careful not to disturb the sleeper, but as he reaches the door Levi stirs.
“Erwin?” His voice is thick and heavy with sleep.
Falco freezes in the doorway, heart beating wildly in his chest. He thinks back to their conversation earlier in the evening.
“Yes?” he replies softly.
“Come to bed old man.”
“Soon, Levi. Get some rest.”
Quietly, Falco closes the door behind him, leaving Levi to his dreams.