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She should leave.
Hell, she should not have come here in the first place. But it was a little late to change that one and no use to regret what could not be undone.
If only she regretted it, perhaps then she might spare both of them a repeat performance in the not so distant future.
She really should leave.
But Delphine is barely asleep, or maybe only dozing, warm breath fanning across Lorraine’s collarbone with every exhale and to move now would mean to wake her and then -
She would not stop Lorraine, of course, would let her go with the same wistful acceptance with which she had welcomed her into her new – her current home mere hours ago. And Lorraine would disappear into the night, pretending the chill crawling into the space between her ribs could be blamed on the drop in temperature.
Like she’d truly never been here.
Like her noble intention to cut Delphine loose had actually held up past the first job that took her anywhere close to Liège (meaning anywhere on the European continent ), allowing her a calm, predictable life, to pursue all those dreams of hers and share them with someone clever enough to stick around for more than a night.
Which is about as far as Lorraine ever gets in imagining Delphine’s ideal life without her because she is a selfish woman. But then, that’s why she’s here in the first place, isn’t it?
That’s why Lorraine sought her ought, first in Liège and then in Lourdes and Faro and Chalcis and then they’d moved her all the way to Dakar and it took a while, but Lorraine found her way there, too.
And when she eventually leaves, ideally right now, but likely not before far to long into the coming day, she’ll tell herself that this was the last time, that if – when Delphine relocates, she will not find out where to, will not follow her there, right until she is back at her doorstep-
Until Delphine pulls her into a kiss that tastes of relief as much as of resignation, a momentary respite from endless longing.
And then they start again.
“I wish you’d stay,” Delphine sighed, earlier today, while Lorraine kissed her way back up from between her thighs, lips lingering just below her navel.
“I wish I could,” Lorraine whispered into her skin, avoiding her gaze, because she could not say whether she meant ‘I wish I could stay with you’ or ‘I wish I could stay away.’
Now Delphine sighs again, a gentle wisp of air across Lorraine’s skin that has her fight a shiver, followed by the brush of her lashes as she gives up the attempt at sleep. Lorraine probably makes for a rather tense pillow and that makes her feel ridiculously guilty, because Dlphine deserves to not have her rest disturbed.
Delphine deserves a lot of things, most of which Loraine doubts she’ll ever be able to giver her and if she were a better woman that would be enough to keep her away, to allow Delphine the room to find someone who would.
“Are you leaving already?”
Lorraine feels the words more than she hears them.
She really really should.
Instead she winds a hand through night-black strands and pulls, just enough to make Delphine lift her head, to look into her eyes, hopes the sparse light falling in through the half shut blinds is enough for her to see. “I’m never going to leave you.”
And Delphine must understand, because this time when she kisses her it tastes like a promise.
Lorraine just hopes that it is one she can keep.