Chapter Text
Breathe.
That’s the one-word mantra cycling through N’s head as he desperately tries to get ahold of himself.
Breathe.
It doesn’t matter that he doesn’t know where he is, or that he’s alone, or that the last time he saw Reshiram was when he was hurtling off its back and into the ocean below. He’s in one piece, and that’s all that matters.
Breathe.
His hands wind into his hair, but the pain doesn’t center him like it should. As a matter of fact, it makes everything impossibly worse. He wants the pain to stop. He wants the noise to stop. He wants everything to stop.
Breathe.
Feet pound overhead, people’s chatter drifting down to N’s ears. The island whose shore he washed up on is small yet dense with people. At first glance, the most private place he could find was a small alcove underneath the boardwalk. Maybe. He wouldn’t know. He’s barely seen more than this.
Breathe.
N’s so wrapped up in his own misery that he doesn’t even hear the sound of an approaching Pokémon. Not until a curious snout is pressing against his cheek, jerking him out of his anxiety, however momentarily.
N finds himself staring into the big brown eyes of a Numel, who curiously tilts his head.
N tries to smile, tries to find comfort in the behavior, but the truth hangs menacingly over him. Numel aren’t native to this area, which means this Pokémon belongs to someone. Meaning that someone is going to come looking for him if they aren’t careful.
N rocks forward, trying to center himself. Ghetsis didn’t have a Numel. Ghetsis wouldn’t. They were too much trouble to raise properly. It’s okay. It’s okay. Breathe.
The Numel gives a low, concerned cry. Human sad?
Numels, while kind, are incredibly dull-witted. N had met a few of them in Unova, but even for Pokémon, their syntax was stunted at best.
“I’m okay,” N replies.
The Numel tilts his head. Human is a liar, he observes.
“I’m not,” N sniffles. Never mind that he’s arguing with a Pokémon, who are much harder to lie to than humans. His eyes drift to the accessory, a small bobby pin, holding the tuft of fur away from Numel’s eyes. “Shouldn’t you go find your trainer?”
The Numel nods. My human find us both!
“No, no, I don’t wanna be seen right now,” N protests. Though unfortunately, that begs the question when does he want to be seen?
He’ll have to leave eventually, have to face the crowd that made him turn tail and hide. Did he wait until nightfall, when everyone was gone? The Battle Frontier had quite the night life, so that may not be as safe as a bet as he thought it was. He couldn’t stay under this boardwalk forever, but a part of him still wanted to try.
“Vesuvius?” A voice calls. Footsteps track down the stairs, almost directly over N’s head. “Where have you gone?”
Vesuvius perks up at the call. He chirps reassurances to N, along the lines of My human, good human, best human.
“I can hear you,” the voice continues.
Vesuvius keeps chattering, apparently well-versed in babbling the same thing on a loop. My human help, my human find!
And for whatever reason, N freezes. Vesuvius is clearly beyond being reasoned with, and instead of running to find a new hiding place, N hunkers down and waits for the worst.
A pair of red boots come into view.
The person chuckles. “You’ve found something, have you?”
Vesuvius cries the affirmative, taking the end of his trainer’s coat and tugging. Hardly proper beach attire, but hiding under a boardwalk, N knows he has no place to judge.
“Alright, alright.” As he crouches, the man comes into view. The second he spots N, the gentle smile falls off his face, replaced with a quiet concern. “Oh. Hello there.”
N doesn’t trust himself to speak, so he only gives a single wave.
Vesuvius lifts his head, clearly proud to show off his human. Maxie good human, best human, he says.
The human in question, this Maxie, furrows his brow. He kneels in the sand. “My apologies, but are you alright? Vesuvius seemed quite insistent on leading me to you.”
“I’m alright,” N replies, sounding very much the opposite. “Just need to catch my breath.”
And while Maxie clearly doesn’t accept that answer, he takes it anyway. He turns his attention to Vesuvius, running an absent hand down his companion’s back.
“Come along, then, Vesuvius. Let’s give the gentleman some space.”
But before Maxie can return Vesuvius to his Pokéball, Vesuvius scurries over to N, slotting himself under N’s arm.
N can’t deny himself the comfort. He gives Vesuvius’s body a gentle squeeze, and the world immediately feels a little less overwhelming.
“Vesuvius,” Maxie warns. It’s hardly a scolding, but N can’t resist cowering anyway. He’s never been great when people use that sort of tone.
“You should really go,” N tells him.
Staying for human, Vesuvius says firmly.
“I’m terribly sorry,” Maxie says, clearly at a loss for words. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”
“It’s alright,” N answers. “He’s just worried. And he really seems to think you’ll be able to help.”
N doesn’t know about Vesuvius’s glowing reviews of him as best human, but he does seem genuinely concerned.
“So I see,” Maxie says slowly. The gears are turning, but for some reason, he doesn’t want to dismiss his Pokémon’s behavior so easily. “Come now. This is hardly a place for you to be hiding.” He glances over his shoulder, then adds with a hint of hesitance, “I know somewhere much quieter.”
N leans forward, about to emerge from his hiding place when disaster strikes.
Overhead, there’s a shout, and N’s blood runs cold. It might not even be the same person from before—hell, it might not even be a person—but N’s stomach surges all the same.
Much to his embarrassment, it doesn’t take much. Someone tall, someone with his hair color, someone with a booming voice. That’s all it takes to bring him back to that awful room, all alone and completely unaware of how firmly he’s under Ghetsis’s thumb.
Maxie leans forward, but thinks better of it. Instead he hangs back, hands poised awkwardly at his sides. “Are you alright?”
N tries to take in a breath. Fails. Tries again. Fails. His mind stutters on that one simple command. Breathe, breathe, breathe. His lungs won’t cooperate, no matter how desperately he tries to wrangle them into submission.
Vesuvius butts his head against N’s shoulder, scared but eager to assist. Can help! Help Maxie breathe. Help human breathe.
He butts N’s shoulder again, until N looks at him. N pulls in a shallow breath, opening his arms, and Vesuvius gladly accepts the invitation. He butts his head against N’s chest in slow, steady thumps, and under his breath, he begins to count.
One, two, three, four, five.
If N were in a better state of mind, he’d be rather impressed that a Numel knows how to count. They’re not the best at memorization, which means that Vesuvius must’ve gone through the exercise countless times. But he’s jumbled and floundering, and the only thing he has the mental bandwidth to focus on is counting to five. One, two, three, four, five, breathe. One, two, three, four, five, breathe.
His breathing evens out, prompting Vesuvius to lift his head from N’s chest. His big brown eyes are soft with kindness, empathy that should be beyond a creature so slow.
Maxie need help too, Vesuvius reassures him. Help good.
Maxie stands rooted in place, helpless and awkward as his Numel takes the lead. His face is pinched, the lines of his frown deep, but behind that is a clear flicker of concern. N can’t read faces very well—at least not human ones—but he might say that Maxie looks scared.
“I’m better now,” N promises, which is hard to say convincingly when his voice is shaking. He knows he hasn’t succeeded, but he can at least try.
Maxie’s frown deepens. “Please, come with me, if you would. It’s best you not be alone for a bit. As I said, I know a place much quieter. Surely anything is better than here, yes?”
N doesn’t want to, even if it’s against his best interests to stay. At least this place, he knows. Maxie’s a stranger, but at the same time… his Pokémon trusts him so much. In N’s experience, that’s always been a good sign.
On the other hand, he doesn’t know if he can trust his own judgment. After all, he trusted Ghetsis—wholeheartedly—and look where that got him. Nothing to show for it but a bounty on his head and enough shame to follow him around for the rest of his life. He doesn’t know if he can risk that again.
However, Vesuvius makes a frustrated noise from the back of his throat and takes N’s sleeve in his mouth, pulling with such a strength that N lurches forward over his legs.
“Vesuvius,” Maxie warns, but he lacks conviction. After all, Vesuvius is doing just what Maxie wants him to. The only problem is that he can’t outright say that.
“It’s okay,” N tries. It’s not, but he detaches his sleeve. Vesuvius thankfully gets his meaning and sits back, chin held high, clearly proud of himself.
Slowly, N comes out of his hiding place. Maxie starts as N draws himself to his full height, just a few inches taller than Maxie. He was clearly expecting a child, because only a child could’ve wedged themselves into such a tiny enclosed space. In a way, he was correct.
However, it’s only a moment before Maxie’s cool façade snaps into place, and he nods. “Come along then.”
He leads N past the Pokémon Daycare, and while the elderly man who runs it offers them a sidelong glance, that’s the last person they see. As the width of walkable land draws into a narrow line, as the rocks draw closer, N can see why the foot traffic is thin. The shouts of excitement still echo from above, but even so, it almost feels like they’re alone.
Along the back, where the back side of the Battle Maison pokes over the rocky crags, there’s a single dock. A burly man stands in the shallows, the waves up to his belly and a Sharpedo happily swimming beside him.
Maxie walks to the edge of the dock, N choosing to follow on his heels. One person was bad enough, but two? N doesn’t know if he can take it… but somehow, the alternative is so much worse.
“’Bout time,” the man says. “Was starting to think you got lost.”
“Careful there,” Maxie warns. “Or I might think you missed me.”
They keep chatting, but N’s zeroed in on the Sharpedo. He kneels at the edge of the deck, beckoning her with his palm facing up. Sharpedos get anxious if they think they’re being grabbed for.
“Hi there,” N says softly. “What’s your name?”
The Sharpedo grins at him. Mariana.
N grins right back. Vesuvius is nice enough, but Mariana seems like someone he can have a decent conversation with. At the very least, he can learn more about these strangers than what good trainers they are. “It’s nice to meet you.”
She gives him an inquisitive sniff. You smell like fear.
That’s the thing about Pokémon. They’re honest. And they don’t sugarcoat things either. N doesn’t have to worry about any kind of social dance, or that he missed a crucial detail and is now being judged for it.
“Yeah,” he replies breathlessly.
Mariana only nudges forward. Her rough skin scrapes against his palm, but the affection is still there. I will help.
“I see Mari’s already made a friend!” the man booms. The size of his grin matches that of his Pokémon, but that doesn’t stop N from jumping at the sudden influx of attention.
The man glances up, sharing a look with Maxie over N’s head, and whatever they say, the man immediately loses a bit of his vivacity.
“I suppose a proper introduction is in order,” Maxie says in a much softer tone. “I’m—”
“Maxie,” N finishes for him. Immediately, he’s hit with a wave of shame for interrupting and he can feel his face burning. “Your Pokémon told me.”
Maxie’s brows rise. “Vesuvius… told you?”
“I can talk to Pokémon,” N explains. Then, in a desperate bid to change the subject, “You can call me N.”
Thankfully, Maxie takes the hint. “Nice to meet you.”
N’s never been embarrassed about his abilities before, but the more time and distance he gets from Team Plasma, the more worried he gets that it’s nothing but a flashing neon sign, proclaiming his unhappy upbringing.
Maxie nods at his companion. “This is Archie. Don’t let his buffoonish appearance deceive you. He’s quite the competent trainer.”
Archie feigns a sigh, resting his hand on his cheek. “You really know how to make a girl feel special, Max.”
“Oh, hush. I brought you lunch, didn’t I?” He pauses, as a sudden thought strikes him. “When was the last time you ate, N?”
N has to think about it, and that in itself is a telling answer.
Archie clucks his tongue, a sound of disapproval that sends ice up N’s spine. “Well, that’s no good.”
“I’ll go fetch something,” Maxie volunteers. Then, with a wry look at Archie, “can’t have you drying up on land, can we?”
“You’re a real gentleman,” Archie teases.
“Vesuvius,” Maxie says. The Numel raises to attention. “Stay with them, won’t you?”
Maxie hustles off, leaving N alone with yet another stranger. His stomach lurches at the realization.
At the very least, they love their Pokémon. That’s more than he could say for Ghetsis. Hydreigon had been furious, lashing out at the closest moving object, so caught up in its own anger that the battle itself had been irrelevant. N had never seen them battle before then. And now those pained cries won’t ever leave his mind.
“Soak for a bit, lad,” Archie tells him. “The seawater will do you some good.”
N doesn’t know if that’s true, but he’s inclined to listen regardless. He pulls off his shoes and socks, rolling his khakis up his calves. The feel of seawater against his toes is new but not unwelcome. He just wishes Reshiram were here with him to enjoy it. They had yet to stop by the ocean, but the thought alone curdles his appetite.
What if Reshiram can’t find him? Will he even have a way of getting off this island? No, those are too big thoughts for right now. He’ll think a lot clearer once he’s had something to eat. As if sensing his distress, Vesuvius comes to sit beside him, pressing against his side.
“Might wanna keep an arm around him,” Archie says. “’Else the poor thing might just roll into the ocean!”
It sounds like a joke, but N drapes a precautionary arm over the Numel’s back regardless. “Please don’t roll into the ocean, little friend.”
Vesuvius gives a huff of indignance, but that’s all the response he has to offer before he tucks his face up against his forelegs and promptly falls asleep.
“Sweet little guy, ain’t he?” Archie asks. “Stumped me for years how a guy that grumpy can raise such sweethearts.”
N hesitates, unsure if he should agree or come to Maxie’s defense. Pokémon learn from their trainers, after all. Vesuvius had to pick up that kindness, that eagerness to help, from somewhere.
But before he can say anything, Archie waves him off. “Max loves to come across all tough, but he’s a real softie once you get to know him. Always worrying about everything and everybody.”
N nods. He doesn’t like all this energy being wasted on him, all this worrying and fussing, but it makes a lot more sense if it’s for Maxie’s own peace of mind. Maybe then, N can be more inclined to accept it.
Archie chatters to fill the empty air, about the weather, about Mariana, about the battles they’ve been winning together. The idea of having Pokémon battles for fun still makes N’s skin crawl, but he can endure it for now, especially since Archie doesn’t expect much of a response.
Maxie returns with a plastic fast food basket, which he pushes into N’s hands. “Magnemite Croquettes.”
Archie scoffs. “Can’t be as good as Mauville’s.”
The comment, of course, prompts another round of bickering, but N thinks that’s just how they talk with each other. He’s too focused on the smell, the warmth radiating from his hands, to really care. How long has it been since he ate? How long has it been since he washed up on shore? Neither answer matters as soon as he takes a bite.
N realizes his mistake a second too late. He and Reshiram have been eating nothing but berries for months, but the smell of human food was too intoxicating to pass up.
“There’s no meat in this, is there?”
Maxie doesn’t even blink. “Nothing to worry about. You’re a vegetarian, then?”
N nods. He hasn’t told that many people, but he always gets the strangest looks when he brings it up. People seem to think it’s just because he hasn’t had the right food. After all, Slowpoke tails grow right back and those are delicious. How can you say you’ll never eat meat if you’ve never tried it?
The two let the subject drop after that, allowing N to eat in silence. He swears that food never tasted this good, and he has to keep himself from devouring everything in just a few bites. He’s making enough of a mess as it is. Crumbs stick to his chin and roll down his shirt, and he knows it’s uncouth and unbecoming, but N still can’t bring himself to stop until it’s all gone.
Maxie’s lips turn into a smile, however briefly. Only now does N realize the silence was strangely out of place. “Everything feels a little better after food, doesn’t it?”
N nods, and he can’t resist sucking the crumbs off his fingers. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he started eating. If he had no scruples, he’d ask for a second helping.
“Would you like to talk about what happened?” Maxie inquires. “You’re by no means obligated to, of course, but if it might help…”
Archie shoots N a pointed look, one that says see, I told you so clearly that even N can decipher it.
N can’t help it. The truth comes tumbling out unprompted, before he can even think of lying. He wants so badly to talk to someone, and since Reshiram isn’t here, he has to find the second best candidate.
“I just thought I saw…” N trails off, unsure how to describe it. The word “father” doesn’t sound right, nor does “guardian.” “Abuser” is far out of the question, especially with people he’s just met. “…Someone I used to know.”
Maxie hums. “That must’ve been a harrowing experience.”
Sullenly, N swipes at his nose. “Didn’ like it.”
“Poor lad,” Archie says. “Must’ve been someone terrible to get you so out of sorts.”
Even now, N hesitates. There’s no question as to whether Ghetsis was terrible. Of course he was. He abused Pokémon, manipulated people, and used children as pawns in his game. It didn’t get much worse than that, and yet… N can’t bring himself to dismiss the man entirely.
There’s a part of him that still rallies to Ghetsis’s defense. Call it instinct or lingering undeserved loyalty, but it still makes N’s stomach roil with nausea. The sides are so easy to pick from, so why can’t he make that choice?
Thankfully, Archie and Maxie don’t pursue the subject further. They’re giving him a wide berth—much more than any other person has afforded him before. They simply offer quiet company and sympathetic ears. If more humans were like them, maybe N wouldn’t be so nervous around people.
Vesuvius rouses with a sleep blink, then promptly rests his head in N’s lap. Keep human safe, he mumbles, then dozes back off.
Every so often, Mariana will nuzzle up against N’s bare leg, and while her rough skin hurts, he tries not to visibly flinch. She’s just showing affection, hushing him in gentle tones usually reserved for guppies.
N isn’t sure how much time has passed. An hour, maybe two. He doesn’t look at his two human companions, just the Pokémon ones. He likes them better anyhow.
“It’s getting late,” Maxie observes, once the sun has sunk low and the night sky threatens to poke above the opposite horizon. “We should probably retire for the night.” He spares a glance at N. “You have somewhere to sleep, yes?”
N nods. He doesn’t specify where, and the vague answer is enough for Maxie. He carefully extricates himself out from under Vesuvius, hoping to make the departure a little easier, and stands.
“Here. My card.” Maxie reaches into his breast pocket and produces a business card. Maxie’s name, base location, and even personal phone number are printed neatly.
“If you ever find yourself in need of a place to stay, my team is always open to you.” And for a brief flash of a second, the hard lines of Maxie’s face soften. “Even if it’s just to chat.”
“Yeah, lemme give you my number too!” Archie says. He spares a glance at Maxie, smile sheepish.
Rolling his eyes, Maxie pulls a pen out of his breast pocket for Archie to write down his name and contact info with.
“My number’s on the back,” Archie says as he hands the card back. “My place is open to ya too.” Then with a wink, he adds, “And with me you get to sleep in.”
Maxie rolls his eyes again. With Archie, it seems, he’s given plenty of room to practice. “Being up by eleven a.m. is not the herculean task you make it out to be.”
“Maybe not for you,” Archie replies.
“Structure and order—”
Their bickering jolts Vesuvius awake, momentarily distressed at letting N so far out of his sight. Stay with human!
He bolts over and curls around N’s legs.
“What has gotten into him?” Maxie wonders.
“He just wants to make sure I’m okay,” N replies. “I don’t think he wants to leave.”
Vesuvius cries the affirmative, nuzzling against N’s calf. Human scared. Need to stay.
Maxie and Archie share another uneasy glance. There’s an unspoken conversation going on, that if N didn’t have the best intentions, it might be dangerous to leave their Pokémon alone with him.
“Can’t hurt if they’re worried about ’im…” Archie says slowly. “Especially if it’s just for one night.” He nudges Maxie with his elbow. “No harm in that, eh?”
Maxie takes in a slow breath. It’s a visible fight between his need for control and his ballooning concern. “That should be fine. They both seem quite attached.”
“’Sides, we’ll be back in the morning,” Archie gives Maxie another nudge, trying his best to offer a reassuring smile. “Nothing’s gonna happen. No need to worry, yeah?”
Maxie lets out a slow breath. “I… suppose.” He sounds unconvinced, but he’s willing to concede under Archie’s reassurances.
Archie pats his shoulder. “And if there’s any trouble, you’ve got our numbers.” He’s speaking to N, but his words are directed at Maxie. That too, helps quell his visible anxieties.
N nods along. It’s a big sign of trust, putting your Pokémon in someone else’s care. Sometimes he’s worried that people are too liberal about it, but seeing Maxie’s hesitation is… reassuring, in its own way.
It takes a while, but Maxie and Archie say their goodbyes, both to N and to their Pokémon, before parting ways for the night. That leaves N alone on a dock, with two Pokémon companions and a desperation to take the edge off.
The lights of the Battle Frontier have dimmed but stay alight. N gets the feeling they’re like city lights, never turning off completely, never sleeping. As much as he hates it, there’s comfort in that too. A touch of familiarity in a sea of overwhelming strangeness.
At the very least, he doubts anyone will be heading in this direction. Even the occasional trainer, speeding by on their bikes in hopes of hatching eggs, have long since retired for the night.
It’s not the privacy he’d hope for, but under these circumstances, it’ll have to do.
N travels light by choice. He always has a handful of Pokéballs stowed away, as well as a potion or two for the most extreme circumstances. But most of his stuff is for helping Pokémon, not for him.
There is, however, one notable exception.
He takes the pacifier case from his pocket, popping it open. The pacifier is plain silver but worn, showing its age despite N only having it for a year.
Vesuvius cranes his neck, tilting his head curiously. What is?
Mariana answers for him. It’s for babies.
N winces. He’s not sure what would be easier—if they didn’t know or if he had to swear them to secrecy, but he supposes he only has one option now. He meets their gazes in turn, holding his finger up to his lips. “Our secret, okay?”
Vesuvius nods seriously. Keep human safe.
N tucks the pacifier between his lips, and the wave of relief that hits him is so powerful it threatens to capsize him. It’s different, when Reshiram isn’t here to wrap him in its wings and trill softly until he falls asleep, but it’s something. A tiny piece of comfort he can cling to, hoping it’ll be enough to tide him over until Reshiram finds him.
N hates how much better he feels with the soother in his mouth, how the taut strings finally go slack. He hadn’t meant to use it, knowing that it was a risk in such a public place, that his behavior wasn’t… normal, but he’s reached his breaking point.
He's exhausted, wrung out in every way imaginable, and worst of all, he’s stuck doing nothing but waiting. He wishes Reshiram were here. If not to whisk him away, then to nose the hair away from his face and press their foreheads together. Things always felt a little less scary after it did that.
Vesuvius and Mariana chatter amongst themselves, and while most of the words wash right over N, he gets the gist perfectly.
The Pokémon are putting together that in some form or another, he’s a fledgling and they should be looking out for him. He won’t correct them. It’s nice to have someone looking out for him in Reshiram’s absence.
Just a few days, he tells himself.
If he stays put, surely Reshiram will find him. He just has to stay put and hold out a few more days.
Reshiram will be here before he knows it.