Work Text:
"Good work Slug," Dazai teased.
Nope. That did it. Chuuya had officially reached his limit. Before Dazai could even blink Chuuya's fist crashed into his face and the detective was sent sprawling.
The accompanying agency members immediately fell into defence mode. Kunikida stepped between Dazai and Chuuya with his gun pointed at the executive, covering Yosano who quickly helped Dazai to his feet. Atsushi readied his claws and fixed his focus on Akutagawa, who hadn't moved but allowed tendrils of Rashomon to loom menacingly behind himself and Chuuya. Kenji stayed beside Ranpo who surveyed the whole situation with a mild curiosity. Strangely, Kyouka hadn't moved, she just watched Chuuya as he straightened himself up and glared at Dazai.
"Just shut up you fucking bastard," he snarled, nostrils flaring.
Dazai tilted his head at Chuuya, like a confused puppy (and he called Chuuya the dog). "What's up with you Chibi? I was complimenting you."
Chuuya seethed. His hair and coat billowed with Tainted Sorrow and the red-head sank a few inches into the ground. "What's up!? WHAT'S UP!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?"
"Stand down Nakahara," Kunikida ordered, clicking the safety of his pistol off. Atsushi gulped but primed himself to pounce on the Executive.
"Stay out of this!" Chuuya growled and stomped his foot. The ground beneath them rumbled and cracked before the very pavement launched the Agency members through the air and into a heap behind Dazai.
Atsushi, Kunikida, Yosano and Kenji jumped to their feet and prepped themselves for a counter-attack but before they could rush to Dazai's defence, Demon Snow appeared in front of them, blocking their path.
"Kyouka?" Atsushi turned to the girl with confusion, pleading for an explanation.
She merely shook her head and said, "This confrontation has been a long time coming." She glanced over her shoulder and met Akutagawa's eye. The two shared a nod as they silently communicated their agreement. No one would interfere unless Dazai someone was going to get seriously hurt.
"I see," Kenji said solemnly. "Dazai and ex-boyfriend Mr Fancy-Hat must have a talk."
Kyouka frowned at his words (boyfriend?) but nodded, glad he somewhat understood.
"I'm not holding back if he tries to hurt Dazai again," Yosano growled.
"He'll be fine," Ranpo chastised. "They worked together for years. Pretty sure he's had worse than a punch to the face."
"You don't respond to Slug anymore is that it?" Asked Dazai with a smirk, enjoying the teasing and petty insults. "What are you growling at me for Chibikko? Not very nice for a dog to growl at his owner."
"How dare you!" Chuuya's voice was low and deadly, as he seethed – not the reaction Dazai was used to. What happened to calling him a Mackerel? What happened to the verbal spar?
"How dare I what?"
"Gah! You don't get to do this!" Chuuya shouted.
"Do what?" Dazai was really confused now. He hadn't done or said anything to Chuuya that he hadn't before. In fact, prior to this moment, he could almost pretend it was the old days of Double Black.
Chuuya gritted his teeth and snarled at him (truly a dog). "You left! You don't get to pretend it's still the same. Not after everything!"
Oh.
Dazai might've misjudged this one a little. He and Chuuya had slotted back into old habits in the fight so easily, that Dazai had almost forgotten there was four years of bad blood between them now.
Dazai sighed and went to apologise, but Chuuya cut him off. "Four fucking years and not a word. Your friend dies and you decide 'That's it, fuck Chuuya. I quit. Who cares about what he thinks?' Like our partnership meant dirt," Chuuya ranted, including a strangely good impression of Dazai's voice. "Like I meant dirt."
Dazai wasn't entirely sure what to say to that. He attempted again for an apology. "Chuuya I'm s-"
"And you wanna know the worst part?" Said Chuuya, with an uncharacteristically sadistic grin marring his face. He didn't wait for Dazai to answer, and instead continued, "If you'd asked I would've gone with you."
Of all the things Dazai had been expecting, that was not on his list. "What?" The shock slipped out before Dazai could contain it. It was funny that even after all these years Chuuya seemed to have some kind of hold over him. It made it difficult to control himself even after their time apart.
Dazai half expected Chuuya to back down, take back his words and walk away. But to Dazai's (and their unwitting audience's) continued surprise Chuuya didn't stop with that bombshell.
"I would've fucking followed you anywhere asshole–" Chuuya's eyes shined with barely contained tears as he clenched his fists and scowled "–and fuck if I know why." With another step toward him, the concrete cracked beneath Chuuya's feet. Tainted sorrow visibly ebbed from Chuuya in a red pulsating light, an almost tangible anger. "Because every word out of your damn mouth is a lie or manipulation or method of puppeteering my life."
That was mostly true, from Chuuya's point of view at least. Dazai couldn't even argue that statement. Still, the very visible hurt in Chuuya's eyes compelled him to say something, anything, to explain. "Chu-"
"No," the red-head snapped. It wasn't a shout, but still a clear and concise demand. "Just shut up."
But Dazai couldn't take it anymore. He thought he'd be able to live with the lie he left for Chuuya. He certainly hadn't thought Chuuya would still be in pain after all this time. He'd miscalculated.
He opened his mouth to speak but Chuuya again inturrupted, this time with delirious shouting, screaming even. "Shut up shut up shut the fuck up! I hate you!"
Ouch. That one hurt more than Dazai had expected it to.
"Do you get that? I fucking hate you and I hate your stupid face and your bastard grin and your stupid fucking hair and your idiot laugh. I hate you."
Dazai could only stand there and take it, accept the twinge of pain in his chest every time Chuuya listed another feature, and repeated his hatred.
"I hate you..." That last one was quiet, and accompanied by tears finally rolling down his face. Chuuya should be embarrassed to be this vulnerable in front of his enemies and subordinate and he probably would be if he was even aware of the people outside his tunnel vision. Chuuya finally looked away, his gaze directed at the floor.
"And I hate myself for missing you."
That last part was whispered, almost inaudible. But Dazai heard it. And what killed more than anything was the present tense. His plan had failed. Chuuya hadn't forgotten them him after a couple months of seething like Dazai had planned, he hadn't trashed his apartment in anger and frustration, but demolished it in rage and despair. He hadn't moved on.
Dazai had fucked this one up. Badly.
"I'm...sorry," he said, unable to think of anything else that would even begin to convey the depth of his guilt. He ignored the way his voice cracked on the word and the way it got stuck around a lump in his throat. God, was his vision blurring?
"Shut up," Chuuya snarled. "You don't get to be sorry. It's not like you care." Chuuya looked up at him again, something new in his eyes, a glimmer of hope? "Did...did you ever care? Or was it all part of some grand scheme?"
"No." Dazai's response was immediate, before he registed the earlier question and quickly clarified, "It wasn't a scheme. I did...care."
I still do.
Chuuya scoffed. "And why don't I believe you, asshole?"
Dazai was painfully aware of his colleagues stood behind him, unlike Chuuya who'd become enraged past the point of caring.
Still, Chuuya deserved as much of an explanation as Dazai could give, so he sucked it up. "I didn't say goodbye because I knew that if I saw you I wouldn't have been able to do it." Dazai made sure his and Chuuya's eyes met, the surest sign of sincerity a person like Dazai could manifest.
Chuuya startled. "What?"
"I wouldn't have been able to leave," Dazai continued, taking a step towards Chuuya to begin to close the years meters of distance between them.
"No," Chuuya shook his head and stepped back, arms reaching to wrap around himself.
In the corner of Dazai's vision, Akutagawa straightened up, suddenly on alert (well, more than before anyway), suddenly ready to rush between them. Dazai ignored him, focusing on Chuuya.
"I think you had more control over my life than you realise Chuuya," he continued as he walked towards him.
"Stop," Chuuya's response seemed reflexive. He wasn't looking at Dazai, looking through him almost, clutching at the fabric of his shirt tightly like he was trying to claw at his flesh.
Dazai resolved to get closer, something was deeply wrong with this situation. "I left when I did because I wouldn't have been able to leave you."
Chuuya's eyes snapped towards him, but the red-head still only seemed half-present. "Shut up."
"I tried to protect you from the backlash," Dazai explained, now within a meter's distance of Chuuya. "Not that you really needed it–" a short chuckle slipped out "– since all your subordinates love you." Akutagawa edged closer, almost spurred on by the remark. "But I blew up your car so Mori would know you had nothing to do with it."
Now that earned a reaction out of Chuuya Dazai hadn't been expecting. The red-head let go of his shirt and fixed him with a look akin to disbelief.
And then he laughed. Not genuine, but sarcastic, maniacal laughter that had Chuuya doubling over and gasping for breath. The action was eerily similar to when Chuuya utilised corruption, when Chuuya wasn't himself. Dazai refrained from taking a step back; he shared a befuddled look with his old protégé – who was also apparently unfamiliar with Chuuya's actions.
Eventually Chuuya calmed down and settled his gaze on Dazai with another wide-eyed, false smile. "Tt. Fat load of good that did."
The realisation hit Dazai like a tonne of bricks.
A wave of nausea overcame him, but he swallowed it down. "Chuuya I-" His words were inturrupted once again when Chuuya suddenly closed the distance between them, now only a foot apart.
"He decided he'd test my loyalty. See how much I would take."
Now they were this close, Dazai could see small white lines peeking out from under Chuuya's shirt: scars that weren't there when Dazai had left.
He didn't...
"He made sure I knew that if I wasn't his loyal dog, I would be his lab rat."
Dazai could only look at his former partner in despair (that he didn't let show on his face). Chuuya's eyes were the same sapphire blue as when he'd left, but something was different. Something in his soul was shattered, like a piece of him had died, and the windows to his soul had dimmed.
I'll kill him. Dazai thought, enraged at the prospect of Mori laying his dirty hands on Chuuya: the most selfless human soul Dazai had ever met. The flood of anger burned hot in his gut, hotter than even when Odasaku had died in his arms. (That shocked Dazai a little, but he could guess that in the end Oda had walked willingly to his death. Chuuya hadn't asked for this and Dazai had left him to suffer.)
"Too late too protect me Dazai," Chuuya snarled, as if sensing his thoughts upon seeing Dazai's expression darken. Chuuya had always been able to read him better than most people, not that Dazai ever let that be known.
"You left. And you left me behind." Chuuya didn't really sound angry or hysterical anymore, just resigned, which was almost worse.
"If I'd known..." Dazai started, but he trailed off. What would he have done? Stayed? No. Despite everything, Dazai had (and still didn't have) no regrets leaving the Port Mafia. But what would he have done differently to protect Chuuya from Mori's wrath? Who knows?
Chuuya shook his head in what could only be interpreted as disappointed. "Like you hadn't already guessed what Mori would do."
"I..." Dazai was once again lost for words. He hadn't considered Mori seeing through him, hadn't realised Mori knew (or at least suspected) Dazai valued Chuuya a great deal more than most Mafia partners valued each other; therefore Dazai hadn't expected for Mori to target Chuuya, to hurt him, all to punish Dazai for his treachery.
Any attempt to explain that to Chuuya would not only be interpreted as insincere but risk confirming Mori's suspicions. Chuuya would become a bargaining chip to drag Dazai back into the Doctor's clutches.
So Dazai didn't say anything. He cast his glance away from Chuuya, bowing his head shamefully.
Dazai felt Chuuya's eyes still on him, as if he were searching Dazai's face for any trace of regret, waiting for Dazai to vehemently deny any foreknowledge of Mori's actions. Upon being met with stone-faced silence, the Mafia Executive sighed.
"Okay then." Chuuya reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled, yellow square. He pressed it into the detective's chest, who grabbed the folded paper instinctively.
He watched as his former-partner turned away, his coat sweeping through the air behind him and smacking Dazai in the side. "Let's go Akutagawa," he ordered to his fellow Mafioso and the two quickly disappeared down an alley, leaving Dazai and the ADA stood alone in the street.
Dazai looked at the paper in his hand and unfolded it. The familiar words sat there on the weathered page, taunting him.
Sayonara
With a frustrated yell, Dazai balled up the old note and tossed it as far as he could. Atsushi, who'd been quietly approaching him, jumped at the sudden noise. He and the other Agency members agreed at him in shock, rarely having heard Dazai yell – let alone with that much anger.
"D-Dazai?" Atsushi moved to stand at his side. "Are you...okay?"
Dazai blinked, shocked at the insinuation he was anything other than totally fine (as fine as a suicidal maniac could be anyways). He'd lost his composure. With a deep breath, Dazai composed himself then turned to smile at Atsushi. "Yep," he said, with a fake smile. "Never been better."
"Dazai-" Another voice, Kunikida began, having suddenly appeared in front of him.
"Totally fine," Dazai inturrupted, though it didn't sound believable even to his own ears with his quaking voice.
"Dazai, if he hurt you..."
Dazai whirled on Yosano. "He didn't," he snapped, harsher than he'd meant to.
No. Chuuya hadn't hurt him. Not any more than he deserved.
The detectives finally seemed to grasp that Dazai was on edge and didn't want to discuss this further.
"Let's get back to the Agency," suggested Ranpo, appearing as callous and unbothered as ever. "I'm starving."
Dazai grinned. "I wholeheartedly agree."
And with that, he stormed ahead, leaving his worried friends coworkers in his wake.