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“Babe, you wouldn't believe what I just found at the store,” Jared said upon entering the small living room of their apartment. He raised an eyebrow at the bundle of blankets lying on the couch. He could only assume that was Evan because their other roommate Jeremy was staying at his best friend’s place for the night. ‘To give you some privacy,’ he had told a blushing Evan.
“Evan’s not here right now,” Evan responded from under his pile. Jared put the bags he was carrying down on the kitchen counter. He briefly worried that one of the heavy bags was going to scratch the counter but he didn't care enough to move anything. “Please leave a message at the beep.” Evan was quiet for a moment. “Beeeep.”
Jared laughed, walking over to his boyfriend and kneeling next to the couch. He made sure his voice was soft. Jared didn't want to make his boyfriend upset any more than he already was. “Hey, jellybean. I just came back from the store with some stuff for you. I think you'll really like them. And don't worry. If you don't want any of the stuff, Jeremy would be more than happy to take them. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” Evan said as he peeked out from under the blanket. Jared smiled at the response. He saw that Evan had a plant stuffy in his pile with him, and he was hugging it tightly. The blonde frowned and Jared noticed the tear tracks on his face. He could feel his heart break just a little bit. “I’m sorry.”
“There's nothing to be sorry for.” A tear went down Evan’s face, slowly making its way to fall onto the blankets. “Is everything okay?” Evan bit his lip and shook his head. “Do I need to do anything or is this out of our control?” Ah yes, the question that Evan's therapist had told Jared about after one particularly rough session with Evan. The hope of asking this question was to have Evan realize whether or not his anxiety or depression was lying to him.
“Out of our control.” He blinked a couple of times, trying to not cry any more than he already had. Evan moved his hand to rub at his right eye. “I'm really sorry, though. I know you had things planned for today and I just… ruined them. I'm sorry.”
Jared leaned forward and kissed his boyfriend’s forehead. “It's okay, jellybean. We can do those things when you feel up to it. All I want to do is spend time with you.” A pause. “Well, we can't do the stuff tomorrow ‘cause that's, like, mistresses day. And you're not my side chick so it'll probably not be a good day to do romantic stuff.” Evan smiled at that. “But any other time we can. Do you want to just cuddle or something?”
Evan nodded. He moved his arms out. Jared felt a rush of affection for his boyfriend. “Please?”
Jared chuckled and complied to the others request, crazy and stupidly in love with the blond in front of him. It didn't matter how many times this same situation (or other similar situation) had happened. He would always feel the same about Evan trusting him enough to be close to him physically during one of his depression days. He was eternally grateful that Evan let him see through the cracks in the wall of fake joy.
“You know,” Jared whispered. He felt that was the tone he needed for this fragile moment. “Your name means ‘God has been gracious’ in Welsh.”
“I don't feel like he was feeling too gracious when he said, ‘And let there be incurable mental illnesses,’ “ Evan mumbled.
“Maybe. But he gave me you.” Jared pulled away from Evan just enough so that he could land a peck on his nose, making Evan smile despite his mood. “And that’s the best thing I've ever gotten from a parent, heavenly or otherwise.” He kissed Evan on the nose again. “And he gave me the ability to spend time with you, and he chose not to…” Jared hesitated. “He chose not to take you away from me, and he chose to keep you safe.”
"And he let us be together," Evan added, the unspoken 'It's Okay To Love A Man' bleeding through his words.
"Yup." Jared popped his 'p' on that word. "I'll be here for as long as you'll allow me to be.” Evan stared at him for a minute. Jared could tell that his boyfriend had no idea how he was supposed to respond to that. Quite frankly, Jared wouldn't know how to respond in Evan's place either. “Now, can I climb on there with you?”
“Oh, yeah. Yeah no, of course.” Jared let go of Evan even though he really didn't want to. Evan scooted closer to the edge of the couch and opened up his cocoon to allow Jared into the blanket pile. Jared got on and tried his best to fit himself in between the back of the couch and his boyfriend. He ended up with his arms around Evan's waist.
“Love you,” he murmured into Evan's hair.
“Love you, too,” Evan whispered back.
Yup. This valentines day counted as a win in Jared’s book.