Chapter Text
“Happy Birthday, Jemma.”
32 years. 32 years well lived.
She built a wonderful career, so young, she was an eminence in biochemistry, very famous among biologists for her research on molecular genetics and evolution of the human genome. She has a nice apartment with two bedrooms, a very stable life and wonderful friends that have always been her support.
She was a very functional adult.
But there was something missing.
While she was a wonderful scientist and friend, apparently, she was a terrible girlfriend. She has dated many men before, all of them ending their relationship after a year and all of them with the same speech.
“You never have time for me.”
“You are always working.”
“When you get your priorities in order, you can call me.”
“It’s always about your work. What about us?”
And for a while, she never cares about it, she will not be with a man who does not respect her job. If they wouldn’t be by her side to support her and her dreams, then they did her a favor by leaving her alone.
But, she made a list when she was 7 and a half, more than a list was like a life plan. By this time, according to herself at 7 years old, she should have a lovely apartment in Central Park, with a pHD and a husband, four cats and a kid.
Apartment? Almost checked, she has lived in Boston since she started to teach at Harvard. But it was a very nice place in a nice zone.
pHD? Double check. By twenty, she has two of those, one in chemistry and another in biology. It made her proud. It was a wonder to work in a university, she teach on the afternoon and in the morning, she lead an investigation in Harvard labs. It was just the dream.
Four cats? Well, she wrote that because she was angry with her mom after she denied her having a cat. She should adopt one, she could, but she spends a lot of time on campus and the poor thing will be alone for so long…
Husband? Complicated. The only man that understood her needs, work and dreams was her best friend: Fitz. She has started to think that she scares men and she was not willing to change who she was just because she wants to get married.
The kid? Even more complicated. Because she was so ready to have a baby, this was just the perfect moment to have a baby.
“Jemma?” Fitz said.
She shakes her head, she gets lost in her thoughts.
“Happy birthday.” He repeat.
“Oh! Thank you.” she smiled when he hugged her.
“You don’t look like yourself. Are you alright?”
Fitz and Jemma met when they were sixteen, when they started college. They were very young to be in college and very far from home, aside from the fact that they arrived on another continent; when they met, they found comfort in each other and have been friends since then, the best friends.
They met when they went alone to the premiere of Harry Potter and the Azkaban Prisoner, he studied at MIT and she was at Harvard. Jemma was the one who talk to him, he look as lost and lonely as her, she feel miserable looking at all those university students going in big groups and then she was in the middle of it all by her side. He was achingly shy back then.
Since then, they have been inseparable. They meet every morning and every night at their favorite coffee shop, talking with him was perfectly easy and no one understands her like him.
“I was just thinking…” she said “I’m 32.”
“Yeah. Congratulations” he said “we have reserves for your favorite restaurant, Daisy just texted me to say that she refuses to use a nice dress.”
“No, Fitz” she said “I’m 32. And I broke up with Milton.”
“Yeah…” he was confused. “You said that he was annoying for always agreeing with you and then you called him cabbage head.”
“Just because you did it first and that’s not the point” she said “He was my longest relationship and for a while I thought that he would be the right one but then… Ugh, I’m terrible with men, I just made it to scare all of my ex boyfriends.”
“They were jerks. They were scared of an intelligent woman, they don’t deserve you.”
“I know I know but I thought that by this age I’ll be married and with kids and that is not happening” Jemma said with exasperation “and I’m very ready to have a baby.”
He almost choked with his tea. But he was alright so she continued “Even if I meet a man tonight and for some miracle is “the one”, it will take a considerable time to meet him, live together, get married and then have a kid. And I want to be a mom and I don’t want to wait.”
“Woah, woah, Simmons” he said “what the bloody hell? Are you hearing yourself? Look, you are in your early 30’s and you are having some kind of crisis. We are going to get drunk, you are going to relax and you’ll have a clear mind tomorrow.”
“I’m very clear right now. Look… Fitz… I have seen those mothers with their kids on the playground, walking in the streets and the stupid algorithm is showing me many videos of babies and moms and I want to be one of them. I’m very ready, this is my moment to become a mom and I… I’m tired of waiting.”
“Jemma…”
“I’m doing this alone” she said, suddenly and she spoke faster than she thought. Fitz’s jaw dropped “I’m not waiting anymore, I can do it all by myself.”
“Jemma! Those videos are just to make you think that you want a baby. Yesterday you were very good with your actual situation and on your birthday you just woke up and decided that…”
“Yes!” She said looking for her bag and taking out her notebook and a pencil, she needed to start to make plans. “All I had to do was to look for a fertility clinic, they surely have a database with sperm donors…”
“A WHAT donor?”
“Thank you so much, Fitz” she said while she stood up, he was in shock but yet she kissed his cheek “you always help to find solutions. I’ll see you tonight!”
“Sperm donor…”
___________
Fitz walks to work thinking about his conversation with Jemma.
It was weird…
Yesterday, she was talking about her birthday dinner and tequila, getting drunk and going to work with a hangover and now was talking about having kids?
He has to say that a part of him was in pain, it would be cheesy to say that it was his heart but actually, it was. He has been in love with her for years, maybe since they met, and every new boyfriend she has it was a pain in the ass and in his heart, he felt like a terrible friend each time she broke up with one of them and he felt happy about it.
But he never found the value to ask her for a date, she was the most important person in his life, his best friend, he can’t imagine a life without her and the mere idea of making things awkward because of feelings and losing her was giving him a headache.
Now, she is planning to have a baby all by herself…? With a donor…?
Yeah, they were at a good age to have kids, but… She was willing to have a kid all by herself, without any other person to co-parenting.
He never imagined himself having kids with any other person than Jemma. She was his best friend after all and they make a good team together, they will be wonderful parents, she will be a wonderful mother and…
Oh God.
He was confused.
__________
“Fitz! You are already here” Jemma said while opening the door of her apartment, she was barefoot and yet doing her hair “I’m sorry, I was researching fertility clinics and I totally forgot about dinner.”
“Jemma” he pinched his nose and sighed “are you serious?”
“Yes! I just hung a call with my health insurance company and they don’t cover all the fertility treatments but I can cover what they don’t.”
“Simmons, are you aware of what you are saying?” He said following her to her room “A kid is something very serious…”
“I know, Fitz. I’m not a child.”
“And very hard to take care of, you can’t do it by yourself.”
“I beg your pardon?” She said looking at him, damn, he shouldn’t have said that “I’m very capable. I have a double PhD.”
“I know that but what I mean is…” he sighed “You will be very tired and with no one to share the work.”
“Many women raise their children alone, your mom…”
“And it was difficult for her.”
“Fitz, I don’t think that in less than two years they will come to the right man to marry me and have kids together. And this is my time” she put on her heels and then came to him “I really want this and I want to know that people around me will be my support. I’m doing this, I’m very determined to. Life want me to be alone in motherhood and I’m ok with it.”
“But you don’t have to be alone! What about me?”
Shit. He wasn’t thinking and he was not able to shut his mouth.
“What about if I’m your donor?”
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
Why are you talking?
“We are best friends, we know each other, we trust each other and we have already worked together and I think that we make a good team.”
She was looking at him as if she was looking at an alien.
“I… I just… I think that…” he rambled “I just thought… you know, we can co-parenting, in a platonic way.”
“Platonic?”
“Yes! Platonic. We are just two best friends who will raise a kid together… We are the same age, we know each other, our ideals are very similar and we have a great communication.”
“That’s…” she was speechless.
Oh God, he just lost the best relationship that he has ever had with anyone and just because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut. He was ready for her to explode in anger and take him away from her place but that moment never came.
“A good idea, actually.” She said.
“Wait, what?!”
“But you don’t want kids. You have never mentioned it, I thought you didn’t want them.”
“I want them but hey, maybe your love life is a mess but at least you have one. My last girlfriend was Lisa, ten years ago. Just like you do, I can’t find a proper partner.”
“But we are the perfect partner, except that we don’t love each other romantically speaking.”
“Huh, yeah” he said, trying not to sound hurt to make her suspect that he actually felt something romantic for her. “Many children around the world grow up with parents not together as a romantic couple. We can co-parenting.”
“Yes…” she said, he can see the gears moving in her head “I know you and I will have unlimited access to your medical history, which solve the problem of having an anonymous donor and not knowing his full medical condition or his family.”
“Yeah, that’s good.”
“But Fitz… are you truly aware of what it means…? A kid will unite us forever.”
He imagines their kid, too smart for their own good. A kid that looks like them both, they both will teach them about science, a little human between them during breakfast and movie nights. She would like her mother, maybe she would have his eyes but for god’s sake she better have Jemma’s hair. They will have a lot of work with her and… when and why does he start to imagine a daughter?
“We will have all the good parts and will avoid the complicated and unpredictable romantic part of the whole process.” He simply said “it will be fun.”
“Fun?”
“Yeah…” he said, scared, God he is scared that he messes up things “It should be fun, isn’t it? We, raising a little human… a little human that if turns to be like us will give us a lot of work to do.”
“Fitz…” she said, she was repressing a smile “When you said that you’ll be a donor and you will be co-parenting with me but as friends, in a platonic way, are you really aware that that implies you ejaculating on a cup, right?”
“Oh God! Yes, yes, and I thought that we will ignore THAT” Jemma laughed while he rambled “I mean it, I’ll do… THAT on the cup, I’ll do that to get the baby. I’ll hold your hair during morning sickness, I’ll get your cravings, I’ll give you massages when you are too tired because of the extra weight and I’ll hold your hand while you are in labor. I’ll be here to change diapers and I’ll rock the baby until they fall asleep and just in every minute of their life.”
“Daisy is waiting for us.” Jemma said.
What does that mean? He has no idea, but with some luck, she will forget what he just said.
__________
Dinner went just fine, they drank wine while they talked about their jobs and Daisy gave them the news about her superiors that have been working together for years and it’s kind of obvious that they like each other but won’t admit it.
“I spent such a good time with you, guys” Daisy said hugging them both “This place was very fancy and don’t misunderstand me, I had to admit that I love the food, but for my birthday we’re going somewhere else.”
“Who knows?” Jemma said smiling and looking at Fitz “Maybe next year will be different.”
Fitz swallow hard.
They said goodbye to Daisy and then walked to Fitz’s car to leave.
“Give me the keys” Jemma said “You drink so much wine.” She said with a cheeky smile.
Fitz didn’t dare to say anything, he just took out the keys of his pocket and gave it to her. He sat in the passenger’s seat and Jemma drove to her place; all the way, he remain in silence not knowing if he should said something or if he should stay quiet and just pretend that nothing happened.
“Why will you do this?” Jemma asks when they were halfway there “don’t you think that I’m capable of raising a kid alone?”
“I… I just thought… As best friends, we are very compatible and we have great communication which is important for co-parenting.”
“Yeah but…”
“Have you ever heard about those friends that married each other at 40 if they didn't find anyone to get married to?”
“But with us having a baby” Jemma said with a clinical tone “We didn’t find a good romantic partner to have a baby with but we are the best partner to have a baby. Without the romantic thing.”
“Isn’t it great?”
“Fitz…”
“Look, I know that I was begin stupid and I should have stayed quiet. You’ll do an awesome job as a mother and I’ll be happy to be the old uncle Fitz.”
“No, Fitz. I think it is a great idea” she said while she parked in front of her place “We are best friends, after all. I just want you to be sure of what this means. I know that I want to be a mother but I have never heard you say anything about children.”
“Simmons, I have never had a long term relationship” he said and sighed “Can we just pretend that I didn’t say anything? I thought it will be great but I should have stayed quiet.”
“But it’s a great idea. I just think that we need to talk more about it,” Jemma said “Maybe we can talk tomorrow, as usual, maybe earlier, and discuss all the details.”