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This is Osamu Dazai and this isn’t how he expected things to turn out. He was just messing with Chuuya like always but now he doesn’t know if he really hated Chuuya in the first place.
He was 18 when it happened now he’s 25 he still remembers it though it was years ago now.
18 years old
Dazai is walking outside heading back to his shipping container after going to the store to pick up some new bandages.
(He was running low) Then as he’s walking past a park he spots Chuuya and he would never waste a chance to mess with his dog so he runs up to him.
“Hiya Chuuya” Dazai said dragging out the y and a in Chuuya’s name, the second Chuuya heard Dazai he was already ticked off
“What do you want shitty Dazai”
“Oh Chuuya you wound me”
“Just shut the hell up what do you want I’m busy with better things you suicidal mackerel”
In all honesty Dazai just wanted to annoy him but Dazai thinks he has the perfect way to mess with Chuuya
“Oh well Chuuya I was just wandering if you would like to commit lovers suicide with me one day” Chuuya just stands there looking at Dazai, questioning the one day part in his head.
‘I mean this is Dazai we’re talking about what does he mean one day’ Chuuya thinks the wall looking at Dazai, seeming to be looking for anything on Dazai’s face showing he was joking but there was nothing.
“What do you mean one day? Usually when you’re asking a person to commit lovers suicide with you, you plan to do it right away.”
“That’s not a no Chuuya what’s your answer” he looks at Dazai curiously than starts to talk
“What’s your plan here” Chuuya says suspiciously I mean Dazai’s just fucking around like always right? Or he’s just hiding his amusement better than normal
“I have no plan here Chuuya, it's just a request” Dazai says with a completely blank face.
“So Chuu-ya! What do you think, me an amazingly handsome man requesting you to join me in a wonderful lovers suicide, You just can’t say no now can you?”
Chuuya and Dazai stand there for what feels like hours looking at each other Chuuya debating his options just ignore Dazai and walk away but Dazai will probably keep nagging him for an answer but then Chuuya makes his decision and speaks again “If the time comes and I want to die then yes Dazai I’ll commit lovers suicide with you”
Dazai’s breath gets caught in his throat, Chuuya said lovers. Chuuya. Said. Lovers. CHUUYA SAID LOVERS?! Chuuya didn’t even mind that he said lovers suicide, or that Dazai did either, is Dazai dreaming? Dazai wants to question why Chuuya said yes and why he said lovers but Chuuya turns around and leaves a bewildered looking Dazai behind.
That’s the last conversation they have before Dazai leaves the Port Mafia.
——————
Chuuya doesn’t know why he said yes maybe he just wanted to get back at Dazai and mess with him like Dazai does with him so Chuuya decides that when they see each other for there next mission he’ll tell Dazai he was just joking messing with him but that time never comes.
19 years old
It’s been a year. Dazai left and abandoned Chuuya a year ago. Chuuya still thinks about their last conversation every day. Every single fucking day. It took Dazai leaving for Chuuya to realize how much he loved, wait no that words not strong enough Chuuya didn’t just love Dazai, that’s just not enough to express his feelings for Dazai Osamu, Dazai was everything to him but he was too dumb to understand that.
Chuuya can’t help but hope Dazai didn’t die, that Dazai is still alive and will come back to him one day and they’ll be together not just as work partners, not just as best friends but as more. But that’s just wishful thinking even if Dazai’s alive he’ll never feel the same. Chuuya was just a pawn on Dazai’s board. At least that’s what Chuuya believes.
——————
It’s been a year. He left Chuuya behind a year ago. Dazai still thinks about their last conversation every day. Dazai was just too scared to ask Chuuya to join him, he had already made Chuuya lose the sheep and he’s finally got a family again he couldn’t have just asked Chuuya to leave them.
He didn’t hate Chuuya, no he didn't, he didn't love him either. That word is just too small to show everything he feels for Chuuya. Chuuya is the sun, the brightest part in Dazai’s life and the reason he’s alive. Chuuya saved Dazai from many suicide attempts, and made sure he was healthy and ate. He knows Chuuya cared about him in some way but he still left Chuuya and even if they meet in the future Chuuya will hate him.
At least that’s what Dazai believes.
22 years old
Dazai Osamu and Chuuya Nakahara thought they would never see each other again so when Chuuya found out Dazai was in the Port Mafia dungeon he drank himself to sleep.
When Dazai heard Chuuya’s voice for the first time in 4 years he wanted to run but he couldn’t because he’s chained up, the one person he didn’t want to come down and see him is coming down to see him the one who hates his guts wall he’s in love with him.
When Dazai saw Chuuya he thinks he fell in-love all over again. I mean Chuuya is so beautiful even more so now that he’s gotten older.
——————
Chuuya and Dazai act like nothing happened when they meet again they act as if their last conversation never happened. They have to team up a few times and they both wish it was the same as it was but it’ll never be the same. There's this new feeling in their partnership, a felling of regret and sadness.
25 years old
Dazai and Chuuya are 25 now they’ve known each other for 10 years, 10 years of longing for the other for more than what they are. But then it happens Chuuya almost loses Dazai again.
Dazai and Chuuya had a mission they had to do and Dazai never showed up. Yes the mission was easy and Chuuya finished it with ease but there was something nagging at him he was worried something happened to Dazai.
Chuuya is at Dazai’s house after driving there and his worry is growing he barely shuts off his car and runs to Dazai’s dorm and bangs on the door he here’s nothing from inside so he goes to brake the door handle off to get inside but it’s not locked Dazai never leaves it unlocked.
(TW for pills and description of sh)
He slams open the door and frantically looks around. He doesn't see Dazai in the main room so he goes to Dazai’s room. Dazai isn’t in there but there are so many empty sake bottles everywhere and pill bottles. Empty pill bottles. EMPTY PILL BOTTLES! ‘Shit shit shit fuck is Dazai dead’ Chuuya thinks as he turning around and runs to the bathroom and the door isn’t locked but something’s or someone is holding it closed.
He shoves the door open and what he sees is the worst he’s ever seen Dazai; Dazai is on the floor in nothing but boxers blood everywhere his forearms, his wrists, his thighs, his chest, his stomach. Dazai is so pale but he’s breathing so Chuuya doesn’t let his emotions show he starts the tub.
Dazai isn’t really there he doesn’t know what’s going on and Chuuya understands that he slowly lowers Dazai into the tub after getting the pills out of Dazai and starts to gently take care of the new cuts on Dazai, Dazai has so many scars and Chuuya can see were he re opened some and were he made more once Chuuya gets him out and dried off and in bandages he lays Dazai on his futon and collects all the sharp objects in Dazai house he goes and lays next to Dazai.
(TW over)
When Chuuya lays down Dazai grabs onto him and says one thing that breaks Chuuya “Why didn’t you let me, why can’t you let me die Chuuya” Dazai sounded desperate, defeated like he’s given up Chuuya doesn’t know when it got this bad for Dazai again but he’s glad he was there to stop him.
Chuuya sighs and starts to take his hands in Dazai’s hair and starts to speak
“You know I’ll never let you leave at least not without me we agreed on that when we were 18 don’t you remember if I’m ready for us to die we die together a lovers suicide remember?”
Dazai sits for a second shocked Chuuya remembers then he says
“We’re not lovers Chuuya” Chuuya knows this and he hates this he wishes they were more but they can’t be but he can still try.
“Why not? Why aren’t we Osamu? You know I want us to be like that so can’t we?” Dazai’s breath is caught once again he looks at Chuuya finally
“What?” They sit in silence for a few moments that feel like forever till Dazai talks again
“Chuuya, what do you mean? Are you fucking with me?”
Dazai is freaking out, Chuuya just asked why can’t they be lovers and that’s all Dazai has ever wanted. He's wanted Chuuya to be his for 10 years now and he may be getting that.
Chuuya is freaking out he just told Dazai he’s in love with him… well technically he just hinted at it but that’s not the point the point is that he just ruined everything 10 years of a partnership ruined because of Chuuya’s stupid feeling.
“I’m not messing with you I promise I’m sorry I’ll go get your new partner to take care of you I’ll be going goodbye O- Daz-“
Chuuya gets pushed down and Dazai is above him red in the face.
“Don’t leave please Chuuya, you haven’t even let me answer you, you dumb slug”
Chuuya just stares at Dazai. His heart is beating so fast he thinks he’s having a heart attack he hopes he’s having a heart attack. He knows Dazai’s going to turn him down I mean- Chuuya’s thoughts get cut off by Dazai
“Chuuya I don’t love you-“ That’s all Chuuya needs to know that he’ll never have Dazai in his life ever again “no that words too little to explain how much I feel for you you are everything to me Chuuya I love you I want you I have for the last 10 years. You don’t understand how happy I am to hear you love me as well”
Dazai sits watching Chuuya carefully waiting for an answer but all Chuuya can do is lunge at him and kiss him with longing and not hunger but desperately all the feelings they’ve been hiding from each other for 10 years coming out in one kiss.
They have to pull away to breathe but they don’t go far; they sit with their foreheads touching looking into each other’s eyes.
——————
After they talk about their feelings and decide to give them a try a few weeks later they move in together (Chuuya’s penthouse of course) Dazai’s doing better mentally he still has bad days but he’s actually happy now.
Age unknown
Dazai and Chuuya adopt a dog and a cat Slug and Mackerel (Macky for short). They get married and their rings are both black the inside saying double black. They live for years together and love each other.
Chuuya and Dazai, Dazai and Chuuya that’s how their story starts and ends.
Vtyfk