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A chime of a doorbell reverberated as Cynthia waited for the entrance to swing open. She and some of the other Champions had taken up residence in a Villa on the East Unova Coast for a meeting. When the door finally did unlock, she greeted Wallace before heading to the kitchen and slammed down the results of her journey to the shop on the table.
“What’s got you upset?” Quipped (A/N Quipped is the worst said synonym fight me) the coordinator, who had followed her into the room.
Cynthia glared at him, not amused “They were out of ice cream. Why would a shop nearby a resort not have enough stock?! It’s Undella Town for crying out loud!”. Her early visit to the store yielded few results - they didn’t seem to have much beyond the usual necessities.
“At least we have the essentials?” Steven attempted to reason, but there was no reasoning with the Sinnoh Champion.
“Ice cream IS one of the essentials.”
“Only to you” Iris cut in.
“Enough.” The Kalos(ian) Champion with her Kalosian accent also interrupted, having been watching “Did you actually buy what you were meant to, Cynthia?”
The blonde blinked as she looked through the items. “What do you mean”
Then everyone all collectively face palmed because Cynthia did not actually buy anything for tea.
The blonde pulled out a box from the bag “Aaaand I got Spicy Poffins! XD”
Iris, her saving grace, spoke up, looking up from her Poryphone. “There’s a McDonalds about half an hour from here, if we take the road around Route 14.”
“Greetings” said Geeta as she entered. “What are you all doing?” Everyone in the room turned and stared at her.
“Aren’t you counted as an Elite 4?” (A/N Check Pokémon Home) asked Leon. “Not really what I’d consider a Champion time if there’s an Elite 4 here.”
“I also haven’t seen you at any tournaments…” Cynthia proposed.
“That’s fair, I don’t want to be a burden on you guys.” Geeta nearly said in tears. “I’m going.” The Paldean Champion exited (sad violin music). Cynthia was certain she could hear a chorus of kricketunes in the distance. 🦗
“Maybe we were a bit harsh?” Diantha suggested.
Cynthia shook her head. “Nah, an Elite 4 would kill the vibe.”
“At least we didn’t invite Alder!”
“Harharhar” everyone clapped and cheered.
The sun hung in the air, exerting a fiery crimson (niche reference x2) aura like it was on the last day of its existence, the evening slowly creeping up on them. Steven was sat in the driver's seat of the van; one of the few people who attends the meetings who is actually competent at the task of driving.
“Ewwww Steven your shorts are so gross!” the Unova Champion factually stated.
They all took a single look at the aforementioned shorts, which contained an awful Pinap Berry themed design and were worn over trousers. Wallace gagged.
“Those are so unfashionable.” Diantha said. “Shorts aren’t meant to be worn over trousers.”
“How dare you insult my florts!” Steven defended.
The Sinnoh Champion stared at the florts. Disgusting. “Steven I will literally put those in the bin if you do not take them off.” And so Steven was forced to relent and discard his beloved florts.
Cynthia soon found herself squished between Iris, who was editing a selfie with her Haxorus (so quirky) and Lance, who kept attempting to strike up a conversation about a new Kantonian Law. Something about increasing the police force, since they only had two policemen before. Coordinator Wallace was in the front, guiding Steven with Smeargle Maps. The others were in the row behind.
“No, Steven, they drive on the right here-“
“That would’ve been useful to know earlier.” Steven quipped.
At one point the van pulled over as the Hoenn duo in the front snapped into a brief argument.
“I cannot believe we are married,” said Steven.
Wallace gave a mock look of horror in return. “I know, perhaps we accidentally went to the wrong altar.”
“Can you just shut up and drive?! I want my McFlurry® 🍨 already.” Cynthia complained.
“We get there when we get there!” exclaimed Steven, sick of being hounded (houndoomed?) by the others.
By the time the vehicle pulled to a halt in the McDonalds car park, everyone had shut up. Unfortunately, Steven ran over someone on the way, but who cares they weren’t a Champion 😎.
They awkwardly shuffled themselves into the building and over to the counter.
Cynthia was the first to stride over to the young employee “I’d like an Oreo McFlurry® please.”
The worker apologised “Sorry we’re out of that flavour.”
“Lotus? Smarties? Maltesers?! DO YOU HAVE ANY FLAVOUR??!” She slammed her hands on the counter, her left eye’s scar becoming exposed as her hair slipped back.
“No.”
The blonde’s jaw dropped 1.2 metres in surprise at this terrible news as the others came over to make their orders. Dropping her composure was a non-existent price to pay to obtain the most sacred food item.
“Hmm what to order…” Lance queried with a hand to his chin. (A/N help me) “I’ll take one Quarter Pounder® with Cheese. No. Four.”
After a brief exchange, Wallace ordered a 10-piece chicken McNuggets®. Diantha ordered Apple Slices and Iris got a Happy Meal®.
“Uh where’s Leon?” Questioned Steven.
“He was with us when we came in.” Iris added.
“Well he must have gotten lost.” Wallace huffed with a hint of annoyance. (wallace ily but i don’t know what to do with you in this plot)
“Classic Leon!” Lance said with a sigh. “I’ll go find him.”
Steven walked up and declared "I'll have a McChicken, btw did you know that I've got a ton of fraudulent IDs there's a little fun fact about me.”
“Cynthia,” Diantha tried to console Cynthia, who was shaking and crying and throwing up, still shocked from the awful news “They still have a lot of other options.”
The Sinnoh Champion defeatedly scanned the menu, before her eyes settled on the ‘Grimace Birthday Meal’. With a revived spring in her step, she turned to the employee again.
“I’ll have the Grimace Birthday Meal with a Big Mac® please.”
At last the party took seats at the table with the yields of their McDonalds trip.
————————————————————
Meanwhile, a certain Paldea Champion was lost somewhere in the maze of Ikea. She hadn’t purchased any items yet and was aimlessly navigating the displays, when she saw an advertisement for IKEA Ice Cream, it only reminded her of the far superior blonde champion.
“yo”
What the fuck? Geeta turned around and took tentative steps towards one of the grey sofas on display.
“Furniture can’t talk.” She shook her head and spoke in an exhausted tone. (Tell not show is always the best writing method hahahahaha) “Well, the more you know.”
The sofa spent five minutes talking to the Top Champion about life while she stood there, paralysed by confusion.
“Your friends are in impending danger.” The sofa spoke spookily.
“I don’t understand the ‘impending danger’ of McDonalds.” Geeta spat. “You’re weird. I don’t know how I can even understand you.” The cracks in her confidence began to appear as she thought back to earlier, “Besides, they aren’t my friends. They don’t include me in anything outside of our meetings. And rightfully so, I’m not good enough for them, they hate me and they have every right to.”
The sofa gave more words of wisdom “Just wait until they need Modern Paldea Military intelligence.”
“What? Why would they ever need that?!” Geeta exclaimed. “I don’t even have the security codes for Paldea’s Military!” The Top Champion yelled, before lowering her voice due to being in a public space. Strangely there didn’t seem to be anyone else in the endless IKEA.
“It’s okay” the sofa said softly “I got divorced from one of my partners 108 years ago and lost 80% of my possessions. Never been the same since.”
“ok” geeta responded. “Thanks for oversharing ig.” And besides, I don’t think polyamory is necessarily ethic-“
-sofa told her “The Grimpocalypse is nearly upon us.”
“Grim-what?”
“You shall soon see.” ooooo ominous spooky.
————————————————————
The group of Champions engaged in lighthearted conversation with Cynthia remaining relatively quiet for once as she tried the mysterious purple milkshake. Iris, seated next to her, seemed interested in the vivid colour of the liquid.
“That’s so cool.” she said. “Does it actually taste any good though?”
The blonde responded “It’s based. Real W. I still wish they had McFlurries…”
Briefly, they were cast in shadow as the lights flicker.
“…Did you guys just spot that?” Leon (who had suddenly rejoined the group) asked, looking up towards the ceiling.
Lance shook his head “It’s a cheaply built fast-food restaurant, probably nothing to worry about.” He returned to sharing his McDonalds items with his Dragonite.
“You know, this almost reminds me of a time where I acted-“ The Kalosian Champion told, before being cut off by another light flicker.
“Omg crazy” said Leon. “What a shocker!”
Cynthia pulled out her new set of earbuds like an antisocial loser. “Before we start this video, I’d like to thank my sponsor, “Raycons”. I actually have a pair of Raycons and I love them. I usually use them when I’m exploring ruins or at home playing Minecraft. The sound quality is amazing. The ones I’m using right now are the everyday E25’s. Seamless Bluetooth pairing, more bass, more Champion Time. Go to buyracon.com(CynthiaJeness) for 15% off your first order.”
At this point the funky friendship family had mostly finished their prior purchases.
“It’s already dark out. I’m not driving again that would be ‘cringefail’ 😂 if I crashed XD.” The rock enthusiast commented.
Iris held her head in her hands “Steven please stop trying to be hip.”
“Fine. I suppose I’ll have to drive.” Wallace retorted. The archaeologist used a paper towel to wipe away a line of purple fluid that had just leaked from her mouth. “Guys wouldn’t it be funny if this shake was poisonous” (Ersa reference my beloved)
“Nonsense you’ll get better.” Lance responded.
“Maybe we’ll go home now, we’re all done anyway.” Steven pointed out. “Besides, this building seems to have some issues.” The Champions prepared to return to the accommodation.
————————————————————
At IKEA, the mysterious sofa and Geeta concluded their conversation.
“Well thank you for the chat?” said the Paldea Champion. “It’s getting late. I should head home.”
“Goodbye.” The Sofa bid her farewell as she made the journey back to Undella Town. Waves softly lapped at the shoreline as she navigated the street which were starting to turn dark. She reached the stretch of villas, taking a pause to exhale, already missing the fun, albeit strange, company of the sofa. The transport van is already pulled into the driveway- meaning that the other Champions should already be back. Did she really want to face them just yet?
Just then, something caused her to freeze in horror. Outside the villa- not their villa- the one to the right- Caitlin’s Villa if she remembers correctly, (that is a grammar crime) a trail of violet liquid had been spilt, a pathway of it leading to and underneath the door. She can tell by the window that the lights are on. Someone must be inside. The Top Champion stilled her nerves and put a gloved hand on the door handle, and to her surprise there was no lock, and it swung open rather easily.
Nothing could’ve prepared her for what lay inside. The Sinnoh Champion was surrounded in more viscous purple liquid, limp on the floor. Before Geeta could process this development however, the lights illuminating the room falter. She let out a stifled shriek.
When they inevitably turn back on the stark light scorches her eyes. Turning her gaze- she only found Cynthia (?) towering over her…
“Cynthia a-areyouokay?” Geeta quizzed only for Cynthia to unveil a blade of purple goop. The archaeologist’s once silver orbs now blazed with the purple flames of the apocalypse. Her body drips with a sticky lilac sludge. Ç̴̩̅̈́͌͋̐y̵̬͍̘͉̌̌͠ṉ̶̱̇̉͌͘ṱ̴͇̰͈͎̆̇̀͑h̵̻̬͊͛i̷͔̐͆͒̒͝ạ̷̣͓̓ͅ’s glare settled on the chairwoman for a few moments, and then it robotically moves to leave with the knife still brandished in its right hand, the Sinnoh Champion’s bubbly disposition replaced with a more destructive one. Geeta stood, frozen in fear as she sees it head into the Champion’s Villa.
Steven, Wallace, Iris and Diantha were sitting on the couch watching Netflix, specifically Barbie Life in the Dreamhouse.
“I can relate to Barbie in some ways” the actress commented “Working multiple jobs can be quite challenging.”
“In that case I relate to Raquelle.” Wallace stated, causing the others to look at him and raise an eyebrow. “What? Live laugh love.”
“What would that make me?” Steven asked.
Iris said “A bag o dem chips HAHAHAHAHAHA” [note to self change this later]
Just then, everyone conveniently turned their heads to the Villa door as a certain blonde figure entered.
“Oh, good evening Cynthia-“ his sentence crawled to a halt, the remainder not making it off of his tongue as he sees the figure stare at them with malicious intent clear even in the soulless look of its lavender orbs.
“Omg it’s the Man behind the Slaughter” said Iris.
Leon and Lance were having a banger time upstairs, talking about the merits of wearing a cape, having greatly bonded after the former’s accidental displacement from McDonalds. Turns out, the dragon master had been interested in learning how to market sponsors using the clothing item, and Leon was an expert on this. Suddenly, the door opened, and they too fall to the goop. Minutes later, Cynthia and a squad of corrupted Champions left the Villa.
————————————
One (1) lone Champion who was on a bus to Castelia to take a boat home to Paldea scrolled through her phone. Unread League Emails, messages from Clavell and Rika. The usual. She clicked on a link that the latter had just sent.
Black City Warning
Geeta raised an eyebrow before skimming the article. She felt her hand tighten around the phone as she saw the blurry images of swarms of some kind of monster. Those weren’t Pokémon. They were something else entirely. Not exactly like Cynthia earlier, but the shade of purple was identical. The article described their disposition as vicious, and apparently the whole city was in lockdown. Geeta rarely does scroll Chattoter- the site was a toxic cesspool in her opinion, but when she reluctantly opened her timeline she saw people comparing the images from the reports to a McDonalds mascot.
McDonalds… that’s where the Champions went. Her eyes widened in horror. She’s the only one who can stop this. But she doesn’t even know how she can- she’s not a real champion after all. A useless weakling. 😭 The official records still say she’s an Elite 4 of all things. She’s a mess.
“Need some help?” An unfamiliar voice inquires. From the shadows of the Pokémon Center (?), a new face emerges.
“Wh-Who are you?”
“The name’s Trace, I’m from Kanto.” Geeta’s orbs scanned Trace, suddenly realising that this person was only about half her height. “Beyond that isn’t important. We’ve got some Grimace clones to destroy.”
“???”
La Primera followed Trace outside of the Center, and lounging on the beach sands was a large, jet-black Helicopter, to which the Kantonian promptly rushed over to.
“Excuse me? How did you even get this… it looks oddly… militarised?” she asked, stepping onto the vehicle.
“E-Bay.”
To this Geeta just nodded. That’s the only thing she could do as her brain struggled to process everything. The Helicopters blades begin to slice through the air. She clung to a handle by the wall as the wind whipped against her.
Another voice. “Need some help?” The Chairwoman turned to see Alder.
“Ew no” she said as she shut the door in his face.
“Fuck” thought Alder.
As the chopper drew close to Black City, Geeta leaned out to see the damage below. Grimace had to be stopped.
“What do you expect me to do about all of this? We’ll die if we land!”
“Not if we use these.” Trace gestured to two turrets that have emerged from the vehicle. “Behold! The curinator! With this, we can degrimacify the clones and save Grimace City!”
Geeta quizzed “What? Shoot them?! But surely- my friends must be down there. And think of all the innocent people! We can’t just shoot people, Trace!”
“These will airdrop vaccines- Grimace Purifiers as I like to call them- all across the city. We must get to work before the Grimacification works its way out. If it spreads further” he draws a line across his neck “We all get Grimaced.”
“Wow, that sounds bad.” Geeta observed. She felt a new resolve. “Let’s do this.”
Across the next two hours, the duo waged war on the new Grimace City. They navigated the largest clusters of Grimaces and airdropped the vaccines, and slowly but surely it seemed like there are less and less copies of the monster plaguing the streets. Eventually, towards the centre, Trace and the Paldea Champion had to weave their way between the buildings and hover dangerously close to the hordes to get the most accuracy with the cures. The Grimacified-Champions were elusive. She took out a Pokéball, letting out her most trusted partner- Glimmora, instructing it to help clear some Grimace citizens.
“Glimmora, Sludge Wave.” The Pokémon unleashed a carpet of poisonous purple (omg ersa!) at the Grimace crowd. The huge range of the attack hit the Grimaces with a great knockback, like a knockback 2 enchanted diamond sword in minecraft.
“Aha” commented Trace as he gunned pellets of vaccine at the crowd, whittling the rest down until there’s seemingly none left. The Grimace plague had been defeated. Suddenly, a concentrated pool of goop emerged on the tarmac and out from it crawled out the Grimacified husk of Cynthia. It turned its gooey head to the Helicopter, and locked onto it as a target.
(WAIT THIS PLOT IS JUST DESPICABLE ME 2)
Geeta looked once more to Glimmora. “Something something light paldea” Her Tera Orb sparkled as the Pokémon terastallized into a pure Rock Type. “Tera Blast.” A crystalline attack headed towards Cynthia, who dodged skillfully and slashed the Pokémon with the Grimace knife. The blow left Glimmora on 1HP.
“Oh no what do I do”
“Use a potion.” said Trace.
“What’s a potion?” questioned Geeta. “Sounds like a cheap non-Paldean tactic”
Trace went to fire the final shots of vaccine, but the gun clicked in exhaustion. “Oh no!!!!!!!!!!! It’s conveniently jammed.” He specified.
“Don’t you have any other guns?!“ Geeta asked.
“Hey they don’t exactly come cheap” Trace admits.
In light of this, the Chairwoman sprinted to the front of the Helicopter to use the built in guns instead. Without much knowledge of how to operate firearms or a rotorcraft, she slammed various buttons and magically she hit the right one oh wow. Two guns appeared from the helicopter and razed their grimace-selves with fire.
Within seconds the goopy Champions were defeated. The purple sludge from their bodies started to disappear, retracting and seemingly vanishing.
Geeta dropped down from the chopper and rushed over to the Champion bodies. Trace joined her, and they ensured the pulses are stable.
“Omg thankfully this is all over now.”
“It is not over.” Trace said, before a purple haze appeared before the Champions. It wrapped together like a twister, binding and increasing in volume. The skyscraper of sludge then takes shape, sending a deep Shiver cascading down her spinal cord.
“Piss off.” Geeta cursed. “Not dealing with that.”
It seemed that Kaiju Grimace was going to be their single punisher in this instance.
Trace grinned “We can still win. Believe in yourself, Paldean Champion.” He began to film himself unboxing something from Ebay… the new device took shape, fastly becoming many stories high.
Geeta’s shiny new mech rivalled Super Grimace in height.
“We’re so La Primerback!” Trace exclaimed.
The Paldean Champion fired the missiles from her mech, which were like Glimmora Crystals oooo
Super Grimace launched a Mega Grimace Punch in return, but Geeta’s mech shrugged it off with ease. She was unstoppable.
“Your reign is over Grimace.” Geeta spoke confidently as the missiles collided with Super Grimace in a huge plume of fire.
With that, it was finally over. Grimace keeled over and disappeared, purple particles spreading like stars in the dusky sky.
Geeta looked down at Black City as she exited the mech through a slide. Once back on the ground, she saw her Champion besties standing up.
“That was some weird shake.” Cynthia observed. “It’s. almost like I had fallen down a well to fantasyland…”
“Hmm don’t be so foreboding.” Leon shook his head.
Steven Stone turned towards her. “Thank you for saving us, Geeta. We owe you one.”
“You were just as strong as us all along!” Iris said.
Geeta cried tears as the others recognised her efforts.
“So what now?” Diantha suggested. “We can all agree we’re never going back there again.”
“What about KFC!” Cynthia chimed in. “Let’s all go this time.”
Wallace joked “Except Alder!” They all laughed and linked arms as they walked out of Black City, into the sunset…
The Paldean Champion soon realised she was forgetting someone. As she glanced behind her into the shadows, she saw no helicopter. No mech. Only Trace, giving her a thumbs up. Geeta nodded in return, before looking ahead to spend time with her newfound family.
——————
Some time later, the people of Black City pondered what to do with the giant mech; it was turned into a major tourist attraction, rivalling Black Tower. Unfortunately for them, the Mech scared the residents, causing the city to soon be converted to White Forest. The end <3