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Sokka is pretty sure he's never seen Zuko as uncomfortable as he is now, as Chit Sang turns his attention sharply and suddenly to him. And, even though they've only been allies for about a week, friends for even less than that, Sokka knows that's saying something.
They're on their way back to the Western Air Temple in their stolen airship. At first, it was awkward. Sokka being pretty much the only link between the five of them, he's had to put up with several awkward and searching glances thrown his way. It feels like he's only had a moment to come down from the adrenaline of the fight, of barely making it out alive (once again), and now he's still expected to break the tension?
Chit Sang, much like how he started the riot back at the Boiling Rock, immediately takes matters into his own hands. In the least subtle way possible.
“So.” Chit Sang gives Zuko a leveling stare. Like he's considering him for the first time. “You’re Zuko. The Zuko?”
“Um. Yes?”
Sokka doesn't like the way Zuko says it like a question. A question he doesn't know the answer to. “As opposed to all the other Zukos in the world?” Sokka finds himself asking.
Chit Sang shrugs. Zuko looks annoyed. Like he would still rather be anywhere else on the planet. He's easy to tick off like that.
“Well, after a royal birth, that name tends to become more popular,” Chit Sang says. “Still not exactly common.”
“Well, I am Prince Zuko, if that's what you're asking,” Zuko grits out.
Unexpectedly, Chit Sang lets out a resounding laugh. “Man, we all thought you were dead.”
Suki, who hasn't said anything for a few minutes, looks to Sokka for guidance. Sokka shrugs with a grimace. He doesn't know what's going on either. Best to let it play out. Sokka's father leans forward where he's sitting, hands clasped before him, deeply interested.
Zuko, for his part, blushes. “Oh. Um. Sorry?”
“Wait, back up,” Sokka interrupts Chit Sang, who looks like he's about to say something. “What? What are you talking about?”
“Well–” Zuko cringes. “–It's a long story.”
Chit Sang gives him a confused look. “Not really. You all don't know about this?” Sokka shakes his head. “Last I'd heard, Prince Zuko here was ‘banished.’ Just like the Fire Lady. Assumed that was some code for execution.”
Zuko shifts where he's sitting. He looks angry, then lost, then angry again. “I really was banished.” His face twists in a scowl. “My father did try to kill me, though.”
Chit Sang shrugs like it's not nearly the worst the Fire Lord could have done, and, weirdly, something desperate rises in Sokka's chest. He feels his jaw drop and he looks between Chit Sang and Zuko, waiting for either to elaborate. His father still hasn't said a word. Turning to Suki, all Sokka sees is solemn discomfort.
“Are you…okay?” Suki asks. She still hasn't really looked Zuko in the eye since they've been, well, reunited. That was the nicest word for whatever happened in that prison. There's palpable tension between them.
“I guess?” He doesn't seem to do well with concern being shed his way. “I'm still alive, obviously.”
Something feels deeply wrong with the way Zuko brushes off Suki's question. She looks a little disgusted and turns away. Sokka sees his father's posture straighten and feels his gaze turn towards him. He feels awkward under it.
Zuko breaks the silence terribly, as per usual. “Either way, the Avatar will have to take my father down. He's a horrible man.”
“We already knew that part.” Sokka doesn't like that Zuko felt the need to clarify. “But he really tried to kill you? That's so messed up!”
“I know.” Darkness takes hold of Zuko's features. Sokka is starting to get why he takes everything so seriously, so personally. “He's tried and succeeded at killing plenty of others.”
The desperate feeling in Sokka's chest won't go away.
Suki turns back to Zuko. “I remember hearing a rumor, a long time ago, that the Crown Prince had died.”
“Well, don't believe everything you hear,” Zuko spits out, though there's none of his usual bite behind it. Suki still shrinks back.
Sokka's father tilts his head. “I remember something similar. I thought you might have had a…brother?”
“I don't have any brothers.” More than anything, Zuko looks perplexed.
Sokka holds his hands out. This conversation is starting to go in too many directions. “Okay, wait, wait, wait. First of all,” he says, turning to Zuko, “I'm still not over the whole your-dad-tried-to-kill-you thing. Second, how is everyone hearing these rumors but I'd never ever heard of you before this last year?” Not in order of importance, of course.
“Honestly, I thought my father would have bragged more about banishing me. He'd been trying to get me out of the way long before then.”
“You get how that's not reassuring in the slightest, right?”
“It wasn't meant to be.” Zuko turns away from Sokka, staring at the floor. He's obviously thinking about something far away.
“Wouldn't you want, I don't know, revenge?” Suki asks.
“For trying to kill me?” Suki nods. “No. He's done so much damage to the world. My personal revenge doesn't matter.”
Sokka squawks in protest. “Don't martyr yourself,” he objects. “You don't deserve that.” Sokka's not exactly sure when he started believing that but the words feel right coming out of his mouth.
Zuko scoffs bitterly, and Sokka surprises himself by feeling put out. “I know that. But, this isn't about me. My revenge will be helping the Avatar bring balance back to the world.”
It's Chit Sang's turn to scoff.
“What?” Zuko demands, whipping around to face him.
Chit Sang shrugs, reentering the circle he'd leaned back from. "It won't be that easy."
"What do you know?"
"For one? You're already a martyr." Zuko glares but Chit Snag continues, "If the other set of rumors are true, anyway."
Zuko scowls but doesn't respond. An admission by omission.
Suki and Sokka's father seem to understand what Chit Sang is getting at. His father looks briefly horrified before his features smooth over. Again, his gaze, which had briefly moved to Zuko, lands heavily on Sokka, who is still completely out of the loop.
"What does he mean?" Sokka asks tentatively. He feels like he needs to rest a hand on Zuko's shoulder but stamps down the desire. As if things couldn't get any more awkward.
Zuko cringes then bows his head. "It's not something I like to talk about."
Everyone looks to Chit Sang, who doesn't seem to realize. His attention is focused solely on Zuko. "I had a cousin in the 41st division," Chit Sang states. "Never came home."
Zuko's head snaps up, and there's something wild and broken in his eyes. "None of them did.”
There's something bitter in Chit Sang's expression, though it isn't directed at Zuko. He shrugs again, nonchalant, like he's trying to prove it doesn't really matter to him either way.
"Did he really," Chit Sang makes a disgusted face and gestures to Zuko's face, "Do that?"
"Yeah." Expression smoothing to neutral, Zuko's hand brushes the bottom of his scar and something twists in Sokka's gut. He's starting to understand Suki and his father's disgust.
"Killing you would have been kinder."
Zuko laughs humorlessly. "Probably.”
Sokka’s not sure exactly when he started to care about Zuko’s wellbeing but something about this is deeply wrong. He finds his father’s eyes. Tries to imagine a scenario in which he would ever do something like that to him. It feels unfathomable.
"Your dad gave you the scar?" Sokka can’t help being invasive.
"Yeah? How did you think it happened?" Zuko’s face twists in mild confusion.
"I guess I never really thought about it."
Zuko just grimaces.
"How old were you?" Suki asks.
"Thirteen."
Sokka tries to imagine Aang or Toph, all of thirteen years old, having to face that kind of cruelty. He imagines Katara at the same age. Protectiveness flares in his chest, and he starts to hate the Fire Lord on a more personal level. Before, he'd been an abstract evil. The war was his fault, the war took Sokka’s parents away, but this was...awful. In a deeply strange way. It was personal. Skin-crawling.
“That’s sick.” Sokka’s voice feels detached from himself.
Zuko, still grimacing, just nods. He turns to Chit Sang. “I was gone for three years. I guess it makes sense to assume I’d died. I’m sorry about your cousin.” Respectfully, he bows, holding his fist out in the sign of a flame.
Chit Sang bows back. “There were protests, you know. I was there. Roughed up a guard and they threw me in prison. That's how I know it ain't gonna be so easy to change anything.”
“Once my father is defeated, I'm hoping a lot will change.” Zuko's eyes harden. “No more Agni Kais. No more unnecessary violence.”
“The Fire Nation's history hasn't exactly been sunshine and rainbows. I'd like to see how you plan to fix that.”
“I'm…not entirely sure.” It's the most thoughtful Zuko has ever sounded. “But I know that with the right leadership, history can be set back on course.”
“Hm.” Chit Sang stands from where they’re circled and walks from the control room into the ship. Sokka supposes the conversation is over. They’ve fallen into uncomfortable silence.
A moment later, Zuko also stands and walks out of the control room. Sokka’s father clears his throat once he’s gone and asks about how Sokka and Suki met. It’s a welcome distraction.
–
Later, Sokka approaches Zuko alone. They're almost back to the Western Air Temple, but it's the middle of the night and the others are asleep. Sokka still feels weird about their conversation from earlier, like something is still unsettled. Zuko had risked his life for Sokka to get his dad back. Based on what he knows now about Zuko's father, things simultaneously made a lot of sense yet no sense at all.
“Hey,” Sokka says. They're back in the command room of the airship, where Zuko is vigilantly staring at the controls.
“Hey.”
“Sooo, uh. Thanks for helping me save my dad. And Suki. And Chit Sang, I guess.” He rubs the back of his neck.
Zuko turns and his face is unreadable. “I wasn't going to let you do it alone.”
Sokka walks over to stand next to Zuko. “Yeah, I know. I guess what I really want to know is why.”
“Why?”
“Why do you care?”
Zuko's face twists in confusion. “You cared.”
“This isn't some ploy to gain my trust, right, because–”
“Sokka,” Zuko cuts him off. “We both had to trust each other back there. With everything. But, to get out alive? You needed my trust more than I needed yours.”
Sokka sputters. “That's just demonstrably false–”
“It's not. I knew the risks of becoming a traitor to my nation again. That included prison. Or worse. But, I trusted you, and it worked out.”
“I'm not over that first part either! Why is it so easy for you to accept that your father did that? That he'd do it again? I'd be furious.”
Zuko huffs. “I was furious. Remember when I chased you guys around everywhere?” It's strange the way he treats that period like an inside joke. Sokka suddenly remembers that it was only a few months ago. Despite himself, he did trust Zuko. He does trust him.
“So, let me get this straight.” Sokka shuts his eyes. “Your father burned half your face off, banished you, and tried to kill you?”
“Well, there's some steps missing, but yeah.” Zuko smiles, and it feels oddly out of place. “I realize now that everything I've done the past three years…it was never going to make him love me or truly accept me back.”
Something is caught in Sokka’s throat. He swallows around it. “Zuko, I'm so sorry.”
“It will be okay. I can redirect his lightning. I can stand up for myself now.”
“You shouldn't have to say that.”
Zuko shrugs but doesn't respond. He seems tired.
“Is that why you helped me find my dad?”
“What do you mean?”
Sokka swallows. It's maybe the most awkward question he's ever asked. “If you couldn’t fix your relationship with your father, maybe you could've fixed mine?”
Zuko looks away. “Maybe.”
“You don't have to prove anything.”
There's a pause. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
They lapse into silence and Sokka realizes he’s in Zuko’s space. More than he meant to be. He doesn't remember stepping closer.
“Sokka…The way your father looks at you. You don’t have to prove anything either.”
Sokka feels like he already knows this. At least, he feels like he’s starting to learn this. He doesn’t miss the way Zuko has yet to really address Sokka’s father. Nor the way Zuko watches their familiarity cautiously. Like he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. Sokka would never expect the other shoe, would never have to. He has his father’s love. He’d wanted his father’s trust.
“Can I touch it?” It’s a non-sequitur but the words fall out of his mouth.
“The scar?”
Sokka nods and Zuko concedes. Sokka feels Zuko's warmth before he even touches his skin. Sokka's thumb brushes under Zuko's eye and he flinches. Sokka immediately pulls his hand away.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you!”
“It doesn't hurt, not exactly. There's a lot of nerve damage.”
“Oh. Duh.”
“It's okay, really.” Zuko touches the scar. He presses down, like he's feeling it out. Finding every ridge and soft spot. He doesn't look like he's in pain, and Sokka relaxes.
“Dude, your life is so messed up.”
“I know.”
Sokka giggles, harsh and awkward, but Zuko smiles.
“I'm glad you got out. And not just because you're teaching Aang. Or because you helped me save my dad.”
Zuko opens his mouth, closes it again, and looks conflicted. “I–uh. I am too.”
“Seriously, you're–well, we're cool now, okay?” Sokka tends to stutter over things that are serious. “Your dad sucks and he's going down.”
“Thank you, Sokka.” Zuko says, though Sokka’s not exactly sure what he’s thanking him for. It seems like it should be a given.