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Tony sets down the test on the bathroom counter and glances at his watch, starting his three minute timer. His brows crinkle in confusion as the seconds pass, his mind racing with thoughts. For once his overactive brain is becoming too much.
He rubs at his forehead, going over the mental list he’s made while he waits to find out if his life is going to change. The first pro on his list is he at least knew he was able to conceive. Lord knows how much caffeine and alcohol he’s consumed in his lifetime, and not to mention his poor sleeping and eating habits. It’s a miracle his baby making organs were still working.
The first con though…he would be having a baby. He pushed aside the idea once he realized how unstable of a person he was. There was no way in hell he could raise a child, especially when he didn’t have the greatest of role models in his life. Well, maybe that wasn’t entirely true. He had his mother and he had Jarvis; they were the only ones he felt actually cared about him.
Maybe he could have a baby.
Tony shakes his head. Nope. Hell no. He couldn’t do it. He wasn’t capable of doing it.
But then he’s reminded of his husband and how Steve had mentioned wanting kids early on in their relationship. Tony had considered it for a moment, but then he let himself get too much in his head and he decided they didn’t need kids to be happy. Steve understood, though he was crushed by the news. But Steve wanted him happy and was willing to compromise.
Now though…now Steve could get what he’s been wanting and Tony would have someone who actually gave a shit about him to help raise the baby. Steve would be the most amazing dad in the entire world. Their child would never have to feel like Tony did when he was growing up. There would never be a shortage of hugs and kisses.
Steve would always be there, encouraging their child and comforting them when they needed someone to hold them. Tony knew what that was like; Steve held him close every time he had a nightmare, and he knew he’d do the same for their child.
Tony can picture them playing outside. They’d move out of the city and live a quiet, peaceful life free of superhero stuff. They could raise a family and be happy.
The more Tony pictures Steve as a father, the more he wants the test to be positive.
“Sir,” JARVIS rips Tony from his thoughts. “Your timer is up.”
“Thanks,” Tony mutters and he turns around to face the test, his hand visibly shaking as he reaches for it. Before he can turn it over and read the result, he hesitates, the fear taking over again. “J, can I really do this? Be a father and all that stuff?”
“If you’re worried about becoming like your own father, then I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about. You’ll be a great father.”
“I guess.” Tony huffs and picks up the test, taking a deep breath. “Here goes nothing.”
He turns it over and takes a peek at the little window. He squints at the results, bringing the test closer to his face despite having peed all over it just minutes prior. He can make out one bright pink line, and right beside it, another one appears, though not as prominent.
“Wait…” he quickly scrambles to grab the instruction guide, reading over the passage that explains the results. Two pink lines. He was pregnant. “Oh shit!” Tony cups his mouth with his hand.
“I take it your exclamatory statement means good news?” JARVIS asks.
“I’m having a baby. Shit!”
“Congratulations, sir! Would you like me to notify Captain Rogers?”
“Hmm?” Tony hums distantly, his mind still on the fact that he’s about to have a baby. “No,” he says quickly when JARVIS’ words sink in. “Let him workout in peace. I’ll tell him later. I think I’m gonna step out for a bit.”
Tony puts the test down on the counter, one hand falling to his middle and a smile forming over his face.
Steve steps through the front door of the apartment, still dressed in his gym clothes and his duffel bag thrown over his shoulder. The first thing he notices is how quiet his home is; there’s not a single sound coming from any of the rooms. At first Steve thinks his husband is still asleep, but when he checks the bedroom and finds the bed empty, he frowns.
He sets his bag down near the closet, then he sits on the edge of the bed and pulls out his phone, shooting Tony a text to let him know he was home and wondering where he was.
“Probably went down to the lab,” Steve says with an amused smile. He knew better than to go down and bother Tony when he’s working, but since his husband loves to forget about taking care of himself when he’s down there, Steve always has to be the one to check on him.
He decides he’ll step down there once he’s showered and freshens up. He sends Tony another ‘I love you’ text, then he makes his way into the bathroom to shower. At first he doesn’t notice anything unusual, but then he notices the object sitting on the counter.
With furrowed brows he approaches it, picking it up with one hand to study it closely. It takes his brain just seconds to figure out exactly what it is he’s looking at, and he gasps in surprise, nearly dropping the pregnancy test in the sink.
“Oh my God,” he breathes out, the shock finally setting in. Tony was pregnant. They were going to have a baby.
He’s ready to leap for joy and rush to find Tony to celebrate with him, only to remember what day it is. Steve’s no stranger to April Fools; Tony loves to play a prank on him every year. They’ve been pretty harmless in the past, like the time he put a broken sign on the elevator and made everyone take the stairs until Natasha realized it was a prank and ripped the sign down. Steve still can’t eat Oreos in fear of accidentally eating a tooth paste filled cookie again.
This prank, however, was going too far. It’s a new low, even for Tony. For years they discussed the idea of possibly settling down one day and having children, but when Tony said he was too old to be having babies and they should just focus on the two of them, Steve agreed, wanting nothing more than for Tony to be happy. So for him to use a fake pregnancy test as his April Fools prank this year has Steve’s blood boiling.
“He’s a pain in my ass,” Steve mutters, stomping out of the bathroom with the test still in hand and a determination to find his husband and put a stop to this nonsense.
The first obvious place to look for Tony is his lab. Steve punches the access code a little too harshly, grumbling in annoyance and ready to give his husband a piece of his mind. He didn’t want to fight today, lord knows they don’t need to be arguing, but with Tony crossing the line with his dumb pranks, Steve can’t help but feel angry.
The lab is too quiet for Steve’s liking once the doors open and he’s granted access. There’s no loud music or sound of tools. There’s not even the familiar smell of coffee and grease. It’s like Tony isn’t even there. And it turns out Steve is right. Tony is gone.
Steve sighs loudly. “JARVIS, where is my husband?”
“Sir has stepped out for a bit. He promises to be back soon, Captain,” the AI replies.
Steve hates that answer but there’s not much he could do about it. He wonders where Tony off ran to, and he’s tempted to blow up his phone until he answers, but then he figures Tony is out and about looking for more ways to prank him and their friends.
“Forget it.” Steve rolls his eyes and turns around, leaving the same way he came. Leave it to JARVIS to be in on Tony’s pranks.
The rest of the team is gathered around in the common room having lunch, laughter and conversation filling the room. Steve greets Bruce as he passes by the kitchen, his destination the couch where Natasha is talking with Sam and Bucky. He plops down in his favorite armchair, the test still clutched in his hand.
“Have you guys seen Tony?” Steve asks, looking between his friends for an answer.
Natasha frowns. “No? Isn’t he always with you?” She asks.
“Why?” Sam asks next. “You guys fighting?”
Steve sighs loudly. “Not yet. He pulled a prank on me.”
That seems to pique their interest. Bucky mutters a curse, probably feeling annoyed about another day of Tony’s pranking. They should be on edge whenever this time of year rolls around, but between their heavy workload and the recent celebration of Bucky and Sam’s wedding, it was easy to forget about the obnoxious holiday.
“What did he do? I swear to God if I find my shampoo tampered with again I’ll kill him,” Natasha says, her tone dripping with agitation. Steve remembers how pissed she had been when she discovered Tony had slipped black food coloring into her shampoo bottle. It took her weeks to get it out.
“Remember when he pretended that one of his suits had gone rogue and had that thing fly around the compound and chase everyone?” Sam reminds, rolling his eyes in annoyance.
“Or when he had JARVIS suddenly speak in a French accent? Threw me off.” Bucky throws out.
“That wasn’t the worst one,” Sam says, chuckling when Bucky rolls his eyes and tries to shove him away.
“He also told me one year that the canned green beans were out of stock and it upset the other guy. I’m still sorry the fridge was smashed.” Bruce winces.
“Actually, that one was me and it wasn’t a prank,” Steve says. “They really didn’t have it, Bruce.”
Bruce frowns. “Oh.”
“What did he do this time?” Natasha asks, gesturing with her chin to the object still secured tightly in Steve’s hand.
Steve opens his hand and reveals the pregnancy test. “He planted a fake positive pregnancy test in the bathroom for me to find this morning. He knew I went to the gym and would come home to shower and find it. Then he took off.”
Natasha’s jaw drops, Sam shakes his head in disbelief and Bucky snatches the test out of Steve’s hand to see it for himself.
“You know he peed on that right?” Sam asks, one brow raising.
Bucky rolls his eyes. “It’s a prank, Sam. This thing probably isn’t even real.”
“I can’t believe he did this,” Natasha says, still in shock. “Out of all the pranks this is his worst one.”
“Yeah,” Steve agrees. “This is low. And then he takes off so we can’t even talk about it.”
“Someone is sleeping on the couch,” Sam says.
“This is bad,” Bucky says next. “But didn’t you prank him last year too? You had confetti go off all over his lab.”
“That’s not as bad as this!” Steve exclaims, taking the test back in hand.
“I’ll find him.” Natasha decides and she rises to her feet. “This is a stupid holiday and he’s gone too far.”
Everyone else agrees, ready to either track Tony down or give him a taste of his own medicine. But before they can put their plan into motion, the elevator arrives and the doors open, revealing Tony with a bunch of shopping bags.
Tony strolls over, whistling a happy tune as he makes his way over to the living area. He plops down on the sofa closest to Steve, a heavy sigh escaping him and he throws his feet up, perching them on the coffee table.
“Today drained me. What are you guys doing?” Tony asks, peering at his friends. “Hey, honey,” he greets Steve separately. “What’s up with you?”
“What the hell is this!” Steve gets right to it, rising to his feet and thrusting the fake test into Tony’s face.
“Oh.” Tony’s face falls. “You found that, huh?”
“Yeah, I did. Is this seriously a joke to you? Why would you fake a pregnancy when you knew I wanted kids? I left that idea behind when you said you didn’t or didn’t feel ready but then to do this? Tony, this is the worst thing you’ve ever done.”
“Don’t forget the green beans,” Bruce pipes up from the kitchen.
“That wasn’t me, Jolly Green!” Tony calls out to him.
The room goes quiet and Tony grabs the test of Steve’s hand. He studies it for a moment, sighing sadly, then looks up at Steve.
“I didn’t want you to find out this way. I guess I got a little too excited and forgot to take it out of the bathroom. I wanted to surprise you once you got home from the gym.”
“Wait…this isn’t a prank?” Steve asks.
“No. Why the hell would I…oh shit it’s April Fools! I forgot! Damn pregnancy brain. I wanted to get you guys good this year.” Tony pouts in annoyance.
“Hold on, hold on.” Steve puts a hand up to silence him, still hung up on the fact that Tony wasn’t pranking him and was actually pregnant. “Are you saying…are we having a baby?”
“Well, I’m having the baby. You’re having a panic attack.”
“Oh shit,” Steve curses and plops back down in his seat. “We’re…oh my God…we’re having a…”
Tony is out of his seat in seconds and rushes over to Steve, cupping his face. “Honey, look at me. Hey, big guy, it’s okay.”
Steve looks up at him. “You’re pregnant? You’re not messing with me, right? You’re really pregnant.”
“Yes, I peed all over that thing,” Tony says.
Bucky grimaces and wipes his hands over his jeans.
“Oh my God, Tony,” Steve breathes out, his eyes burning with tears. He jumps up, wrapping his arms around Tony, lifting him off the floor and spinning him around.
“Okay, Cap, that’s enough. I’m gonna spew.”
“Sorry, sorry.” Steve sets him down and brings him in for a kiss instead. “We’re having a baby. I’m so happy!”
Tony smiles. “Yeah? Good because I was really hoping you’d be. Maybe we can go shopping together. I bought the kids a few things already but I want you there with me next time.”
“I’m gonna be there for everything,” Steve assures with a smile.
Tony’s smile brightens and he goes in for another kiss, only to pull away at the last second and frown. “Wait,” he presses a hand against Steve’s chest. “Did you think this was a prank? All of you!”
The rest of the team looks away to avoid the confrontation.
“Yes…” Steve says slowly. “You always prank us.”
“I wouldn’t do this! That’s low! Even for me!”
“We’re sorry.” Steve brings him back into his arms and he kisses the top of his head.
Tony clicks his tongue. “You all are a bunch of fools.”
Steve chuckles. “But I’m your fool, right?”
Tony rolls his eyes but he softens up. “Yes.”
“Good enough for me,” Steve says and he brings Tony in for another kiss.
“Next year I’m having the baby pull a prank on you,” Tony says.
Steve sighs, but he smiles anyway. He’s already looking forward to next year.