Work Text:
"How am I supposed to tell you
I don’t wanna see you with anyone but me?
Nobody gets me like you"
"Nobody gets me" by SZA
It has been a very bad idea from the very beginning.
Getting involved with your best friend’s baby brother?
Way out of line.
Terrible mistake.
But back then, feelings got the best of you and even more so when your own best friend encouraged them and his whole family followed her.
Objectively, it hadn’t been a bad relationship.
He is a nice bloke. Has the best smile your eyes have been graced with, his brown eyes always had something in them that spoke of mischief and getting into trouble, even if he was usually very shy and reserved at first. He was a gentleman in all the sense of the word, he respected your boundaries and always knew the right words to make things better.
He is protective of the people he appreciates, he is always exuding a calm energy and always speaks to you like you are the source of light in the whole universe. He was kind of impatient sometimes, but it was always fixable, he sometimes doubted himself when things didn’t go his way on the first try, but he always found a way to cheer himself up.
He is the nice bloke, and it always feels like it was you who lost instead of him.
One of the only bad things you could find about Kyle was his job. He was a military Sergeant and spent more time outside of the country than inside his little flat in London. He fought terrorists and his job was pretty dangerous, but he was always ready to do it anyway. He always made the military look like a whole patriotic responsibility instead of a simple job. He always told you that he was the one with the gun and the one getting his skin on the fire so no one with less than good intentions did it instead. You never told him, but you thought he was a selfless idiot for that.
It was no use, anyway, he already knew. He always knew things before you even spoke them, before you even thought them. That was the level of trust and knowledge the two of you shared.
You have always known him as Kendra’s baby brother. Kendra and you have always been friends, and you have come and gone from their house a thousand times, especially since secondary school. You have always known Kyle, but it wasn’t until after his first tour in the military that you realized that he was a grown man already.
He returned taller and builder than he left, and you think that’s when the attraction started. It felt stupid to have a little crush on your best friend’s baby brother, a person you have seen grow up and who was slightly younger than you, but he was a man now, and he was charming, and he knew it.
You fell right through the rabbit hole, with no parachute whatsoever.
Kendra was the least surprised one when you told her you were in love with Kyle. She told you something about it being damn time and that she had won a bet with Kenny and their mother. You refused to believe that they had made a bet about it, but it was the Garricks, they made everything a competition or an argument, so no use in acting surprised.
While you two were together, nothing changed because you already felt part of their family. They took care of you, and you took care of them, even when Kyle was mostly out and couldn’t see it.
He texted you whenever he could, always tried to schedule at least a call a week, and always made sure you were doing alright, that you were not working too hard, or you were not forgetting about taking care of yourself.
He is the best bloke after all.
So, now that you think about it, now that you see him entering the backyard with a grin that could blind the whole universe for that matter, you realize that maybe you were the reason why you two broke up in the first place.
You never give it too much thought, thinking that it was the long-distance thing, that things were not the same, that you tried, and it didn’t work, and you couldn’t change that, but now you think that it was you.
You knew for a fact that Kyle was a passionate person. That passion was what kept him going. That he was dedicated to the things and the people he loved that he would never let them down if he had a say on it.
So maybe he hadn’t been the problem. He didn’t want to let you go, but he did so because that was what you asked, what you thought you wanted.
But now, now you understand, even if is cliché and terrible timing. It was you the one who let it die, who lost him, you were the one who invented excuses to break it up because you got scared, you realized that it was too much of an emotional baggage, that having him far was making you lose sight of him.
His image got blurrier in your memory with time to the point where you didn’t see him anymore.
You got scared and when you got scared you did the first thing you always do: hurt the people around you.
And he let you go. He let you go. He wanted to give you what you thought you wanted because he respected you too much to make you stay.
And now he has moved on.
He grins while he greets all the family members present. He shines, like the sun, while you let yourself burn under its light.
You don’t greet him.
As soon as you see him arrive, you hide. You hide in the kitchen because that’s the safest place you know. You persuade his mother to let you help with whatever she is cooking while most of the family sits in the yard outside.
She tries to push you away, but then she looks into your eyes, and she understands. She lets you help, and you feel a little bit less of a stranger.
Kendra later joins you, to silently make sure you are okay. She somehow knows. She wasn’t your best friend in the world for nothing.
“I didn’t know he was coming”, she says, while she helps you peel some potatoes. “I wouldn’t have made you come if I knew”.
“It’s okay, Kendra, is a Garrick dinner, he is your brother, after all, I can always leave”.
“No, you are part of the family”, her tone is severe, almost like her mother when she is making up an argument about something. “You are my best friend, you are my family, period, end of the conversation”.
You don’t even try to say anything.
You two peel potatoes for a long time, until Mrs. Garrick considers them perfect and tells you how to cut them to then smash them.
You let her give you instructions, even if you have done this a thousand times before.
Dinner is served a few minutes after you finish the mashed potatoes.
Everyone sits on the table and the awkwardness of being introduced like a family friend feels eternal. Especially since he looks at you from the other side of the table like he hadn’t noticed you until then.
You know he saw you as soon as he stepped into the yard. He was observant, it was part of his job, and he was damn good at it.
You all smile and laugh all through dinner, you can even win an Oscar for your performance. Then everyone eats and the talk fills the table, and you feel like a stranger, even if they ask you things and make you part of the internal family jokes as if you were born among them and you weren’t a stranger.
You want to wash the dishes, but Mrs. Garrick doesn’t let you.
“You are a guest, dear, and no guest is going to wash dishes on my house”.
“But –“.
“But nothin’, off ya go, darlin’”, and after sighing like a child and Kendra giving you a look that was hiding a laugh, you left the kitchen and escaped the house.
Outside the night was kind of warm and it reminded you of when you were teenagers and you liked to play hide and seek through the neighborhood at night, frightening your parents but making the coolest memories you guard in your heart.
You chuckle, looking at the sky, aware that the light pollution didn’t let you see any of the stars.
You sigh and walk to the fence that divides the Garricks’ house from their neighbor. You could hear the children laughing and running somewhere inside and that gave you a certain feeling of nostalgia too.
You lean from it, not scared of breaking anything because nothing could break a brick wall.
You crossed your arms over yourself, and you stayed there for a while. Just there, in silence, thinking, and not thinking, dreaming, and not dreaming. Enjoying the warm night, even if half the neighborhood had the fans and the A/C’s on because they couldn’t stand the heat.
It was a rather nice night. And it made you feel like you should go home and cry out everything that has happened. You mean, the Garricks will soon replace you. You were just Kendra’s friend after all. (Even if Mama Garrick was very disappointed when she knew that Kyle and you weren’t together anymore).
Sighing, you decide after a while, that you don’t want to be bothered anymore and that you should get your things, but then you hear someone approaching and when you look to your right, you see a familiar figure walking in the shadows.
He leans in the corner of the house, right under one of the many lights in the front.
“Hello”, he simply says, in his usual calm and even tone.
While he leans from the wall, his hands are behind his back and his face has a neutral expression.
He looks way too relaxed and way too suspicious in your opinion.
“Hi”, you answer back, looking away as soon as you have the opportunity.
For some reason, your heart is racing ten times faster than normal, like it usually did when you still felt real things for him.
Did you still feel real things for him?
Did you ever felt real things for him?
“How have you been?”
You look back at him, and he is still looking at you like he hadn’t looked away at all.
“Fine”, you simply say, even if…there is a sad hint to it.
“Just fine?”
You gulp and for a moment it echoes way too loud in your ears.
“Yes”.
The silence stretches and you look away again, finding the grass under your shoes very interesting, very suddenly.
“And you?”, you try to not sound insecure, but you think you kind of fail, “how have you been?”
“Fine, I guess”.
You unconsciously nod.
The silence grows to be awkward until he slowly moves from the wall and approaches. He stops a few steps beside you, leans from the fence too, and looks at the sky.
“Aw, I got used to the Urzik sky so much that a polluted sky looks…awful”.
“You can see the stars in Urzikstan?”
“Yes, all of them. Especially in the desert. One of the best views I have seen in my life”, the corner of your mouth raises for a second, because this is somehow familiar.
He used to talk a lot about Urzikstan when you were together.
About all the places he has been. He was proud of the photos he took of them and liked to talk about them like they were his children.
At that moment, though, you commit the mistake of looking at him and you realize that he was already looking at you.
Looking at you with those big brown eyes of his that always made you feel a whole beehive in your stomach.
He slowly looks away before he moves slightly to hide his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
You look away too, a sudden warm sensation threatening to suffocate you.
The breeze blows and your hair dances against it, until you must move to put it back in place.
“You always took the best pictures”, you suddenly say, voice full of nostalgia.
He chuckles next to you.
“You always said that”.
“Would have been a very good photographer if you hadn’t chosen the military”.
“Mum wanted me to be an engineer”.
“Your mum would have liked for you to be anything except a soldier”.
“So, you reckon she would have let me be a photographer?”, he sounds incredulous about it.
You look at him straight to the eyes.
“Yes. I mean, you take the best photos ever”.
He chuckles and you swear, even if the light is against you, that he even blushes a little.
“You always say that, like is an unfaultable fact”.
“I have proof if you ever doubt it”.
And when his eyes turn to you wide and surprised, you realize you may have spoken too much.
“You…you still have them?”
For some reason, your heart starts beating faster than necessary against your ribs.
“All of them”.
And for some reason, it feels like confessing a sin.
“Why?”
You open your mouth to answer, but nothing comes out.
How do you say to your ex that you still love him, that you still hold onto his stuff, that you were the idiot one, that you will gladly go back if he has you?
How do you say to your ex that you still think about him when the room is crowded, or that every time you see a green uniform somewhere you think of him?
How do you say to your ex that you still have all the photos of you two together, the ones he took of you, the ones where you look like a god gracing mortals with their presence?
How do you say all that without really saying it?
Without sounding like a damn fool?
The truth is that from everyone on this Earth, he was the best, and you had been the idiot who let him go.
“Nobody gets me, you do”.
Your throat feels dry after those words come out.
Time stops too.
Time stops and suddenly the only thing you see, and feel is his warmth and his big brown eyes looking down at you like you are someone, like you are the one.
Who is the god gracing mortals with its presence, now, ah?
You swallow the lump in your throat and the suffocation gets overwhelming.
You feel the need to run but no nerve in your body wants to move, your brain is unresponsive, and your entire body refuses to run when that’s all you have been doing since you broke up with him a year ago.
“If nobody gets you as I do, why did you end it all?”
His accent makes your stomach tingle, and you wish you could save it in your brain forever.
You were the one who lost here, not the other way around.
You sigh, before answering.
“I-I got scared”.
He blinks, face's neutral, attentive.
“Of what?”
“Being on the other side of a relationship with a soldier is lonely”.
He looks away.
“And is not your fault, I wasn’t ready for it”.
He doesn’t react, he doesn’t say anything, he just looks back at you in silence.
For a while, neither of you say anything.
You just stare at each other in silence.
“I-I still think that we could have fixed it somehow”.
“I was the problem, Kyle, not the other way around”.
“It was a problem of both of us. And problems are to be solved”.
“Kyle, love is not like the military”.
“I’m not saying it because of that”, and he sounds so exhausted suddenly. “I’m saying it because when you have a problem with someone you love, you do everything to solve it. Unless you don’t love them”.
“What nonsense is that? I still love you”.
He freezes, and you don’t realize what came out of your mouth until he looks at you with wide eyes.
“You still do?”
You clear your throat, look away, look at your shoes, you try to look at everything while you want the earth to swallow you and spit you in the ocean.
“You still do?”, he repeats.
You sigh heavily before looking at him.
“I was scared and lonely, not less in love with you”.
He stares at you; he stares at you like he is trying to keep his composure and not do something he will regret.
“Ya are tellin’ me that ya left me because ya were scared and lonely, but that ya still love me? Am I hearin’ right, luv?”
His tone makes your stomach tingle.
“You are hearing right”, you said, almost sounding like you were saying it against your will.
He exhales annoyed before he turns around, hands in his head. You stay still and quiet while he passes around the front yard of his parent’s house.
How bizarre this night has turned into.
“I can’t believe yar such a fool”, he suddenly says, turning to you again. You open your mouth to respond when he interrupts you. “Such a lovely fool”.
The air leaves your lungs and as fast as your words came, they are gone. You are suddenly blank and seriously questioning your hearing.
You blink several times at him in confused silence.
“I love you too, in case I didn’t mention it before”.
Your heart shakes so hard in your chest that for a moment you think you might die of a heart attack.
“I still love you, and the only reason I let you go was because I thought that was what you wanted. You should have told me that you were scared and lonely. We could have solved it fast and easy. Why didn’t you tell me the truth?”
“Because I-I couldn’t”.
“Why not?”
“Kyle – “
“I’m not taking no for an answer. I want the truth; I want to solve this now”.
You sigh.
“I’m an idiot, okay? I tend to hurt people around me when I’m scared, and I was terrified. I-I-“, suddenly you are hyper-aware that you are crying. “What if I’d lost you while you were there in Urzikstan? What if you died and all that is left of you is a vague memory? I yes, I got to see you in pictures and hear you on calls and text you every time I could, but is not the same, I wanted you here, with me, right in front of me. I wanted you there every time I woke up, every time I arrived home, at every meal. I wanted you to be safe with me”.
He stares at you.
“And I knew that you couldn’t give me that. You weren’t going to leave what you love for me”.
“Why are you so sure of that? What makes you think you know that?”
“Because I know you, Kyle just as well as you know me”.
“Well, you know shite of me, then, because you will have known I will leave it all behind for you in an instant. I would have left it all for you”.
“You wouldn’t”.
“I would have”.
“Your job is what you love. Why would you leave it for me? You didn’t leave it for your mother begging you to get a normal career”.
He exhales, exhausted.
“Because I love her with all my soul, but I love you more”.
Your heart crumbles and you aren’t sure you can stand on your two feet anymore.
“Don’t say that. Don’t say things like that, Kyle”.
“I say them because I mean them, and you know it”.
You think you can’t hold it any longer.
You start crying at the same time the front door opens and the Garricks step out.
Your conversation was loud enough. Probably the whole neighborhood knew by now that you were having the post-break-up conversation you hadn’t had in person.
Mr. Garrick makes a question, but you are too emotional to hear or answer.
Your body decides that that’s the perfect moment to run.
So, you do just that.
You run like you always do when problems come your way.
You don’t know what time it is.
You don’t know how much time you have been in there, either.
All you know is that the swing is too small for you and that you have probably cried a whole pint of tears by now.
Thankfully the little park is empty, and no one was dumb enough to bother you.
Well, except for the tall wide figure approaching at this very moment.
A figure you recognize as soon as you see it.
He sits down in the swing beside yours.
He doesn’t say anything, he just sits there.
You were on your way to Neverland again when he said something that almost made you fall from the swing.
“Marry me”.
You almost break your neck turning in his direction.
“What?”
His face was serious, and his words clear as day when he repeated them.
“Marry me”.
You stare at him, heart in your throat.
For a moment you aren’t sure you are hearing right.
“Did you just ask -?”
“Yes, marry me”.
You suddenly stand up from the swing and look at him with a frown and an offended face.
“What the bloody hell is wrong with you?”
“Marry me”, he repeats, standing too.
“Why would I do that?”
“Because we love each other, we are both idiots, and that way you can move with me to base. We can be together and you won’t feel bad about me having to choose between my job and you”.
You blink at him too many times.
“What?”
He exhales like he is doing his best to be patient. He then closes the distance between the two of you and softly puts his hands over your shoulders.
“I love you”, he makes a pause. “I forgive you for being a fool, for being scared and not telling me so we could solve the issue. I’m sorry for not noticing before, for being too busy with work, but I want, with all my heart to solve this problem and I also want you. So, to solve the problem from the root (your loneliness and those unnecessary fears away), I would like you to move with me at the base so you can be closer to me, but to that, you need to be my spouse. In conclusion, marry me”.
You stare at him for a long time.
You don’t know what to say.
“Do you love me?”
“Yes”, you say with little hesitation, even if you think you should have hesitated a little bit more. “You want to be close to me, right?”, you nod. “And you want to still have a nice job but you still want me to keep doing what I love, right?”
“Yes”.
“Then marry me so you can move to base with me. You’ll see me every day and you will have me in flesh and bone until you’ll wish I was far away from you. I can guarantee you will also have a nice paying job doing what you like, just say yes”.
“How did you -?”
“I made some calls after you ran away. I just need a yes from you, deal with some papers and your signature and you can come with me to base. I also may have or may have not planned all this before we broke up”.
You gulp, blinking at him.
“What?”, he chuckles in the middle of a chuckle.
“I wanted to marry you anyway, but we broke up”.
There is a pause, while you try to process your thoughts.
“It’s worth it, I promise. You’ll never be lonely again”.
“Kyle, are you sure of this? I-I wouldn’t take me back if I was you”.
He chuckles before he moves his hands to hold your face softly.
“Luv, I’ll go to the end of the word for you, you just have to say it”.
He grins then and you feel complete, you feel complete, you feel like you could live a whole life beside him and you will not regret a single moment of it.
“Yes”.
“You’ll marry me?”
“Yes”.
He then grins again.
“Can I kiss you now?”
“Yes”.
And when he kisses you, you don’t think falling in love with your best friend’s little brother had been a bad idea after all.