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Casper slipped in through the small crack of the bedroom window that had been left open for him, holding the bouquet of sunflowers close to his chest so they wouldn’t get jostled. His nerves were already sparked alight, even after he had practiced what he wanted to say in the mirror dozens of times all day. The small box in his jacket pocket felt steel weights as you turned to face him with a warm and welcoming smile with your pet in your arms.
“Casper! I was just thinking about you!” You excitedly took a step closer to him as your pet jumped out of your hold to curl up on your bed instead. Then your gaze became more interested, lowering to the bouquet. “Are those for me?”
“Do you see anyone else here that they’d be for?” Casper raised the bouquet slightly, hiding his now flushed cheeks from sight. Even after all this time, he still found himself easily embarrassed by your brightness. Then he held them out for you to take, averting his gaze towards the small flower that was growing on your bedside table. It was better than staring directly at your radiance head on. “Here, just take them.”
“They’re beautiful.” You gratefully took the bouquet, quickly retreating to your desk to find a pot or vase to place the flowers in.
“Of course they are. They remind me of you so… naturally they’re pretty.” Casper didn’t mean to say all of that out loud, but judging from the small laugh from you, it was well received. Casper watched you flit about like a hummingbird for a moment before you stopped and turned to look at him with mild suspicion.
“Hold on a minute… did you get these the same way you did the first time?” You asked, eyes narrowing, as you picked up a small vase by your bookshelf.
“Um…” Casper cleared his throat awkwardly, resisting the urge to fidget under your suspicion. He was a grim reaper for God’s sake; he had no reason to get nervous because of some mortal! So what if he had picked these off some old woman’s yard? They were hanging outside of the fence to her yard the first time, and it happened again! If anything, he was only assisting her in keeping her yard orderly. “Perhaps.”
“I’d say you should stop doing that but you wouldn’t listen, would you?” The dark clouds of suspicion cleared from your face to reveal your usual sunny disposition that Casper had come to love. And you were entirely right. He would continue doing it. The police of the human world could bring him no consequence, so why should he bother with legalities that didn’t matter?
Casper watched as you placed the sunflowers into the vase and set it down on your bedside table to face the sun. His mouth suddenly felt like it was filled with sandpaper as he struggled to get any other words out. This would be the perfect time, but how was he supposed to say it? Maybe he should’ve studied more human customs before diving into this headfirst.
“Sunshine.” Casper accidentally spoke louder than he meant to. Based on the light tensing of your shoulders and concerned glance in his direction, it must have seemed like he was in a bad mood or angry. He could feel his eyebrows furrowing out of reflex from the nerves, so he forced himself to relax his expression. Clearly his efforts paid off because your shoulders lowered, though the concern painted on your face remained. “There’s something important I need to ask you.”
“Is it more important than the whole ‘embodiment of life thing’ I have going on?” You sat down on his bed beside your pet, scratching the top of its head. It nuzzled its head against your hand. You looked up at Casper, your smile turning mischievous in a way that he knew could only spell trouble. “But if you’re asking about soul babies, then my answer is always yes.”
“Youー!” Casper was about to start with this argument like they had time and time again. No matter how many times he told you that soul babies weren’t real or even plausible, it never stopped you from bringing it up. Even if it was somehow possible to have some kind of… soul baby, Casper wasn’t ready to be a father! Besides, he’d want to have some time alone in peaceful matrimony with you first…
He was getting ahead of himself. Casper had yet to even ask the question yet. But this seemed like a good transition into the topic?
“Soul babies are not real! But…” Casper took a few steps closer to you. Your pet merely looked up at him in disinterest before resting its head back down on the blanket. You watched it for a few seconds before looking up at Casper curiously, clearly waiting for whatever he was about to say. “If they were somehow possible, nine hells know how, you would be the only one I’d maybe consider having one with.”
“One? Not more than that?” You asked, obviously trying to rile him up. You patted the spot next to you on the mattress for Casper to sit beside you. He only shook his head and continued to stand. In any other circumstance, he would argue against the absurdity of it all but he had something more important to focus on for the time being.
With a trembling hand that he would never admit to, Casper pulled the ring box out of his pocket and opened it in front of you to reveal two silver engagement rings. One was adorned with a shining red ruby and the other had a light orange sunstone. He tilted the box slightly so that the sun’s rays bounced off the orange gemstone, making it sparkle. Casper kept his eyes focused on your potted plant, thankfully in his field of vision. He ignored the dizzying rush of heat that rose to his face as he tried to remember the speech he had practiced so fervently.
“Sunshine, Iー” Casper swallowed hard, trying to dispel the dryness of his mouth. But apparently he didn’t need to because you jumped up at once at the sight of the rings with an enthusiastic gasp. Despite himself, Casper’s eyes snapped to the person he loved and his sight was immediately bombarded with the radiant aura. You would never fully understand because you didn’t have a reaper’s eyes, but Casper had to squint in the face of such light emanating from the essence of your soul.
“God, I’ve been waiting for you to ask!” You stole a kiss from him, along with his ability to form any coherent thoughts. “Obviously I wanna marry you!”
Logically, Casper should have known that. Considering the sheer amount of jokes (or maybe they were actually serious) you had told about them getting married, he should have expected him to agree readily. And yet, the stress he felt made his chest feel like it was being crushed. But now the relief was so overpowering that he felt lightheaded.
“Good, that’s… good.” Casper spoke softly, still feeling like he was in a daze. As if it were instinct, he took out the ring with the ruby with a trembling hand and slipped it onto your finger. Although the color of the sunstone would clash hard with his darker clothing, Casper wanted to keep it for his own hand so that he could feel the warmth of his sun even if they were apart.
Suddenly overcome with a joy he had never experienced before in his centuries of living, Casper dropped the ring box onto the bed before pulling you in for a tight hug. The warmth of your body felt like basking in a field of sunflowers under the sun. For some reason, he felt as though this person would disappear if he let go. Casper squeezed his eyes shut as he distantly heard your light laughter as he felt arms around his waist.
Casper heard you call his name, but your voice sounded so distant now. He shook his head, burying his face into the crook of your neck. He already knew what was happening, but that didn’t mean he had to follow along with it without a fight. Casper was willing to throw it all awayㅡhis job as a grim reaper, his reputation amongst the others, even his life if he needed toㅡif it meant getting to stay here for just a few more minutes.
“Casper, you know you can’t stay here.” Your voice sounded so far away. Even the warmth of the person he was embracing was starting to slip away.
“I don’t care.” Casper denied it all, refusing to open his eyes. He was sure that if he opened his eyes, he would no longer be in your bedroom where the sun never seemed to stop shining or see the most precious thing he had ever cared for.
“C’mon, it’s time to get up.” You spoke gently, patting his back. “I’ll see you again soon, y’know. Next time you dream, okay? And then eventually I’ll be back reincarnated to give you a couple more headaches before you even know it!”
“Don’t leave, sunshine.” Casper’s voice wavered, the tightness of the back of his throat making it hard to speak at any volume above a whisper. “Can you not stay a few moments longer?”
“You’ve got a job to do, remember?” You gently nudged Casper’s shoulder. Your tone had reverted back to a playful one, the kind that you had always used when he was teasing Casper or making a joke at his expense. “Go reap all those souls or whatever it is that you do. I’ll be right here when you come back.”
“Wait!” Casper could feel your form start to crack and fragment in his grasp. In a desperate attempt to stay, he frantically opened his eyes to see your sunny smile once more before heㅡ
Casper’s eyes shot open, his breathing heavy and his heartbeat racing under his skin. Instead of the walls of your bedroom, he was met with the familiar sight of his own bedroom’s red walls. Feeling something soft in his arms, Casper looked down with the faintest hope that you had somehow come back with him from his dream. Instead, the face of Azrael stared back at him, crushed against his chest and mildly damp from his tears. The other side of his bed was cold, just as he was, with no warmth from his sunshine.
Wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, Casper only hugged the axolotl closer to him but it did nothing to fill the you-shaped hole in his heart. I hate you , Casper wished he could say, and your death meant nothing to me.
But Casper could only curse under his breath and shove his face into Azrael’s soft plush body, wishing not for the first time that he had the ability to lie so that he could at least lie to himself.