Chapter Text
The doors to the mess hall opened before them, a hubbub of voices meeting their ears and the smell of various evening meals reaching their noses. Well, Jim mentally amended, all that probably impacted Khan's ears and nose more than it did his own, numb-nosed and nearly deaf normal human that he was. The thought caused an upsurge of unexpected but not at all surprising affection for the man next to him.
Still bolstered by its warmth, he walked in with the Augment by his side as if that were a normal occurrence. And indeed, nobody seemed to pay the two of them any more mind than they would anyone else entering the mess hall. For Jim's crew, Khan's presence aboard - and at Jim's side - had indeed become a familiar and practically expected state of events by now, barely worth looking up from their plates for.
JIm noticed that Khan, too, was moving with nothing more than his characteristic controlled grace, with hardly any of the compulsive vigilance in evidence that he had displayed before. Maybe things were finally beginning to settle down. Maybe, this time, they would even stay settled down. One could only hope....
Of course, it turned out soon enough that things were not all violins and roses. When the two of them reached the food synthesizers, the computer informed them that it was unable to synthesize a number of food flavors.
Grinning at Khan's slight pout - one of the affected food flavors was curcumin - Jim said, "Running low on raw materials, apparently. High time we got some supplies, huh?"
"I'd say so, yes," Khan said, brows contracting as he reconsidered his dinner choice. "How long until our rendezvous with the Farragut?"
"Seventeen hours. Think you can survive that long?"
Khan favored him with a supercilious look. "I can survive indefinitely on nothing but paper and water. I'll certainly be able to do without a simple condiment. And fortunately, there are alternatives."
Indeed, ginger and chili were still available, so the Augment would be able to satisfy his appetite for spicy hot food despite the current lack of curry, while Jim settled for something a little more palatable and a little more - at least for him - traditional.
They carried their plates to their usual table, which already had Bones and Spock sitting at it. Nodding their greetings, they took their seats.
"Bishop to king's level six," Khan said with a glance at Spock, before taking the first bite of his meal.
Spock's eyebrow rose. Then he frowned, blinking.
Bones swallowed his mouthful of pizza. "Didn't expect that one, huh?" he teased his favorite foil.
"I had calculated the probability of that particular move occurring to be at below ten percent," the Vulcan admitted, pushing his empty plate away from him. From the debris left, Jim guessed that Spock had had his usual salad.
"'Below ten percent'?" Jim got in his own dig around his mouthful of quiche. "That seems rather imprecise. Spock, are you feeling alright?"
The Vulcan, of course, remained unruffled. "Perfectly fine, Captain. Specifying the precise figure to the last digit seemed unnecessary. I am, however, concerned about the mental health of our consultant. As it stands now, I call mate in five moves."
They looked at Khan, who chewed and swallowed, calmly returning each of their gazes. "Glad you think so, Spock," the Augment said when he could speak again, and promptly left it at that.
"Knight takes bishop at king's level six," Spock said after a moment. "Mate in four."
Khan's eyes flashed. "Rook to king's level six, takes knight. Check. Mate in two."
Spock blinked again. "I... concede."
There was a brief silence at their table while, all around them, muted conversation continued. "Well," Bones finally said. "Good thing I didn't suggest that bet I was considering."
"A double ambush," Spock said, sounding awed, or as awed as he ever allowed himself to sound.
"Don't feel bad about it," Khan said, almost - but not quite - managing to leave his customary haughtiness out of his voice. "Chess is a stylized battlefield. Excelling on the battlefield is what I was designed for. You, however, were bred for logic and peacefulness. It'll always stand in your way, even in a battle game." He took a swig of his drink as if to emphasize his point.
They fell silent, each one of them remembering a time when Spock had, in fact, not let that stand in his way, due to extraordinary circumstances.
"Usually stand in your way," Khan amended after a moment, clearly remembering as well. "Unless you can get in touch with your savage ancestry." He bared his teeth at Spock playfully. "Which you will have to, if you intend to beat me at chess."
"While you are always governed by your violent emotions, which tends to blind you to peaceful solutions to conflicts," Spock returned, raising an eyebrow. "I will identify the pattern to your strategy eventually, by which time you won't be able to win that easily anymore."
"Ah, but there is no pattern," Khan said with a wave of his spoon, his customary arrogance back in full force. "Each battle is unique. Each enemy is unique. I adapt. You, however, don't. We played four games, and that's more than I needed to 'identify your pattern', Spock. I didn't even have to consciously think about it."
"Because that's what you were made for," Bones interjected, pushing his empty plate away. "So you're essentially saying that humans can be genetically programmed to excel in battle. Or, to expand on that, to excel at anything. Music. Mathematics." He shrugged, waving an expansive hand. "... Bakery."
"Well, I wouldn't say 'programmed'," Khan said. "I was given the capability for it on a genetic level, the talent for it, if you will, but there also was extensive training. Both nature and nurture played a part - if you can speak of 'nature' in this context, given that I was artificially created in a lab."
"So," Jim put in, "you can also decide to not do battle, for a change. To seek the peaceful solution Spock mentioned. To simply be a good... well, baker. It's not a... an urge... Bones, what expression am I looking for?"
"Genetic imperative?"
"Right. It's not a genetic imperative for you to always seek a martial solution. You can pick up the pen instead of the sword if you want to. Right?"
"Yes, my warrior-poet," Khan said with that special half-smile Jim liked to think was reserved just for him. "I may not have any ambition towards creating superior baked goods, but I'm not 'always governed by my violent emotions', either. As you very well know."
Jim didn't blush, but it was a near thing.
"Vulcans have a genetic imperative," Spock offered unexpectedly, distracting Bones from Jim's near-blush and Jim from his quiche.
"You do?" the ship's surgeon asked, looking baffled.
"Yes."
When nothing more was forthcoming, Bones leaned forward. "C'mon, Spock, you can't leave us hanging like that. Details, man. What imperative?"
But Spock, as usual, proved to be a killjoy. "The details are not important to the point I was making, which is that genetics can certainly affect an individual profoundly, even an individual from a species as advanced as humans or Vulcans. Some things are genetically hard-coded. Most are not. But many processes involved in the development, aging, and death of an individual are determined by their genetics and can only marginally be affected by the environment, or by nurture, if you will."
"And if they are genetic, they can be affected by genetic engineering," Bones continued that train of thought. "Noonien, what about Augments? Was there any fiddling with your life expectancy?"
"I don't know," Khan said, voice and face carefully controlled. Jim noticed that he had stopped eating. "We weren't exactly handed a blueprint of our genetic codes. And none of us have lived long enough to find out. Most of us never will." Then he looked away, taking a deep breath.
Spock, the telepath, compressed his lips in an expression of acute discomfort.
There was another pause. Jim felt a sharp pang of sympathy. Khan was the only one left. All the other Augments that had made the long journey into the twenty-third century were dead, killed by Section 31 in an effort to intimidate Khan.
"Sorry," Bones said, sounding gruffly contrite.
Khan nodded, accepting the apology wordlessly.
Jim gave him a sympathetic smile. The Augment rarely talked about what had amounted to the premeditated, deliberate genocide of his people, but Jim had suspected that Khan was still grieving. Spock's reaction just now gave him the proof. Silently, Jim vowed to make it up to him as soon as the opportunity arose and they were alone somewhere private.
"Well," Bones said, "what other depressing topics can we talk about, now that I've gone and completely ruined the dinner mood?"
"The current lack of curcumin," Khan said immediately, visibly fighting down his feelings while picking his spoon back up. "And the lack of planets to conquer and rule over. I generally find a good conquest to be a balm to the soul."
As always, Khan's peculiar brand of humor failed to elicit any outright laughter, but both Jim and Bones rewarded the attempt with a smile. Spock, of course, merely looked pensive.
That was when Jim was struck by a thought. Fiddling with the Augments' life expectancy, Bones had said. What if there had, in fact, been such fiddling, though not in the Augments' favor, but against it? After all, they had been an experiment. Those 20th century scientists had basically succeeded in creating supermen. What if they had wanted to make sure that their creations would not escape their control? Or at least, even if they did, that there would be a failsafe?
What if, instead of prolonging the Augments' life expectancies, the eugenics scientists had shortened it? What if there was a kill switch embedded in Khan's genetic code that would kill him? In a year, in a week? Tomorrow?
It fucking makes sense.
There was a hissing sound in Jim's ears while, next to him, Bones and Khan launched into a discussion of the benefits - or lack thereof - of curcumin. Jim could practically feel his stomach drop and his lips go numb.
Khan, of course, noticed, and gave him a sharp glance.
Act normally, Jim told himself, taking a deep breath. It might not happen. There might be nothing to it. It's probably all in your head, anyway. "Indigestion," he said, forcing a smile. "That quiche doesn't agree with me."
Khan frowned, looking skeptical, but didn't press the issue.
Jim was grateful. He didn't want to raise any alarms without good reason. Khan certainly was carrying enough mental baggage around without Jim's flights of fancy piled on top of it.
But he resolved to talk to Bones about it, if only for his own peace of mind.
Jim regarded Khan's old-fashioned toothbrush next to his own sonic dental cleaner. It was such a familiar sight by now that it was hard to remember a time when Jim had been the sole inhabitant of his quarters, and his dental cleaner had had no quaintly low-tech twin.
Khan still maintained his own quarters, but he only ever used them when he felt the need to be alone, which wasn't often. During his time awake - around twenty hours per day -, the Augment was usually to be found at any one place all over the ship, getting to know Jim's crew, working out with the guys from Security in the gym, experimenting with engine and weapons improvements down in Engineering, or spending hours on end reading up on the things he had yet to learn about the 23rd century. And, as Jim had learned a while ago, Khan also had a deep-seated need for the company of his loved ones, a group that at present figured Jim prominently.
We might as well make it official, Jim surprised himself by thinking. I haven't looked at anyone else since I met him, and he spends all his nights here with me. Of course, things might be different for him if we weren't cooped up in a space ship like this. But for me, I truly think that he is the one. Someone I could actually spend the rest of my life with.
However long the rest of his life might be, another part of him put in. Maybe it'll all be over for him tomorrow. Maybe he'll just go to sleep tonight and not wake up, killed by a genetic program that none of us suspect is there. Maybe these few hours are all that is left for us...
"Have you fallen in?" the Augment's voice came over the intercom, interrupting Jim's increasingly depressing train of thought.
"Patience, tiger," Jim replied, fighting down his fear, telling himself it was unfounded and stupid, and to enjoy the moment, dammit.
"I wasn't designed for patience, my Roman emperor," Khan growled back. "Either hurry up, or I'll start without you."
Talk about distraction... and motivation, Jim thought. As if he'd ever miss the sight of the Augment in the throes of sexual arousal with nothing but his own hands to satisfy him. Not even a Vulcan Kohlinar adept would remain unmoved, or so Jim's informed opinion went.
"Gimme ten seconds," he called back, grabbing the dental cleaner and firmly pushing the dark thoughts away. If this truly is our last day together, we'll damned well make the most of it. "Okay, sixty. No more than sixty."
"Ow," Khan replied as soon as Jim switched on the device.
"Sorry," Jim said indistinctly, switching off the intercom in order to keep the ultrasonic vibrations inside the bathroom. Vaguely, he wondered if Spock and Nyota Uhura had similar problems, what with Vulcan senses, or if this was purely an Augment-related issue. Another thing to ask Bones about.
As soon as the bathroom door opened to admit Jim into the cabin proper, Khan grabbed him before he even could fully step out, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him against his naked, warm, and very aroused body. "That was more than sixty seconds," Khan growled, moving in to nip at Jim's neck in a playful bite. The sensations went straight to Jim's groin.
Jim spared a second being grateful that he, too, had dispensed with his clothes. As soon as Khan committed to giving up his control and to surrendering to the imperatives of sex, there usually was little time to fiddle with closures or zippers. He had begun to introduce the Augment to the concept of delayed gratification a while ago, but it was an uphill battle made harder - pun intended - by Khan's genetic augmentations that tended to brook no delay.
"Sixty-five, tops," he said, running his hands over Khan's body, feeling the hard muscles covered by inhumanly smooth skin, his own body beginning to be swept along as his arousal grew, their physiologies getting in sync due to, probably, pheromones. "Maybe sixty-nine?"
Ignoring Jim's witticism, Khan gave a non-verbal reply - a deep, purring sound that reverberated in Jim's diaphragm and seemed to reach in straight to his balls. Then Khan nuzzled him, beginning to move his hips against Jim's body as if unable to keep still; the Augment's hold tightened, and Jim felt himself being lifted and carried, to be settled on the bed with Khan on top of him, still purring, still moving compulsively, eyes slitted with arousal.
"Noonien," Jim said, trying to catch Khan's heated gaze. "Noonien. Slow down. Try to relax. Take it easy. Slow down."
"Need you," Khan protested, voice rough and breathing beginning to speed up. "Need you, Jim."
"Shh, I know. I'm here. I'm not leaving. I'm just trying to... -" Distract him. Make the sensations go elsewhere. Preparation, in the form of a strategically placed tub of lube, came to Jim's aid, and soon, a lubed finger found its way towards its goal.
Jim's tactics worked. Khan's purr turned into a deep hum of encouragement when he realized what Jim was up to. With a shameless wriggle, he exposed himself to JIm's touch, arms closing about Jim with barely leashed strength.
"Oof," Jim forced out. "Noonien. Hey. Need to breathe. Restraint. Please."
"All right," Khan said after a moment, visibly forcing himself back towards lucidity and letting go of Jim. "But hurry up."
It actually took Jim a second to cotton on to the fact that Khan had misunderstood him, and had in fact agreed to being restrained instead of just using restraint. Never one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Jim smiled and made a long arm, fishing out the antigrav restraints they had used before.
Khan readily allowed Jim to click the restraints onto his wrists and ankles, writhing slowly and wantonly while lying on his back, like a snake basking in the warmth of the sun. Gently, Jim got the Augment in position, voice-activating the restraints as soon as the long limbs were arranged to Jim's satisfaction.
Khan growled playfully - at least, Jim fervently hoped it was playful - and pulled at the restraints, muscles bunching and straining, looking so thoroughly edible that Jim actually felt his mouth water.
"Okay?" he asked, needing to make sure.
"Get on with it," Khan forced out by way of reply. His pale skin had assumed a deep flush, his chest was rising and falling with his fast breaths, his normally precise diction nonexistent, all his usual control blown to hell, and he hadn't even been touched yet. And the mere sight of him - or possibly the pheromones - were rapidly putting Jim in quite a similar state.
Jim draped himself on top of the Augment, his aroused body touching Khan's intimately. There was immediate friction due to neither of them being able to keep still.
Khan made a deep noise of approval, moving more rhythmically as much as he was able to, already well on his way towards orgasm and apparently perfectly fine with getting off this way.
Jim, however, wasn't. He wanted a bit more finesse, a bit more… delay. He raised himself off, eliciting a growl of protest and a twinge of frustation from his own body, and rolled aside, reaching for his tried-and-trusted cock ring.
Khan growled again. From the sound, Jim suspected there were words in there, but they were unintelligible, making Jim grin with fond amusement. "Easy, tiger, you'll get there. Just let me get this thing on, and I'll take the edge off."
Heated eyes found and locked on his as Khan ineffectually pulled on the restraints holding his arms and legs in place. Jim watched him, fascinated by the sight of flexing muscles, but like Khan, he was too turned on by now to wait for much longer.
Cock ring in place - he didn't want to get swept along with whatever pheromones the Augment was putting out -, he got in position, bent over Khan's crotch and took the weeping flesh in his mouth.
That was all it took. Khan abruptly arched upwards in an almight thrust, going rigid at its apex. Jim barely managed to move along with him and prevent getting his teeth knocked out, never mind getting choked. Then Khan was coming with a wordless shout and an enormous amount of cum hitting the back of Jim's throat, and for a minute there, Jim was struggling just to stay conscious.
The impromptu asphyxiation, together with the arousing sight and feel of Khan's orgasm, ratched up Jim's need towards breaking point, and he would have come then and there if it weren't for the cock ring. Groaning, he tried to catch his breath and to keep from clutching at himself, while next to him, Khan was writhing slowly, hands opening and closing like the paws of a kitten kneading its mother's teats, panting.
When the impulse to come had passed, leaving behind a sustained hum of frustrated arousal, Jim stretched out alongside Khan, aligning himself with him, threading his fingers through Khan's, feeling the Augment's hands clutch rhythmically at his. Khan's eyes were closed; he was making soft humming noises, and Jim was pretty sure that he wasn't all there yet, probably not noticing what he was doing.
Jim's soft "Okay?" was answered by another deep humming noise, but then Khan focused at least enough to open his eyes and find Jim's. "More," the Augment ground out.
Jim smiled. He loved seeing Khan like this. Besides, his own body was clamoring to get its due. "Then more you shall have." Extricating one hand from Khan's intermittent grasp, he let his fingers find their way towards their goal between the Augment's butt cheeks.
Khan immediately gave an encouraging moan, trying to spread his legs but being prevented by the restraints, and his moan turned into a growl.
Jim was tempted to leave him in this dilemma for a while longer, but his own needs demanded satisfaction. Turning off first one, then the other ankle restraint, he arranged Khan's long legs, bending them, exposing the Augment's butt crack and at the same time taking away the last of his wriggle room before re-activating the restraints.
Khan dragged his eyes open, fixing Jim with a stare that was a strange mixture of surrender and warning. Don't abuse my trust, that look seemed to say.
As if I ever would, Jim thought. "It's okay," he said out loud.
Then he took his place next to Khan, slicked up his fingers, and proceeded to blast the Augment's remaining shreds of control to bits.
Khan's second orgasm was a matter of a few seconds' touching his prostate, his body squirming and shaking as the sensations peaked, unable to move the way he needed to. Jim felt like the two fingers he still had inside were being squeezed past breaking point as the Augment's muscles contracted in the throes of his release. It clearly left him only momentarily satisfied, his organ never deflating.
"More," Khan growled when he could form words again.
"Hmm," Jim agreed, just barely moving one finger, the one that was on target.
Khan made a noise that was decidedly higher in pitch, trying to move, to fuck himself on those two invading fingers, anything to increase the stimulation. But he had no leverage; his body almost completely immobilized. All he could do was take whatever Jim decided to give him.
"What was that?" Jim asked breathlessly. This was turning him on almost beyond his own control. The power he had over this powerful man in this moment was almost as exciting as the sex itself.
"More," Khan said again, barely intelligible. "Not enough. Need more."
Again, Jim teased him, eliciting another noise, this one with a decided edge of desperation, and Jim felt his own body twitch as a new surge of arousal flooded him. Then, Jim carefully pushed in a third finger, moving his hand just enough before stilling, feeling the channel stretch to accommodate.
Khan made a noise Jim had never heard from him before, mostly a growl, but there also was a shivering note of need, almost a plea.
Jim found himself answering it with a noise of his own. Oh yes, please. Please... Let me hear you beg. Please.
One finger slowly pressed in and dragged along the hard nub Jim could feel inside Khan's body, stilling immediately when the smooth tissues shifted against hs fingers and the muscles contracted and Khan moaned, and moaned again, and tried and failed to move and get more.
The idea was there in Jim's head with no warning. It almost took his breath away. It was a great idea, possibly the best he'd ever had.
With his free hand, he grabbed the lubricant to generously pour some over his busy hand. Then, carefully, he maneuvered his pinky in there with his other three fingers.
Stilling. Feeling the walls around his fingers stretch even futher. Listering to Khan's increasingly desperate noises. Hearing no discomfort, only frustrated arousal and need.
Yep. Definitely a great idea.
His thumb was a little harder to get in past the stretched rings of muscle, but he managed. Then he held absolutely still, his fingers up to the knuckles encased in tight heat and slowly shifting smoothness.
Khan had stopped moaning and was instead making a succession of high, thin noises on each exhalation. The way he tried to shift his hips to impale himself futher, though, told Jim that they were still in the green zone.
Digging in his feet and grabbing the bed frame with his free hand, Jim began to push his hand in, slowly, the smoothness clutching at him but forced to give way before his strength; even an Augment unable to prevent this invasion.
Then his whole hand was inside, the sphincter closing around and squeezing Jim's wrist ineffectually. Khan's body had been conquered, and Jim was the one who had done it.
He found the Augment's eyes, doubt assailing him that maybe he'd gone too far, but the look of heated need and wonder in Khan's eyes immediately reassured him. They were still good. This was still good.
"Jim..." Khan breathed, muscles twitching, his whole body now covered with sweat, sleek and glistening.
Jim, who had himself been fisted once before, couldn't help but imagine how Khan must be feeling. The memory of being stretched like that, so open, so vulnerable, was making Jim's poor neglected cock twitch. Soon, he thought at it. Soon you'll be inside that. It'll be so good.
But he wasn't finished here yet. "Do you want more?" he said softly, holding his hand still, feeling Khan's helpless movements both inside and out.
His response was a breathy moan that might or might not contain a 'yes'.
Jim was feeling generous, so he slowly pulled in his fingers, a little more and a little more, stretching the hot smooth walls of the channel even further, until his fingers formed a fist, with the knuckle of one finger strategically placed against the hard nub of Khan's prostate.
Khan whimpered. Honest to God whimpered. His head was thrown back, his mouth open, panting, all his muscles tense and shivering. Jim's eyes were drawn to the Augment's still untouched cock, nearly purple and swollen, dripping like a leaky faucet between Khan's legs and twitching with each accelerated beat of Khan's heart. Clearly, it would not take much now push him over.
But Jim was still having too much fun to give Khan what he needed. He only gave him the merest hint of a twist of his wrist, incredibly forcing out even more precum and making the Augment whimper again. And still, Khan did not come.
Again and again, Jim edged him closer to release without pushing him over. He felt light-headed with arousal by now, his lungs beginning to seem too small, but he was unable and unwilling to end this. Never before had he felt this way. I could make him come right now. He's helpless to stop me; he'd just come at the touch of my hand. Or I can continue to keep him from coming, and he can't do anything about that, either. I am in complete control of his body. Mine to please him, mine to keep him wanting.
Right behind that thought, though, another thought followed. He's been waiting for a really long time now...
"Jim," Khan's voice came again. "Enough. Enough...!"
Jim was relieved. That still didn't sound like Khan really was in distress. "Want me to let you come?" he asked, teasingly.
"Yes!"
Jim smiled, feeling the power wash through him. "All you have to do is ask nicely."
Khan pulled on the wrist restraints with a shout of need and frustration.
Jim twisted his hand, very gently and very slowly.
"Ah! Pl...z." Khan had turned his head to one side, eyes closed.
Yes! Barely intelligible, but there. Surrender by the unconquerable. And it felt just as he'd hoped it would feel.
Jim was tempted to make him say it again and again because it felt so good to hear it, but decided not to. He had pushed Khan far enough for today.
And himself, too. His arousal was becoming painful. Time to end this.
"Thank you," he said sincerely before moving his fist hard, back and forth, making Khan come spectacularly within seconds. And keeping him coming for almost a whole minute, until the Augment was spent.
Carefully, or as carefully as he was able with his body clamoring at him to get a move on, Jim pulled out his hand. He's probably get a bit of bruising around his wrist. Will be fun to explain that to Bones.
Hands shaking, Jim took off the cock ring, almost making himself come with the relief. He needed to be inside Khan's body now. He needed to come, now.
Then he had another reason to be grateful for Augment healing, because during the few seconds it had taken Jim to prepare himself, get into position, and enter him, Khan had already recovered from the stretch, feeling as blissfully tight as he had before. And so, it only took Jim less than ten seconds to reach his orgasm, finally.
The force of it nearly made him black out.
Jim collapsed in a sweaty heap atop of Khan, who was making those contented, humming noises that told Jim he had done good. Without opening his eyes, Jim fumbled for the releases of the restraints to click them off, and immediately found himself encased in augmented limbs and snuffled at by an augmented nose.
He had some dim awareness that something monumental had just happened between them, and that they should probably talk about it, but he was too happy, and still too blissed out, to destroy the afterglow with words.
Khan apparently felt the same way. Giving a noise somewhere between a growl and a sigh, the Augment rolled them both onto their sides, still wrapped around each Jim, and settled against him, nose buried in the crook of Jim's neck, clearly not intending to move for the foreseeable future. Jim, still riding the post-orgasmic high, had no issue with this, either. Duty wouldn't call for hours yet. He was warm and comfortable, and being cuddled by the best cuddler in this quadrant of the galaxy. What reason could there possibly be to move? Perfectly content, surrounded by Khan's warmth, he felt himself beginning to doze off.
But what if he's dead when you wake up?
The thought was there before Jim could suppress it, and he could feel all the calm drop away from him as his heart started hammering in his chest.
Half a second later, Khan raised his head. Jim could see him cock his head, listening, could hear him draw in air through his nose, trying to determine what had alarmed Jim. Then the Augment's eyes found Jim's, clear and alert, going from near comatose with endorphins to fully battle-ready in an instant. "What?"
Jim sighed. "Nothing. Just a stupid thought."
Khan held his gaze, one dark eyebrow rising marginally. "Indigestion again?"
Damn. I knew he wasn't buying that one earlier. "Well…"
Khan cut off the excuse before Jim could even finish making one up. "Jim. I can tell when you're lying, or at least when you're omitting part of the truth. I won't ask again. What is it?"
Jim gritted his teeth. He should know by now that he wouldn't get out of this, and since his (hopefully unfounded) fears kept upsetting the Augment, he should probably just get it out into the open so they could both deal with it. "Well. As I said, it's a stupid thought. Just something that occurred to me when Bones mentioned the genetic modification thing that might prolong your lifespan." He fell silent. He could still keep from putting thoughts into Khan's head if he left it at that.
"Yes," Khan prompted him.
Jim hesitated.
A pale hand rose to trail fingers across Jim's cheek in a tender caress. "This 'stupid thought' clearly is alarming you enough to increase your heart rate and make you smell of fear, Jim. I won't have that. Alarm is for the battlefield, not for the bed. Tell me."
Jim felt himself grin. Khan's unique mixture of haughtiness and affection never ceased to be adorable to him. "Okay." He took a breath. "I'm afraid that you've got a deadman switch in your genes that will kill you before your time."
Now, both eyebrows rose. "And on what do you base this nebulous supposition, Jim?"
"I know!" Jim said, shifting away a bit so he could properly focus on Khan's remarkable eyes. "I know there's nothing to base it on. It's just a thought that occurred to me. But you've got to admit it's possible. Plausible, even. Those genetic engineers that created you may have put in a kill switch in case something went wrong. After all, they were creating superior people they couldn't expect to contain or control. If someone is deranged enough to fiddle with the human genome in the first place, who's to say they wouldn't go so far as to do something like this?"
Khan briefly looked away. "Oh, they did have ways to contain and control us, Jim."
There was an old pain here, Jim could feel it. But this wasn't the time to dredge it up. "Doesn't make it any less possible."
"Jim." Khan's focus was back on Jim. "Genetic engineering was still very much in its infancy back then. We came to be thanks to happy coincidence and a lot of trial and error. What you are suggesting would have been beyond all existing knowledge or capability."
"You are beyond their then existing knowledge and capability, Noonien."
"I am who I am because it is possible and even fairly easy to 'wake' dormant genes that are already present in the human genome, and to splice in genes existing in other species. The scientists who made us didn't design new genes, they only used and recombined what was already there. I can smell as well as I can because some Earth species can. I'm as strong as I am because insect muscles are more efficient than mammals'. I can use anger to bolster me in battle because humanity's distant ancestors could. I can heal and regenerate because many primitive sea creatures can. And so on. But what you are suggesting would mean designing an entirely new gene, probably even a combination of many new genes, and testing it over and over before it does what it is supposed to do, when it is supposed to. Believe me, they had enough on their plate getting each of us to survive the first six months of our lives as it was. They didn't need to splice in a genetically coded instability."
The images Khan was painting were managing to distract Jim from his dark thoughts. The way Khan put it, maybe it really was nonsense, or at least extremely unlikely. "Can you… can you remember your first six months?" he asked, suddenly unbearably curious.
"Yes," Khan said, sounding puzzled. Jim could practically hear the unvoiced You mean you can't?.
Jim snuggled close again, increasingly reassured. "Humans usually can't remember that far back, you know. My earliest memory is from when I was about three."
"I can remember the day I came into the world," Khan said, his deep voice reverberating through Jim's ribcage. Jim couldn't help but notice that he hadn't said the day I was born.
Jim took this as an invitation to pry. "What do you remember?"
"It was cold. Bright. Loud. Confusing. I remember being afraid." His soft voice was monotonous, almost flat. "There were no kind faces or kind voices there, nothing to draw comfort or reassurance from. I remember trying to escape. But, as I said, they had ways of containing us."
"My God." Jim found that his imagination stalled at picturing Khan as a newborn, already aware enough to perceive danger, and coordinated enough to actually try to get away. And it had probably only gone downhill from there. "I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry for dredging it all up. If you don't want to talk about it -"
Khan's arms closed about him and pulled him close. "Jim. They're just memories. They can't hurt me. I prevailed, I learned, I grew strong. Eventually, my makers lost their hold over me. And they're long dead now."
Jim sighed, returning the hug. "True."
A hand ran up and down Jim's back. "Have I vanquished your nebulous supposition?"
"Mhm. For now at least." By giving me something even more horrible to think about.
"If it comes back, don't let it rule you. It's a ghost. A possibility among an infinity of other possibilities, and as unreal as each one of them. Focus on the things that exist, that you can fight or change."
"Is that how you deal with your 'nebulous suppositions'?" Jim wanted to know, remembering a talk they had had long ago about the many things Khan suspected at all times.
He could feel Khan smile against the skin of his neck. "I prove or disprove mine," the Augment said. "But then, they're usually a lot less nebulous than yours. And a lot more plausible."
Jim fell silent after that, conceding the point. It was nebulous, and implausible.
He hoped.