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After their ill-fated reunion, Hina’s messages to Nina had mostly dropped off. Not completely, through, much to Nina’s consternation.
“Did you see this? ^_^” Attached to an article in a trade publication about another DiaDus sales record, or glowing interview, or a particularly good photo of Hina.
Nina was getting better at managing her frustrations, but her phone had still accumulated cracks from being thrown across the room. Momoka had offered to buy a replacement, but there wasn’t much point if she was just going to break the new one. It was embarrassing, pulling out that shattered brick to check social media or talk to her bandmates, but Nina was used to it. Anyone who commented on something so trivial would get the pinkies.
But even if she could keep her phone in her hand, the truth was a new one was probably out of reach anyway. TogeToge wasn’t a failure by any means, but… well there’s only so many times you can only fill half a venue before promoters started to notice. They had a core group of fiercely loyal fans, as befitted a firecracker like Nina, but gigs were getting harder to get. That initial paycheck had been spent in a rush, but the subsequent ones were smaller and mostly went towards rent and ramen.
Nina steadfastly refused to let this get to her. She knew they were destined for greatness, and if the rest of the world couldn’t see it they just needed to shout louder. Nina solved a lot of her problems by yelling, so why should this be any different?
But she also wasn’t stupid, and she could see the rest of the band was struggling with the arc the band was on.
Tomo was always a little cranky, but usually it was in an endearing sort of way. She’d tell Nina she was terrible at the guitar, but then she’d give her pointers on timing or chord progressions. She’d yell at Subaru for being off-beat, but then she’d compliment her kick drum work once she got her groove back.
Previously, the thing that had driven Tomo was getting better. She wanted a band that could keep up with her incredible talents, and she didn’t see why everyone else couldn’t meet her exacting standards. But those standards used to be achievable, and she used to smile when things came together. The new Tomo was just… mean. Nothing was good enough, and if it was that just meant she was getting complacent. More of their practice sessions devolved into shouting matches.
Subaru was more irritable too. Her loft apartment had gone from de-facto hangout to basically off-limits outside of prescribed meetings. She frowned at her phone a lot, and she forced a lot of smiles that she wouldn’t have had to before.
Rupa mostly still acted like herself, but she was drinking noticeably more.
But Momoka was the worst. She and Nina had been growing closer and closer since that truck ride back to Kawasaki. They had spent nearly every waking moment together. Their guitar lessons had felt more and more intimate, their dinners felt more like dates, and there was a few times they almost… well. She was probably drunk. That probably didn’t mean anything.
As it seemed like success was slipping through their fingers though, their lead guitarist just… pulled away. She kept coming to practice, but she’d make excuses and duck out as soon as they wrapped. She played her heart out at their gigs, but ducked out the side doors as soon as the curtain dropped. Nina kept trying to text her, only to receive single-word answers.
In short, TogeToge was falling apart. Probably that was why, when Hina texted Nina out of the blue that she wanted to meet again, she accepted without a second thought.
The restaurant they met at this time was a lot fancier than the popcorn stand. The interior was all wood panelling and tastefully lit alcoves, with soft classical music playing in the background. Nina, in her torn jeans and t-shirt, felt extremely underdressed. The host, thankfully, didn’t even flinch as he led her through a closed door to a waiting booth and a very smug girl.
“Hello, Nina-chan!” she smirked, irritatingly.
“Hello, Hina-san,” Nina responded, the picture of grace and poise.
“Come on, don’t grind your teeth at me. Is that any way to treat your old friend?”
“What do you want, Hina-san?”
“I wanted to see you! And to eat! I heard this place was nice”
Nina glared at her tablemate, then glanced down at the menu on the table.
“Gah!”
The food looked great, but the prices were a lot less appetising. That was almost a week’s worth of cup noodle in a single meal! But if she didn’t order anything, it’d be obvious that she didn’t have any money… A quick search of the menu showed a salad that was merely pricey instead of exorbitant. Nina hadn’t ordered a salad in her life, but apparently it was time for that to change.
A waiter walked passed their alcove with a beef bowl and Nina had to suppress a whimper. It smelled so good… but needs must. If she got kicked out of her apartment, her dream would be over. That was obviously unacceptable. She steeled herself as a waitress ducked under the curtain of their booth.
But before she could even open open her mouth—
“Two beef bowls please, mine with extra garlic. Oh, and a pot of tea to drink.”
—the insolent twerp across from her ordered for both of them. Of all the nerve! And even more irritatingly, she picked the exact thing Nina had been drooling over! How did she even know?
She glanced across the table, and somehow Hina was even more smug after all of this.
“Well if you ordered you’re going to pay for it,” she finally shot back.
“Of course, Nina-chan. I was already going to, I know you can’t afford a place like this.”
Nina grit her teeth a bit more. Why did Hina still know how to push her buttons like this? Had she always been this irritating?
“Did you just come to gloat?”
“No! Well not just that. Do you still keep up with DiaDus announcements? Like our sales record last month”
“You texted me about it, I think.” Several times…
“Ah, maybe! It was very exciting for us, we even got a plaque! It’s sitting in our trophy case.”
Nina rolled her eyes. “What are you, a high school sports team?”
“Well, we’re all high school dropouts too, you know? There’s a lot we missed out on.”
“That doesn’t even make sense…”
“Ah well, it’s just something we do together. TogeToge must have a bunch of their own traditions too, right?”
“Does yelling at each other count as a tradition?”
“For you, Nina-chan, maybe it does. But is there trouble in paradise? You all seem so chummy on stage.”
Am I really going to talk about this?
“It’s mostly fine. We’re just all kind of tired, you know? It’s a lot of hard work.”
“And do you think your hard work is paying off?”
“…”
“Your ticket sales are just going down right? When was the last time TogeToge even sold out a venue? DiaDus—”
Nina shot up, barely avoiding banging her knees on the table. “Did you just bring me here to make fun of me? Are you happy? Do you want me to tell you you were right? Because I never will!”
“No, of course you won’t,” Hina sighed.
“But why bring me here? What’s the point?!”
“Maybe I just like being yelled at. Some people are into that.”
Nina screwed her eyes shut. “You can’t just say stuff like that!!”
“Yeah, that’s not really my scene.”
“Do you just want to see me cry? Do you want me to break down in front of you?”
“Do you?”
“No! I don’t! I hate feeling like this!”
Hina remained calm, only occasionally making eye contact with Nina. Even more infuriating.
“We’re better than you,” Nina sobbed. “We put our whole hearts into every performance! Our music reaches people!”
“I’m sure it does.”
“We didn’t sell out!”
“Here’s the thing about selling out,” Hina said. “You get a lot of money from doing it. Otherwise why bother?”
“Augh! This is pointless!”
At this point the only thing keeping Nina from storming out was the promise of dinner.
Think of the beef bowl, think of the beef bowl…
The smell of garlic wafting from the nearby kitchen calmed her a little. She sat back down, head in her hands.
“You really are hopeless, aren’t you,” Hina crooned.
“Ugh.”
“Can’t even get through a single meal without yelling. Those anger issues of yours are something else.”
“I’ve heard,” Nina muttered.
“You shouldn’t let these things get to you. I certainly don’t.”
Nina looked up
“I know you don’t! That was the whole problem!”
“…Go on”
“You are always just so… calm! Even when horrible things were happening right under your nose! How could you stand it?”
“Quite easily. I just don’t worry about things that don’t concern me.”
“How can you say that? How can you…”
Tears dropped wet on the table top. Nina hadn’t even realised she’d been crying.
“You big baby.”
The placid expression never left Hina’s face. She raised a single eyebrow, as if surprised Nina was still talking. It was too much to handle, so Nina looked back down at the table. She grabbed the fancy cloth napkins and dabbed at her eyes.
The little booth went quiet for a bit. Nina had long mastered the art of crying quietly, when it wasn’t safe to be open about it. Nothing about being with Hina again felt safe. She wanted to get up, to leave Hina behind and never look back, to pour her heart even harder into TogeToge.
She stayed seated.
“I can’t not care,” she said finally. “Everyone always tells me to let things go. I can’t. I won’t.”
Hina just looked at her. Apparently this didn’t require her input.
“I know I’m a mess. But I’ve… found people who like me anyway. I found… friends.”
Silence.
“I won’t give up. I’m never going to give up! I’m going to beat you, I’m going to show everyone!”
Finally Hina sighed. “Maybe someday you will. But right now, I think, the only place you’re headed is rock bottom.”
“You—”
“That’s not my opinion, Nina-chan, that’s an objective fact. Your band has blown it too many times. That will of yours is dragging everyone down.”
“It’s not—”
“It is.”
Hina kept interrupting her. Nina couldn’t bring herself to care.
“You couldn’t accept my help back then. I just wanted to hear you say you were wrong. But you were never going to, were you?”
“No! Never!”
“Yeah, I see that now. You’re far too stubborn for your own good. But Nina, you need my help now.”
“I don’t!”
“DiaDus had a show coming up at a big festival in a month, but we’ve had to pull out. Scheduling conflicts, someone double booked us.”
“Should I be sympathetic?”
“You should be grateful. If I say the word, TogeToge can take over our spot. It’s on the big stage, Nina. Just like you wanted. It’s a golden opportunity, a lot of bands would kill for it.”
“…What’s the catch?”
“Smart girl. I just want one little thing from you.”
“I knew it.”
“Listen to me. You don’t need to tell me I was right or anything like that. I’m not gonna make you bow.”
“Then what…”
Hina looked across the table with a predator’s smirk.
“Kiss me.”
Time slowed down. A hole opened up in Nina’s stomach, draining everything out of her.
“What?”
“Just give me a kiss, and the festival slot is yours.”
This was it. The last straw. The final indignity. The only possible answer was to walk out of here, call her band, and tell them…
Tell them what exactly? That she’d let another opportunity slip through her fingers? That her famous principals had cost them the perfect gig?
“If it’s a matter of your girlfriend…”
Nina flinched. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”
“No? You and Momoka-san never got together after all that?”
“…no.”
“Even better, then! I know how much you hate lying.”
Nina could scarcely hear Hina anymore. She looked back across the table, taking in Hina for the first time. Behind that smirk wasn’t just smugness, she realised. It was hunger.
“If she doesn’t want you,” Hina whispered, “I get you all to myself.”
Nina shuddered. But just as she was getting ready to run, footsteps approached the booth.
“Ah good, our food is here. Think it over for a bit, will you?”
A waiter set a bowl in front of her. The food she’d been smelling since she sat down may as well have been week-old leftovers.
“Itadakimasu,” they both said.
It was high-quality beef, probably hand-made noodles. When she brought her chopsticks to her mouth she couldn’t taste a thing.
There was one image she couldn’t get out of her head: The Momoka she met that first day in Kawasaki. Defeated, beaten down, empty. She’d given up her life for her dream, and then that dream had given up on her.
She couldn’t… she wouldn’t make Momoka go through with that again. There wouldn’t be anything left. That beautiful soul that saved Nina’s life would break apart.
She scarcely noticed finishing her bowl. She didn’t need to see the expectant look on Hina’s face. She stood up, left her booth…
And sat down next to Hina.
“Just one?” she whispered.
In response, Hina moved right up next to her, and put an arm around her shoulder.
She looked into those smug eyes, then she closed hers.
Their lips met. Hina tasted like lip gloss and garlic. She was gentle and patient with Nina, like this was just a normal date. A hand gently stroked Nina’s hair.
Eventually they pulled back, and Hina smiled what might have been her first genuine smile of the night.
“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Hina asked.
“No,” Nina replied. And most damning of all, it was the truth.